• Member Since 28th Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen May 7th, 2017

mouch30


professional asshole

T

A spin off story from Sweet Atonement.


Aria Blaze has had enough - she's sick of being pushed around and has decided to continue her journey alone. But where could she go? Hurt and afraid, she roams the streets until stumbling into two mysterious people, who take her under their wing. Would they help her get her magic back? Something about them tells her they can...


Rated T for mentions of sex (not enough to add the tag, though), swearing, and gore.


Cover art drawn by me.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 13 )

“Are you homeless?” She asked

She should be lower case

“Coming!” Came a faint reply.

Same thing with came

“So,” she began. “What’s your story?”

Since this is all one sentence, after began should have a comma then what's should be lowercase.
“So,” she began, “what’s your story?”

And every hyphen here (except for the one on mud-streaked) should be a dash :twilightsheepish: Either – or —

This is certainly off to an interesting start :scootangel: The diacritics for Lower Canterlot and the home are really well done, and I like the intro effect of alternating sentence fragments describing Aria with paragraphs of her actions. Aria using Twilight's name was amusing, and I'm looking forward to seeing more of Dew Drop. I have the feeling all isn't what it seems at Ms. Feather’s Home for At Risk Girls :trixieshiftright:

A suggestion – if you make a blog post about this story and put Sweet Atonement as the tagged story, it'll notify people who favourited Sweet Atonement, since right now unless they also follow you they wouldn't know you've written a new story. Also, since it's not sequel tagged, you may want to put a link in the author's notes of Sweet Atonement's epilogue, like a 'find out what the fuck Aria was doing this whole time in this story here' type of thing, so that people who find Sweet Atonement later know about this story as well.

7248709

Thanks, you're basically my proofreader except we do it in a really unprofessional way. can't believe i have to press five god damn keys to get a long line.

what the fuck is a diacritic lmao Yes, that was my intention.

Sadly, after the second chapter, that's the last of Ms. Feather and Dew Drop we see, since Aria is leaving it all behind. Ms. Feather loves the girls she takes care of, there's nothing sinister about them. How could you think that?! :raritydespair:

also yah i probably should do that thank

7248947
Diacritic, noun: A typo for description because somebunny is too lazy check what autocorrect is doing :twilightblush:

And my offer to proofread via docs stands, like, in perpetuity, if you're interested :scootangel:

there's nothing sinister about them. How could you think that?!

Because I'm an evil rabbit who sees sinister things everywhere :trixieshiftright:

Mmmmh...something tells me that the "safe house" is more than what meets the eye.

not trying to be mean but the second I saw the cover art I thought it was about a male aria blaze I'm sorry but when I look at that face I think of a man

7249859
I appreciate your opinion, dear! Yes, I do have some trouble with faces, and this is quite ironic since I never actually draw males. I tried to give her a more realistic look, but perhaps I should have gotten more references for this cover.

7249695
you guyssssss ms. feather is an angel!!! :raritycry:

7251093

Oh sorry, I kinda have an habit to misunderstand :twilightsheepish:

Good to know that Aria is in a safe place for the time being :twilightsmile:

Poor Aria. I know she'll be okay in the end, but still, poor Aria.

Will the other Dazzlings appear?

7584208

No, not in this story. This just focuses on Aria, since the other story followed Adagio and Sonata.

I don't like what's going on... somebody unprepared can do a lot of harm when given something very powerful. And magic is definitely something of that kind.

...well that just got really dark really quickly.

...yeah, these people were already bad news, but now the headlines are practically screaming.

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