The predators of the Everfree are disappearing. Fluttershy brings the issue to Twilight. Worried about her critters becoming the next victim. Possibly even Ponyville.
Interesting, so far-so good as far as a first chapter. No spelling errors or grammar mistakes I've found as of yet. (Tired, will re-read tomorrow) I'll keep an eye on this as it progresses; maybe tone down the badassery until later in the story though, kinda coming off as OP. Killing hydras and dragons in the first chapter may have been rushing it a bit, but I can tell he's not a normal human by his fatigues and the odd magic he's using. A proof-reader will help to reign in assumptions by giving you a perspective of whats coming off from someone who doesn't know what lies ahead. Overall you've captured my attention and that's what you want for a start.
6880108 Thanks for the feedback! Don't worry about the character being OP or seeming to be an overly bad-ass character, all of that will be... addressed. I thank you again for the feedback though.
6880108 the odd magic ant that odd think voodoo.Type voodoo market in google you'll get corpses an animal parts piled high for sale. He is just far more bloody.
After Twilight had been made a princess. The Elements of Harmony had been gathering to the castle every other week. To discuss matters that involved the town of Ponyville.
One sentence chopped into three at awkward places. This does not bode well.
Eh, ill keep an eye on the story, but personally I don't like my humans to have magical abilities. I don't mind them utilizing magical artifacts, just so long as the magic is entirely contained within and caused by the Equestrian magical what-have-you. But there has to be some physical item for that power to be atributed to for me to really get into it. Humans aren't magical. We stick with what we know (or at least, what we understand to a decent extent), so this guy suddenly knowing enough about how magic works to perform a ritual powerful enough to do something that Twilight wouldn't spot immediately is kinda absurd.
6881907 Odd to anyone not familiar with voodoo. At any rate, if it is voodoo according to the author then, now we have an idea of what goes on during his rituals.
Just when I thought this was going to be a great HiE fic, you pull this cliche shit. It was great. I was enjoying the read until the end.
"Stay away from my friend!" Rainbow Dash shouted, flapping her wings and taking to the air. Diving towards the monster that was about to harm her friend. With her hooves, she struck it square in the chest. Sending it backwards, landing on its back and sliding a bit on the stone floor. It gave groans of pain as it rolled. "That'll teach you!" Rainbow Dash shouted. "Oooh, ow ow ow ow, that hurts, it oh so hurts. I can't handle the— You know what? Sorry no can do," It said, rising from the ground, completely fine. "I wish I could, but I can't lie to you, after all, you are my guests!" He shouted, smiling at them. "But if you want me to do anything other than fake being hurt, you know who to call." It balled up its claws, pointing the thickest one to the roof of the cave. "Mi casa es su casa," he said before walking past them, turning his head and giving a wave to the others around the corner before walking to the campfire.
I bet the macabre voodoo is the only way a human can manipulate magic, by tearing it from the flesh of the dead. It fits with the whole 'master of the environment' humans have going for them.
6883746 Humans are more "masters of knowledge" (or technology and improvisation, as the case may be) than "masters of the environment". We utilize everything we can to survive the environment, but we have little to no control over the environment itself (though we do pretty well at spewing garbage and pollutants into the environment, which does have an impact here on Earth thanks to the sheer volume at which we do so.)
If anything, Pegasi or possibly Zebras would be more "Masters of the Environment" than humans.
this dude seems to have jumped off the deep end...interesting
Interesting, so far-so good as far as a first chapter. No spelling errors or grammar mistakes I've found as of yet. (Tired, will re-read tomorrow)
I'll keep an eye on this as it progresses; maybe tone down the badassery until later in the story though, kinda coming off as OP. Killing hydras and dragons in the first chapter may have been rushing it a bit, but I can tell he's not a normal human by his fatigues and the odd magic he's using. A proof-reader will help to reign in assumptions by giving you a perspective of whats coming off from someone who doesn't know what lies ahead. Overall you've captured my attention and that's what you want for a start.
6880108 Thanks for the feedback! Don't worry about the character being OP or seeming to be an overly bad-ass character, all of that will be... addressed.
I thank you again for the feedback though.
I'll keep an eye on the story, seems alright so far.
Have your first like, I'll keep watch on this one, hopefully it won't go South...... Best of luck to ya', though.
6880108 the odd magic ant that odd think voodoo.Type voodoo market in google you'll get corpses an animal parts piled high for sale. He is just far more bloody.
One sentence chopped into three at awkward places. This does not bode well.
6882045 Oh damn, how the hell did that get like that? Sorry 'bout that. Thanks for catching it though.
Eh, ill keep an eye on the story, but personally I don't like my humans to have magical abilities.
I don't mind them utilizing magical artifacts, just so long as the magic is entirely contained within and caused by the Equestrian magical what-have-you. But there has to be some physical item for that power to be atributed to for me to really get into it.
Humans aren't magical.
We stick with what we know (or at least, what we understand to a decent extent), so this guy suddenly knowing enough about how magic works to perform a ritual powerful enough to do something that Twilight wouldn't spot immediately is kinda absurd.
6881907
Odd to anyone not familiar with voodoo. At any rate, if it is voodoo according to the author then, now we have an idea of what goes on during his rituals.
wow this story looks great! I'll keep an eye on it
Just when I thought this was going to be a great HiE fic, you pull this cliche shit. It was great. I was enjoying the read until the end.
Cheapens the entire story. I'm fucking done.
I bet the macabre voodoo is the only way a human can manipulate magic, by tearing it from the flesh of the dead. It fits with the whole 'master of the environment' humans have going for them.
I like that it's not your typical HIE fic, this guy is obviously suffering some form of PTSD.
6883746
Humans are more "masters of knowledge" (or technology and improvisation, as the case may be) than "masters of the environment".
We utilize everything we can to survive the environment, but we have little to no control over the environment itself (though we do pretty well at spewing garbage and pollutants into the environment, which does have an impact here on Earth thanks to the sheer volume at which we do so.)
If anything, Pegasi or possibly Zebras would be more "Masters of the Environment" than humans.
You have my curiosity...
6883171
so you're just being picky.
you won't be missed.
6886227 Oi, I'll have none of that here, only nice things to say to our fellow fanbase members, here at least. He didn't like, oh well.