After Ember and Spike tell about their love for each other, Twilight believes it is the best time to introduce Ember to Canterlot. However, an old evil force may have other plans for Spike and Ember. What will happen & what secrets will be revealed?
In my honest opinion, if Sombra wanrs equestria, he should attack the capital in Canterlot. Since he did say he was preparing an attack on the princesses
7419415 Not to mention, it's a new target for Sombra. People usually expect him to go after the Crystal Empire. So I thought it'd be good to change my things up.
Good story, but you need an editor. You often repeat info which detracts from the story and you have the bad habit of telling us instead of showing us. For example, you when you have Twilight tell Ember about Trixie, instead of giving this long winded explanation that most of your readers already know, you could have written "Twilight then told Ember about their encounters with Trixie, how her first visit ended with a Ursa Minor attack, about her return corrupted by an artifact called the Alicorn Amulet, and how she tried to use Starlight to get to Twilight. "And after she apologized, she became Rarity's assistant, and we became the best of friends." concluded Starlight." It contains all the relevant info that someone who doesn't know Trixie's backstory and doesn't bog down the story. For those who do. You also have a bit of a pacing problem. Slow things down, allow the reader to get a feel for the characters and what is going on, instead of a ten word info dump and then move on.
7434608 Sure. I'll see what I can do. Two things first though. 1. Do to IRL things, I won't be able to start until Saturday at the earliest. 2. How do you want me to get the chapters back to you?
Comment posted by bcmorgan96 deleted Jul 29th, 2016
7434694 Once I go over it and edit the chapter, how do you want me to get the edited chapters back to you? Do you want me to email them to you, copy and paste them into a PM, print them out and send them back via carrier pigeon? How?
Comment posted by bcmorgan96 deleted Jul 29th, 2016
7434713 Actually. I've been typing and posting stories online by myself for so long that I don't think I can do it another way. I'll take ideas from others for now. But I don't know if I'm ready for someone to edit my chapters yet. It may change sometime in the future and if it does, I'll let you know.
Either one it would still be an interesting fight
7409763 Which do you think you would prefer most?
I think the tree of harmony would be a much more critical target. So long as its around, hope shall remain strong.
While the Crystal Heart is indeed powerful, it has one fatal drawback while the tree has no such problem.
7410075 That's what I was thinking.
I say the Tree of Harmony, but whatever happens I can't wait
By destroying the Tree of Harmony it destroys the Element of Harmony and its bearers so I think the final battle will be at the Dragon Lands.
7411110 You mean Ponyville right?
7409764
That's like asking whose a better party planner, Cheese Sandwich or Pinkie Pie.
7411660 So u don't care which?
7411799
Its one that would be good anywhere.
I'd like to see the battle happen in ponyvillen, this almost feels like mass effect 3 in a way
In my honest opinion, if Sombra wanrs equestria, he should attack the capital in Canterlot. Since he did say he was preparing an attack on the princesses
7416753 Yeah, but when he meant princesses he was including Twilight.
7417345 ok, I can see that!
7418951 So which would you prefer? Crystal Heart or Tree of Harmony?
7418957 tree of harmony, greater repercussions
7419415 Not to mention, it's a new target for Sombra. People usually expect him to go after the Crystal Empire. So I thought it'd be good to change my things up.
7419422 cheers!
Good story, but you need an editor. You often repeat info which detracts from the story and you have the bad habit of telling us instead of showing us. For example, you when you have Twilight tell Ember about Trixie, instead of giving this long winded explanation that most of your readers already know, you could have written "Twilight then told Ember about their encounters with Trixie, how her first visit ended with a Ursa Minor attack, about her return corrupted by an artifact called the Alicorn Amulet, and how she tried to use Starlight to get to Twilight. "And after she apologized, she became Rarity's assistant, and we became the best of friends." concluded Starlight." It contains all the relevant info that someone who doesn't know Trixie's backstory and doesn't bog down the story. For those who do.
You also have a bit of a pacing problem. Slow things down, allow the reader to get a feel for the characters and what is going on, instead of a ten word info dump and then move on.
7421122 I'll keep that in mind. But on another note do u want Crystal Heart or Tree of Harmony on next chapter?
7421122 Would you like to be my editor?
7434608 Sure. I'll see what I can do. Two things first though.
1. Do to IRL things, I won't be able to start until Saturday at the earliest.
2. How do you want me to get the chapters back to you?
7434694 Once I go over it and edit the chapter, how do you want me to get the edited chapters back to you? Do you want me to email them to you, copy and paste them into a PM, print them out and send them back via carrier pigeon? How?
7434713 Actually. I've been typing and posting stories online by myself for so long that I don't think I can do it another way. I'll take ideas from others for now. But I don't know if I'm ready for someone to edit my chapters yet. It may change sometime in the future and if it does, I'll let you know.
I know it's too late to answer, but I think you should do both