Twilight slammed the massive doors shut with all her strength, setting the whole mass to angry rattling against their metal mountings. The Castle of the Two Sisters seemed as good a place as any to live out the end of the world. She wouldn’t have her apprentice, but Spike was here, and her friends had relatives here too.
“There. The old wards should still be intact. We should be safe here.” Somewhere in the distance, she could hear tiny voices coming from the library. The Crusaders, such as they were, did not seem in any better spirits than they were.
Discord slunk into a corner, moving without any of his usual energy. She had saved his life as part of the same deal that had sacrificed all the Alicorn magic, but that didn’t erase the shame. If there was going to be any life with Tirek as Equestria’s new ruler, then she had a feeling Discord had plenty of soul-searching ahead of him.
Her friends barely had the strength to make it inside before they sprawled out, dropping to the stone with defeat written all over their bodies. Even this little trek had been a monumental effort for them, spurred on only by the promise of friendly faces at the end.
Twilight felt the old adage confirmed with horrible accuracy: without magic, life was impossible. Yet still they existed, as though their bodies didn’t know they shouldn’t keep working. Maybe it would be better if death came quickly. Not before I see Chance again. I’ve got to… apologize for losing her. Then I can die.”
“Uh, Twilight?” Rainbow Dash was near a window, and was the only one still standing. She gestured, the movement weak compared to her usual. Fluttershy nuzzled to one of her sides, shivering incoherently against the cold of magic stolen. “I think you should take a look at this.”
Twilight couldn't really “hurry” anymore, but she did make her way to the window, fighting the slur that threatened to overtake her voice. “Yeah, Dash?” Without even realizing it, she rested her head gently atop the prismatic pegasus’s. She could barely even keep her eyes open. “What… What is it?”
“I saw something over the trees,” Rainbow supplied, her voice drained. She gestured with a hoof, sliding vainly down the glass. “O-over… Over there…”
Twilight Sparkle looked up. It was a strain to force her eyes to focus, but strain she did. Maybe it was the pale mare, coming to take them all away. Twilight hadn’t ever believed in any religious superstition before, but… she had seen stranger things in the last few days.
It wasn’t the pale mare. Instead she saw a distant flash, far away beyond the trees. It wasn’t magic—Twilight knew she wouldn’t be able to sense that anymore. But it was bright, bright enough that she shoved abruptly on the pegasus. The two of them went tumbling, crashing into Fluttershy and curling into a mess of squeaking pony and protesting limbs.
“Watch it, Egghead! What did you—”
She remembered Leo’s words. “Shut your eyes, everypony!”
Her voice was drowned in a distant roar. The whole castle shook, masonry all around the great entrance hall dislodging and crumbling to the floor. Her friends screamed, but Twilight didn’t have the magic to shield them.
She didn’t hear anything striking a pony, so it didn’t seem like anything had.
Light burned in through the windows, light brighter than any noonday sun. She could feel it even through the wards, which came up in a glowing bubble around the castle. It was even bright through her eyelids.
Though the glass of the nearby window rumbled in its mounting, it seemed the wards prevented it from being blown out.
Twilight got to her hooves, still shaking unsteadily from the strange force. She looked out, out into the forest in the direction Leo had gone.
An angry red cloud rose into the sky, towering higher and higher and still burning with internal light. The clouds all around it had been burned from existence, as it loomed over the mountains like a stretched fungus.
“Celestia help us,” Rarity whispered, watching from beside her. Several of Twilight’s friends had clambered to their hooves all around her, energized by the shock and the fire. None looked hurt. “He means to destroy all Equestria.”
“No, I—” The words died in Twilight’s throat, and she watched the strange cloud get torn apart with more light. Light in every color, every shade, every hue. Light like a million little rainbows all shining in different directions. It shot straight up into the sky, taller than the first cloud, so high her eyes couldn’t even follow it… before it started to split, curving back to earth as it lanced out across the sky in all directions.
“Can’t he leave well enough alone? He’s gotta know he won by now!” Applejack stomped one hoof in frustration, though without her magic she didn’t break the stone.
“I… I don’t think Tirek did that.” Twilight’s eyes tracked one of the seemingly infinite slivers of light as it rocketed towards them. It had several distinct hues, though one seemed to shine brighter to her eyes than all the others combined. Lavender.
Another second, and the magic reached them. The wards could offer no defense against this attack, for of course it was no attack at all. Magic found its owner, slamming into each one and driving them to the ground.
Twilight screamed. She hadn’t been without her magic for more than an hour, but that time had felt like an eternity. The agony had not seemed like it would ever end.
She felt it now, surging into her body, a quiet warmth like stepping inside after a day in the snow. It was the soreness all over easing, the breath coming smoothly into her lungs. It was the satisfaction of work well done, the contentment of a long day with an old friend.
Light faded from the window, leaving only a few flickers of distant clouds.
Thus the reign of Tirek ended.
* * *
“Chance?” Second Chance sat in something like consciousness, resting against the steel and plastic of the cot. Somewhere she knew that she should rest, that her body was already full of drugs and that staying up wasn’t helping. She was too tired to sleep, too drained.
The dogs were all gone, though she hadn’t watched to see what had made them leave. She didn’t have the energy anymore. For as evil as Brigid’s takeover had been, she was probably right about the death waiting for Chance.
The machines did something to the back of her head. Truth tried to explain it through the connection, but she couldn’t stay coherent enough to listen. Eventually his voice stopped coming, leaving Second Chance to stare off at the wall alone.
I bet there are worse ways to die, she found herself thinking, staring up at something on the ceiling. Truth was doing something about something important up there, but she couldn’t remember what.
It didn’t matter—Chance remembered she had won, and that Equestria had been protected. Maybe she had been sent for another reason, but that seemed as good as any under the circumstances. The sun moved slowly across the sky, which seemed strange but she didn’t remember why. A few ponies tried to come and visit her, but her tongue was dry and their words seemed stretched and unimportant. She didn’t respond, and eventually they all went away.
Something changed. Chance couldn’t have said what it was, except that it didn’t feel so cold anymore. The warmth was so good, so relaxing, that she found herself curling up and closing her eyes. It didn’t even take her ten seconds to fall asleep.
Second Chance was on the Moon. The Earth was high tonight, shining blue and green against the stark depths. It felt good to sit on her rock in the sand, levitating one rock after another and throwing them across the void.
She never got anywhere close to the distant lander, its shape clearly visible despite the enormous distance. Without an atmosphere to decrease visibility, Second Chance could see for far indeed along the surface.
She found herself humming, humming the words to a little Equestrian melody Twilight had sometimes sung when the nightmares woke Chance with terrified screams. She hardly even noticed when a stone she hadn’t thrown soared right over the edge and skidded onto the ground beyond, sending a plume of gray smoke up around it.
“Hi.” She didn’t look beside her. Second Chance knew who would be there without needing to.
“Hi.” The word sounded strange coming from Luna. When she spoke, it was not her usual calm, parental affection. Second Chance wasn’t sure she could tell quite what the Lunar Princess was feeling.
Chance stared out over the empty gray soil. “I’m glad you’re okay.” It was hard to keep the fear from her own voice, but she managed.
Not that it would make a difference. The Princess of Dreams couldn’t be deceived within her own domain. “Thank you, filly.” Chance expected something formal, maybe thanking her for her role in saving Canterlot.
Instead Luna’s voice was distant and hurt. “Did you know he was going to sacrifice himself?”
It took a moment for Chance to guess at who “he” might be. The pronoun was her only clue, since so few of Equestria’s big players were male. One of these days she would ask about that, but not today. “You mean the knight?”
Chance turned, and saw darkness in Luna’s mane. There were very few stars there, a mass of blue and black. Her eyes were red, like she had recently been crying. How long had Chance been asleep?
“Sir Tullius Leonidas,” Luna confirmed. “I told you about him once, if I recall.” She shook her head, sitting down on the sand beside her and staring out over the crater. “Did you know he was going to kill himself?”
She shivered. “I… suspected,” she eventually admitted. “He left with a bomb on his back. I wonder if he would’ve needed it if that stupid Technocrat hadn’t insisted on conquering Canterlot. All that hardware might’ve been able to stop Tirek on its own.”
Luna sighed. Chance could hear a few more pained sounds coming from the princess, but she didn’t interfere. For once, she fought the pony instincts to comfort. Well, physically anyway.
“I heard stories about knights when I was growing up.” She spoke quietly, almost casually. “He reminded me of some of them. It was silly stuff—there was this one about a knight who promised to deliver a message for an old woman at a train station… but her son hadn’t come. The knight went and searched the whole city, knocking on every door until he found the old woman’s son and delivered the message.” She shook her head. “Exaggerated virtue stories. Seeing him… I wonder if not all of them were tall tales.”
Luna didn’t respond, not for several long moments. Eventually she smiled, patting Chance’s shoulder. “I suspect you’re right. If anypony would find a way to give their life for Equestria twice, it would’ve been him.”
“How do you know?” Chance got up from her rock, walking past Luna to the edge of the crater. It was a very long fall, though she wasn’t too worried. Within a dream, it was easy to change the rules if she needed to. In here, she could just as easily have wings if she wanted them. “Weren’t you locked up in that changeling… pod?”
Luna nodded, and a shiver briefly passed through her elegant body. “Princess Twilight reported her conversation with him upon her return to Canterlot. She saw some part of the battle, or at least the aftermath. There is no doubt in our minds that Leo could not have survived. Any attack that destroyed Tirek thoroughly enough to free the magic he stole would by necessity have destroyed anything else nearby. There is…”
She gestured, and the scene in front of them changed. Second Chance’s eyes went wide as she saw a massive crater, charred black with a few scraggly trees and half-melted rocks around the perimeter. For many miles further the trees had been scorched and blackened, their leaves burned away.
Dream it might be, but Second Chance found her heartbeat suddenly racing, breathing accelerating. She retreated from the vision, shaking her head vigorously. “Make it go away!”
She did. The crater vanished, along with any sign of the Equestrian landscape. Chance was still panting, and still looked a little sick as she looked up. “That whole area has probably been irradiated, Princess. We’ll have to investigate the wind patterns, see what the climate was doing.”
“Nothing.” Luna’s voice was matter-of-fact, though there was more than a little bitterness in her eyes. “Equestria requires its ponies to function. There was no wind.” She rested a wing on Chance’s shoulder. “Relax, young filly. Equestria may be somewhat ignorant on the subject, but its rulers aren’t. We’ve already dispatched crews. The magic of the area has been irreparably damaged, but… the climate can be repaired.”
Chance frowned down at the ground. “Bet Twilight’s feeling pretty messed up about it. What’s she been up to all this time, anyway? I looked for her when I was in Ponyville, but she had already gone.”
“Twilight Sparkle was given the solemn duty of containing the Alicorn magic of Equestria. She… was not successful. Were it not for Leo…” Luna shivered. “No matter. Leo succeeded, and so Equestria survives.”
“Is she…” Chance gestured with one hoof. “Is she around? I think I should see her.”
Luna nodded again. “I have no doubt of it, filly. She took you to her customary wing of the castle and has not left. Your body was… damaged. My elder sister healed you. Even so… you will be weak for some days to come. Live carefully in these next few days, unless you wish to be a spirit again sooner than you planned.”
“I’ll try.” Chance wasn’t sure how to wake up—maybe Luna had taught her that at some point, but she didn’t remember. Even in dreams she was worn out from the last few days, near the end of her energy.
It was time to go back to the library and spend a few weeks in quiet recovery. Chance could almost picture her little bedroom now, and that tiny bunk bed she shared with Spike. She missed the wood, missed the comic books he always forgot to clean up, missed the smell of books.
“Can you, uh… Can you wake me up?” Chance blushed. “I mean… if it isn’t too much trouble.”
“I can.” Luna met her eyes, and there was something pained in that expression. “I have no doubt my elder sister will formally recognize the service you and your friends did for Equestria. From me, though…”
She reached out, resting one leg on Chance’s shoulder. “Thank you. We are fortunate to have such true citizens.”
“Sure.” Chance blinked her tears away as best she could. “It was… the least I could’ve done. Sweetie too, I’m sure.”
“It’s more than most.” Luna was not smiling as she spoke. “If you or any of your friends decide to join the Guard when you’re older… they’d be lucky to have you.”
Chance didn’t get to answer. The dream faded. It wasn’t the harsh cut, not what happened when she woke from a nightmare. The transition was far more gradual, her body fading to a numbness that spread to every limb.
She felt soft blankets all around her, only a few inches away from her face. She slid up a little, looking around the room. Her body was sore, worse than the day of the obstacle course at school when she had spent the whole day running. The only pain came from the back of her head, where something thick was wrapped at the base of her neck. Bandages?
The room was dark, though not too dark to see. Chance had been here before, during one of Twilight’s previous trips. The room ended with a huge balcony, and the doors were open. Cool air came in from outside, and Twilight Sparkle sat under the stars.
She looked far worse than Chance felt, even from a distance. Nothing physically was wrong with her, but even so Chance could see a pony crushed. Crushed by guilt, and pain, and who knew what else.
Second Chance rolled out of bed, landing on her hooves. A few inches to the other direction, and she would’ve landed on Spike’s basket. The dragon moaned, muttering something incoherent and pulling a pillow closer to himself.
Chance smiled briefly at him, but didn’t wake him. No doubt the reptile’s day had been as stressful in its own way as her own. Twilight didn’t notice her waking, didn’t notice until she pushed the doors open.
“Chance?” The Alicorn looked up from her brooding, eyes wide. “You shouldn’t be out of bed!” She hurried over, and any further objections she might’ve had were lost in an embrace.
“Good to see you too, Mom.” Chance hugged her back, though with such a tight grip she could start to feel a little more of the pain. She would have to see just how much liver damage the Nanophage’s magic treatment had actually done. Not tonight, though. She’d had enough depressing news for one day.
She couldn’t have said how long the hug lasted. Eventually Twilight let her go, looking down at her with poorly restrained tears. “I’m so sorry, Chance.”
“Sorry?” She tilted her head to one side. “Why would you—”
“When you came to Equestria, Princess Celestia assigned me to keep you safe. I failed again. Not only that, but… I failed in the worst way possible. You… No filly should ever experience what you went through.”
Chance didn’t look away. She could see pain in Twilight, and a recognition. “You did. Lyra did. Probably… the rest of your friends too, I bet.” She smiled weakly. “Don’t worry about me. I’d only had magic a year when I lost it. Not my whole life.”
“Maybe not.” Twilight pulled her close. “I wish I knew why the changelings were so determined to get to you. Did you hunt them when you were still human?”
She shook her head. “They dumped me with everypony else… I think it’s what they wanted from you, Twilight.” She couldn’t help but look a little worried as she forced Twilight to meet her eyes again. “Did they impersonate me? That’s what they did to your brother, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” Twilight looked even worse than she had before. “Of course that’s my fault too. Might as well write that one down on the list.” Something levitated over from nearby—a scroll and a pen. As it unrolled, she caught the title “Things Twilight Ruined” It was a nice long list.
“Wait!” Chance reached out, trying to put a hoof in front of Twilight’s horn. It didn’t really make a difference: it wasn’t as though levitation required line-of-slight. Still felt good to do something, though. “I’m not sure that’s really fair.”
“Why not?” Twilight’s pen stopped, freezing in the air. “You’re absolutely right about their plan being about me. Another reason you’d be safer with another teacher.”
“What?” It was Chance’s turn to cry. “Twilight d-don’t… don’t… s-say things like that.” All her strength melted, all the maturity and confidence she thought she had.
“I think I understand why the princesses are so reluctant to have foals of their own, now. It’s too dangerous… I don’t think it’s a life we’re meant to share.”
“No.” Chance sniffed, then glared as fiercely as she could. “You listen to me, Mom. It isn’t your fault that bad things happen. Not even Celestia has the power to stop bad things from happening to everybody. Back on Earth, I watched my family fucking die right in front of me. That doesn’t mean they didn’t love me either, or that I shouldn’t have been with them.” Chance couldn’t have said how she was still going. She was crying so hard that the words probably weren’t very clear.
“I’m sure you did your best—I know you’ve done your best for Spike and me, cuz I’ve seen it! I don’t know how I could’ve faced Equestria without you before n-now, and I don’t wanna f-f-find out!”
She couldn’t keep going. Chance was pretty sure she had more to say, but she couldn’t even keep thinking straight anymore. The whole world blurred, into lavender feathers and warm coat.
“Yeah.” Twilight mussed her mane. “I think you’re right. I wasn’t…” She shook her head. “You did good, my little filly. I’m proud of you.”
“Like I did anything.” Chance found herself smiling in spite of herself. “How many ponies have a mom who took all the Alicorn magic in the world and fought a monster.” She glanced briefly away from her, up at the moon. It was waning now, half moon and shrinking towards a crescent. “When I was… I knew Celestia and Luna had been captured, and I saw the sun and moon kept working… guess that was you.” She sat back on her haunches, looking contemplative. “What was it like to move the sun?”
Twilight relaxed too, and for a second it seemed almost as though she might answer. Then she shook her head, gesturing back in towards the bed. “Not now, Chance. I’m sure we will have a fascinating conversation about it after you’ve had a full night’s rest.”
“But… But Luna woke me up!” She grinned hopefully. “That means that the Princess of the Night decided I was done sleeping! You can tell me now!”
“You want to walk down to the night court and ask her?” Twilight asked, gesturing off the balcony. Far, far below, there were lights from the throne room windows. “If you really think that’s what she meant…”
“Uh…” Chance frowned down at the floor, defeated. “Can… Can you come with me? I don’t think… I don’t think I wanna be alone tonight.”
“Alright.” The huge doors levitated open with a faint shimmer from her horn. “That sounds fair to me.”
* * *
Amber Sands stared at the rough stone walls, letting her boredom wash over her. Any trace of her Second Chance disguise was long gone now, either taken away by the ponies or abandoned to help her save magic.
There were no visitors. No guards marched in the hallways outside, and no other prisoners. Guards slid in a tray of hay and water every few hours, and took them away again with the water gone but hay untouched.
Her cell wasn’t much, about twenty square feet of plain stone. There was a toilet in one corner, and a raised stone cot in the other. No blankets, no loose objects of any kind except the food trays.
Amber could eat hay if she wanted, as she could eat almost anything organic. It wouldn’t sustain her, though. As the hours and days passed, she felt herself growing weaker. The pony princess had filled her stockpile, but even a young queen could not keep living off her reserves forever.
The torturers will come for you soon, she kept telling herself. They’ll want to know everything else you learned about the hive. Is that their hooves coming for me now?
There had been no torturers in the whole time she had been in captivity, unless she counted a few heavy chains and the chattering of Chance’s pony friends. Maybe not. Maybe they’ll just let me starve. She wasn’t starving yet, she was fairly sure of that. Amber could still think.
Hunger drives fear, child, her mother had explained. Passion comes from anger, and rational thoughts become difficult. By the time you’re truly starving, you won’t be aware enough to question whether or not you are.
Amber Sands had told the pony princess the location of a secret fortress her kind had built into a pony city. How many drones had died defending it from her? If her mother’s master plan failed because she didn’t kill the pony, would that make the consequences for her people her fault?
It doesn’t matter. The one peace Amber had now was the memory. The guilt no longer tormented her, assaulting her with assertions that she didn’t deserve life and the ponies were right to hate her. A virtuous man has no fear of death.
Amber didn’t want to die. She begged and whimpered when the guards came to deliver her food, always in vain. She hadn’t managed to convince any of them yet, anyway.
She hadn’t been hallucinating about the hoofsteps she heard. Amber looked up from her cot, and almost didn’t believe what she saw.
There was no food delivery on the other end of the bars, none of the familiar pony guards with their gold armor and pointed spears. The pony waiting beyond had no armor, though Amber doubted very much she needed it.
“Hello, prisoner.” Gold magic glowed around the lock, bright enough that it lit the whole cell. Amber had no problem with darkness and hadn’t really minded that the cell lacked light, but after this long even a changeling could be relieved.
Amber didn’t bother trying to escape as the visitor stepped into an open doorway. Instead she struggled to her hooves beside the cot, straightening her wings and looking as confident as she could. No defiance or rebellion, but no guilt either.
You did the right thing, Chance’s voice whispered. Don’t be afraid.
Her memories of home told Amber another story. Princess Celestia was perhaps the most powerful being in the world. She was the most ancient, most hated enemy of their race, and Amber had never known why. Something to do with where the first changeling had come from, though she hadn’t ever been told that story.
The Dirarch of the Sun hardly looked as fearful as the stories. As she looked down on Amber, there was no disgust or revulsion clouding the air with rancid rotten flavors. Even kind ponies like Twilight had felt a little of that, however much they might try to hide it.
Celestia felt only compassion. For the first time since her confinement, Amber ate. She wouldn’t have thought much of it during her previous life, but after days in the dark even a few sips of love felt like a feast.
“Do you know me?”
Amber nodded.
“Then I am at a disadvantage.” She sat down on her haunches, blasting the filth away from the ground around her in a little wave of golden magic. The princess didn’t seem to need to light her horn to glow—her whole body did that. Well, maybe not glow exactly. The space she stood in seemed lit, without a specific source. “What’s your name? Changelings do have names, do they not?”
Was that secret information? Probably not. “Some of us do. I’m Amber Sands.”
Celestia smiled slightly. “It’s good to meet you, Amber Sands.” She said nothing then, letting the silence stretch on and on.
Eventually Amber couldn’t take the quiet anymore, and she looked up with growing exasperation. “Why did you come, Princess? If you’re here to turn me to stone, well… at least warn me. If I’m gonna be frozen forever, I might as well try and capture my good wing.” She lifted one of them a little higher than the other, the one without any holes.
Amber felt Celestia’s compassion swell, along with a heady mixture of pity and regret. This was more what she had expected from a princess, an overwhelming torrent of power compared to regular ponies. A few seconds was enough to fill her, and any more was more than she could take. It felt like she would explode, but that wasn’t quite how it worked.
“Relax, young Amber. By my royal decree, your sentence has been remitted.” She gestured at the doorway with one wing, stepping out of the way. “You are free to go. If that’s what you want.”
There was a time when Amber might’ve sprinted right for the door, wings buzzing. Thanks to her mother’s careful tutelage, she was no longer that gullible. Instead she stopped, eyes narrowing. “Really? Even though I… impersonated one of your citizens? Helped her get kidnapped… helped with an invasion…”
Celestia cut her off. “Your evil acts are not excused, nor are they justified. Your behavior was reprehensible, in keeping with many of your kind I have encountered before.” She spread her wings a little. “You have a choice now, Amber Sands.”
Amber walked forward and sideways, closer to the doorway but keeping her distance from Celestia. She could make a break for it now, if she wanted. With love in her belly and magic burning through her veins, she no longer felt weak and apathetic. “What choice?”
“The same one I gave your mother.” Celestia’s sadness replaced the pity. She didn’t move, didn’t make any gesture to stop Amber from running. She did follow her with her eyes, though. “Most creatures are defined by their past. They keep living the way they always have, even though they know they could be more.”
Celestia reached out, gesturing at the doorway. “If you run, my guards have been ordered not to stop you. They’ll escort you out Canterlot’s walls, and will not follow. This is for your protection—I cannot be certain you would be safe in Canterlot after recent events.”
“You could leave, and go back to whatever life you were living. Find the rest of your hive, and maybe you’ll be happy there.” Celestia pulled her hoof back, offering it to Amber. “Or you could stay. Not as a prisoner, but as a member of my house.”
“You chose to spare the life of somepony very important to me. You helped her undo damage your family did to Equestria.” She leaned a little closer, and the light seemed to grow more intense. Amber felt the warmth, filling the space and shining out through the open doorway. “I see a pony unsatisfied with the life she would be returning to. Please, stay with us instead.”
Amber looked between the offered hoof and the doorway. She had already failed her mission. She had betrayed her mother’s wishes, and been unwilling to kill the princess. Even if she wasn’t killed for her betrayal, she would be an outcast for the rest of her life. She would never have a hive of her own.
What did Celestia offer instead? Everything you ever wanted.
Amber reached out and took the offered hoof.
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I think the box of distilled 1980's plot devices was lost in shipping this time around.
7337042
Will we see Brigid´s ultimate fate?
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We see Brigid again in the next chapter, yes.
Well, that happened.
At least they get a chance to breathe and reconcile now.
Starscribble, it's been a pleasure watching you grow as a writer over time! Just about everything about your writing has improved, and I'm glad to see that you understood what you needed to improve on and went for it! Thanks so much for the awesome stories!
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Will the death of the old pony be discovered and her punishment for that be Included? I have been wanting to know if there was any reckoning on that account.
7337042
Where will Twilight and Chance live, in that case? The library was destroyed, and with no box, there's no crystal castle.
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I haven't forgotten about that, that's all I can say. We'll see it addressed.
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You'll know early next week! When I post that chapter, I mean.
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Thanks! It's been a long road-- just about a million pony words at this point. I hope I can continue to improve as the years go on. Even if I'm not sure how much more pony I have left to write.
I shall have to ask you to tell me when the revisions to Harmony Defended are complete.
7338188 It appears that someone is angry with you... Why would someone dislike all your comments and even mine just for being nice ;-;
I am not going to unlike this story for this single chapter... but your tendancy to take victories away from the main 6, and give them to literal deus ex machina's?
Annoys me.
Twilight and the Knight could have worked together.
If Tirek had to be defeated this way, the Knight could have, distracted Tirek for Twilight while she used magic to rescue her friends, rather than surrendering, then they could have fought Tirek together.
This felt. Weak.
Don't take away the victories of Harmony. They are important.
Add to the universe. Don't subtract.
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I can't help but feel exactly the opposite about this specific example. Mainly because I care about the canon of this show. I realize I'm screwing it up hardcore when I introduce other worlds and stuff like that, but even so I try to stay true to the spirit of the show when I can't keep the specific events.
In this case, Twilight's fight with Tirek went down exactly as it did in the episode (which is why I didn't depict it in detail, you've all seen it already and it would be a waste of your time). Twilight fought well, ended with a stalemate, then chose to give up her magic in the name of friendship. As a result (just as in the show) she gave up all her magic and was left a drained husk.
There is no way this Twilight could've been in any kind of fight with Tirek and survived at this point. No mechanism in the story canon I've established here would've made that possible.
The show got around this with some god by machine that (in my opinion) turned one of the best episodes in the series into an okay episode. Even though they'd set it up for the whole season, the magical mystery box was a box of win-power so nonsensical the show writers have never referred to it again (as of the time this comment was made, anyway).
I don't know what you expected Twilight to do. She searched the library of the two sisters and found nothing-- she didn't have the mystery box and she didn't have her magic.
This series has never been about retelling the old stories with a few differences-- it's about the radical changes that another world might bring. That isn't to say the elements of harmony aren't important, though only twilight was really a character at all in this story. Anyone who's read Harmony Defended (my sequel to this story I'll have to revise a wee bit) can tell you that Applejack, Twilight, and Pinkie all have significant roles to play and turn the tide of events in various ways.
In short, I'm glad you've decided to keep going with the story despite a storytelling decision that didn't match your particular preferences. I vigorously defend the path I chose. If it continues to trouble you, I encourage you to examine the story in a more abstract way. Twilight's narrative was not really about defending Equestria, not in this story. It was, rather, about compassion, motherhood, and responsibility. Leo's, on the other hand, vigorously focused on the martial defense of the country and the sacrifices that had to be made to keep it safe. He reminded us several times that he had died for Equestria and would again. The natural conclusion for his character was to get the chance to prove his words.
Oh, hey! Amber has reached perihelion.
Even though she was only a small part of the story, I think Amber's sections have been my favourite parts.
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Boo!
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Yeah, kinda missed my point there. I suppose I wasn't clear enough.
You have changed events. Thus, having that fight, (and other things), work out exactly as it did before is wrong.
Both Twilight and Discord had some hope at the end. They knew there was only one key left to unlock the box. They weren't sure, but they had HOPE that this would be Twilight's key.
That's why Twilight gave up.
Fighting with an ally to rescue her friends would not have disrupted Harmony. Giving up with no hope? That not Twilight's character
Oh, in case I was not clear here either, I was not disagreeing with your characterization of the Knight. His actions were perfectly in character as you've written him. Besides, he's your OC. You decide his personality. Nor am I disagreeing with the sacrifice ploy to blow Tirek up with a bomb. Again, very nice touch, very touching.
I am disagreeing with your characterization of Twilight Sparkle.
Your Twilight did not have a plan B.
Twilight ALWAYS has a plan b. And usually plans c, d, and f.
Take any canon example of her being on the ropes. First try activating the EoH against Nightmare Moon fails?
Pretend to charge, teleport, then try again.
NIghtmare Moon smashes the elements? Plan C! Maybe the Ponies I've brought are really the Elements!
Second example? Pinkie Sense! First she tries to disprove it. That fails. She tries to find it with her gadgets. That fails. She tries to discover it through describe ethe observation! She goes to plan D! Disprove the new Pinkie Sense! Finally, plan E, Acceptance.
Not giving up.
Sombra! Her first plan, the Crystal Fair, fails. She decides to try and find the real heart! She fails to retrieve it alone! Plan C! Give it to Spike!
Do I need to point out Twilight vrs Trixie in Magic Duel?
I have many other examples. Twilight always has a back up plan.
I'm not saying she always succeeds. But she always at least has a plan B. And when she doesn't, she comes up with one in seconds. Even when that fails, she never gives up for long.
She feels guilty here? Perhaps because she's not been herself!
Keep the main characters themselves, then you can do what you like with OC's.
Again, Twilight at full power, with the Knights help, could have defeated Tirek. Could have rescued her friends, just like she rescued Owlicious in the original version. Teleport, block or teleport again with them. With a distraction from the Knight, that would have been a great plan B, and then, your Knight can make his heroic sacrifice play, without Twilight making a stupid decision with no backup plan.
To keep it more like your storyline, you could have had Twilight's attempt to rescue her friends fail, in that she manages to teleport between Tirek and her friends to block his attack against them, but he catches her off guard and injures her enough for him to suck out her magic anyway!
Then, she didn't give up to no purpose, with no back up plan. She made a tactical error, which is hardly the same thing.
Either way...
Good writing. No issues with that. (Just OOC Twilight), who you usually write quite well.
Ouch, and no new princess castle since you didn't use Harmony to beat him. Now do you see why nuclear bombs are not the answer, people?!
...yeah, that's gonna sting. Along with knowing you gave up the alicorn magic, but not knowing you still had Friendship Rainbow Cannon Magic. Um... *hugs?*
Behold! The typo hath invaded Canterlot!
*shock!* Sunbutt did something right?!
A certain Technocrat needs to be dealt with
Dirty little hive traitor
Then again, maybe Chrysalis shouldn't have allied with fucking Tirek. He double crossed Discord, no doubt he would have double crossed you
if he hadn't ate a nuke.