The End Is Neigh

by BraxAttacks

The Ships Have Left The Harbor

Here's a link to the music playlist I listen to while writing, in case you wanted it. Which you didn't.
http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL04C61E5C5367ED3E&feature=mh_lolz

* * * * *

Nope!

I exited the building, closed the door, and sat down on a bench nearby. It was official, ponies liked me. I needed to contemplate this revelation.

How should I handle the situation? Do I just openly start a relationship, and not care what comes out of it, or how weird it may turn out? Or do I just try and avoid all life forms, living my life as an outcast hermit. Shockingly, that last option did not sit well with me.

Regardless of what I chose, I could only assume that my new mare hormones were screwing with me. I now have a body that is in this dimension the right age for a permanent relationship, and said body should be telling me to like guy ponies. I don't really know much about this sort of thing, but I'm pretty sure that's how it works. I think.

I was content to let the stallion do whatever it was he was doing in the establishment, and then get my make-over once he left. Simple and strange free. Exactly how I wanted it.

Patiently waiting for what seemed like hours, the guy finally left. Crisis averted. That is, until he looked around, saw me, and started trotting over.

Horse apples.

He sat down, not saying anything at first. He seemed incredibly shy, playing with his hooves while not looking at me. I felt really uncomfortable, and just wanted out. So I went out. I started to leave, moving as fast as I could towards Carousel Boutique without looking suspicious.

"Um, wait!"

I froze. Seems like I can't get a break, can I? Nope, the world is against me. It wants to take me, chew me up, and spit me into a blender. I hate it when my brain makes mental images like that.

"Yes...?" I was hesitant to engage in any sort of conversation, since the blush still had not left his face. It was staring to bug me, to be honest.

"I uh, uh... my names Butter Biscuit!" he quickly stuttered the name out, and it took me a second to figure out what it was. It irked me that he seemed similar to Fluttershy. Oh great, now I feel sorry for him.

"My name's Sunny. Sunny Shores." he seemed to get just a little more confident, that I hadn't run away yet. Your lucky that Fluttershy has made me feel pity, mister. Very lucky, indeed.

"That's a... very nice... name..." Stop acting like Fluttershy. No good will come of it. I sighed, and went back to the bench. I just couldn't bring myself to do bad against him. That would be like kicking a puppy. That's considered bad, by the way.

"You don't look much like butter, yourself." I commented. He seemed to cringe away, and I felt bad for him. "I didn't mean to offend you, I'm sorry..."

"No, it's um, alright." I tried to think of something more to say. Nothing came to mind. I looked at the sky, just staring for the sake of staring. It was pleasantly calming.

"Your uh, mane looks nice..." he half mumbled, half whispered. I did manage to hear it though, and nodded. Funny how I had thought that it was in desperate need of repair, and he thought it was awesome. Perspective is key, here.

"Thanks." This conversation was getting us nowhere, it was just pointless small talk. "Look, Butter, I was going to see my friend Rarity, so um, do you mind if I go do that?"

"oh, um, you can do that..." I took that chance and cantered into Rarity's shop. She looked up from a dress or something, and smiled a little.

"Hello, darling! I was rather surprised to see you burst in like that, and then leave just as suddenly. Why did you leave, anyways?"

"That stallion, Butter biscuit, was eyeing me. While blushing."

Understanding dawned on Rarity. "Oh my! That is reason to leave, isn't it? Well, I hope nothing too strange popped up. You mentioned a make over, correct?" I nodded. "Well, that's the least I can do to ease your stress. Right this way, Sunny!"

And then all the not goodness in me washed away as Rarity got to work. I think there's some sort of magic in the brushes or something, because it just feels good to have a good mane brushing. I don't understand why, and I don't intend to. I just know that it's awesome.

Then came dressing up. You know, frilly pink and stuff. I didn't mind it, but it didn't have that unnatural feeling of well being that came with mane brushing. It was still nice. Like a hot shower after a good murde- whoops, did I just say that out loud? :D

Either way, in the end I came out with a nice soft peach dress. It was fairly simple, with little white lace on the fringes. I felt very throughly not at all like a guy. It was almost... enlightening. I was a lady. Accept it.

"Thank you for the dress, Rarity. I have no idea when I'll wear it, but I will!" I left as Rarity waved from inside, getting back to her work on the dress she was making. Maybe I'll wear it on Nightmare Night, and then when ponies ask, say I'm a pony. It's a multiple-level joke, you see...

Now I'm hungry. And I was experiencing a distinct lack of Pinkie Pie at the moment, so there was only one solution to both problems. Get drunk. No, wait, that's isn't right... hold on, let me think for a moment... oh right! Pinkie! Yeah....

I began the walk in the general direction of Sugarcube Corner. I didn't actually know where it was, but I'm pretty sure it isn't on the moon (unless the treats didn't appease Celestia...), so Ponyville was a good place to start as any. Except heaven. Heaven is a good place to look for everything but the devil.

The gingerbread building came into sight. It looked edible, and I'm pretty sure it is. That raises the question of how it has remained standing all this time. There have to have been some establishments before this one. Maybe they sank into a swamp twice before they stayed above ground.

Something felt wrong though. I didn't see any lights glowing inside, instead there was simply darkness. As you can imagine, that scared me. If the lights were off while Pinkie was there, than there must be something bad goingon. Like an alien invasion or something. Do I count as an alien invasion? I don't think so. Not yet, at least.

I opened the door, and the doughy thing somehow let out a creak. How does it do that? How!? Even Pinkie's living space makes no sense. What the hay.

As I had said, the main room was dark. Nopony was behind the counter, but there were still cupcakes and cookies and cakes. I briefly considered taking one, but then realized that I would be stealing from best pony. I felt horrible, with a side of malicious. With a shake and some fries.

I could see small little slivers of light streaming down some stairs to my right, and I decided to follow them. This obviously isn't intruding in any way, shape, or form. Nope.

A growing sense of dread filled me as I drew closer to the stairs. I didn't hear anything from upstairs, not even a peep. My heart began to beat faster, afraid I would find out Cupcakes was canon or something. Wait, I'm heading upstairs, that doesn't make sense. Pinkie killed stuff downstairs, silly!

Anyways, I heard movement, and reflexively went against a wall. Why I had the reflex to do that, I don't know, but whatever. The feeling of dread was growing, almost to an unbearable degree.

Then Gummy rolled down the stairs as derp-tastic as ever.

*Climax destroyed*

I almost burst out laughing. I got close, with horrible attempts at holding back noise. I bet a deaf elephant could hear me. A deaf pony, no way, but an elephant...? Maybe... maybe...

He noticed me, and chomped down on my muzzle. Is it wrong that the first thought that ran through my mind went something like, I'm being kissed by Gummy. I really have read too much shipping. Wait, what am I saying? You can't do that! IT's not possible!

I didn't even attempt to remove the scaled lump of awesome. It would be a pointless maneuver. He would eat something else. Like my eye, which I'm pretty sure would hurt, even without teeth.

I heard the clop (ha!) of hoof-steps on the wooden steps, and a very sleepy looking Pinkie came into view. It was the only time I've seen sleepy Pinkie. I nearly died. My inner medical squad was hard at work forcing back the sudden flood of diabetes. And the swelling epic glands.

"OH, h-hey Sunny... *Yawn* what're you doing here?" I think Pinkie is trying to kill me. Whatever I did wrong, I'll get someone to atone for my sins. Like Santa Christ. He does good work.

"I was just coming to get a treat or two, I haven't eaten lunch yet." And it was lunch time, make no mistake about that. Look at the nearest clock. What does it say. Lunch time. If it says Anything else, it's trying to confuse you. That's what the clock wants, don't give in.

"I-I was just taking a nap... you can have any thing you want..." Apparently Pinkie was really, really tired, because she slumped over asleep right after that. Onto me. What is with these ponies and their desire to sleep near me? Are they under some spell or something?

Either way, I looked around for a couch or something to lay her down on. Luckily, there was one right there in the main room. I don't know why a bakery has a couch in the main room, but it did, so I put her down on that. She looked so damn peaceful, it was mind boggling. Pinkie, peaceful? Can't be! Oh, but it is, It is true.

I grabbed a cupcake from the tray, at random, and guess what I came up with? A chocolate cupcake with purple frosting. I bet you thought it would be a rainbow cupcake. Nope, no pony meat for me. Actually, I think I need to make sure that there isn't any in this cupcake right here. Give me a second.

Okay, I think there wasn't any meat in that cupcake, but I'm not sure. It wasn't chunky, which is probably a good sign, but you can never be too sure with this sort of thing. Never too sure...

Either way, I now felt very uncertain. What do I do now? Just leave best pony laying there? I have no idea, somepony help me! Indecisiveness is my only weakness!

I honestly had no idea what in the name of things pony what to do. I could stay here, I guess? Does that count as a plan? No? Well too bad, your opinion is invalid, I have a pinwheel in a my beard.

WIth something in mind, I scooped up Gummy and sat down on the coach. Opposite end of Pinkie, I didn't want to interrupt her peaceful slumber. Did you know that cartoon alligators with no teeth make really good pillows? I didn't. Now I do. I think I've fallen asleep so many times, it;s uncanny. I don't normally take mid-day naps, this just keeps happening to me.

As you may have guessed already, I fell asleep. I bet you didn't figure that out. It was so cleverly hidden, too.

* * * * *

When you have a tail, there are new, unexplored territories of awkward that humanity has never set foot upon. One of those scenarios is waking up with their tangled in somepony else's tail. It really is something new, to be the opposite of relaxed for a reason you've never heard of before.

So naturally, when I woke up with Pinkie's big blob of pink that she calls a tail stuck in my dainty lil' wavy thing, problems arose. Like standing up. That tends to be hard when your tied to a sleeping pony.

Not having thumbs doesn't help you untangle them either. With no way to get out of my situation, I simply settled for hugging Gummy some more. He didn't even look annoyed, or even close to it. I don't think he's capable of expressing emotion. I bet he is a stone cold killer or something. It makes so much sense, I know.

Regardless, my thoughts were allowed to wander, as long as they were back in time for dinner. If not, they got a spanking. Let's see here, I am sitting on a coach with my tail intertwined with Pinkie Pie's, and I am hugging a toothless alligator. That is one situation that I never thought I would get into. Tails intertwined with Pinkie, maybe, but not the hugging Gummy part.

I heard sounds of movement behind me, and my ears perked up, listening in for more. It feels no nice just to realize that your ears can do that. They are like little personal flags that go up on command. I was entranced with waving my ears about wildly, so I didn't notice the continued sound of movement behind me.

Or the coy smile Pinkie had on her face.

* * * * *

Sorry for the short chapter, but my creative energy is running low. I spent i ton eating donuts and drinking hot chocolate, if that spreads any light on the situation. I hope you enjoyed it! Don't forget to rate!

Comments

[Cunt_Crusader]

LET'S GET THIS SHIP SAILING!

[BraxAttacks]

59297 Are the sails ready, captain?

[SureFreeD]

Don't. You. Dare.

You're still a human inside and you're already having plans? Seriously. I will curse you in russian.

Ti suka nipabednaya! Sabaka bliat! Kozel!

That's all, bye! and continue zis mazterpiss!

[BraxAttacks]

59316 I may just have to dare!

Muhahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

[just moar]

MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

OH GOD IM 12 AND WHAT IS THIS

[Alalic]

FORWARDS TO THE LAND OF SHIPPING.

[BraxAttacks]

60237 This is something out of a thirteen year-old's mind. Specifically my mind.

[Meta Knight]

are you sure the Ship is ready to sail

60387 I obviously meant 12 months. geeze.

[yutz]

shit just got weird....

[BraxAttacks]

61393 :D

[Iron Sides]

Ummm.... As a man I have to say this is one of the weirdest things I have ever read... If had been turned into a mare I would have freaked out to the point of blacking out and then other such things that would spell DOOM!!!!!