A creature finds itself in a raging fire following a cry for help.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Dec, 2015
- offline last seen 2 hours ago
Scorch215
Greetings all and welcome to my page. I tend to write stories of a darker nature though I enjoy reading a wide range of stories. I hope you find something of interest here, have a good day.
Scorch215
Joined 8th Dec, 2015 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Scorch215 · 7k words · 376 12 · 9.5k views
- shortskirtsandexplosions · 4.5k words · 788 19 · 11k views
- MariusIoannesP · 6.4k words · 465 12 · 12k views
- GigaBowser · 75k words · 479 23 · 16k views
- MisterBlonde · 1.3k words · 1,813 123 · 49k views
- kissfromarose2 · 3k words · 86 1 · 2.1k views
- That Drunk Pony · 42k words · 331 18 · 19k views
Featured In1
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.099 seconds
Total duration
901 users online
434,439 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Overall a nice short story with a change of pace of the soldier series
Loved it!
Have a like!
7054996 I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Okay, the first thing that I will say is that the summary needs work. It doesn't really tell me anything and honestly, I wouldn't have opened under normal circumstances.
The opening was quite a good example of why it is a bad idea to tell as opposed to show. In the first few paragraphs, I feel slightly like I'm being lectured. That's not to say it's awful, but has some room for improvement.
The typos and punctuation errors detracted from it, as did the frequent overly-long sentences and repetition of words. Personally, I always find present tense to be 'weaker' as well.
But the fic was still good. Rarity's fear could really be felt and the creature's death scene, though not a tear jerker, was still quite sad. So kudos!
7218408 thank you for the review
I'll have to think on the description some in order to improve it.
As for the opening I am not surprised it falls under the telling not showing as I usually write in Third Person past tense and tjisnos litterlybtje first time I have ever written percent tense so am not to surprised at and the grsmmer errors and such well my editor seems to have come back from.beyond the grave so with lick I can throw this at him while screaming "FIX IT!! OH GOD FIX THIS MONSTROSITY I HAVE CREATED!!!!"
and then all will be write in the world if I don't bury him alive in my work....
Come to think of it I should probabaky add get a larger editing staff then just one person to chew through all my stories.
Anyway thank yoinfornyour review. It is most appreciated.
new york fire department. you from new york?