I looked around the room. To my right was the doctor, I assumed he had short red hair, a brown coat and a white doctor's coat. Next to him was a white unicorn, she had a blue blouse and a skirt that came down to just above her knee, she had curly purple hair and tail.
Next to her was a blue Pegasus, she had on a tank top and nylon short shorts, her hair and tail were rainbow colors, I couldn't help but wonder if her hair was dyed, since everyone else I'd seen so far had one or two colors.
At the end of the bed was a purple unicorn, I noticed she also had wings, I vaguely remember her name being Twilight from the first night I was here. Her outfit I can only describe as a librarian, white shirt, vest and a miniskirt. She was one of the few exceptions of the one or two hair colors, her hair was mostly a darkish blue, with a purple and pinkish streak, I assumed her tail was the same color.
Next to her was a yellow pegasus, her face was partially hidden behind her long, light pink hair that ended at the bottom of her back. She was wearing a long green dress. Her lone, uncovered eye looked at me, taking in every detail. I was immediately concerned for some reason and looked away.
On my left was a orange one, her blonde hair was in a ponytail (get it, ponytail?) she had a splash of freckles, green eyes. She had on a cowboy (cow Pony?) hat, a plaid shirt that was tied just under her breasts, exposing her toned stomach, and denim short shorts.
Next to her was an all pink pony, except for her blue eyes. Her hair was unnaturally curly,which must have be a pain to comb. She was wearing a half zipped jacket, a white shirt and a skirt. Something about her was... Offsetting, like being in a room with a murderer, but more creepy.
After I looked at everyone in the room, I looked towards the ceiling trying to figure what to say next. I heard several footsteps and glanced down, the girls were all leaving the room, leaving me and the doctor alone. They closed the door behind them, while the doctor and I looked at the door.
"Ok then," I said after a few moments "What's the damage to me, Doc?" I asked looking at him.
"The manticore poison stayed very close to where you were stabbed for an odd reason, you have a bruised collarbone and slight concussion from when you passed out." He replied looking at a chart.
"Not bad, I've had worse before." I said
"Really? What happened to you?" The doctor asked
"I got in a wreck a few years back. I had a collapsed lung, three broken ribs and a broken leg, I was in a hospital for a week and a half. How long will this keep me here for?" I told him.
"You can leave now if you would like." He stated
"I've been out for only one day?"
"Actually you've been out for two day, not including when you were brought in," The doctor said he continued "now if you'll excuse me, I have other patients to attend to." He said and walked out, leaving me alone. I slowly sat up, muscles and joints aching from lack of use, I looked around the room. Plain white walls, white ceiling, a door that led to a bathroom, a door to the rest of the hospital and a small nightstand, where my phone was. Along with a couple dozen cards, I leaned over and looked at the cards, I grabbed a couple of them and stated looking at them. They were all the same style, crayon and colored pencils and said similar things, basically thanks for stoping the manticore.
"So that's the name of that thing." I muttered
The door opened again and the six women from before walked in again. I decided to prevent the awkward looking at each other I started the conversation,
"Which one of you brought us here?" They all looked at each other
"All of you? None of you?" I guessed
"Correct, Ms. Cheerilee and Big Mac brought you in." The purple one said
"Remind me to thank them when I get out of here tomorrow's heheh- oww" I said, only to get a sharp pain in my rib, I lifted the blanket off, and looked at my bruised side. It was easily grapefruit size and multicolored, they all gasped at it.
"It's not that bad, the different colors means it's healing nicely." I said
"Riiight, anyway, Ms. Cheerilee, Big Mac and her students all want to me you layter." The purple one said
"Alright, ill do that when I get out of here." I said, and slowly sat up, I was shirtless and still in my clothes from when I was attacked. I'm pretty sure you have to wear those hospital gowns.
"Where's my shirt?" I asked, looking around for it.
"That thing was ripped and bloodied from that dreadful manticore," The white one said with a slight British accents "So I made you a new one." She continued and floated a plain white shirt over to me, I plucked it out of midair, I was pretty shocked about the whole magic thing they could do. I put it on and stood up.
"Thank tou Ms. Uhh...." I started to say, except I didn't know any of their names. The purple one gasped at the realization of this she started.
"I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle," she said and they went around the room
"Ah'm Applejack." said the orange one, tipping her hat at me
"I'm Rainbow Dash! Fastest flyer in Equestria and future Wonderbolt." Said the blue one, I had no clue what a Wonderbolt or Equestria is, but whatever.
"I-I'm Fluttershy." Said the yellow one in a whisper
"Hello dear, I'm Rarity." said the white one, I noticed one was missing
"Where's the pink one?" I asked, they looked around, Rarity checked the hall, Rainbow checked the bathroom. But she was nowhere to be found. I was questioning if the poison was messing with my mind.
"Well Pinkie Pie disappeared, but knowing her, she'll come around in a bit. She can be a bit.. Random at times." Rainbow said after they searched, I was concerned about the pause at the word 'random' like she was looking for a word to describe her.
"I'm Daniel Allen, but call me Dan." I told them and with that we left the room and walked to the exit.
We exited the hospital and looked around
"Now what?" I asked
"How about a tour of town, if you don't mind." Fluttershy suggested.
"That wouldn't hurt." I said and we began the tour.
"And that's Ponyville for ya." Applejack said to me after the tour. I saw where they lived, Rainbow lives in a cloud house and Twilight lives in a mega-crystal. The town hall, the local bakery (which looks like a gingerbread house) and some other local points of interest.
"Now what?" Twilight asked, I realized I had no clue where my gun is or if my tank has been messed with.
"Where's my gun, that's the thing I used to kill the manticore." I asked
"Oh so that's what that is," Twilight said "it's at my house, I've been trying to figure out how to use it. Sorry" she continued, with her ears folding back
"It's fine, if we can get it, I want to check something in the forest." I explained
"Yo-you mean you wa-want to go INTO the Everfree Forest?" Fluttershy stuttered, the of them looked nervous, like I was heading to Mt. Doom or something
"Yea, I still have some stuff in there I want to retrieve from there. What wrong with the forest?" I asked
"We-well the w-weather does its own thang, the critter care for themselves a-and it's creepy." Applejack nervously explained
"Two out of three of those basically explain my planet, besides you don't have to come in with me, I just have to grab some stuff from where I lived." I said
"Are you saying that we're afraid of that forest!" Rainbow half asked, half accused me.
"No, but there's apparently something up with that forest that's got everyone else on edge." I said "Besides, if I can get my gun back and a short walk to the tank will it all easier." I muttered to myself, I heard a noise and a bright light came from behind me, throwing my shadow on the ground. When I turned, Twilight was gone, and then reappeared holding my gun.
"Here's your uhhh gun." She said, pointing the barrel at me. Thankfully her hand wasn't on the trigger and the safety was still on. I grabbed it, popped the mag out and checked it, six bullets left. Damn. At least I have more at the tank.
We arrived on the edge of the forest, they were all nervous about going in.
"No one has to go with me." I reminded them, they all said they wanted to.
"Alright, I have my tank hidden behind a group of pine trees, right oveeeer there." I said, pointing to the group, we walked around the trees and there she was. All the hatches were still closed, nothing seemed to be out of place, so far so good. But there was a problem,
"this thing can hold five, and there's six of us," I said to them, we all looked at each other before I remembered something, "oh wait, someone can sit on top of the turret." They all looked the with blank stares.
"What is that thing. Twilight asked, I jumped up on the hull and started to tell them about.
This thing is a tank, specifically a, M4 Sherman, it has a 76mm cannon two 30 cal machine guns and tel 50 cal machine guns," I said pointing each part out. "The part I'm standing on is the hull, this dome shaped thing is the turret. They looked pretty awestruck when I explained it.
"Meh, it could be 20% cooler." Rainbow said nonchalantly, I remembered the inside was mess and opened the bow gunners door to clean it, "I'll be right back, I have to clean the inside a little, since I have been living in here the whole time." And disappeared from view.
"Oh yea? Wait till you see this thing in action, I could probably show some of it off back at the clearing, "I said, "You all ready to go see where I lived?" They all nodded, and I helped them up, except for Rainbow and Applejack, who flew and climbed up, respectively.
"So how fast can this thing go?" Twilight asked me, I've been fielding the whole time, about various things in the tank.
"Somewhere between 25 and 30 miles an hour, although the terrain plays a factor. Which for the time, was a pretty decent speed for these things." I explained
"Hey Dan, what's up with these thing in the rack?" Applejack asked, I quickly turned around
"Those are the shells, they go in that funny looking thing and then the gunner lines up the cannon and shoots it." I said
"Ya, ever try it yet?"
"Nope, we're here!" I said and slowed down near the middle and opened the hatch. I would've loved to have driven with the hatches open, but the girls were worried for their hair. I looked around and got to work getting my stuff, I dislodged the ax from the tree and untied the rope and grabbed the shovel. I threw it all up in the bag, we got back in, and left.
Hmm... I do like how this is going but its a LITTLE fast paced...
You might have to do some heavy revision after you're better at writing.
Yeah, both the main character and the mane 6 took things pretty well. The doctor didn't question anything and said that Dan could leave whenever. Some sentences need to be separated. Needs more detail and some more questions and panicking.
if that M4 Sherman haven't shot it main gun it mean he have (90 rounds) HE and AP.
be cool if can it tank over in gems to make it anti-magic resist spells.
to act like http://s1080.photobucket.com/user/Eddlm/media/171156-animatedcavetrappedtwilight_sparkle.gif.html
So you couldn't tell? I think you meant to add a period there.
I would be scared shitless if the safety was off, he should be thankful if the safety was on.
7160280
Fixed both issues, thanks for pointing them out to me.
more plz
M4A8E3 used a 90mm cannon not a 76mm
7426820 No sir, the M4A3E8 was fitted standard with a 76mm M1A2 gun, though they were sometimes field-kitted with a 105mm howitzer. The United States Ordinance Department found that the 90mm gun developed for the T26 prototype (which would later develop into the M26 Pershing Medium Tank) could not fit into the turret of the M4A3 Sherman (of which the M4A3E8 was later developed from), and, although an attempt to fit the hull of an M4A3 with the T26 turret and the 90mm gun, work on that was stopped as it was realized that such a modification could not make it into mass production before the full-fledged T26 was finished, so work on that development was stopped. In an attempt to rapidly introduce the 90mm gun to the battlefields of Europe, the M36 Jackson Tank Destroyer was developed on the hull of an M4A3 tank, with an open-top roof that could fit the breech of the 90mm cannon and allow it to operate.
Source: Zaloga 2008 pp. 126-130
should be stopping
It's missing a conjunction, easiest one is and between other and I
I think it should be meet and it should be later
Should be I'll
Something is missing probably a "make" after will but the structure of the phrase would still be a bit wonky.
Missing end quotes
Missing opening quotes
Uhh.... tanks are not known for their roominess. They are meant to have the literal minimum amount of free space so each person can get in and out, and perform their duties. Anything else would be a serious design flaw that would get people killed.
I don't think I could stand actually living in one.
7426820
no, the biggest gun ever to be put on a sherman is a 105mm short barrled howitzer, they never put a 90mm on any sherman tank
Why do they react to dan like they were Friends or like It was normal for people from other worlds coming to equestria.