Book One, Chapter 4 (Side Celestia)
Tia groaned as she sat back from her computer. "Your world's history is...really complicated," she said with a tired sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose. She turned a bleary gaze to her human counterpart. "Don't tell me teenagers in this world can really keep all this straight."
Celestia laughed. "Hardly," she said. "History is usually regarded as the most boring subject in school. Only the smartest, brightest, and most invested kids really get involved in it. But it's important, even if they'll forget what little they manage to learn once they graduate."
Tia frowned. "Hmm. I suppose it's not too different from Equestria in that regard." She shook her head. "I guess it just feels overwhelming because I'm trying to learn in a few weeks what kids here have spent years learning."
"Or not learning."
Tia giggled. "Or not learning." She sighed. "Still, all these dates and who went to war with who when..." She shook her head. "It's a lot to process."
"Don't try to memorize it," Celestia advised. "If you can get your head around the broad strokes, you'll be fine." She bit her lip, then added, "Don't waste too much energy studying Great War I, almost no curriculum we've ever used covers more than when it started and when it ended. Great War II is more important, and you'll be covering that for at least three weeks in class. The Independence War is another long unit, and I'm honestly not sure if you'll cover it before or after Great War II. Some teachers prefer to save it for the spring term."
Tia frowned, rolling over dates in her head. "Teaching history backwards?"
Celestia shrugged. "It depends on what the aptitude tests are putting more weight on. Usually Great War II has a bigger section than the Independence War, that's why sometimes teachers cover it first."
"Ah, so it's preparatory."
"Unfortunately," Celestia said with a sigh. "I hate that we have to kiss the exam board's ass so hard these days. The aptitude tests are becoming more important than a comprehensive education. More and more, it's getting to the point where all we're doing is making sure kids pass these stupid, arbitrary tests."
"That seems...counterproductive," Tia said.
"It is." Celestia shook her head. "We do our best to actually teach kids stuff, but honestly? In this day and age, kids who actually want to learn are going to learn way more off the Internet than they'll ever learn in a classroom, and it's all because of these stupid tests some pencil-pushing paper chaser thinks are more important than quality education."
Tia frowned. "I'm sorry, I'm having a hard time processing this. Your world has an education system which far outstrips anything we have in Equestria, even in Canterlot where there's a higher emphasis on structured learning than anywhere else in Equestria. Even so, students in your world are better off left to their own devices if they actually intend to learn anything relevant and useful?"
Celestia let out a long, tired sigh. "Sometimes...it really does feel that way. It wasn't always like this. It's just...the last decade or so, really."
Tia's lips pressed into a thin line. "I've overseen the education of hundreds of foals in my lifetime, and personally taken on a handful of exceptionally talented students. Forgive me, but...as a teacher, I don't understand how this can be allowed."
Celestia snorted a bitter-sounding laugh. "Bureaucracy, that's how."
"Ah," Tia said. She snorted, a most unladylike sound. "I've never had much use for bureaucrats, personally. I humor them so long as they don't hinder the everyday lives of my subjects, but I will never understand how anyone can be so obsessed with trivial, nonsensical paperwork and statistics."
"Amen," Celestia said, squeezing Tia's shoulder. "Hey, here's an idea. Let's both get away from this depressing subject. And the studying. You've been here long enough now that it's time you started meeting some kids your age—" She coughed. "Well, some kids you'll probably be going to school with."
Tia laughed softly. "I think I'd like that," she said. "And you're right. For the length of time I've been in this world, I certainly haven't gotten out and met very many people here in town. I'm usually the one encouraging others to get out and make friends...perhaps it's time I took my own advice to heart."
"Well, if we're going to introduce you to some kids who'll be going to CHS," Celestia said thoughtfully, "the first place we should check out is Sugar Cube Corner. It's one of the more popular hangouts for teenagers near the school." She frowned. "It might not be as busy during the summer, but chances are you'll run into somebody interesting."
"Sounds good," Tia said. She looked herself over. "Let me go change, then we'll go."
* * * * *
Twenty minutes later, Celestia and Tia set out on foot, headed in the direction of the school. Celestia had changed into light tan capris, beige casual loafers, and a gold polo with a sun embroidered on the left breast pocket. Tia wore blue jeans, white tennis shoes, and a powder blue T-shirt. "So we're walking today?" Tia asked.
"The parking situation on the shopping street is...not something I like to deal with, and it's not far enough away to bother driving. Besides, if we do decide to go somewhere farther out, we can take the bus."
After five blocks, the suburban houses gave way to intersections with crosswalks and lots of square buildings. Dozens of people were walking to and fro, many of them engrossed in their phones. The pair crossed four crosswalks and walked two blocks straight before arriving at their destination: a squat white building, situated directly on the corner, with a pink awning all the way around and a few small tables with pink parasols set up along the sidewalk. The day was not unpleasantly hot, but it was warm enough that by the time they walked through the door, Tia had worked up a light sweat and was grateful for the cool air conditioning.
Sugar Cube Corner was not a large shop, but neither was it too small to relax in. There were tables and booths all along the outer walls with a nice, even path for traffic flow in and out of the shop and to the counter, behind which stood a portly middle-aged woman with blue skin and striped pink hair that reminded Tia of cupcake frosting. A display case full of all manner of tantalizing treats stood to one side of the counter, and at least three different drink dispensing machines lined the workspace around the older woman. Tia looked around as they approached the counter; there weren't a terribly large number of people in the shop. A few of them were teenagers, while some looked to be Celestia's age or perhaps slightly younger. Most were busy with their phones and tablets while they ate and drank.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Cake," Celestia said to the woman behind the counter.
"Hello, Celestia dearie!" Mrs. Cake said with a bright smile. "I don't see you in here very much anymore."
"Well, work keeps me busy," Celestia said with a light laugh. "Besides, your shop's a designated hangout for my students. It wouldn't be kind of me to intrude on their haven, as it were."
Mrs. Cake chuckled. "I don't think they'd mind, but do what you think is right. Just don't be such a...stranger..." She trailed off in confusion as she finally registered Tia's presence. Her eyes widened, her brow furrowed, and her mouth worked soundlessly for a moment. "Umm...I...?" She gave Celestia a questioning look.
"This is my cousin Tia," Celestia said. "She'll be staying with us for a while and going to CHS this fall."
"Oh! I see," Mrs. Cake said, nodding and letting out a relieved sigh. "That...that makes sense..." She looked Tia over, her eyes still wide with disbelief. "That's some family resemblance, though."
"Isn't it?" Celestia said lightly.
"So, what can I get you?" Mrs. Cake asked.
"I think I'll have a couple of those carrot cake brownies," Celestia said, pointing at a temptingly-drizzled item in the display case. "And a cherry slush."
"I'll try the carrot cake brownies too," Tia said. "And a red velvet cupcake, and..." She studied the drink menu board above Mrs. Cake's head. "A cola float," she decided.
"Ooh, this one's got a sweet tooth on her, huh?" Mrs. Cake said with a smile as she began removing their choices from the case with a pair of tongs. "For here?" she asked.
"Yes please," Celestia said, folding bills out of her wallet. Once Mrs. Cake put their pastries on small paper plates, she went to work on their drinks. While she filled the drink orders, Celestia looked around the cafe. "Not many faces here I recognize today," she said. "I see a few seniors, but I was hoping you'd find somebody more in the sophomore or the new freshman class to talk to..."
"Oh, those two girls over there in the back booth are going to be freshmen," Mrs. Cake said. "Yeah, they've been coming here for about a year now." She paused, then leaned close and whispered, "They're...special friends, don'tchaknow."
Celestia blinked, looking at the two girls indicated. "Hmm. Perhaps we shouldn't disturb them then, if they're here on a date."
"Oh, I don't think they'd mind," Mrs. Cake said. "They don't exactly come here to be alone together, you know?"
"I suppose not," Celestia said. Mrs. Cake placed two full, frosty cups in front of them, then counted out Celestia's change. Celestia grabbed straws, plastic forks, and napkins from the dispensers by the register, then picked up her drink and her brownies. Tia picked up her own drink and plate and followed her "cousin" across the cafe to a booth where two girls sat. One of them had spearmint-green skin and wild silver and white hair; the other had cream-colored skin and curly two-tone blue and pink hair. As they approached, Celestia called out, "Hello! I'm sorry, but do you mind if we join you?"
The girls blinked at them, looked at each other, and shrugged. "Umm...okay?" the spearmint girl said. "I mean, there's plenty of open tables around, but—"
"Actually, we wanted to join you because Mrs. Cake said you'll be starting CHS this fall," Celestia said. "Is that right?"
"Yes, that's right," the cream-colored girl said.
Celestia smiled. "Allow me to introduce myself," she said. "My name is Celestia, and I'll be your principal starting this fall."
The girls gasped. "Oh!" the spearmint girl said, shooting her friend a bewildered look. "W-well, umm...by all means, Principal Celestia! Join us! I'm Lyra Heartstrings and this is Bon Bon." Bon Bon gave a nervous little wave and sat up straighter.
As Celestia and Tia sat down, Celestia unfolded a napkin and handed another and a straw to Tia. "It's a pleasure to meet you girls," she said. "I'm sorry to intrude on you out of nowhere like this, but I have an...unusual situation of my own this summer." She gestured to Tia. "This is my cousin Tia. She'll be starting at CHS this fall too. She's living with me for a while. She's new in town and hasn't really met anybody her own age yet, so..."
"Oh!" Lyra said, eyes wide in understanding. She smiled brightly. "I get it, you're trying to help her make some friends before school starts!"
"Exactly," Celestia said with a relieved smile.
"That's pretty cool," Lyra said. She nodded to Tia. "Nice to meetcha!"
Tia smiled as she sipped her float. "It's a pleasure to meet you as well. Both of you."
"Wow, you're pretty formal," Bon Bon said in a mildly teasing tone. "Come on, relax! It's summer."
Tia blushed. "Sorry. It's...an old habit."
"That's one heck of a family resemblance though," Lyra said. "If I didn't know better I'd say you were mother and daughter or sisters, not cousins."
Celestia laughed. "So we've heard."
"So where did you go to school before, Tia?" Bon Bon asked.
"Oh, err...it was a private school," Tia hedged. "Overseas."
"That explains a lot," Lyra said jokingly. "No wait, don't tell me. You studied wizardry."
Celestia tensed slightly, but was mildly surprised when Tia let out a mirthful laugh. "Oh, absolutely!" she said. "We all had magical mail owls and fought giant snakes and everything! Remind me to show you my wand sometime." Her eyes twinkled mischievously.
Lyra and Bon Bon giggled. "Don't forget about your flying broom!" Bon Bon said.
"If I can find the silly thing," Tia said. "It flew south for the winter and never came back!" This sent the girls into fresh peals of laughter which even Celestia joined in on; it took almost two full minutes for the little group to settle down again.
"You," Lyra said cheerfully, "are going to be so much fun to have around! Right, Bon Bon?"
"Oh, absolutely!" Bon Bon said. She sighed. "Of course, we'll probably lose her to the cool kids once school starts."
"The cool kids?" Tia asked curiously.
"Maybe it won't be so bad," Lyra said, patting Bon Bon's hand. "I mean, we're all gonna be freshmen now! It's like, resetting the game, you know?"
"Yeah, right," Bon Bon said, rolling her eyes. "I give it three weeks before Rainbow Dash is dominating all the sports teams. Again." She began to tick off points on her fingers. "Rarity's still going to be the most popular girl at school on Hearts and Hands Day, Pinkie Pie is a walking party store, Flash Sentry has his guitar..." She shook her head. "I'm telling you, they'll be on every page of the yearbook like they always are and we'll fade into the background like we always do."
"Yeah, well..." Lyra struggled to find something to say. "Maybe things'll change, you know? Besides, being in the background's not so bad. We still get to have lots of fun, right?"
Bon Bon smiled. "Yeah, I guess." She then remembered they weren't alone at the table and blushed. "Sorry," she said. "Didn't mean to—"
"It's perfectly alright, I assure you," Celestia said, holding up a hand and smiling. "In fact, that entire rant was rather informative. The only name I recognized in there was Rainbow Dash, but then, who doesn't know who Rainbow Dash is..." She laughed. "But it's nice to learn a little something about the new students coming into my school, even if it's second-hand information."
"Oh, I don't know," Bon Bon said suddenly, wincing. "We shouldn't be gossiping about other kids to the principal behind their backs, should we?"
"What gossip?" Lyra said with a grin. "We're not saying anything bad about anybody and everything you said is true, what's the problem?"
"Well, I guess..." Bon Bon paused. "Oh! Speaking of gossip, did you find out anything about that new girl that moved in with Octavia a few weeks ago?"
"Oh yeah, I forgot!" Lyra said, her eyes lighting up. "I never got her name, but apparently she's some kind of amateur DJ. I've seen her around town a few times, she always has on headphones. Oh, and sunglasses. Like, really funky purple sunglasses."
"Purple sunglasses," Tia mused. "That sounds familiar..." Her eyes widened. "Oh, that must be that girl I ran into at Blue Box!"
"Really?" Lyra asked with interest. "Did you find out anything?"
"No, I just literally bumped into her," Tia said. "I remember her because of the very unusual sunglasses and the seafoam green headphones she was wearing. It...sort of sticks in your memory, something like that."
"I know, right?" Lyra said, giggling.
"So, what are you girls most looking forward to about high school?" Celestia asked.
Lyra and Bon Bon looked at each other, their mouths pressed into grim lines. "Getting away from Fluttershy's dipshit brother," they said in unison.
Celestia and Tia both blinked. Given their identical appearances, the sight was rather comical. "I'm...sorry?" Celestia asked.
"Oh, there's this girl in our class, Fluttershy," Bon Bon said. "She's nice, she doesn't really say much or anything, real wallflower. Her brother, though..."
"He's a creep," Lyra said.
"He's a pervert," Bon Bon added.
"He's a creepy pervert," Lyra continued, shuddering. "He makes my skin crawl."
"He will not stop being a creep around every girl at school," Bon Bon said sourly.
"I bet he even pervs on his sister," Lyra said with a frown. "You think he does, Bon Bon?"
Bon Bon snorted. "With her boobs? If I was her I'd have a deadbolt on my bedroom door. And the bathroom door."
"Oh...dear," Celestia said in a disturbed tone. She cleared her throat. "And this...what did you say his name was?"
"Zephyr Breeze," both girls uttered in a tone that reminded Tia of dirty diapers.
"Err...he won't be attending CHS this fall, I take it?" Celestia asked in a hopeful tone.
Lyra shook her head. "He's two grades behind us. I think his parents are getting ready to ship him off to boarding school or something, anyway."
Celestia let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, good," she said. "CHS has been a pervert-free zone for as long as I've been in charge, I'd hate to see that streak broken."
"Oh it has, huh?" Lyra asked with a smirk. "That's not what I heard," she added in a singsong tone.
"Lyra!" Bon Bon hissed, going pale.
Celestia rolled her eyes and groaned. "Ignoring what healthy teenagers normally do that they only think the teachers don't know about," she amended. "I don't count blowjobs under the bleachers in the same category as serial sexual harassment."
Tia choked on her float. "I-I'msorrywhat?!"
Lyra erupted in a fit of snickers. "Looks like miss prep school here is a prude," she said, her eyes twinkling with mirth.
"I am not!" Tia responded hotly, her cheeks burning as she cleared her airways. "I just...wasn't quite expecting what I just heard. Or the source." She shot Celestia a dirty look. "Now if I heard something like that from Luna..."
Celestia held up a hand. "Don't," she said, her tone changing from amused to pained and slightly more professional. "Sorry, but I'd rather our future students not hear about what Vice-Principal Luna is like at home, because she likes to instill fear and dread into the students at CHS, and that kind of information...isn't good for her image. And then she whines about it."
"Ah, of course," Tia said, nodding sagely.
Lyra and Bon Bon blinked, looking at each other. "You...you live with the Vice-Principal?" Bon Bon asked.
"She's my sister," Celestia explained quickly. "Neither of us are married, so we've never seen the point of not sharing a house."
"Ah," Bon Bon said, a somewhat guilty flicker in her eyes.
"So why isn't she with you two today?" Lyra asked. "I mean, since you seem to be out looking to meet new CHS students and all."
A pained expression crossed Celestia's face. "She's...well..." She coughed and ducked her head. "She has a Détaramon tournament today."
Lyra and Bon Bon exchanged a look, then burst out laughing. "Détaramon?!" Lyra demanded. "The Vice Principal of CHS plays Détaramon?!"
"She's the East Coast Champion five years running and took second place at last year's nationals," Celestia said somewhat testily. With a sigh, she busied herself with her napkin. "Of course, since there are kids from CHS who go to these things, she competes under a psuedonym and wears this...really theatrical disguise." She shot an aside glance at Tia, who winced and shuddered at a memory from the day before...
* * * * *
Tia sat on the living room couch, her bare feet propped up on an ottoman. A bag of potato chips sat open on the couch next to her, a bottle of raspberry-flavored sparkling water next to it. She was taking a break from studying to watch a movie about a retiring gangster's household turning itself upside-down on the day he planned to go into legitimate business.
Without warning, a black-shrouded form emerged from the hallway. "The time has come," a sinister voice intoned ominously. "Once again, the time of my reign is nigh. Once again, I will suppress all fools who dare stand before me. My enemies will feel my wrath!"
The black cloak was thrown open wide, revealing Luna, clad in a skintight black body stocking, a dark blue skirt, dark blue high heels, dark blue evening gloves, a loose, translucent dark blue blouse, and a dark blue cowl which completely hid her voluminous blue hair and obscured her face.
"COME TOMORROW, THE EAST COAST SHALL KNOW THE NAME NIGHTMARE MOON AND DESPAIR!"
Tia shot to her feet, her mind racing in panic. "No," she whispered, eyes wide. "No...it isn't possible!" A million questions burned through her mind, followed by a million possible answers. Hope, fear, and dread chased each other around her brain like a dog chasing its tail.
And then Celestia walked in from the kitchen, drying her hands with a dish towel. "Yeah yeah, go play your kiddie card game and have fun," she said dryly. She frowned. "You're seriously going to the train station dressed like that? Luna, the tournament doesn't even start until tomorrow afternoon!"
"There IS NO LUNA!" 'Nightmare Moon' proclaimed. "From this time forth—at least, from this time until I return from the Détaramon tournament—I! AM! NIGHTMARE MOON!"
Celestia groaned. "Fine, whatever. Just...don't get arrested." With that, she wandered back into the kitchen. "Good luck!" she called over her shoulder.
"Nightmare Moon does not need luck, for she has the most powerful deck ever assembled! I shall return with yet another trophy proclaiming my victory!"
Tia slumped back onto the couch in utter shock and confusion. *What...is going on here?*
Ten minutes later, Celestia found her curled up in a shellshocked ball on the couch. She explained the whole thing; after the explanation, Tia felt relieved, embarrassed...and severely annoyed.
* * * * *
"You've gotta be kidding me," Lyra said, eyes wide, as Celestia showed her a photo of 'Nightmare Moon'.
"I wish," Celestia muttered, pocketing her phone. "This is what I have to put up with on top of running the largest high school in Canterlot."
"Ouch," Bon Bon said, wincing. "You know, it never really occurred to me that teachers might have really crazy home lives and stuff." She laughed softly. "I guess kids and teachers aren't so different after all, huh?"
Celestia smiled. "Well, we're all only human," she said. She finished her slush, then stood and stretched with a small sigh. "Unfortunately, I just remembered some things I need to take care of today. Would you girls mind terribly letting Tia hang out with you for a while? If you're not busy doing anything."
"We'd be happy to," Bon Bon said with a smile. "Neither of us really has anything to do today, so we're just killing time. If you'd like to join us, we'll probably run into at least one or two other kids from our class."
"That sounds lovely," Tia said with a pleasant smile.
"I'm glad," Celestia said, counting a few bills out of her wallet and handing them to Tia. "Have a good time, don't be home too late!" With that, she disposed of her garbage and left.
Once the three girls were alone, Tia cleared her throat. "So," she said, "what do you usually do for fun around town? I've only been in town a couple of weeks, and I've spent most of that time cooped up at home studying."
Lyra and Bon Bon exchanged glances, frowning. "Studying? During the summer?"
"Differences in curriculum between where I was before and here," Tia offered with a game smile. "I have to make sure I don't fall behind when I start at CHS, after all!"
"That makes sense I guess," Bon Bon said. "Still, all work and no play, you know?"
"Oh, I've taken breaks," Tia said mildly. "We did go down to Canterlittle the first weekend I was here. We spent some time at the beach."
"Oooh, a beach trip!" Lyra said. "Bon Bon, we so need to do that this summer!"
"Hmm...maybe," Bon Bon said. "I'm not really big on the beach. I'd rather spend the day in the park. It's not as hot, there isn't all that gross sand that gets everywhere..." She shuddered. "Last time I went to the beach, I got sand up my hoo-ha."
Lyra blinked at her. Tia's jaw dropped. "How the hell did you manage that?" Lyra asked.
"I'd...rather not talk about it," Bon Bon said, looking away with red cheeks. "Let's talk about where we'll go today! We need to show Tia the fun places to go in town, right?"
"Hmm," Lyra said thoughtfully, tapping her cheek. "Honestly? Other than the mall or the movies, I'm not sure where there is to go in Canterlot that's just...y'know...fun."
Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "That's probably because we've already done it all, all year long..." She frowned. "We could go to the karaoke box. Or bowling maybe?"
"Bowling, on a day like this?" Lyra asked, shaking her head. "Karaoke sounds...hmm." She leaned back, sipping her drink as she thought. "Hey," she said suddenly, a sly grin crossing her face. "I've got an idea." She cut her eyes sideways to Bon Bon.
Bon Bon frowned. "No," she said.
"I didn't even say what it is yet!"
"I already know what you're thinking, and no."
"Aww, come on!" Lyra whined. "We gotta go at least once!"
Bon Bon groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Lyra, we've been over this. There are like a million reasons to avoid that place. Not the least of which is I'm pretty sure it's for little kids."
"Nuh-uh!" Lyra insisted, pulling out her phone and tapping it several times before thrusting it in Bon Bon's face. "See? It's for everybody!"
"It's weird," Bon Bon pressed. "I don't know as I want to be seen in that kind of place."
Lyra raised an eyebrow. "Bon Bon," she said flatly, "anybody we know who you'd be embarrassed to be seen there by would be in the same boat we'd be in. If we're seen there by somebody we know, they'd be seen there by us."
Bon Bon raised a finger and opened her mouth to object, then blinked. "That's...actually a good argument," she said.
Tia looked back and forth between the two, a puzzled frown on her face. "What...are you two talking about?" she asked.
Lyra grinned. "There's this amusement park that opened up just outside the city last year," she said. "Cheesetopia, the Cheesiest Place on Earth!"
"Talk about your slogans that need work," Bon Bon muttered snidely, propping her cheek on her hand.
Tia blinked. "An amusement park," she said, pursing her lips. "You know, I...I don't believe I've ever actually been to an amusement park."
"Seriously?" Lyra asked. "Not even Flag World?"
Tia shook her head. "Never had the time, I suppose."
"Well that settles it then!" Lyra exclaimed, thrusting a fist in the air. "Girls, we're going to Cheesetopia!"
Bon Bon rolled her eyes. "Yay," she said sarcastically.
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I remember watching that movie! One of Tim Curry’s less interesting performances, but great for Sylvester Stallone getting his comedic chops polished before moving on to other rolls.
TELL me about it.
She’s not wrong.
Indeed?
Ah. Of course.
Oh yes!
Hmm... I know this is meant to be a direct translation (?), but might I suggest Hearts on Hands Day, or Hearts on Sleeves Day? They just sound a little less clunky, and reference how people really do reveal their hearts, for good or bad. 😦
Oh god... Just oh god, this whole chapter. My sides!
But I like history. Heck, I used to read history textbooks for fun back when I was in Middle School and High School.
Were you referencing the Sylvester Stalone movie “Oscer” ? I love that movie!
Detaramon? I mean, Pokemon takeoff, obviously, but I don’t get the name. Anyway, this is perhaps the best inclusion of Nightmare Moon ever. And a weird juxtaposition with the last chapter. Not bad or anything, just kinda weird.
hehehe, Cheesetopia, sounds like a total Lyra thing to say and do, nicely done Moth, eheh
8215013
Huh. And here I thought that it was the Godfather part II. But no, yours works better.
That part on the education system is so true. I think the only good thing about it, is it give you guide lines so to not go too broad over the myriad of information on the internet.
Anyway this again was a funny chapter. Luna act was so over the top it was brilliant.
Cheesetopia sounds like a nice place.
Detaramon, what the heck is Detaramon?
Huh. I thought you'd do what you did in Persona EG, and just call it Valentine's Day. Anyway, an amusing chapter. Looking forward to the next Sunset chapter, and her interaction with Fluttershy.
Loved the update and I look forward to more! I absolutely LOVE Celestia’s side of the story. I have to wonder though when Tia and Sunset will run into each other? Will it happen before school starts or during the summer?
Isn’t EG Bon Bon’s name actually Sweetie Drops? I always thought that was a clever bit of continuity on the writer’s part. Course someone correct me if I’m wrong but I swear she was called out by name in one of the films.
I never understood the whole EG Zephyr Breeze being a pervert thing, its not really funny. I mean in the show he only ever hit on Rainbow so if you’re gonna make his human counterpart a creep have him only be a creep to Rainbow that would be funnier. Course I suppose it doesn’t help that I seem to be one of the few people that liked the character and wouldn’t mind seeing him again.
I totally got that reference to Harry Potter. Really. It was obvious. Why isn’t it in the comments already?
Great chapter! This was HILARIOUS! Especially Luna’s “Nightmare Moon” stunt! Lolz.
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Indeed I was. ☺
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“Detarame” means useless, nonsense, etc.
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You’ll have to wait and see.
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Her name is Bon Bon AND Sweetie Drops. Ever hear of nicknames? As for Zephyr Breeze: In the EGverse, he’d be about 14 or so. His canon pony characterization of lazy basement-dwelling hipster who keeps coming back home to live with his parents wouldn’t make sense for a 14-year-old kid. Being an obnoxious serial sexual harasser with no regard for others’ feelings, boundaries, or personal space makes more sense given the context. That’s why I write him that way.
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What context exactly? It just never made sense to me given his family, I have no clue why he would end up like that. Doesn’t it make more sense for him to be an outcast full of self doubt who is trying to find his place in the world.
Another excellent chapter, as usual.:D
Luna goes to play yugioh in costume.
... I can dig it.
I demand lots of Cuddles between Tia and Sunset
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Maybe that’s how you see it, but that’s not how I see it. And when I write stories, I’m afraid the way I see it is the only way I care about.
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That’s fine its ultimately your story, I may not like some details but I’ll never expect someone to change something because of my opinion especially if I’m in the minority as I suspect I am.
It better not have evil animatronics.
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That's Friendlys Fillycheese Funhouse actually.....not so friendly at night....«shivers»
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I mean, that's always possible.
I think I have a good guess on who Tia's love interest is going to be. It's not Flash, but it's gonna be someone we already know quite well.
And this would be where your evil mind concocts some diabolical surprise that will no doubt absolutely CRUSH my expectations.
Damn you.
I like the insertion of how frustrated teachers are with standardized tests that screw with kids actually learning something.
8215517
That wouldn’t be nearly as funny.
And Zephyr Breeze’s canon appearance/personality grated on me enough that, like Blueblodd, I’m happy to see him suffer in any continuity...
8216412
Indeed. Apparently it’s no better this side of the pond. A mate of mine used to work in teaching (as a supply teacher after he’d gotten back from a seven year stint teaching English in Russia); and the things he told me...!
That human NightMare Moon part was my favorite. It is always fun to see how human Luna went through her “NightMare Moon phase”.
Wait. Before I read, I feel compelled to ask this simple question:
“WHO THE BUCKING HELL IS RULING EQUESTRIA?”
If Princess Celestia went after Sunset, when the latter ran away, then Luna is still stuck on the Moon, possessed by Nightmare Moon.
There’s also nopony to save Twilight or Spike from the former’s magic surge, much less serve as the unicorn’s teacher.
If that’s the case, then there’s no ‘Bearers of the Elements of Harmony’, because the six would never fully meet, meaning Luna would never be freed from Nightmare Moon. Nor would anypony defeat Discord, or Sombra.
So the outcome is effectively the exact same as the alternate timelines Starlight created.
...Why is this the first thing I think of, and then feel compelled to write? I have no clue - I’m weird. I just tend to notice stuff like this.
Agreed wholeheartedly on standardized tests and bureaucracy in education.
Carrot cake brownies?
Oh. My. God. I need these in my life. And stomach.
(One Googling later)
Ah, Mrs. Cake. Truly the soul of discretion.
Wow. Zephyr was already a horrible human being in the sixth grade? I'm almost impressed.
This is easily among my top five human Nightmare Moons (Nightmares Moon?)
Tia's definitely off to a good start with the student body. Though I can't help but wonder how much she'll have changed by the time she gets back to Equestria.
Why did I think this story was dead? Nevermind…
I am very excited about this story! It sure will be interesting to see Tia adapt to being a "normal" person, even more so a teenager. The Equestrian side of the story intrigues me too, even if I've seen quite a few takes on "Nightmare Moon wins" already. I mean, the Mane6 apparently didn't even get their cutie marks yet! At least NM scrapped the idea of eternal night for now.
The story sure has interesting premise, and I definitely like your writing. Your human Nightmare Moon is totally hilarious, for one thing! And when did Tia find time to read Harry Potter? (Or is it "Trotter"? Since all the naming conventions seem to be same as Equestrian.) I'm looking forward to read more!
I have one real question, though. Timescales. Just how much faster the time goes in Equestria? As I mentioned, at least AJ's father is still alive, so she didn't go to Manehattan just yet, and thus she still is a blank flank filly. On the human side, though, it feels like EG events are just a few years ahead! And by then Mane6 are supposed to be grownups already, so I think it's at the very most most 5 human years versus at least a pony decade!
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Maybe if you’d read the story you’d get the answers to those questions and not waste your time and mine on a pointless comment? Also, the chapter titles ALONE should kind of answer your question for you.
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It’s...been updating fairly consistently on a monthly basis for a few months now...
I’ve given up even TRYING to work out the time dilation beyond “There is time dilation”.
8217065
Oh. Okay. I was just trying to figure out for how long exactly Celestia is stuck on her vacation :)
Even what little “official” canon there is, it points to Equestrian time going quite a bit faster. A single MLP season is about 30 Equestrian moons, if they take about the same time and Apple family reunion timing is to be trusted, and that’s how much time passed between the first two EG movies, which was hardly more than a month or two in human world.
Still, the portal is rarely used, so the “30 moons” figure might as well be by human world timing, written down by Starswirl and never questioned by anyone. If it is so, and if time dilation is that great, Nightmare Moon has almost too much time to rule on her own, and ponies will have to find some sort of solution to Nightmare without Celestia’s help. (Well, that’s unless Tia or Sunset figure out that they can use the journal to communicate with Equestria.)
8217276
First of all, the writers are idiots who just stick arbitrary amounts of time into the scripts without paying attention to continuity or caring that we, the fans, are paying attention to this shit. Granny Smith's "100 moons since the last Apple Family Reunion" line in season 3 is unmitigated bullshit, because that would mean something like seven years passed between S1E1 and then and no. Those of us who pay attention and are more generally aware of things pin the time that passed during the first two seasons as roughly two years.
As for the time that passed between the first two EG movies, Word of God says six months passed--Rainbow Rocks happens in the springtime. This doesn't exactly mesh with certain visuals in Friendship Games which suggest fall, even though FG is explicitly stated to be set only about 3-5 weeks after Rainbow Rocks.
Generally speaking, with the possible exception of season 3, it's assumed that a year passes in Equestria for each season of the show. (A year is slightly more than 12 moons, roughly 12 1/2 moons.) Additionally, regardless of how much time season 5 actually covers? It's a hard fact that 10-11 months pass between the episodes "The One Where Pinkie Pie Knows" and "The Crystalling, Part 1" because that's how long it takes for a mare to have a foal.
My incredibly rough estimate of the time dilation:
- When Sunset left Equestria, Twilight Sparkle did not yet have her Cutie Mark.
- When Sunset Shimmer returned to steal Twilight's crown, Twilight had become an alicorn, meaning she had been in Ponyville roughly 2 1/2 years at that point.
- This means that, depending on whether or not Sunset came back once, either 30 or 60 moons passed between Sunset's leaving and Sunset returning to steal the crown. It doesn't seem likely that Sunset Shimmer was able to come back to do recon, so let's go with 30 moons.
Except.
That's on the human side of the portal, because time is passing at a much slower rate there than it is in Equestria.
So let's assume, for the sake of argument, that 2 1/2 years passed for Sunset Shimmer from the time she left Equestria to the time she returned. In Equestria, approximately 16 years (give or take) have passed.
This is why I'm just throwing my hands up and saying fuck it. The writers have made it impossible for any of this to actually work.
8217065
I actually have read it now, and...I like it. Everything’s been covered nicely, save for the Elements of Harmony, which would likely be in that sidestory anyways.
Can’t wait for school to start - I wonder how Tia’s going to combat Sunset’s manipulations?
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You mean besides (a) the two-way magical journal that serves as the connection that forces the portal open (which Cadance is not even aware exists) and (b) Twilight’s genius-level intellect? No, not really.
I know this reference! It's Oscar with Sylvester Stallone. It's been forever since I've seen it, but I'll never forget the bag
Yet why do I imagine it's mostly adults who are playing Détaramon? Well, at least she's not pulling a "Doug Walker" by continuously antagonizing fans by saying it sucks. God, to think I looked up to and idolized that egotistical jackass.
Was the sand bit supposed to be a Star Wars reference?
8222382
Quite possibly.
8222751
I like sand. It's coarse, rough, and it get's everywhere!
I love the story, but Celestia and Luna seem pretty immature for a pair of high school admins.
In particular, it seems like every single meal they've been described as having was either take out or frozen, and served on paper plates. That reads like the diet of someone straight out of college, not a pair of women with stable careers. Also, if that's indicative of their norm, really expensive especially when combined with buying a computer, phone, and wardrobe for Tia.
8231667
Maybe both of them are too busy to really worry about cooking, because they have very demanding careers and when they're at home, they just don't want to be bothered with it. Did you stop to consider that?
8232416
I have a demanding career, I have a higher salary literally by an order of magnitude than most high school admins (based on US national average), and I don't waste my money getting take out for nearly every meal.
I'm related to several teaching professionals (elementary and college, not high school, though), and they don't waste money getting take out for nearly every meal.
The only people I've met in my life who eat like Celestia and Luna are depicted as eating are, as I said, students in college or recent graduates. An old roommate of mine (recent graduate at the time) even did the "every meal on a paper plate/bowl" thing specifically because he was too lazy to do dishes. Despite having an automatic dishwasher.
Now, I'll grant that the story isn't showing every meal these three are eating, but if they deviate from the pattern displayed during "off screen" scenes, there's nothing to suggest it. As the reader, I'm left to conclude that these two are wasting a ton of money and eating extremely unhealthy, and then they spontaneously take on the financial burden of a teenager. In short, irresponsible adults.
8233610
Well, bully for you and bully for the people you know then. Your situation and the situations of people you know in real life ultimately don't make a difference in how Celestia and Luna are portrayed in this story, so thank you for your commentary.
How "cheesy" is this gonna get?
8240386
Thank you for reading and commenting, but...you're posting several comments per chapter and that's kinda...spammy. It's better to post all your comments for a given chapter as one comment. ^^;;