CreativeChaos
Joined 25th Jan, 2016 ·
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I´ll go ahead and say it... an "Everyone" rated Fallout Equestria fanfic doesn´t inspire much confidence.
I'm commention without having read for the sake of outside perspective:
> the one who can stop it is the one who unleashed it
>a hardened scavenger 200 years later
these do not make sense unless the character is ghoul- if that's the case you either should state it or you are giving the game away in fhe most confusing manner. The synopsis gives no hint at anything about the story- why should I read it?
I'm quite happy to try, but you have to SELL IT TO ME first- that is the way this works; if you don't give something for me to want to read through the synopsis, I'm not gonna read.
6887757 You are what is wrong with this subfandom. The whole, FoE subfandom suffers from an intimidating aura of grimderp and if a writers wants theirs to be less edgy they should go ahead and do it.
I did just that, actually.
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/309367/a-mare-and-her-dog
See this? THIS is how a synopsis works.
Interesting, and shows promise. You establish a mystery well in the prologue and give it a good sense of history.
But it definitely needs a bit of proofreading. I recommend at least running a spellchecker, there are a number of misspelled words in here that it'll catch (ceiler => sealer, for example). There's also a few errors that aren't so easy, such as the wrong "your" and at least one spot where you spelled "we'll" as "well", so don't rely on the spellchecker alone.
6888151
Woah, got a little personal there, buddy.
I´m not a fanatic for grimdark; hell, there are pretty dark and compelling stories that don´t ever spill a single drop of blood.
But Fallout Equestria, the original fanfic, put especial emphasis on how cruel and grim the Equestrian Wasteland it is. How every decision was questionable and shattered the concept of integrity just to ensure your survival. That´s pretty heavy stuff. And, I´m sorry, that is quite a mature concept. And with an "Everyone" rating you are saying that even little kids will understand and enjoy this story. And including children into the Fallout Equestria universe, as well as in the regular Fallout, is illogical; whether it´s the violence or just the topics discussed in the work, it just isn´t aimed for kids.
I´m not saying that gore is all that makes Fallout Fallout, I´m just saying that the idea of assuming people of all ages can understand these kind of stories is completely preposterous.
Actually, never meant it to be rated everyone, just managed to un-click it from mature without noticing. Still editing when I notice something my spellcheck and grammar check missed.
6888273
You're jumping to an extreme. 'Everyone' can still be dark.
Tell you what, you read this (1191 words) and tell me FoE has to be mature
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/149900/fallout-equestria-the-great-blue
Admittedly I opted for Teen but that was pretty much on a coinflip
I think you're off to a good start. Your descriptive passages are a real highlight and I feel the protagonist really stands out among other FOE sidefics due to both his race and personality. I'm looking forward to this story developing.
Your book has been advertised on the new facebook group page: https://www.facebook.com/groups/foebooks/ :)
If a balefire egg wasn't worth protecting then I'm very excited to see where this trail of breadcrumbs leads.
Runing from your problems never solved anything, but it does keep you alive.
6888151 Do you hate how the author didn't respond to your comment?
6889978 You respond to comments by moving your mouse over to the right hand side of the comment that you want to respond to and then clicking on the >> that appears. If the main characters were voiced, what would they sound like?