A weird person with weird ideas. And unless miracle happens, my all stories are written in bad but readable (or at least that is what I have been told) English.
While cleaning off the curses that Sombra had left behind, Shining and Cadance come across a hidden tower. From there they found the journal of the Fallen King and portrait of the Changeling Queen who they knew a bit too well.
Wanting to know what exactly had driven Sombra to his insanity, Cadance started to read his journal, only to rediscover the forgotten past between crystal ponies and changelings and love story between two royals that never got its happy ending.
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oh boy oh boy this is going to be good
6981743 though there are a lot of grammar mistakes.
6981968
Welp, Still they are not obnoxious enough for me to not be interested
I have seen worse honestly. The chapter was a good length, Characters didn't feel too OOC and the structure was okay. It was clear what was meant to be said.
But yeah, you might want to spellcheck man.
6982103
Yes, I'm aware of the fact that whenever I try write anything in English there is a lot mistakes in the text. English isn't my native language and at this point I'm sadly pretty much blind to my own mistakes.... That is why I really appreciate honest people like you.
I will read the chapter again and try to find and fix at least some of the errors that I have made, but it might take a while.
6982103 I agree though I don't exactly think Shining Armor is right. Or at least I am tired of that kind of characterisation.
I really appreciated the pacing in this; you've managed to get a lot of nice worldbuilding into a relatively short space, in a way that mostly feels natural, without making the story feel like it was dragging along anywhere. The charaters are well-written as well, and the banter between the two pairs was really fun to read.
I do have to agree about the grammar, but I definitely don't blame you for it. I have trouble spotting the errors in my own writing, and I've been using English my entire life. My suggestions would be to try to find someone (a native English speaker would be the most helpful, obviously) who'd be willing to comb over your chapters before you publish them, and to focus first on plurals and agreement in your own editing:
That said, it's still easily readable, and I feel that's the most important part of something like this. Someone can tell a good story with stilted, "accented", or even just dull writing if they have strong characters, plot, and/or worldbuilding, but not even the best development of those aspects can stand on its own if no one can understand what's going on. Seems like we all know what happened, so you were definitely successful in that!
7027509
Thank you a lot for your advices. I promise I will try my best to become better with writting English and spotting my errors (which naturally means more writing), while also trying to find someone to check my grammar. This might take a while though....
I'm also happy to hear that you otherwise enjoyed the story. Technically this was just a kind of prologue, but in next chapter we should finally get the first glimpse from the actual story I wish to tell you.
Good start on the story, found these for you. Good luck on the rest of the story.
the castle did had once been [ ???? ]
least activate shield spell if you wish to stay.” [ activate ( a ) shield ]
that could refer possible explosion [ refer ( to a ) possible ]
The all four ponies deepened to think what would [ cap A, began ] just an idea.
gave the male pony a plank look [ blank ]
earning[ a ] clearly not amused glare
as she stared[ at ] the painting
give the Crystal Heart [ in the ] middle of it all
who he knew to be way more call able to detect any [remove word ]
“I ques not…” [ guess ]
Why he did he made his own [ make ]
Yay ITS ALIVE
About time :P
- King of Eggs
P.S. Nothing to add, very nice.