I'm gone now but you can keep my stories I guess.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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heartwarming and smut, very nice.
....although having Sunset, who is a Stripper, not give Twilight a dance or show take s a bit away from it...
Who's the cover-artist?
6759173 It's mine.
6759050 I can't believe that didn't even occur to me. I must be thicker than I thought.
6759430 What is up with Sunset's eye!?
6759971 It's seeing into your soul!!!
This was one of the very best Christmas stories that i have read you did a fantastic job on this work of art.
It's unusual that I don't scroll down when reading clop. Especially when it's as long as this one. But you got me very interested in knowing exactly what was going on (although it was sometimes hard to tell who was acting).
When reading the description I feared that you'd go the "Sunset is assaulted by mean guys who want to rape her" route. And I was pleasantly surprised when that wasn't the case. Merry Christmas to me, I guess.
Anyway, very good. I hope to read another story of yours like this, my good author.
6761212 I don't think the eyes are located at the cheeks.
This, this right here is how you write romantic erotica. It's solid in all the ways it needs to be, though the resolution of their feelings for each other is a bit rushed, but it's a one shot so that can't really be helped. It has a nice build up and the actual sex is very evocative and sensual with out being vulgar like you see with most mature stories on this site which basically boil down to cheap porn. Great job all around this is definetly going in the favorites.
Freaking phenomenal! Keep up this quality of work my friend and you will go far.
dude, whatever you do, do NOT stop writing. this was AMAZING.
here's 5 mustaches for you!
Hey not bad at all.
~Skeeter The Lurker
This piece was rather amazing. After reading through the other comments I admit I also expected Sunset being cornered and victimized but kudos for not going there. Aside from the declarations of love, I thought it progressed in a wonderful pace
but I have intimacy issues.minor edits for choosing the correct word:
shear = scissors, sheer = utter/absolute
complement = math-y/go well together, compliment = nice things to say
"dumping it’s white payload across the state." its
"The later didn’t resist" should be 'latter'
"Twilight’s hands found the back of Sunset’s head as the lowered it" I'm not sure what that should be, but it's a letter off
3 typos in nearly 15k words is a pretty damn good record
oddities noted: you capitalize 'the Princess' the third time it's used, but not the others (it's not necessary to cap it)
- "homely" in American English usually implied drab, but the next words ("and inviting") suggest otherwise. perhaps 'homey' or even 'cozy'?
- "Deodorant could wait, and she’d just shaved yesterday." This line feels like info-dump filler: Sunset's trying to hurry to not leave Twi waiting, why is she considering shaving?
and whatisshe shaving?!Perhaps Sunset feels awkward at being seen by Twilight and is stalling/dawdling, and if so I'd like a little something to suggest that.- Why does Sunset think it's so odd to think about Twilight's attractiveness, esp since it was a return of Twilight's appreciation for Sunset's body?
- 'straight up stupid' sounds a little OOC but I don't want to focus on that. I feel like Twi's shooting herself in the foot with this. It's like she's saying the only reason Sunset shouldn't go after Princess Twilight is because she's royalty
not because she doesn't have feelings for her- I totally buy the 7s kiss. it's sweet but awkward so counting is almost expected from these two eggheads... but it feels dispassionate to quantify the lengths of their orgasms (or the time it takes to come down from one)
- I think Twilight calling her 'Sunny' is super cute and doesn't need explanation, but I felt off-put at the 'hun' because sex.
brilliant-awesome things I need you to know I loved:
It's funny first of all. Then it gives a really great example of setting something up subtly across time
I laughed. like really hard. That is so in-character it hurts.
Dear god what era is she from
I'm just going to appreciate for a minute that Twilight just laid there and got groped for over an hour and expects us all to believe that she's sound of mind after having plenty of time to consider ramifications. (On the other hand, I'd've liked to have explored Twilight's feelings.)
“You’re hot! I couldn’t think of dignified way to say that.” best reasoning ever.
It's sweet because despite what she says, she already promised to be gentle and I feel like Sunset would be anyway.
brilliant-philosophical things I appreciated:
- Twilight's panic when offering towels to Sunset - it really speaks to her bookish nature in contrast with Sunset's level head, it really comes to fruition in Sunny's initiative and dominance
- "they’d be sympathetic to her situation" - I actually fucking love everything you say about stripping. How it's not exactly a secret but not something she wants her friends to find out because she's all but afraid of their pity. The quiet loneliness she has for separating her lives. All the points Twilight brings up. It's heartbreaking and sincere
and I fucking love italso I just made a connection about winter 'dumping its white payload' in a much grimmer light. yay for non-prostitutionEveryone ends up comparing Twilight to Twilight; it happens. But this, and the sentiment/ensuing speech is beautiful.
oh right, and the sex. I came here for the sex (which was hot) and came away with feels. you did a very good job tracking everything (body orientation, what knowledge each character is allowed to have, where things are...) and offering unobtrusive explanations to answer questions we might not have realized we had.
Sorry I basically wrote an essay on your story but I thought it was good and I wanted to let you know why
6824178
Woah, thanks man. This is pretty in-depth. Fixed the typos and tweaked some the other things.
(Homely makes lots more sense in the brit. definition. You might have noticed some other stuff like that, such as flat batteries).
Thanks for taking the time to write all that out. I'm glad to know it appealed to someone. I know they say to write for yourself, but damn it sure helps to know people are enjoying it.
6832139 I did run a quick check on 'homely' to consider the british english (which is why I specified am eng) so it's less a mistake and more of letting you know (I only caught the disparity because of it being paired with another word). tbh I didn't even notice the flat battery thing - I'm not very good with colloquialisms and regional slang so I attribute a lot to my ignorance.
Well, things you write to satisfy others but not yourself are soulless. I figure we're all human so if you truly like it, others will too.
I'm so dense I had to read the first part six or seven times before I finally noticed exactly what was Sunset's job.
Really great fic, I loved every moment of it.
Please tell me I'm not the only one who wants continuation!!!!!!!!!!! PLease don't say no to fluttershy!
Simply wonderful.
Sequel sequel
Sequel please.
Sequel it! *Cough Cough* Valentines Day clop *cough cough*
Now that was some qual-i-ty fiction right there.
This was so heartwarming and such a good read. I'm going to need a sequel to get me through this holiday season.
Bwahaha!
Oh my god. Hilarious
Oh no hes hooooooot! ( Bonus points if you get the reference )
"Another kiss"
I really enjoyed this. The expansive vocabulary and grammatical usage was amazing, Sunset's portrayal in choosing her home and current job made her situation realistic without making her a victim, and their progression into the relationship flowed well and was both awkward and heartwarming.
What about poor Spike? He's been left alone for two whole days AT LEAST! His bowls are gonna be pretty empty...
what a masterpiece
Giggity
Damn. Just. Damn
That was good keep it up