Twilight Sparkle sat at the desk in her study, while reading a rather large brown book titled, The History of the Noble Families of Equestria—Book Twelve of Eighteen, by Swift Feather.
As with most books that came from the Canterlot Royal Library, there was no questioning the legitimacy of the official document. Yet, as she read the official chronicle on House Snowflake, it became harder and harder to avoid the obvious mistakes made by the royal scribe. “This can’t be…” she mumbled quietly at first. “It just doesn’t make any sense!” Her horn illuminated a purple aura as she flipped a few pages, continuing to see the blatant offences before her. “That’s not how it happened…or that…or any of it!”
Twilight’s grumpy mumbling didn’t go unnoticed, as a small violet dragon poked his head through the doorway. “Everything alright, Twilight?” Spike asked.
The lavender pony looked up from her desk. “Oh, it’s you, Spike.” A warm smile appeared on her face. “Everything is alright. I’ve been studying these old chronicles about Equestria’s noble families, and it’s been a teensy bit frustrating.”
“Why, what about it?” Spike asked, entering the room.
“It’s the origin of the Snowflake family,” Twilight answered with an annoyed tone as she paged through some more of the book. “It just doesn’t make any sense. According to everything that I learnt, this family shouldn’t exist at all, especially from the way described in the chronicle. Even worse, figures and events of Equestria’s more recent past are mentioned, but in a way they didn’t happen.”
Spike peeked over the edge of the desk and looked at the open book. “It could be a simple mistake. That or just a joke,” he wagered.
“No Spike,” Twilight responded. “This book is from the Canterlot Royal Library. The author would never have added a joke.”
“Then it was probably a mistake,” Spike commented. “It can happen.”
“That is very improbable as well,” was Twilight’s reply. “There’s just too many mistakes for it to be accidental and that’s not even the half of it!” She went back a few pages and pointed a hoof at a small picture. “Look who’s put down as patriarch.”
Spike looked at the picture. It showed a blue and rather young earth pony stallion in a fine noble dress. Underneath the picture was the name Compassion Snowflake. “So, what’s wrong with him?”
“Read the text below about his origins and occupation,” Twilight told him, while she pointed at the book.
Spike pulled over a stool and hopped up on it, then did as he was told. After a few minutes of reading, he looked up at her. “So, he was a member of the Canterlot Royal Guard and was an orphan. Nothing strange about that.” Twilight gave him a flat look. “I’m reading. Sheesh! It also say’s that he was adopted by—Burning Snowflake?” Spike scratched his head. “THE Burning Snowflake? As in the stories?”
“Exactly. I didn’t want to believe it at first, but every source I’ve read points to Burning Snowflake as well. It’s supposed to be THAT Burning Snowflake.”
“Then it has to be a joke,” said the dragon. “Burning Snowflake is a comic book pony. She’s been coupling ponies from all over Equestria. Kinda like Cadance—but for two hundred years in her comic and more aggressive, with super powers and stuff. I mean, she’s pretty cool and all, not as cool as the Power Ponies, but cool nonetheless.”
“Spike, no royal scribe would dare to add such nonsense to an official family chronicle,” said Twilight. “The reaction of the families would be devastating for such a small author. Even if a member of another family had read it, they would have told the Snowflakes immediately, regardless of whatever they would have usually thought of each other. If it’s about defending their standing, they will stand together like a single pony.”
“Okay, okay. So it’s not a joke,” Spike agreed.
“And that’s not even the most important part, Spike,” Twilight continued. “After all that I read about the noble families of that era, they would have never accepted an orphaned commoner or a common guard to be allowed to marry the daughter of a baron, regardless of who adopted him. Never.”
“Wait a minute.” Spike scratched his chin while in thought. “I mean, Shining Armor married Cadance. Nobody tried to prevent that—except for Queen Chrysalis, of course,” he added.
Twilight nodded. “Yes, that’s right, but she’s a princess, an alicorn, and she has free choice. Nobody would dare tell Celestia, Luna, or even me who we’re allowed to take as a partner. As for a baron’s daughter, there’s a bunch of protocols and etiquettes on who she can marry that have to be followed. Pressure from the family is a big part of it as well…and of course, my brother wasn’t just a simple guard, but in fact their captain!” she added, with a hint of pride in her voice. After pausing for a moment she continued, “Three hundred years of social development takes care of the rest.”
“That does make sense,” Spike nodded. “The question now is, what do you want to do about it? Send a letter to Celestia? Search the Canterlot Royal Library for a book that proves this one wrong? Or ask the author about how this could have happened?”
Twilight began pacing through the room. “I don’t know, Spike. Celestia is very busy with her royal duties right now and shouldn’t be disturbed.” She sighed. “And this book is part of the official encyclopaedia of the noble families. Like I said, if anyone made a mistake here, somepony else would have noticed.” Twilight paused for a moment, her mind working over the possibilities available to her, then began to mumble. “Talking to the author could potentially yield some results, but who would have done the current edition?” Immediately, she returned to the desk and began to look at the first few pages of the book.
Spike jumped down from his stool. “Yeah, that might work. That or just find the current head of the family and ask them what’s going on. That would be the easiest solution.”
Twilight stopped suddenly and looked at Spike in surprise. Her face lit up as she yelled, “That's it!” She turned to the most recent addition to the chronicle. “According to the book, the current head of the Snowflakes lives in a manor east of Neighagra Falls. Spike, get my calendar. I think I’m going on a little trip…”
So, starting thoughts. The first is that I am a fan of worldbuilding/historical stories, so my interest is piqued. Aside from some grammar errors, which I'm not going to bother addressing seeing as you already mentioned that your first language was not English (although I will advise getting an editor or two. It never hurts), there are a few things I'd like to talk about.
The first being the Snowflake family. I have no issue with worldbuilding or including OCs, as a general rule. I do take issue with the sort of breakneck pace we've been presented with so far, however. I understand nothing about the Snowflake family, except that they've got some historical discrepancies. That's an interesting hook. But when we have no context for who they or or what makes these discrepancies so shocking (let me put it this way: go to a library, pull out a dozen biographies of the same person and analyze them. Not all of them will line up perfectly, and I see no real reason why a historical figure and a comic figure can't share the same name), I get confused. Those are my biggest thoughts. The lack of context for the family makes it confusing, but that's about it.
One more thing:
You might want to put in a line break there. Anyway, those are my thoughts so far. Onto the next chapter!
It seems good so far, but there are a few word choice problems, but it probably comes from English being a second language to you.
Wow you've kindled my passion for history just with this chapter. Congrats. I am hooked.
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hurray!