A headache was already starting to form deep within Sergeant Silverbuck’s head. A number of reasons for its creation came to mind: that he’d been working around the clock the last few weeks keeping check on the Princesses in hospital; the fact that his wife kept on nagging him to finish the basement and sell their old couch. Or perhaps it was something far simpler that was causing Silverbuck’s ever expanding headache—like perhaps someone only a few feet away from him that refused to stop from bouncing.
“Private Pile!” Silverbuck roared. “You are really starting to test my patience! Just what in Equestria do you think you’re doing?”
The goofy grin on Private Pile’s face melted away the moment he stopped bouncing up and down. “I was only bouncing, sir. We are trapped in a bouncy castle, remember?”
Silverbuck grunted his response. “Don’t remind me, Pile.”
That was when Silverbuck cast a hasty glance around him. Everywhere he looked was only more of the same—more inflated walls and floor; more bouncy and colorful surfaces alongside mesh nets that sealed off every possible exit, alongside his two dozen fellow trapped guards.
Silverbuck glared in Pile’s direction. “You just had to pull Discord’s finger, didn’t you?”
Private Pile shrugged. “But he offered it! What was I supposed to do? Leave him hanging?”
“Exactly that!” Silverbuck shouted back. “Stay in formation! Protect the Princesses inside the hospital!”
“But I’ve never even touched a finger before!” Pile tried to explain. “Technically, a claw, but still…”
Headache getting worse by every word spoken to him, Silverbuck sighed aloud. “One finger pull and look where we are! Stuck in a bouncy castle with no hope of getting back inside to protect the Princesses. Hope you’re happy with yourself, Pile.”
Pile surprised him with a chuckle. “Well, sort of, I mean…” He angled his head around the large inflated room. “It is a bouncy castle.” With that said, he continued to bounce on the spot, giggling as he got closer and closer to the ceiling area. “I mean, we were denied that barracks trampoline last month.”
Silverbuck extended a sharp hoof to his bouncing comrade. “That’s why we got the foosball table!”
Private Pile shook his head at him. “No one likes foosball, sir. No one.”
“That’s a lie,” Silverbuck spat.
“Do you like foosball, sir?”
Silverbuck had to chew on his tongue a moment. “Well… no… but that doesn’t mean no one does!”
After becoming a tad winded, Private Pile returned to the ground in order to catch his breath. “Also, sir, if we did get out of this bouncy castle right this moment, you know who we’d be up against besides Discord? Queen Chrysalis, King Sombra, Tirek, and whoever this Bad Dude is! And from what I’ve been hearing recently, that colt’s one seriously bad dude.” He paused for a moment. “You hear he actually took three of Princess Celestia’s personal cookies?”
Silverbuck grumbled. “That was only a rumor, Pile.”
To add weight to his next statement, Private Pile laid a hoof on one of Silverbuck’s shoulders. “What if, sir, the only way to actually escape the bouncy castle is to become one with the bouncy castle?”
Silverbuck roughly flicked Pile’s hoof away. “I think you’ve somehow already bounced your brains to mush, Private.”
Unperturbed, Pile continued on regardless, “Discord’s weird, right? And sneaky! So maybe if we have enough fun inside his elaborate trap—instead of, say, moping around the entire time—then maybe that’ll end up setting us free!”
Fearing he would soon start screaming and screaming and not be able to stop screaming anytime soon, Silverbuck relaxed himself by closing his eyes and performing a calming breathing technique he’d learned back in the academy. Only when he felt more or less in control of his screams, did he face Pile again.
He asked him thickly, “How did a private like you ever get onto the Princess Protection Program?”
“My cousin,” Pile answered without hesitation. “He put in a good word for me.”
Silverbuck could only shake his head at that. “I doubt even Princess Twilight Sparkle herself knows a more magical word than the one your cousin must’ve used to get you this job. Alas, we shall bounce—not because I want to, mind you, but only because I believe to have found a way out. See for yourself, Private Pile.”
Using a hoof, Silverbuck pointed to the gap in the inflated ceiling above him.
Private Pile cocked a brow. “A way out?”
“Perhaps,” Silverbuck answered, before speaking to the rest of the guards in the room. “Listen up! Listen up, all of you! Up above our heads might just be our way out of here, but to get there, we’ll need to bounce much higher than normal safety rules would allow in bouncy castles. Yes, I am indeed talking about the super fun, but dangerous double bounce. If anyone—”
Silverbuck’s sentence was cut short when a good portion of his guards either gasped in surprise or giggled underneath their helmets. Before continuing, Silverbuck growled deep within his throat.
“If anyone has any problems with that, let them speak now. And make sure that before anyone starts to bounce, they first remove all weapons and armor. I don’t want someone falling and hurting themselves or injuring others. Same goes with timing your bounces correctly. Make sure any guards surrounding you are being looked after and remain safe. And perhaps most importantly, remember—we are not bouncing inside this bouncy castle for fun. This is super serious business here and if anyone should ask us what happened once we get out of this place, the answer is we only jumped inside this bouncy castle because it was a matter of life and death.”
Steeling himself, Silverbuck said, “Now someone double bounce me before I lose my nerve.”
***
To no one’s real surprise, the opening in the ceiling only led them all to another section of colorful inflatable floor. As far as Silverbuck knew, regular bouncy castles contained a single square room and sometimes a slide attachment. Discord’s bouncy castle must’ve been much larger than any in existence.
It was literally a castle-sized bouncy castle.
As Silverbuck and his guards bounced up another hallway in search of an exit, Private Pile kept as close to the sergeant as he could. Already, Pile was loudly panting from the never-ending bouncing.
“This bouncy castle’s kinda spooky, don’t you think?” Pile asked him, letting out a single shaky breath.
It was true. Discord’s bouncy castle was a bit scary, with its boarded up windows and cobweb-coated inflatable furniture and chandeliers. It even had inflatable squeaking doors that sometimes slammed shut without warning or proper provocation.
“You don’t think it’s,” Private Pile muttered out nervously, “haunted, do you, sir?”
Silverbuck wanted to roll his eyes at him, but didn’t want to tempt his growing headache anymore than he had to. “What? You think this bouncy castle’s haunted, Pile? What’s next? Bouncy castle ghosts?”
Private Pile shot a hoof to his mouth as his eyes widened. “You think so, sir? Do you think they’d still float around like normal ghosts would or that they’d bounce around instead because they’re haunting a bouncy castle instead of a regular castle?”
Silverbuck had to shut his eyes again.
If these are the types of guards protecting the Princesses, they never really had a chance to begin with, did they?
He shot a look behind him at the rest of his guards. “Anyone else want to converse with me besides him? Please? No takers?”
Private Pile seemed not to hear what he’d said. “You think bouncy castle ghosts say ‘Boo’? Or ‘Woo’, because they’re actually having a lot of fun while scaring ponies? I know if I ended up haunting a candy store, I wouldn’t mind it much… then again, ghosts don’t technically eat, do they?”
“Ow! My leg!” someone shrieked behind them.
Spinning on the spot, Silverbuck hurried over to the injured guard, sprawled out on the inflated castle floor. He had both forelegs wrapped around one of his ankles.
“What happened?” Silverbuck barked out.
“I think I twisted my ankle,” the injured guard whimpered out. “I can’t keep on bouncing like this, sir… we’ve been inside here for so long already… like ten minutes now!”
Silverbuck knelt down beside his fallen guard, lifting their head up to look at him. He told him earnestly, “Not once in my career have I ever left a single guard behind, and that’s not about to change tonight. If I can’t bounce for you, then I’ll just have to bounce for both of us!”
With that said, Silverbuck gritted his teeth to lift the guard onto his back and continue onwards; the added weight only making his bounces even higher than before.
***
My dearest Flower Petal,
I have been stuck inside this horrible bouncy castle of Discord’s for the last ninety-one minutes and am starting to fear that I might never glimpse your beautiful face again. All around me, I see guards with injured knees, sprained ankles, and pained expressions. What started off as something fun has grown into something much, much different—spirits have dropped dramatically and even the originally joyful Private Pile had grown sullen in the last few moments inside here.
Please, tell our daughter that I am sorry I shall never see her again and that I love her very much. But, please, also warn her about the dangers of bouncy castles and only staying inside one for a few minutes at a time. Tell everyone you can before it’s too late!
Forever yours,
Royal Sergeant Silverbuck the Third
P.S. I’ve just now realized I have no real way of sending this to you, so I’ll have to make do by giving you this heartfelt letter the next time I see you. Maybe still act surprised? Anyways, I must go—another one of my guards has come down with “bouncy castle fever” and I fear it might be contagious. Curse you, seemingly fun bouncy castle! Curse you all the way to Heck!
Bouncy Castles of Doom are the best kind.
...oro?
Equestria's finest, everyone.
Also...
What escape?
I... I... I want to bounce there too...
BOUNCY CASTLEVANIA MONTAGE GO!
Man, I know we make fun of the pony military and their redshirt status from time to time, but this is just comically pitiful. Next thing you know they'll be engaging in riveting mock exercises between Luna and Celestia's personal guards to keep the other side from getting cake to their own monarch.
I wonder if Private Pile is of any relation to the Pie family. Or perhaps we should really call him Private Pyle?
Full Metal Jacket anypony?
Gomer maybe
I'm just imagining this scene but every time somepony bounces it squeaks like a chew-toy
Man. This story is getting complicated! Ah well, it's not like mine aren't.
6963869
I was going to say I thought he was talking about Pvt. Pyle, but then you inadvertently pointed out that it was spelled wrong.
Shame. I thought we were in for a FMJ shout-out.
Though this fic is still fun.
6963825
in all fairness they didnt beat the changelings, it was the mane six that did that
The Few. The Proud. The Highest Bouncers in Equestria. Join the Royal Guard.
New favorite dialogue for this series...
Discord: Master of completely convoluted and somehow entertaining prisons for pathetic guard forces.
Bouncy castles are havens for disease. As are ball pits
private pile sounds like me
And this is why Discord is the best villain. No matter what Tirek has to say on it.
Why place a bunch of guards in a dank and dark prison when you can put them inside a fun prison, so that the guards will have so much fun that they'll wear themselves out?
I was going, "Ooh, bouncy castle! That sounds like so much fun!" at first. But then I realized that when you're in a really, really, REALLY large bouncy castle with no way to telling where the exit is, then it gets a bit haunting, and you start to worry about whether you'll be able to get out of this bouncy prison or not. I mean, it is bouncy castle, and bouncy castles are supposed to be fun. But at the same time, it is a prison, and being inside a prison is no good. I can see why the guards started to get worn out and lose their spirits; Discord's intent was to trap the guards inside his version of a prison, and he's done his job well.
I hate to point out the obvious here, but they have spears and other such weapons, why don't they just slash the thing to shreds and deflate it? I mean, they're just fabric after all.
Won't that make things worse? If you have weapons on the ground and start bouncing won't that make the weapons launch all over the place potentially stabbing everyone in the bouncy castle?
I'm calling it... Pile is cousins with Rarity!!!
Private Pile. Is that a Private Gomer Pyle U.S,M.C. reference, or am I suffering from sleep depravation?
6964934
Probably made of Plotanium Nanofiber, the strongest fibrous material known to fiction.
6964934
6965388 Well, knowing Discord....
Maybe, instead of air, the Bouncy Castle is full of strawberry Jell-O, and if they try lancing it, the Bouncy Castle suddenly becomes the Strawberry Jell-O Castle. Then they'd be forced to eat their way out.
I'm taking this so serious while simultaneously taking it not serious at all!
I'm now thinking of the soldiers in Afghanistan traversing the sand landscapes in bright colors and constantly bouncing with those "moon shoes" toys that used to be sold, but metal. Their guns shoot bullets that leave paint stains and their rocket launchers have confetti flying out of the back.
Best villain EVER!
6964968
Deflating an entire castles worth of fabric on top of yourself sounds like a horrible idea, especially if they are on a upper floor.
6963950
Or maybe it barks and meows?
Or horn sounds?
6964934 maybe the weapons became one with the castle already. Or they turned bouncy themselves
6966594
http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Transcripts/Ponyville_Confidential
So they do have family. But they care nothing about their children ... or they don't have mothers other than imaginary mothers, and what happened with Trixie was the entire villages fault for not caring about what happens to children.
I have now said the words 'bouncy castle' inside my head so much upon reading this chapter that, like all words you repeat to yourself too much, it now sounds both strange and alien...
Bouncy castle, bouncer cast heal, bound sea castle, bound? see Castelle. Arghhh! {Repeatedly bangs head on desk}.
Goddess Damn it Pile, that's not a Bouncy Castle Face. Show me a REAL Bouncy Castle face!
6966874 *donald duck laugh*
6963815 oro oro?
6964968 Not if they store them all in the corner of the room or something.
6964934 They probably tried that first, but Discord would never make it that easy. Either they pop it and out comes laughing gas or foam or smaller bouncy castles, etc. Or it's simply indestructible.
6964620 Hey, don't put yourself down. You should NEVER go full Pile.
6964351 Still not as bad as last year's ball pit incident.
6964172 The eventual film, "Bouncing Towards Freedom: Based on the Novel 'Bounce' by Silverbuck" went on to garner an entire zero Oscar nominations and earn a total of 463 dollars in theaters. Director Michael Hay is currently being sued by the family of Private Pile over defamation of character.
6963971 Just three different view points on the same night. Luna and Bad Dude, Green Bean in Heck, and guards inside a bouncy castle. Now to learn what Celestia was doing that night! She was sleeping!
6963950 Hey. Being trapped inside a bouncy castle is serious business. Don't go making it all cute with little ponies bouncing around while squeaking. Actually... do, because that sounds adorable.
6963909 Eeyup.
6963851 I don't believe in happy endings.
6963769 I'm sure I'll run out of steam soon enough. Also, I basically HAD to address the Canterlot/Ponyville business because of how many comments it was getting. For good reason.
6968766 Oh gods above, the horror...
6968778 I guess she missed out on all the fun.
Turn the Crystal Empire into a putt-putt golf-course. I mean, the castle looks like it could be part of one anyway while the entire place is as interesting as a cardboard.
Well this came out of nowhere.
6968778 On paper, but think of it going on for however long those guards are in there?
*grins* Repetitive cuteness, probably one of the most horrid of tortures
6970332 Any chapter with a "(Short)" at the end will be a little different and (most likely) won't focus on the main plot. So... totally skippable if you want to.
I like foosball. Maybe it's less fun with hooves.
6973428 i liked it really. Just a whole bunch of ocs made me go huh? But dont worry. Happy face.
Bouncy Castles...how much you wanna bet they cause more deaths than sharks, coconuts, and vending machines?
6968766 going full Pile involves Suicide and Murder, so....
Holy shit you made this a fully fledged story! Props to you my good sir. Nine moustache salute!
Lookalikes:
imfdb.org/images/thumb/5/5d/Dads_Pike_M1928A1.jpg/600px-Dads_Pike_M1928A1.jpg
Private Pile
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120425131749/mlp/images/f/fd/Station_Guards_let_Twilight_pass_S02E25.png
Private Pike
Would be quite surprising to see what Sunset Shimmer could do when she hears the news from Twilight about Bad Dudes progress of forming a team to take over Equestria. Sunset will either join up with Twilight and her friends or be joining Bad Dudes group. Still though, I wonder what Starlight Glimmer is up to when she also hears about Bad Dudes plans anyway.