"That's good Flare, keep visualizing it," Twilight said, as she kept a respectable distance away from Mark, a notepad and quill held still in her magic as she observed Mark levitating a rock. Normally this would be an easy feat for most unicorns, however, Mark's unusual nature effects even the most basic of magic.
Suddenly the rock Mark was levitating cracked, the loud noise reverberating throughout the courtyard. Said courtyard had a few bystanders watching Twilight as she taught magic, they were at the edge of the courtyard. Most were students of Celestia's school for gifted unicorns, most would wonder why they were here but Twilight had gained a very popular status in that social environment as the teachers always remind students and pretty much anypony who will listen, that they taught the Princess Twilight Sparkle, of course though, they only visit if lunch break was in effect, they wouldn't dare ditch a lesson as the school is notoriously strict on punishments.
"Another failure," Mark's enthusiasm was initially high but after repeated failures, even the allure of real magic felt dull. Although Mark managed to put most of his identity issues away, he had more or less accepted that as of this moment his body is female, and after convincing himself that being a pony made of magma shouldn't have gender assignments he got over it and decided to focus on the now.
"Twilight, how much control do I need to have before you'll deem me safe enough to interact with ponykind?" Mark asked brushing of the layer of dust from her coat while eying some of the snickering unicorn students.
"Well, you obviously need more training but you've already made great strides, the fact that the ground around us isn't glass and the fact that dust can even accumulate on your coat is already amazing considering that a week ago you were melting steel that was near you," Twilight recounted leaning to the left in order to see if the students had passed on, Seeing that they were still there, she motioned with her hoof for them to move along, they rolled there eyes before turning to leave chatting on the way.
"You shouldn't feel that bad Flare, they are around twenty times your age," Twilight remarked as she eyed the vacating students before focusing back on her own. She is still a little conflicted with Flare being her student, as Flare has an uncanny resemblance to Celestia, in body shape only, she managed to measure Flare's height and was shocked to find that it was the same as Celestia's right down to the millimeter and it didn't just stop at her height almost everything was spot on, the only real difference that she could find was that Flares horn was slightly curved and had an extra five inches, which would indicate a larger mana pool.
"You really can't hear them, can you Twilight," Mark said, aside from the obvious abilities he gained with his new body he found that his regular senses had been enhanced by a large degree, so much so that if he were to focus he could hear a heartbeat from sixty meters away.
Twilight responded with a nervous laugh, "Well, no, but I'm sure they didn't mean it," Twilight responded after looking at the leaving students. "Anyway, you should take a break, we'll start a new exercise once you've rested up," Twilight said as she fidgeted on the ground before she got up using her wings in the process that ended up blowing dust everywhere.
"Ahem," Mark gave her a cold stare before he got up and made his way to the edge of the court, Twilight followed behind a little timidly. "So... What is this new exercise you've thought up?" Mark Questioned, his golden eyes narrowed on Twilight, as he focused on hearing her heart rate.
"W-Well, Unicorns, or in your case, Alicorns have a large amount of mana and a domain, For myself, I have an enormous amount of mana for a Unicorn however for an Alicorn side I'm actually a little on the low side. Unfortunately, there isn't a large subject group for tests... But back to the main point, To allow a pony to get a feeling for controlling large amounts of magic they first need to control smaller amounts, basic principles, in order for those that are gifted with large mana pools to learn they must first exhaust themselves." Twilight shuffled her wings a little after she finished speaking the drop in temperature was quite high as they left the training courtyard, every time Mark had failed and crushed a rock he melted the rock or rather pebbles he was levitating into a puddle of goo.
Mark stopped in order to process what Twilight dumped on him, it is pretty simple but, He realized he's never really felt magically exhausted before, even after his meltdown. He was still rather confused about how that came about as well, as he when he thought back to what happened he never reacted violently to stress before.
"I see, well thanks for the training I'll see you in an hour or two," Mark responded as they reached a side entrance to the castle, the extravagant detail and frivolous use of gold grated on Mark's nerves a little but he couldn't dispute the craftsmanship.
Twilight nodded before saying goodbye, another thing that grated Mark's nerves Twilight refused to call him by Rose, Mark doesn't know why ponies have such a hard time saying his other name, Discord calls him rose all the time.
Mark turned without saying another word and trotted down the hallway to the guest suite of the castle, at the very least he has his own walkway now, the maids gave him obsidian shoes to ware so he wouldn't burn through anymore carpet, however, they still haven't replaced the carpet so he still has his little footpath of burned carpet to follow back to his room.
After an hour of sitting down and relaxing, Mark bored of doing nothing and sick of talking to ponies that hate him, but have to tolerate him at Celestia's behest, decided to see if Discord would be up for a chat.
Getting up from his Phoenix down pillow, over to his obsidian dressing table, fit with a reflective polished obsidian slab acting as a mirror, "Discord, Discord, Discord" Mark repeated into the mirror, as that's one way to ask if he can grace people with his presence.
Looking around Mark couldn't find anything so, he assumed Discord was busy with something, only to turn around into a grinning face. "Rose, old buddy old pal, what can little old me do for you?" Discord said with a cheshire grin on his face, slithering around Mark before disappearing with a poof only to appear lying down on the Phoenix down pillow.
"Hey Discord, can't a friend just call someone else to have a chat?" Mark asked, before walking back to discord, before motioning him to scooch over, before sitting next to him.
"How nice, so what can Little old Discord help you with then? a dramatic breakup? Advanced Particle Physics? Pr-" Discord explained each whilst changing his voice and outfit to match his answers, Mark interrupted his tangent before it could go on too long.
"Actually, I was just wondering what you were doing. As I've been practicing magic control all week long, and as the last time, I saw you, was when I was introduced to Twilight, I thought it would be good to catch up," Mark said as he turned his head to look at Discord. Mark did a double take when he saw Discords eyes, they were of course replaced with penguins of all things, but that was just Discord being himself.
"That's actually, not what I expected, Rose I'm discord, I am unexpected, what you just asked, I never thought I'd hear that," Discord said, his head down a little lower, and the penguins glued to his face slid off before waddling away.
"Well, I don't know what Twilight's definition of friendship is, but between you and me, she is a terrible friend, well, from what I've seen," Mark whispered to discord, shifting his firey wings into a more comfortable position.
"Whatever do you mean Rose, Princess Twilight is the 'Princess' of Friendship, how could she ever be a terrible friend?" Discord asked Mark, voice laced with sarcasm.
Mark turned to face Discord better, "Well, from what I saw when you decided to pop in on our little meeting, she treated you like you were her worst enemy, Now I know she said you used to be a villain and all that but because she and her friends befriended you, you decided to stop doing the villain things." Mark readjusted his posture on his side of the pillow, before continuing.
"Look, I'm going to be blunt, she treats you like a chore, like how I would treat someone if I had to be polite to them but really didn't want to be around, Kinda how I think of Celestia, she actively tried to get you to leave and had a scowl on her face the whole time, even said stuff about you when you weren't there," Mark explained, only to find that discord was in his chair in a thinking position.
"Well, you make a good point, but Fluttershy is really my friend, I know that. She acts a bit like you, just less... energetic," Discord continued before floating over to Mark.
"Here I came over, thinking I'd give you advice, instead, here I am getting it... It's nice having you as a friend, Thank you, Rose, you've given me a lot to think about." Discord said before disappearing, no confetti or sound, he was just gone.
"Well, that was... nice, I was hoping to continue our chat, but I guess that was a lot for him," Mark said absentmindedly. Mark got up from his pillow and walked to his door to go back and meet Twilight, he did say he wouldn't be too long.
As Mark opened his door with magic, he heard the sound of hooves running down the hall, quickly turning his head out the door, he spotted Twilight running from his door, before disappearing with a pop.
"Fuck," Mark exclaimed as he looked into the now empty hallway.
8802021
That laser is terribly off-tone and off-rythm! My ears!..
things are about to go really bad for either rose or the princesses, i mean it's true that since discord reformation twilight NEVER got buddy buddy with him all the contrary actually, and the best celestia did was invite him to liven up the gala. so honestly rose is making a very valid point for the princesses to think about
and as always with cliffhanger now i want the next chapter. i need it...
Featured again as of 3/26/2018
Hey, that's pretty good!
IT'S LAVAN!!! HE'S TRYING TO STEAL THE MAGIC WANDS AGAIN!! KILL HIM NOW!!
derpicdn.net/img/2013/10/20/452882/thumb.gif
I like your point about Discord and Twilight, while Discord isn't the easiest guy to get along with Twilight has never really tried. Heck basically the first thing she was going to do was the infamous "reforming spell"
I get that some personalities don't mesh well with each others but Twilight never showed any real sign of trying to work through it while Discord has actually done so by toning down his chaos with others so they can enjoy it to a degree.
Also Twilight doesn't seem to handle chaotic or random things very easily, remember early on how she would react to Pinkie Pie before she got more used to how she is?
Side note I always found it odd that Twilight has stayed antagonistic to Discord but others like Starlight and Tempest she makes genuine effort despite both of them actually trying to hurt her significantly.
bit of a short chapter but i like the idea of Rose/Mark being actually good friends with discord
i didnt think there were many mistakes in this chapter, either that or i just didnt catch any so overall great chapter!
8821071
I agree.
Is just me or has Twi actually become WORSE at friendship since she became an alicorn in the show?
8821451
'bout 50/50?
I mean, she's great about pulling them all together, making sure folks feel included and all that, but at the same time, she actively contradicts them and excuses her instructions as being a princess.
I think she's about the same, overall, but the extremes are a bit further apart.
Is supposed to be
Still a good story, but I have a few questions. First, if "Mark" really has
the why is "she" still thinking of herself as not only "Mark" but also as a male and not a female like she is now?
Also
why does "Rose" think of herself as "Mark" and yet want others to call her Rose when she thinks of herself as Mark? I'm guessing that your having her think of herself as Mark since you put his name and not Rose or Flare.
Kinda forgot some kind if adjective right there.
8821779
I would say that he's just gotten over letting his body mass with his sense of identity.
8821779
He is referred to as mark as a way to clue the reader in, I wasn't particularly sure about how to go about it, but I'll be phasing rose in place of mark in future chapters.
Alternatively he no longer associates himself with his current form.
I'm honestly not sure how to go about it.
8821775
Fixed
8821780
Fixed
8821757
She is okay with Discord and Fluttershy being friends but tried to separate Trixie and the communist pony.
i.pinimg.com/originals/69/f0/7a/69f07a77188712bf5970067c70b2bdc4.jpg
8822233
Maybe cause both were antagonistic forces in her life rather than only onne being that best guess that I have.
I'd like to say that I'm really liking this writing style!
Plus:
Should be Mark's
Nice an update
Also interesting chapter
8822501
All fixed
8822233
Exactly.
She's better about 'accepting others' but even more blind when she's being foolish.
It's like.... mini-Celestia.
Ug.... now I have to go wash my metaphoric mouth out.
Wow twilight, spying on your own student during her private time? not cool. Anyways, looking forward to more of this.
8823006
Yet another reason she sucks at Friendship.
Oh shit! Oh fuck! Actually...... Eh *shrugs* I wouldn't feel that bad, he wasn't wrong.
8822910
Maybe she's grooming her to replace her! That's why she acts like that...
8821927
You already are getting rose phased in better than I would have done, I would have just put it in the next chapter and be done with it
8823516
Well, that was Faust's plan... and it still works as a viable plot option...
Uh oh. Someone's going to get yelled at...
And it might be the author for writing a short chapter...
Heh. Kidding. Happy to see the update. Thanks!
8822878
Ooops... I think she heard him.
Just caught up, and honestly I can't stop thinking about Mark getting a cutie mark. Mark's mark, and the funky bunch :P
I'm so happy to see this story coming back! I really hope to see another update in the near future!
8825383
That was bad and you should feel bad for saying it. I get this reference and feel old for remembering when they first started.
8824011
After she does that celestia can go on vacation! that's what celestia was planning all along!!!
You know, I love this story. It is one of the very, very few where the main character has half a brain and doesn't get a case of verbal diarrhea.
Now what do I mean by that? In most HIE stories, the main character just starts running their mouth about how they are human, and how Equestria is fiction, and how they know the future. They often get this verbal diarrhea. This is in my opinion, the most retarded thing any one could do.
Personally I would do the amnesia thing, or im from the uncharted lands, Or Im from Multicursal. (Which is the furthest city-state from Equestria. Even further than Minotaura. )
If anyone would like to know what would really happen to all these stupid characters who run their mouths with out thinking, just read "Celestia's Prophet by Aegis Shield" Because thats dam straight what would happen to you.
Props to the Author for breaking this run of stupidity.
The Monk
I've had this story on the shelf for a long time and decided to see how it reads. I read the first two chapters and skipped to this one to see how much the writing improved. You did say in a comment that you thought you're getting better...
Which is true, but there are still problems. It's gone from almost horrendous to not too bad, in the case of grammar at least. The story has been interesting from the start, but was hampered by a few things. Here's about how I'd grade it.
Grammer:
1st Chapters, 45/100
Last Chapter, 80/100
Story Telling (Concept, structure, continuity, etc.):
1st Chapters, 86/100
Last Chapter, 93/100
So, yeah, significant improvement! With a good editor friend or two, this would be great. I think I'll read the rest, just 'cause I'm curious. Lava horse does that.
Edit: Read the rest. Minus a few points for continuity errors. It was still entertaining though.
what she gets for eavesdropping
8829105
Thanks for the feedback
8829648
I know a way to get rid of all grammar mistakes...... Grammarly!!!!
8829698
In use, it rids most not all.
8829829
Yes and it's free I use it and it is a lifesaver
8829893
Now if only I knew of this magical grammar fixer thingy before I graduated... and handed in that essay on hamlet.... or wrote this comment
8831037
Lol
Oh Mark.....errors have been made. Glad for the update!
First suggestion on writing: Any sentence longer than your screen is probably a run on sentence. Commas are not periods, they are used to separate dependent clauses.
Case in point:
Better would be:
Most were students of Celestia's school for gifted unicorns. Ordinarily most would wonder why they were here. Twilight, though, had gained a very popular status in their ["that" is vague] social environment. The teachers always reminded students, and pretty much anypony who will listen, that they taught [are they currently or is this supposed to be past tense? If past then should be "had taught"] Princess Twilight Sparkle. Of course, though, the observers [kinda far from the original sentence and readers might be confused as to whom is visiting at this point] only came during lunch break. They wouldn't dare ditch a lesson, as the school is notoriously strict on punishments.
Fixing just those two points will DRAMATICALLY improve your readability.
Mixed tenses here, should be either:
"The teachers always reminded students, and pretty much anypony who would listen, that they taught [or "had taught"] Princess Twilight Sparkle.
OR
"The teachers always reminded students, and pretty much anypony who will listen, that they teach [or "had taught"] Princess Twilight Sparkle."
8842183
Thanks for the help, I'll be sure to implement the fixes your mentioned and keep what you've pointed out in mind for future chapters.
You know what Mr. Author? I hate you. Want to know why? No new chapter. Yeah the grammer is a little bad, but the presentation or the idea of this story is new. Read alot of stories over the years and very few have imagination or the creativeied ( I think that's how you spell it lol) to either complete or have a rush half ass ending. Hope you don't come of the case of writers block.
8844943
Life gets in the way of things, doesn't mean I'm not going to post a new chapter. I'm currently studying for a Degree in Information Technology and the extra study work is paying off in an average of 87% as of this far.
Thus any other pastime or hobby I have has suffered, primarily I'm a programmer I create games and modifications to existing games, secondarily I'm an avid reader of fiction and a reptile enthusiast, after all of that then I'm an author, writing isn't my main interest and never was, I see writing as a release of ideas from watching shows or reading other works of fiction, or as something I focus on when I'm feeling nihilistic.
I apologize if I've upset you, I never intend to insult or belittle anyone obviously this is impossible as clearly shown, but I'll try and keep in mind to update once a month, at the end of 2019 and the beginning of 2020 if I still have an interest in MLP my update schedule will be once a fortnight or so.
What I keep in mind is a quote taken from Elon Musk