Best Claw Forward
There's a reason Ponyville exists at all, despite all the pillagings it's been through. The routine. First, the infrastructure: Roads, walls, and plumbing are rebuilt and replaced from the ground up. Carousel Boutique, for instance, had been built over three times. Once that's all done, the roofs get rebuilt and re-thatched. There's no point to a house if it can't keep the rain out, after all. Once everything's up and running again, the windows are replaced, the doors are re-hinged, and the streets are sweeped. All the while, the odds and ends get straightened out. Carriages are mended, lamps are erected, another insurance company goes out of business, a '3 Days Since Last Razing' party is held, and life goes on.
How does it afford this? Tourists. Ponyville, home to the newest princess! Ponyville, where every party ends with another! Ponyville, last stop to the (once) deadly Everfree Forest! They had it all. In Ponyville, Nopony bats an eye, as long as you behave yourself.
"Hey, watch it, Bubblebutt! You want me to fry you or what!?"
Garble shook his fist at the mare flying past the hole in the wall. The one that he had personally made not six hours ago, just to see how big he could make it. If he'd known he'd have to slave over it for the rest of the day, well, it'd still be worth it. He muttered some curses and ill-wills, and cooked the fresh layer of bricks. "Some ponies."
Stupid Twilight. Stupid, dumb, slavedriving, frilly-laced little, can't even beat a bear all by themselves... He could make friends too! Just look at Fizzle! His one and only friend was on the doorframe, painting over the bits of wall that Garble was done with. Yep, a chip off the old block. If they could just shake off the little pony they'd been saddled with...
"Hold your horses now! That's way too much!" Applejack had been juggling him, Fizzle, and the pony patrons, assuring them that no, they weren't on the menu. "Remember now, you scrape off the excess before bakin' them! And ya don't even need to bake them! Just let 'em dry on their own."
"Says you," Garble slapped on another full inch of mortar. The wall was a very shoddy piece of craftsmanship, with dried globs of the stuff leaking out and down the sides. That'd be more work for Garble when he sanded it down to size, and then made some more mix to make up for the stuff he'd wasted. He went for some more mortar, when... "Ah nuts, I'm out, again."
"Well, that's what you get." She reached under the workbench for another bag of mix and... "And now I'm out, too."
Her expression softened, and she reached into her bag for a box. "Can't fault ya for workin' hard as you are. Here." She cut out two slices of apple pie, and laid them out on the mudboard. "To keep your strength up. I'll be just a minute now. Sit here, and wait for me. Don't you two cause any trouble while I'm gone."
She rounded the corner, and the ex-alpha took the plates, leaned on the wall, and waited. But not for her. "You remember how Spear did it?"
Fizzle was absently painting yet another flower.
"Ahem."
"Huh? Oh, yeah!" A swipe of paint, and it was gone.
Garble had finished both slices already. He licked the syrup and crumbs off his teeth and belched, tossing the last plate into somepony's salad.
Fizzle was pretty sure that other one was for him, but whatever. He tossed the brush aside, hearing it join the plate and the salad, and sidled up to his friend to lean with him. He looked at Garble, who was leaning against the wall, with his arms and legs crossed, and he mimicked the pose. It's about time they cracked some more skulls.
No no! No cracking now, he admonished himself, Just a little fun, that's all!
Taking a mental step back, Fizzle reviewed the little game the two had cooked up on the way here: He'd blindside the lucky mare and grab something of hers. Then, they'd play keepaway for a bit before the apple pony came back. No blood, no sweat, nothing he hadn't done before.
So there they stood, together, scanning the street for some easy prey. Rush hour was in full swing. Everypony had places to be, even if those places were half-charred and busted. Many of them were giggling and gossiping (figures), some were in a hurry for some party or other, and still others ducked into the door at the mere sight of the dragons.
A group of construction stallions were chatting about something or other, making catcalls and showing off their muscles. Too much hassle.
A pair of pegasus mares, twins it looked like, landed in tandem at the awning, giving the two lizards a wide berth, keeping an eye on them. Too high-strung.
Fizzle snorted. There had to be somepony worth their time. That one was too strong. That one was too scrawny. Too fast. Too crowded-in. Too weird.
Just then, a lull in the crowd came as everypony made their stops. Then, round the corner, a bunch of little fillies, each one with a matching booty-mark, whipped around at a breathtakingly slow pace. Maybe slow enough to run someone over if they weren't careful. A snail, sensing a challenge, started picking up the pace.
Garble lit up and rubbed his hands together, grinning like mad. "That's a cute wagon they've got there."
Oh hay no! Little kids, off the menu!
Fizzle made to keep looking, but Garble grabbed his crest. "No, over here, Fizzy!"
Fizzy's eye twitched.
Over here, Fizzy!
Come out wherever you are, we just wanna play wit' ya!
They found him! Little Fizzy's life flashed before his eyes. He lay huddled up in a crevice, with the volcanoes, the ash, the heartbeat, and the fun little match ahead. He tried everything to get away. But now he was cornered.
N-no! Put me down, I'm not a ball!
What's the matter? You wanted to hang, didn'tcha?
No! He threw up his dukes on reflex, when he came back down. No. It's just a game dude, just a game.
He jerked out of Garble's grip, and smoothed his crest, and took a deep breath.
Then, in a huff, he kicked the board over. That was the second time today!
"...Okay, now," Garble whispered, pushing him along.
Fizzle fell into character right away: The big bully, looking to stir up a nest. By the time he went on the prowl, the kids were already maybe a third of the way across the street. He needed to hurry.
Though truth be told, he could've probably walked up to the girls, picked them up one by one, and taken the wagon himself like a shopping cart.
He cut to the right, pretending to get something over there, while keeping his eye on the prize. All the while, the few ponies around looked at him with a wary eye. His resolve started cracking.
They weren't gonna get away with this. Applejack was gonna know, and she was gonna tell Ember and Spike. Why did Garble think he could... Why didn't those fillies notice them? Two dragons, out in the streets? Hello?
"...But we have the books. I'm not saying we should, just if we wanted to..."
"We're not turning my scooter into a spaceship, Sweetie Belle! Now what was number 15 again?"
The big, obvious, scary teenaged dragon was within sniffing distance now, as the little fillies kept their noses in their books. The pegasus was copying her answers, while buzzing her wings like crazy to keep moving. Even though she wasn't flying.
Like, at all.
Oh. Oh boy...
He couldn't do it. He could burn a house down, that he could do. He could rough someone up if he looked like he could take it. But a little kid? Howbout a clipple? He steeled himself for what was coming next. This was stupid. It was inane. It was all he could do not to think of something, anything, more stupid.
He broke off and marched back to Garble. "No. Not them."
Garble stood stunned for a moment. Then, he glared a glare that screamed intent to murder. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
It was a house of cards at high tide.
"Eheh... N-not those little small fries!" He shook, pointing at somepony, anypony else. "That one looks like a lot more fun!" A mint blue unicorn looked both ways before crossing the street, with a purse on her side.
Now Garble was sizing her up, leaving Fizzle to shake more and more, sweating bullets as he watched the little girls make their grand getaway. Eventually.
What are you waiting for, you little brats? Get out of here already...
"Maybe we should actually do our own work from now on? Just saying..." At that, they were swallowed up by a troupe of mares on their way back to work. The two-minute long window was up.
"Hmm, you're right." Garble got his groove back and slapped his friend on the back. "Good catch, Fizzle. You ready?"
Fizzle's skin was still splitting at the seams. "You know it."
"That's called milk, darling. We get it from cows here, but you can get it from just about anything with fur and, er..." Rarity blushed. "...udders."
"Huh? Oh, the road's so we can tell where we're going. Not everypony can fly, remember."
"This is my little home slash business, the Carousel Boutique, where everything is-- Nono, Ember, that pony isn't real, it's just for clothes! Oh dear..."
"And that's the new library across the way. It's got all the books you need for all those questions you have." Spike grimaced. "Just watch where you sneeze. Trust me."
"That sounds nice," Ember gaped, twirling her scepter, "but I'm more of a doer than a reader. Ooh!" She flapped over and looked at the schoolhouse. "Hey Spike, what's that spinny number thing up there?"
She had clearly never gone outside her own volcano, let alone all the Dragonlands. All through the tour, she'd had the fiddly, doe-eyed demeanor of a foal who'd woken up on a whole new planet, and Spike was only too happy to show her around.
Spike, Rarity, and Ember continued making their way down the street in broad daylight, picking up more groceries on the way. Everypony bowed politely to royalty, and promptly let go of their breath when she was gone. As the current dragon lord asked and pointed at everything from A to Z, Rarity carried the bags for Spike as she gave the baby ex-dragon lord a ride on her back.
"Are you feeling better now, Spikey-Wikey?"
Spike happily sucked up the last of his strawberry-sapphire shake, extra syrup. That little, crisp 'ahh' that followed, signaled to all that all was right with the world. "Ugh, I dunno. Maybe another group hug?"
Rarity rolled her eyes, scoffing playfully. "That means he's fine." The girls burst out laughing as Spike shrugged with a 'can't blame me for trying' look.
Yep, just a boy and his two friends-who-happened-to-be-girls, taking in the sights, giving the grand tour, living the life.
Rarity looked around, setting the bags and baby on the ground. "Let's see, they should be here. Are you sure you want to go through with this, Spike?"
"He won me over easy enough. How hard can it--"
FWOOOOOSH!!!
And there they were, up on the roof. Fire rocketed upward, punching clean through a stray cloud and narrowly missing a rainbow tail. "Hey, knock it off, you two!" Rainbow Dash pulled a half-loop and flew down to the half-rooftop.
"Eat it, Chump! My turn." Spear was wrapped around the main beam, tying the rafter into place with his tail. As the skinny, mop-headed kid stared Clump down, he lined up the hammer, holding the nail in place. Doing so gave him another idea. "Those nails you're holding? Stick 'em up your nose."
Yep, two out of six. There were supposed to be six bogeys, but then they'd realized they were short one. Spear, Baff and Fizzle just played dumb, Clump really was dumb, and Garble snorted and said, 'good riddance.' So Twilight and Starlight had taken on the search themselves, but everypony else was keeping an eye out for Vex.
Then Spike hit his head with a big slap of logic. "Hey Ember, why don't you just make him glow? Like how we met? I was itching like crazy back then."
Clump, meanwhile, shot the nails out, narrowly missing Dash. "Okay, no more kiddy games! Give yourself a nurple."
"We don't have those, beanbags."
"Two nurples!"
"Hmm? Oh," Ember had been watching Tweedledum and Tweedledee get at it. "I hate to disappoint, but we'd have to be miles away for that to work." But she shrugged. "I guess it couldn't hurt, though."
Spike did a dance and sat down to see the show. With a stance of a mountain, and a gaze of steel, Dragon Lord Ember planted her scepter into the pavement, and rubbed her hands, concentrating. The Bloodstone Scepter glowed from the inside, as if it was lit on fire.
At first, the soft whispers could be mistaken for the wind. But as they picked up, they were clearly chanting. Generations of draconic chanting, each passed down through centuries of blood and sport and conflict, crying for the four winds to rush to this one spot.
The leaves and thatching started to rustle. Then, the wind burst into a full gale. Rarity shrieked, slapping her best hat on to protect her all-important mane. The Dash Crew hugged the roof for dear life. Rainbow Dash herself struggled to stay upright in the growing storm.
It was totally overcast now as Spike, clutching the ground himself, finally heard and felt what he'd passed up. He could barely hear himself think! What next? Would her eyes start glowing? Howbout a pulse of raw magical energy? Thunder? Lightning? Runic chants from time eternal? Would she... just stand there, cupping her hands?
"Hey, Vex! Get your big, cheeky tail over here!!"
"Hello?"
Nothing but dark.
Vex drummed his claws on the little chair as he looked around. He couldn't see anything but the cold foldable table in front, the single lightbulb up above, and the lock and chains holding his poor tail hostage from behind. The mosh pit champion resumed yanking and flaming to free himself. No use. Cold iron.
"Hey, I gotta remind you, big scary dragon here!" He called. "Eats ponies and cute little bunnies before dinner! Could probably go off any second!"
As if to kick him while he was down, he lit up like a big neon sign saying, 'HERE BE DRAGONS.' Of course. They're probably looking for you now, ya big lummox!
"What do you want from me!?"
And like that, the clouds scattered. No wind, no clap of thunder, just crickets.
Spike looked at Rarity, and Rarity looked at Spike. "...Was that it?"
"Yep. I told you so." Ember plucked her staff back up. Nearly everyone around shrugged and chalked all that up to 'just being Ponyville'. "But, I guess he'll be easy to spot now. Now about my classmates..." She looked straight at the two.
Spear had stopped mid-hammer, blown away by the spectacle. "Geez, I'd hate to be Tubby right now..." Unfortunately for him, Ember was looking right back at him. He gulped.
Clump, also a little shaken (and a little more smitten,) looked slightly to the left of Ember, and lit up like a light.
"Hey hey, it's the Spikenator!" Dropping everything, he barreled past Spear.
"GAH! SONUVA--Woaoah!!" Spear tried to keep his head on, finding that more important than keeping his balance. And so he fell over, his tail snagged, leaving him dangling like a flag as he struggled to right himself. The bigger dragon plowed right through the scattering crowd, and wrapped Spike up in a dragon-sized armlock, with a full-frontal atomic noogie coming his way.
"GAAH! Clump, no! OW! OWW!! D-down boy! WAUGH!!" It was no use. Spike was pinned under his armpit, fighting to get out as he jackhammered into his skull.
"How's it going, little peewee?" Finally, the big lug slung him into a baby-carry, leaving a scrambled, disoriented puddle in his arms. Spike was pretty sure he smelled burning rubber.
Okay, maybe not hoofball.
Spear above busted a gut, as he dangled like a yo-yo. "D'awww, that means he likes you!" He then thought to unwrap his tail and catch himself in the air, before flying over to the 'cool' crowd.
Spike had been given a noogie before. He hadn't, however, been given a power sander to the head, while being pressed through a wringer, with a big, scaly bear manning the handle. He popped out of Clump's loving embrace, found his brain lying around, and shook out the static.
Right then. Time to bridge some cultures. "So, what's up, you guys? Are you getting your work done?"
"Yeah Spear, you getting your work done?" Clump snickered. Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
"Actually, we're making good time here," she recounted, taking out a mental clipboard. "We're almost done with this side of the street. After this one we have to do Lemonheart and longholster--"
*snicker*
"THEN there's the gutter cleaning, the soot scrubbing..."
"...Anyway," Spike rerailed the conversation, "I don't think we've really just talked here. I'm Spike. These are my friends, Rainbow Dash and Rarity. You've met Twilight, pretty much my big sister, and Starlight, she's new..."
Spear, not listening to introductions, got down to Rarity's level. After a good, long look at her perfect mane, and her pristine, silk-white coat, he put out his claw. The fashionista shook on it.
"Charmed, I'm s--GAAUGH! MY MANE!!"
Spear had yanked her in and mussed her hair into a birdnest. "There, now we match!" He fell to the floor cackling harder as Rarity pulled out the mirror, comb, and paper bag.
"Hey!" Rainbow Dash would've blown a whistle. "Just for that, one more hour."
The hundred-year-old man-baby wiped a tear under his hair, then shrugged. "Worth it."
"Watch it, mophead," Clump warned, scooping up his boss once more, and clumping over to his other boss. Spike and Ember exchanged awkward glances. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy.
"So, how about you, big guy?" the queen asked. "I'm getting you're kind of, ah, physical. Any sports?"
"Uhh... No clue what that is. Sometimes we like to kick something round and kind of ball-shaped into a hole or something. We don't really have a name for it. It's usually just for points or gems, or..." Then he lit up. "Hey Spike, we never did finish that egg hunt. Why don't we go and--"
"No way!"
"Absolutely out of the question!"
"That's not fun you guys, that's sick!" Spike shivered at what he almost did to poor Peewee. "No more egg smashing, or razing, or whatever. That stops now."
"What? Come on!" Spear pissed, crossing his arms. "Not even a little?"
"We have plenty of different ways to hang out."
"Really?" Clump tilted his head like a lost puppy, "Like what?"
"Race you to the pool!" Dinky giggled as her sister gave chase, making up for lost ground.
"Really, bro? 'Like what?'" Spear exasperated, not hearing the town abuzz around him. "They're ponies! Just sit around all day, having their little tea parties, and makeovers, and... and..."
"Extra extra!" Featherweight went on to bark the week's events. "Ponyville Elementary hosts water balloon fundraiser for latest dragon attack! Read it in the paper!"
"Or, or," Clump chided, "singing?"
"Yeah, that! Singing, butterflies, ribbons..."
"Flowers! Get your flowers here! Only slightly burned!" Lily hollered after selling another one to a passerby. "High in antioxidants, good for the heart, good for the soul!"
Spear crouched again to baby-level. "Seriously, how do you live like this, Spikerino? There's literally nothing here for you!"
Meanwhile, one Lyra Heartstrings couldn't hold it in any more. "Oh, Bonny, you shouldn't have!" She threw herself onto Bonbon, laughing and crying at the paid trip to the Fleuve islands. "That's why you're my best friend, agent or not!"
"No, you're my best friend!" They hugged tighter, like only a pair of best friends could.
"No, you're MINE and I love you!" They cried with joy on each other's shoulder, safe in the knowledge that, through thick and thin, they'd always be there for each other. As best friends.
Spike looked at Spear, then at Clump. These guys needed this more than they thought. "Well, you could come with us and find out, if you want."
He kept looking at them. They looked at each other. Then at Spike. Then at Ember, who looked back at Spike, who looked at a passerby, who nodded conspiratorially. Then she nodded at Dash, who nodded to Ember, who nodded back to Spike.
"Do you have anything else to do?"
Spear slumped in defeat. "Alright, point taken."
"Yeheah, more Spike-time!" Clump hovered off the ground, ready for another noogie.
Rainbow Dash got to him first. "Ah-ah, after you're done with the roof."
Meanwhile . . .
"Hey there, Vex."
The chubby hearthslight jumped at the sudden acknowledgement. The voice, somehow bubbly and serious at the same time, echoed from somewhere in the cramped room. Cave. Whatever. All his magic-glowy-dragon-power showed now was a white, cloth-covered table, and that was just peeking out of the darkness.
That was it. Pony or no, she'd still had him hostage. "I swear it was just a few houses! I went back and paid! That purse wasn't hers anyway! You got the wrong guy, I don't know where everyone's hoards are!" Vex stopped mid-panic. "Wait, how do you know my name?"
Just then, a plate of onyx slid up in front of him, much to his eye-glimmering, mouth-watering delight.
"Oh, I make it my business to know these things. Especially if you're new here."
Then there was slobbering. Oh so much slobbering. And then, a manila folder slid up in front of Vex, as he licked the plate clean of those black beauties. Inside the folder was a set of photographs, hastily scrawled over in crayon.
Vexington Rex The Dragon
Type: Dragon, Basilisca hedonii
112 Death Cave, Marezonian Jungle
Favorite food: Black onyx
Favorite color: Red
Tickle spot: Under arms
Suspected party animal, loves games, can't say no to a dare, duck-shaped freckle under left wing.
Two counts of home invasion, reckless partyharding, property damage, arson, mutiny, assault...
"...Resisting arrest? I was asleep, for chrissake!" A little curious now, he went onto the next photos, squeezing his wing self-consciously.
Baffler Muggs The Dragon, species unknown
Favorite gem: Turquoise
Hobbies: Death metal, smashing, polluting, hoard growing, accounting
Would love Black Noose, bit of a stick-in-the-mud, narrowing down gift ideas
Garble Olivia Gleankiller The Dragon
Big meanie bullyhead, worse than Old Gilda?
Afraid of snails, lightning, inadequacy, abandonment, ostracism, needles
"Looks like you've made quite a name for yourself here, Vexxy." the voice had a source now, a sense of direction. Vex looked at the other side of the table, of course, seeing total dark, but at least he could listen to something from in there. "You're new, so I'll give you a pass, but I throw the parties here, buddy!" A pause. "Though it's been a while since I've had to throw a dragon party."
At that, the lights turned on. As it turned out, the concrete floor only made up a small circle, ending just beyond where the light reached. The rest of the room was a cave he could get behind. There were whole hoards worth of party supplies: Balloons and baubles, games and greetings. There were candy corn stalagmites, the cakes each had their own shelves, The confetti was sorted alphabetically, and he could suddenly smell something hot and fresh wafting down from... was that a slide?
He stopped looking when a pair of bubbly blue eyes filled up his field of view.
"AAAAAAHHHH!!!"
"Of course, Spike's a dragon, but he's practically one of us! I don't think I've ever had a party for a really big dragon, well, not since college. And a whole gang of them? Geez louise, where do I even start?"
Vex found his heart somewhere in his larynx. "So you want me to give you some pointers?"
"Mmhm!" Dang, those eyes were sparkly! He'd seen a few ponies in his time, he roughed them up a bit, even tried to eat one once, but those eyes...
Something didn't sit well with him. He deflated like the big balloon he was. "Gee, I'd love to, but I just wanna go home. I have... stuff to think about."
The pink pony deflated a bit herself. "Well, if you really think so..." Without another word, she skulked over to the white table of sterile mystery.
"Umm, I've been meaning to ask about that."
Nothing. Without a word, she stopped at the cover, and grabbed a corner of the cloth. It was then that he noticed a bit of red around the edges. Dark blood red.
That got his blood pumping. "What's under that table now?"
The cloth gave, contouring over something suspiciously sharp and jagged sticking out the ends. Pinkie got a glint in her eye, and smiled a smiley smile that could scare the blue off of Ember. "Just a little something something," And then, in one fell swoop, she swept the cover off.
A set of knives lay on the table. The formerly armored dragon blanched.
A set of knives, alongside a cherry berry triple-layer velvet cake, yet to be cut. And enough sparkling onyx to pave a street with.
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That last bit. Oh my.
I would offer myself up as a proofreader but I have no idea how to become a proofreader!
(also I'm really quite new here)