Empress: Reflections
“Mmm...what did you say again they were, Larynx?”
The Empress spoke in a halting manner, her voice cracking up every few words. One eye looked at the ponies, but the other eye was lost, blinded perhaps only the Empress herself knew how long ago. She did not even attempt to move from her sitting position, her wizened form so frail the Empress perhaps could not even do that.
“Two of them are half-breeds, Mother.”
“...I cannot see very well, but there appear to be more than two of them.”
“One of them is a Crystal Pony who was imprisoned with the rest of the Crystal Empire. She claims to have been on the front lines of guarding the Empire against the Windigos.”
There was a sudden hiss from the Empress, before she started coughing. It was the loudest noise the ponies had heard from the Empress thus far, as she continued coughing and hacking so far that many of them legitimately feared she would perish that moment. Fortunately, the moment passed, and the Empress softly growled as she at least stood up, just a little bit. “Windigos. The day they vanished from this world was the greatest day of my life.”
“Mother, please.”
The sudden fire that had inflated the Empress was extinguished, and the changeling crone slumped forward in her seat. “If she is, I am thrilled to receive her into the hive. Any who fought the Windigos will always find kindred heart here.”
Trixie furrowed her eyebrows. The Empress’ manner of speech was odd and difficult to keep up with. Even Iceheart already spoke close to the common vernacular of the day, and she had not lived through the thousand years between like the Empress had.
“Then there are three others, stallions all. I believe they are merely friends, perhaps mates, to the three of interest here.”
“Mmm.”
Then the Empress lifted her head up again. She looked over the six ponies that were assembled at the end of the chamber. Trixie was uncertain if she could even see that far with any accuracy, but the Empress, aged as she was, was still a changeling: doubtless she could feel six distinct separate life forms.
“Larynx, bring the half-breeds forward.”
“Of course, Mother.”
The male changeling turned around, tossing his windswept mane back behind his back, before making the several steps to return to where the sextet had stopped at. He looked at Trixie and Noire.
“Mother wishes to see you two.”
Noire’s nose twitched. Larynx’ was merely stating the obvious, but they had to go through this ceremony and pomp of him restating what they had just heard the Empress say.
Nevertheless, Trixie and Noire pursued Larynx at a measured canter down the carpet, feeling the menacing gazes of the changeling guards who simultaneously kept an eye on both the two mares and the remaining four ponies stationed at the entrance to the throne room. The dozen guards had spoken naught a single word between them since the ponies had entered, but their intentions were easy to measure.
Larynx brought them just shy of the dais, before stopping, and bowing.
“Mother, I have returned.”
“So I see. I shall speak directly,” said the Empress.
Those seemed to be the words for Larynx to be dismissed, as he rose up, and walked aside, joining the twelve guardlings. In so doing, he left Trixie and Noire exposed to the view of the Empress.
The Empress tilted her head up slightly, her one blue eye looking forward, while her other, milky-white eye gazed off into the distance. Trixie lightly bit her lip, feeling a little unnerved by the near glow of the Empress’ eye, so unlike any changeling or pony or any other species she had ever met before.
“Your fathers were changelings, then,” the Empress said in a soft voice. “Where were they from?” It was the longest the Empress had spoken without descending into a stream of coughs.
For the first time, Trixie spoke directly to the Empress. “Her father and mine both came from Queen Chrysalis’ hive in the southern Badlands. We were not actually raised there ourselves, but we recently visited it. When we inquired about what it meant for us to be hybrids, Queen Chrysalis recommended we come here instead.”
“Chrysalis, ah, that foolish daughter of mine…” The Empress trailed off. Her words were harsh, but the fondness for one of her daughter Queens was clear. Her lone good eye looked over both Trixie and Noire again. “A unicorn and a bat-pegasus, interesting. You have taken to attempting magic of the other tribes…?”
It wasn’t just the Empress’ manner of speech that was difficult for Trixie to follow. It was also the halting way in which she delivered it, with many pauses, interspersed between multiple coughs. It took Trixie several moments to digest what was being said. In that time, Noire spoke first. “Yes. Although I have rarely attempted what my Earth pony cousins can do, I have used a few spells. Nothing advanced, only simple things like a warming spell. But I would like to know and use more, and be able to emulate the Earth ponies aside.”
“Hmm…” The Empress paused again. “And I imagine it is the same for the mare beside you.”
“It is,” Trixie confided. “In the past, as I walked the land, I enjoyed the abilities of pegasus magic to help protect me against the weather extremes, and the way the Earth ponies can feel the vitality of the land underneath their hooves. We came here to understand more about our own abilities and how we can extend them.”
And in her heart of hearts, Trixie had another unexpressed wish. She wanted to know how to use Earth Pony and Pegasus magic, because she desired to evolve into a form that could use all three tribal powers with ease. But here and now, after even being unable to explain it to her friends, there was no way Trixie could tell the Empress that.
The Empress remained silent after Trixie’s comments, and her eyes fell closed, revealing still more scars over her decrepit form. The Empress’ body told of many days of strife. Minutes passed, and the Empress did not move, her form still. Trixie had a sudden worry as before that the Empress had just perished, but the slight movement of the old crone’s chest told otherwise.
Then she spoke again. “Hmm...both of you feel troubled, but you, the blue one...you seem more worried and uneasy than your companion. Why?”
Trixie felt her mouth turn dry as the ancestral changeling focused on her. She dared not lie to the mare before her, so Trixie fumbled for a half-truth. “I was not the one who initially pushed to come here, but...throughout my lifetime, I have had some talent with my magic in creating illusions as well. I also wondered if it was because of my father being a changeling that I had that gift. Not to shapeshift, but something along those lines.”
“Hmm...I suppose one wishes to know what makes her whole, what is her own, and what is her parents. Yes. The two of you are half-breeds. I can sense it, that subtle empathic overlap that all half-breeds have.”
“Er?” Noire made to ask a question, only to cut herself off.
Fortunately, the Empress seemed all too happy to explain, as slow and halting as it was. Still, Trixie had to strain to hear her at times. “Changelings can feel one another to a degree, but we cannot feel ponies. Yes, we feel the emotions of ponies, but we are not truly ‘in sync’ with them. You half-breeds are not changelings, but you exist just at the edge of my senses.”
Trixie and Noire were uncertain if they were to answer that.
“Well...I know what there is to know about you half-breeds, yes. However, before that...you, the blue one.”
“Yes?,” Trixie asked, a little nervous at being singled out once more.
“Have you ever used dark magic?”
Trixie recoiled at the unexpected question.
However, it wasn’t one she could dodge, either. “Yes. When I was younger, more foolish, and in a bad place...I went and purchased a dark magical artifact. I thought I knew what I was getting myself into when I put it on, but I didn’t,” Trixie said, swallowing down a large lump in her throat. “My actions weren’t my own at the time, but I won’t absolve myself of the guilt of seeking it out in the first place. I am just fortunate that I was saved before I fell too far.”
The Empress sat up.
It wasn’t a very large motion. The old changeling was barely able to sit up, but up she went, moving her head up several centimetres. Rasping with every breath, Trixie was reminded of a filly when she felt uncomfortable upon talking to very old ponies with wrinkly skin, cataracts and the like. The Empress was the only truly old changeling Trixie had ever seen, and the splotchy grey that predominated here carapace made her seem creepy. Trixie knew she was merely old, but it was hard to shut down that filly impulse.
“I see,” said the Empress. "I thought I could feel...a strange, taint, on you." She exhaled, and closed her eyes again. A few minutes passed, and Trixie felt her impatience growing at the Empress’ long lulls in conversation. Fortunately, the Empress soon spoke once more, though she kept her eyes closed. “There is...a place, where all changelings who wish to become Queens must first go.”
“Mother?”
It was the first time that Trixie could remember Larynx speaking up out of turn.
“It is...a sacred place, for us changelings. Perhaps so sacred that many of my daughters would feel faint at the idea of a pony going down there.”
“Mother, you don’t mean? But the Queens would never—”
“Pah, let them!,” said the Empress, remarkably not descending into a heaving fit again. “I am the one who found it and started making them use it. Let me be the only changeling alive to say that just this once, a pony will be allowed in. They have already come all this way, what is one more step?”
Larynx, suitably chastened by the Empress’ outburst, walked back onto the carpet, standing in between the Empress and the two mares. Facing the Empress, he once more bowed.
“Shall I escort her, then?”
“Of course. Do not worry about me, my Voice,” said the Empress, looking over Noire and the four ponies further back. “I sense no ill will from these ponies. Perhaps while she is gone, I would speak with the Crystal pony.”
Iceheart strode in front of the three stallions around her, presenting herself serenely. She sensed she had an odd conversation ahead of her.
“Very well.”
Larynx turned around to face Trixie. With his hoof, he made a come hither motion.
“Come with me, pony mare.”
Trixie found herself a little annoyed at how Larynx continued to refer to her by her species or her gender. She realised he had not even inquired their names since he had first appeared upstairs in the mayor’s manor. Still, Trixie supposed the changeling didn’t care for names. Larynx was very aloof, after all.
She hopscotched after the flaxen-maned stallion changeling as he took her behind the Empress’ dais, feeling the continuously stony glares of the changeling guards behind her. To Trixie’s surprise, there was a single door at the back of the room, which Larynx swiftly opened with magic. Walking in behind Larynx, she saw that the hallway she had just entered was made with bricks of sandstone, a sharp contrast to the untreated tunnels before her. Instead of green-glowing moss, there were actual torches up on the walls, everlasting torches that would never go out so long as there was magic to keep them lit.
The two walked for a few minutes without words, leaving Trixie to wonder just how long the cave system underneath and behind Colt Springs went. The brief thought about this being a former minotaur labyrinth once more flitted through her mind, before Trixie decided the changelings must have done a lot of work over the years. She had not even seen the Hive proper, where all the changelings and the governing queen were, but merely a small subsection that appeared to be the Empress’ home since she retired. Already, the amount of work that would have been required to do all this digging was mind-boggling.
Suddenly, Larynx stopped, and Trixie stopped behind him. Looking ahead of her, Trixie could see that the sandstone walls and floor gave way to raw stone again. Larynx turned around, and looked back.
“This is a sacred site among changelings, pony. Every changeling Queen must visit it once in her lifetime to cleanse herself in a ritual. Feel honoured that the Empress is willing to let you in. Do not abuse her trust. When you are finished, return.”
Larynx’ blue eyes were as piercing as always, but for once, they had a little bit of emotion to them. What it was, Trixie could not tell. The changeling walked past her, limbs astride, before he started heading back in the direction of the throne room.
In so doing, Trixie was left all alone. Looking at the tunnel before her, Trixie swallowed.
Trixie took a step forward.
The tunnel system that had seemed merely narrow before was terrifying now that Trixie was on her own, instead of with her friends. The glow of the green moss seemed just that less inviting now. Instead, the dim lighting was more oppressive than ever before. The silence of the tunnel was unnerving. This far down, in this area that was supposedly sacred to the changeling race, Trixie was uncertain if even Windspeaker could hear her through the Living Wind.
Despite this, Trixie took her step, and then another. To win, she first needed to dare. Trixie had dared a lot in the last few months, and that daring had brought her all the way from her home in Whinnychester to the hive of the Empress at the other end of the continent. She was an adult mare. Though she might still scare, Trixie was quite capable of overcoming her childish fears.
Journeying on her lonesome, Trixie noted a few oddities. Unlike the previous tunnel that Larynx had taken them through, this was just a single, straightforward path. The hoofpath was smoother and more treaded, as if somepony had taken care to flatten the road out. The tunnel seemed to constantly be going down and down, and the temperature continued to increase. It was a dark world, and Trixie was left with nothing but her thoughts.
Not for the first time, Trixie wondered about the twists that her life had taken. If her upbringing and adult life were to be made a story, Trixie would have called it unrealistic. Being born the filly of a pony and a changeling, having to forcibly exit her schooling in Canterlot out of paranoid fear, going on to tour the world as a showmare until inevitably losing her career, working on a rock farm, and then slipping a dark magic artifact around her neck already was stretching it. Since Trixie broke her self-enforced hermitage in Whinnychester, however, things had gotten even weirder.
That’s right, none of us are really normal, are we? Trixie thought. Red Wings was the closest to being a regular pony, as freak accidents of that ilk did occasionally occur. However, he had taken to being a guide through the Badlands to link up interested ponies with a changeling hive. From there, it got to more and more unusual; Iceheart, the northern commander frozen in time; Stonehenge, a pony petrified by a cockatrice king for many decades; Noire, another offspring of changeling and pony; and Windspeaker, a magically-weak unicorn who nevertheless was connected to the essence of the world.
Trixie wondered if there had been some element of ‘destiny’ in play there. She remembered those words she had spoken back to Red Wings in the hive. Trixie would hate the idea of destiny if it existed, because it would mean she had been destined to lose her career and be self-exiled for two years from the rest of Equestria, feeling itchy hooves over her unfulfilled wanderlust.
The mare supposed she would only approve of destiny if it was brought her together with her five amazing friends. That was not something she would trade for the world, not even for the career that had offered her the capacity to travel so many places, and see so many sights.
Gradually, the tunnel began to widen, expanding in its diameter. Trixie swore she began to see something other than still more luminescent green moss and stone, and hear something other than her four hooves constantly trodding on the path underneath. It took her a few minutes to dismiss it as being a mere trick of her mind, as she suddenly did see light at the end of the literal tunnel. Remaining graceful, Trixie walked forward, allowing her eyes to adjust to the increasing intensity of light.
At last, Trixie got to the mouth of the cave, and let out a gasp at what awaited her. A large cavern sat beneath her. Water gushed from a far-off waterfall that must have been fed by an underground waterway, etching a tiny stream that terminated at the centre of the bottom of the chamber, creating a pool perhaps thirty hoof-steps across. The room was lit by an ethereal magical source that could not be seen, casting the area in natural lighting instead of the green Trixie had gotten used to coming down. Flowers of every shade of the colour spectrum dotted the ground. Despite how far underneath the earth Trixie thought she must be right now, there was still the softest hint of a breeze, though the mare attributed it to standing next to the tunnel, rather than the actual Living Wind being down here.
There was no doubt about it. This was an area where a mysterious magical had welled up, creating some sort of magic sink.
Was this why the Empress settled here? Was it because she discovered this chamber that she decided to settle in Colt Springs? It was a tantalising thought. The Empress had said every changeling who desired to become a Queen would have to make a journey down here first. There was something about this cave that marked it as the centrepiece of a changeling ritual, and Trixie felt certain she was the first pony to ever lay eyes upon it.
Trixie supposed she should have felt honoured. However, the Empress had not said anything about this cave other than it being a required pilgrimage for Queens-to-be. As the first pilgrimare here, Trixie could not help feeling uneasy instead with the lack of foreknowledge about this place.
“Well, Trixie, you should stop thinking,” Trixie said to herself, for once using the third-pony without actually talking to somepony else. “You aren’t going to find out the secrets of this place by standing here.” It was tough to break away, though. Mere hours ago, she had been on the surface, taking in the warm sunshine and saline breeze. After many hours of walking through tunnels, an ephemeral beauty such as this was precisely what Trixie needed.
With a reluctant last look, Trixie walked down a curved slope that went down from the exit from the tunnel, taking her down to the bottom of the chamber, perhaps fifteen pony-lengths down. The path she had to follow was clearly marked once she got to the ground: there was a straight path of earth where no flowers grew, making it obvious where Trixie had to go. Walking through the barren patches, Trixie found herself at the pool of water.
“How odd. What is this place?” Trixie asked aloud. There was a hint of a memory from many years ago about a pool of water, but the memory was vague, as if it was from a cloudy time of her life.
She peered over the surface of the pond. The water was clear enough that she could see the sand underneath, though as she looked further ahead, the depth of the water got enough that she could only see the bed bottom a few hoof-steps out. Instead, Trixie took to looking at her reflection.
“Hey, you,” Trixie said to her other self, feeling amused. “A few years ago, I might have praised how good-looking and sexy you are. I suppose I was more than a little narcissistic back then. At least that’s one of my qualities that I don’t regret losing.” Then she took a more serious look at herself.
Is this what I really look like? Though she had not realised it before, Trixie now understood with a sudden shock that she was slowly becoming detached from her self-identity. An azure-coated mare with a mane of blue only a few tints off of shock-white looked back at her. Violet eyes stared back lazily, as if the pony had little care in the world at this moment. Trixie supposed there was some truth to that. In between all the times that she had furthered her understanding of the phantasmal magic of illusions, Trixie had had to dissociate her very being from her identity as a pony, as a mare, as a unicorn, as a braggart who had fallen from grace only to paw her way back up. Every time Trixie invoked the magic that could change the world, she had had to lose herself. Even if it was only temporary, it had left an effect on her that only now Trixie was seeing.
Perhaps this is what I need, the time to relax and self-reflect? I have not had much of that on the road. My friends are dear to me, but I have not had a single moment alone. Trixie giggled at the thought, thinking especially about Red Wings and his obvious crush that she had returned at a few moments. It was a hearty laugh, a girlish giggle. It was a noise Trixie could not remember when she had last made. It felt good.
Curious, Trixie put one hoof forward, and dipped it into the pool. The water was cool to the touch, but there seemed to be nothing about it. The ripples from her hoof spread outward, distorting her image in an amusing way. Trixie felt as if she was at peace here.
“Huh?” Trixie frowned. Oddly, even though the pool had stopped rippling, her image still seemed distorted.
Suddenly, the Trixie in the pool water looked directly back up at her.
Trixie yelped, and fell backwards onto her dock. Her nose twitched in the instant of pain, but she gasped as she looked forward to the pool again. A figure was coming out of the water. Within a few moments, it was obvious what the figure was. It was Trixie herself.
“Hello, Trixie,” said the other Trixie. “Do you know who I am?”
Trixie scampered onto her hooves with a jolt as she finally remembered why the pool of water had seemed to tickle a memory in her. Four years ago, when she had gone to Ponyville with delusion aspirations to banishing that mare from the town forever and ever, Trixie had overheard some of the ponies talking in their downtime. Before Trixie had taken over Ponyville, there had been another incident a mere few weeks ago, where that annoying pink pony had found a mysterious pool that created dozens of magical clones of her that went on a rampage. It was no wonder Trixie had not remembered until now: her entire time wearing the Alicorn Amulet was still under a heavy fog.
“You’re me,” Trixie whispered. “Or at least, a clone of me.” She wished she had looked into the ‘Mirror Pool’ occurrence rather than being content with hearsay. Trixie knew nothing other than the surface details.
“Well, at least you have that right. I wonder if you will continue to believe that soon, however.”
Trixie had nothing to say to that assessment. Her mind was racing, trying to figure out what this pool was truly used for if each changeling Queen had to visit it before taking the title.
“I see you’re quiet. No doubt you’re already trying to think things through. Tell me, whatever happened to the Trixie of old, the brash Trixie, the fiery one, the one who took on all challengers to prove the neigh-sayers wrong?”
“Wh—what are you trying to get at?” Trixie asked, genuinely befuddled. She had been expecting her clone to be a single-dimensional copy of herself fixated on a single thing, much like how the pink pony’s clones had all been obsessed with the concept of fun. What Trixie had not expected was for her clone to ask her a question.
“You disappoint me, Trixie. It used to be you would have a snappy one-liner to return to any pony who dared say something like that to you. Maybe you have lost some of your vim over the years?”
Trixie growled. She had been expecting one thing, only for something else to happen. However, she wasn’t even given a chance to think things over, as her clone continued to talk.
“Or maybe you’ve simply become docile? Red Wings is a healthy pegasus, after all. Maybe if the Empress gives you what you want, you’ll return to Whinnychester, or maybe settle somewhere else. Become a simply housemare, and birth him a few foals. I’m sure you could spend the rest of your days in domestic bliss, basking in husbandly affection and filial fawning. It wouldn’t be a bad denouement to your life, but certainly nothing that could be associated with ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie’.” The other Trixie’s tone had suddenly become nasty, and she punctuated her last remark with a sneer.
Trixie found herself slackjawed.
“Do you know who I am, now, Bellatrix Midsummer, Bella, Trixie Lulamoon, or whatever other name you care to go by?,” asked the other mare.
She did.
“You’re me,” Trixie answered, this time more hesitantly. “But not quite, you’re, somehow, you’re me that went wrong. You’re all the deeper, darker parts of me. The insecurities I still have, the tempting thoughts that could lead me astray, the shadows of my mind.”
The other Trixie, the alternate Trixie, laughed. It wasn’t a pleasant laugh, but neither was it malicious. It was just mean. The alternate Trixie, and Trixie mentally labeled her Altrix in her mind, reared up on her hind hooves to kick her front out in a nasty chortle before coming back down. “The shadows of your mind? Oh, you’re so precious, Trixie. You’re not wrong, but coming up with such poetic bunk is far beneath you. Where is the mare who was a performer, a storyteller, and a magician all in one?”
“I never disappeared,” Trixie said, weakly defending herself. Of the things she had expected walking down here, Trixie had never expected to have to face a verbal barrage from herself.
Altrix sneered again. “Mere words which you use to comfort yourself. How is it that even now, when you have come all this way, you still act so feebly? The old Trixie would have lashed out when she felt attacked.”
“Well, I don’t fight back against bullies who try to hurt me with words, anymore,” Trixie responded, working herself back up into a position of strength. “Even if that bully is myself.”
“Twilight Sparkle.”
Trixie flinched.
“Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle,” the alternate Trixie, Altrix repeated. Altrix suddenly pushed forward from her position in front of the water, and found room and then some to advance as Trixie backed away, before she cackled. “Oh, how rich! You can’t even tolerate hearing her name spoken out loud! How pathetic!”
“No I’m not!” Trixie said, defending herself even as she felt the bitter taste of the lie on tongue.
“Oh, please. Lying to me won’t work. I am you, after all! I know everything about you, Trixie,” said Altrix, malice coating her words. “I know how even now you dream about becoming an alicorn.”
Trixie jumped. Altrix had just verbally stated an ambition that Trixie had not allowed herself to more than merely think, and never at the surface, but only within her heart of hearts.
Altrix sneered. “As if that would ever happen. You think you’ve gotten strong, travelling around the world and using magic? I know what lurks underneath the surface. Deep down, you’re still a little filly, scared you’re playing with fireworks instead of firecrackers, that the next move you make might blow off a hoof. That this whole affair will end in nothing more than hurt and pain, and that you’ll need to retreat to Whinnychester, and this time never leave again.”
Trixie clenched her teeth. She made to rebut, but felt her throat clench. The feeling was enough to send her down onto one knee.
“But this isn’t the first time you’ve dreamed about grasping at the power of the alicorns, is it, Trixie?” Altrix’ cruel words suddenly dropped into a whisper. “No, that’s why you went searching for the Alicorn Amulet. You dreamed of becoming as strong as an alicorn, and damned be anypony who stood in the way.” Instead of harsh stings, the mirror pool clone’s words had now become barbs, expertly placed to cut deep and be impossible to tear loose without leaving deep gouges in Trixie’s soul. “Twilight Sparkle is an alicorn, a pony who has the ability to commune with the earth, channel the ether through a horn, and soar upon the currents of the wind. To become an alicorn would be to stand level with her, wing to wing. Yet you cannot even say her name.”
Trixie fell onto the ground. Her doppelganger’s words were cruel. They were also true.
“Tw—...Tw—...Twi—” Trixie attempted to speak the two words that she had not even been able to think, but her mouth was unable to form them.
Altrix laughed again. “Oh, how pathetic. You once thought yourself equal with Twilight Sparkle, only for her to become an alicorn, and a princess besides. To think, you have pioneered the arts of illusions to a level that shouldn’t be possible, yet still you cannot speak those two measly words. You truly are pathetic. Tell me, Trixie, do you know who I am now?”
Trixie looked up from the ground, so soft and inviting. She wished she were a Diamond Dog now, so she could dig and burrow herself deep in the earth, escaping this clone of hers. Instead, Trixie felt her eyes burning with hot tears. Now she at last understood why each changeling Queen had to come down here before wearing a crown. “You…”
“I’m you, that much is true. I am your reflection, Trixie, one who is meant to shine all your worst flaws back at you. You cannot escape with a simple magic trick here. What is an illusion? Something that fools, deceives, tricks. You can trick others, but you can’t trick yourself!”
They were mere words. Altrix had not done one single thing to threaten physical harm except for walking towards Trixie earlier, and even that had not been to intimidate, but to prove Trixie wrong. Trixie had gone into this mess unprepared, but what was more, Altrix was correct. Trixie had to be unprepared for this. Had she known about this pool and the reflection of herself that would appear, Trixie would have already been mentally creating barriers to protect against the verbal onslaught of her doppelganger.
“You’re...cruel,” was all Trixie could muster, bowing her head.
“Am I truly, Trixie?,” asked Altrix, and Trixie was unsure if it was meant to be rhetorical. “You aspire to sit upon a mantle on which goddesses stand, on a foolish belief that your illusions will take you that far. Even if perhaps the power of your new magic was something that could allow you to ascend, you would be set upon by new challenges, and new tasks. When threats start to come to you, instead of you wandering around and finding more ponies with sob stories that you try to heal, will you be able to handle it the way you are, as a broken mare? Or will you crumple to the ground, just the way you are, all because you were unwilling to face yourself?”
Trixie raised her head again, looking up at her clone standing above her. For the first time, Altrix had given her encouraging words. She isn’t here to hurt me. She’s here to help me heal, Trixie realised. The Empress had known what she was doing when she had sent Trixie to come down here.
“I...I’ve had many setbacks, in my life,” Trixie admitted.
“Face your fears, then, Trixie. Face yourself,” Altrix encouraged.
“My—my mother. She was the brightest star in my life. She was my everything,” said Trixie. “All my days were pleasant when she was around, even the day I had to leave school. I remember that clearly still. When I got home to Whinnychester, I cried so hard, but she comforted me. Mother kept me in her embrace for nearly a full day, but never once complained as I kept crying. Being wrapped up in her hooves reminded me that I still had my family. Losing her was the toughest day of my life, even more than my father.”
“And what of your father?,” Altrix pressed.
“He...I suppose I know what it’s like to have a normal father,” Trixie said, struggling to express herself. “He was like any other stallion doting on his filly. He taught me things, he took me places, he comforted me at my low points. When my mother died of sickness, he helped me stay myself, from falling into a depressive funk. All the things you would expect…”
“Yet you and him had a relationship in a way unlike other ponies,” Altrix stated.
Trixie nodded. “Yes. No matter how much he lived a pony, he was still born a changeling. He had little eccentricities, he was paranoid. He told me many stories about the hive, about changeling history, about how he left and eventually found his way to Whinnychester, falling in love with my mother on the way. There was a whole side of him that I enjoyed knowing, even though I could never share it with others.”
“Do you resent him?”
Trixie froze up at the question. “What?”
Altrix repeated herself, “I said, do you resent him? It was due to his heritage that you once had to leave the School for Gifted Unicorns, upsetting your young life and all of your future goals in one fell swoop.”
“That’s…” Trixie trailed off, swallowing. It was the toughest question that had ever been put to her. Her father had asked her many times about it, but she had always said she forgave him. Here, however, when facing her reflection, nothing but the truth could be had. “Yes. I resented him. Even to this day, I think I still do. I had dreams and ambitions then. I wanted to be a powerful mage when I grew up, and even entertained thoughts of becoming Princess Celestia’s personal student. Yes, to this day, I still dislike that it happened. I suppose I would have never met four out of my five friends if not for the odd twist that my life took, but it still hurts. I can’t use that as an excuse.”
“As you will. You must confront truths like that, Trixie, even if they are painful.”
Trixie’s heart panged. She thought about how she had just recently met her father in that strange, heavenly realm. Had her father just seen this moment where she confessed her resentment for him? Trixie hoped not, but if all truths were laid bare, and the spirit was eternal up above, eventually he would find out.
“And when did you begin to think about becoming an alicorn?”
Trixie paused. She had to think about it, surprised by the sudden dovetail in questioning from asking about her parents to her ambition. “Perhaps I had delusions of it when I put the Amulet on...but I think it all started again, this time as a serious thought, when I brought Stonehenge out of his petrifaction.”
Altrix regarded her cooly. “Why then?”
“Because of what the elders said. Princess Celestia herself was unable to dissolve the effects of the spell, and said it would take at least a century before she could. It took me fifty years.”
Altrix glowered. “So you think you should become an alicorn because you happened to be able to do something Celestia was not? I think she is probably unable to juggle six different objects at once, yet I do not think there are jugglers out there who aspire to alicornhood.”
Trixie bit her lip. “It was more a thought than a real substantive idea at the time,” she said. “However, when I encountered Windspeaker and ran into the Living Wind and its ethereal nature, I was inspired. This was magic, and I would be remiss not to try going as far as I could. But I do not want to be like her, and ascend through creating a new magical spell.”
Altrix frowned. “What would you do, then?”
“I want to ascend through my own power,” said Trixie. “Not through creating a spell that makes me ascend, but by ascending myself through my spell. If an illusion is capable of tricking the world into dissolving magical ice, of healing a lost wing, of destroying a petrification spell, and of separating the twining of soul and magical force, then...then I should be able to fool the world itself into believing I too am an alicorn.”
Her opposite’s frown deepened even further. “You are toying with dangerous magic, Trixie. You know all too well the alicorns are on a tier of their own. They may exist on this physical world, but a part of each of them also inhabits the divine realm above. You still did not answer my question, too. Why should you become an alicorn?”
“Because I…” Trixie trailed off. The truth was she didn’t truly have that good a reason, merely a smattering of weaker reasons. “My father’s personal motto was ‘Who Dares, Wins’. Thus far, I have dared, and I have won. I have pioneered my skill further and further with every place I have gone to. To go further is merely the next logical step. And I, I...I once thought of myself as being equal to that mare. Since she became a Princess, I am now far behind. I want to catch up. Not to prove something to her, not anymore, but to me. I want to overcome my past.”
“Hmm. Is that your answer, then?”
“It is,” Trixie said, nodding.
Altrix titled her head down, closing her eyes. “I see.” She kept that position for several seconds, before she suddenly started laughing again. “Hohoho.”
“What is funny about that?” Trixie asked, feeling a little hurt. She had thought Altrix had finished with her shock-and-awe phase, and was genuinely trying to help Trixie out now. Instead, that laugh had sounded mean again. No, more than that, it sounded more malicious than anything Altrix had said thus far.
“Oh, you. I knew you couldn’t resist the temptation of power again,” Altrix said as she raised her head back up, only to open her eyes.
Trixie gasped, taking a reflexive step backwards.
Altrix’ eyes were glowing red.
“Hello, Trixie.”
Trixie felt herself trembling again. She remembered. It was the same vision that had haunted her for so long, fading away in the years after the Alicorn Amulet only to pop up again at times and give her the nastiest nightmares. The last time she had confronted this mare, it had been in Room 512 at the Centre for Mysterious Magical Maladies, halfway through her ordeal of healing Windspeaker.
It was Trixie herself, but a part of her that she had been only barely able to acknowledge to what had been Altrix. It was the taint that still existed on her, the Alicorn Amulet calling out to her with its seductive power. It was Trixie at her worst, the Trixie that had fallen into darkness. It was the bit of her that had never been able to heal, even through years of peace and quiet and months of making friends and finding her place in the world.
“Why so quiet? I thought you would have enjoyed seeing me again! I know I missed you,” the red-eyed Altrix gushed. “I told you last time that I would never let you go, didn’t I?”
Trixie remembered all too well. “And I told you to leave and never return.”
Altrix sneered. This time, there was true malice in the gesture. “Tough words. After all, didn’t you just tell me that I am you? Maybe the parts you don’t want to admit, but...trust me, Trixie. I know you, I am you. You want, need, thirst for power. Even when you saw the Alicorn Amulet, that was the truth. Were the shopkeeper not there, you were mere moments from stealing it.”
Trixie frowned. She remembered that moment all too keenly, it being one of the last clear memories before the fog that inhibited her time with the Amulet. She had brought money with her...but one sight of the artifact had driven her rationality away. Had the shopkeeper not appeared at that moment, Trixie would have succumbed to her baser urges and stolen it right there instead of paying for it. As it was, it only delayed the inevitable by mere minutes. It had left Trixie gnawing on her hoof more than once, thinking about how things could have changed had the shopkeeper been just a little less greedy and had turned her away that night. Likely Trixie would have just returned later and stolen the Alicorn Amulet outright, but it was always nice to think of what could have been.
“That was a long time ago. I’ve matured since, and had time to come to terms with my past self. I wasn’t always the nicest mare back then, and even now I still have my moments. I’m trying. I won’t go back to the way I was,” said Trixie.
“O-ho-ho! What wonderful lies you spin to deceive yourself. Didn’t I just tell you you can’t lie to yourself?” Altrix cackled, her laughter so high-pitched it hurt Trixie’s ears. “You say you’ve matured, yet still you are here, looking for more power, more power, without even a noble reason for it.”
“I will never put the Alicorn Amulet back on,” Trixie defended herself. In truth, she wasn’t certain who this shadow of hers was. Was it Altrix, the gestalt of the pool, not liking Trixie’s answer and attempting to scare her straight? Was it the phantom that haunted her mind possessing Altrix’ form instead and materialising in the real world instead of staying confined to her psyche? Or was it a curse left behind by the Alicorn Amulet that simply would not go away?
Altrix barked. “Hah! What little does the Amulet even matter at this point? You used it for power, though it used you instead. But you don’t even need the Amulet to want more, do you? Instead, you want to become an actual alicorn this time, and for what? Petty reasons such as beating Twilight Sparkle, or proving all the neighsayers wrong?” Altrix leaned in, and it took all of Trixie’s strength of will not to recoil from the glowing red eyes. “I like it, Trix. Become an alicorn, and show all the lesser folk the true might of the Great and Powerful Trixie!”
Trixie grit her teeth. She knew how to overcome her demon. It was to face herself. But while the first Altrix had been understanding and warm after her initial outburst, this was an Altrix that had haunted Trixie for nearly four full years.
But Altrix had primed her for this. Perhaps the creation of the pool was merely a neutral party, or perhaps it was something that perfectly reflected every changeling that had come down here, and then Trixie. One thing was absolutely certain in her mind, however: had her clone led out with Trixie’s personal demon first, and then broken down her sense of self like Altrix had earlier, Trixie would not have walked away from this. She truly would have fallen apart. Instead, with some of her worst issues made raw and exposed, the red-eyed Trixie had little to batter her with.
“Yes. I think you’re right,” Trixie admitted.
“Good, then! Take what is yours by right! Show the world the true Trixie! You should never have been ashamed to hide your heritage! Revel in the power of all three tribes as your father sired unto you, but this time as an alicorn! Make all who have trampled you pay—”
“Shut up,” said Trixie.
She didn’t tell her red-eyed self to shut up in a huff, or beg her to quiet down so Trixie wouldn’t hear more painful words. Instead, Trixie told the other to stuff it because she was tired of hearing her talk.
Altrix recoiled, hissing in surprise at Trixie’s words.
“Every time you’ve come, it’s been the same spiel. Take the power again, run amok and cause blood and gore, fire and brimstone, yadayadayada. I’m simply exhausted of it. You sound more like a street vendor hawking her wares than a demonic opposite trying to corrupt me.”
“You dare? You dare mock me?!,” Altrix asked, the pupils of her eyes widening with rage.
Trixie shook her head. “I don’t mock you. I accept that this is a part of me. The Alicorn Amulet made me irrational, and it twisted my thoughts grotesquely until I did its every bidding, but underneath, it was me that was willing to go along with it. I was the one who wanted to banish that mare, I was the one who encased Ponyville in a dome, and I am the one who continues to feel its taint. But no more.”
“You—you!” Altrix sputtered. With a start, Trixie realised Altrix’ fur was beginning to lose its colour, decreasing in shade from Trixie’s own azure to the white that she had seen before in her vision while healing Windspeaker. “No! You can’t! You must take what is yours, and conquer and destroy!”
Trixie made to say something, only for an idea to form in her mind. “You’re right. I’ll take what is mine.”
Altrix’ head jerked back up, an excited frenzy in her glowing red eyes. “You will?!” she asked. Trixie found herself disturbed at how bubbly the mare could sound while talking about destruction. Despite the red eyes and shock-white coat, this was still Trixie herself in a sense.
“Yes.”
With that word, Trixie swept forward, and hugged Altrix.
“Wh-what are you doing?! Unhoof me!” Altrix demanded.
“I told you,” Trixie said, “I’m taking what is mine. You are a part of me, no matter how much I may wish to reject it. I am accepting that as truth.”
“No,” Altrix whispered, her white-coated frame trembling underneath Trixie’s ministrations, as the azure mare hugged her tighter and tighter.
“I’ve decided. I’ve gotten this far by helping each of the five ponies I’ve met and befriended upon this journey. I’ve been able to heal each of them in turn. When I become an alicorn, I want to continue and become a true healer, of ponies, of changelings, of any other who needs or wants it. And when I have the power...I’ll heal you, too, my other self.”
Altrix froze in her grip.
No words were exchanged for several seconds, as Altrix relaxed, her tense frame sagging in Trixie’s hooves. “Is that your final answer, then?” Altrix asked, eyes closed.
“Yes, it is,” Trixie affirmed.
“I see.”
Her doppelganger’s fur suddenly started gaining colour again, losing its creepy whiteness and turning blue again. At last, Altrix opened her eyes, now a deep violet once more.
“It is still not a good enough answer, Trixie. But it is better than what it was before. You must continue to fight your demons, and that will require more soul-searching. Becoming an alicorn is a hefty thing. Even beyond the mere task of ascension, ponies put great duties on the shoulders of alicorns. Merely being a healer may not be enough, but I cannot help you past this.”
“Thank you for all your help, Altrix,” Trixie said, genuinely meaning it.
Altrix chuckled, and tilted her head up towards the ceiling, looking at something that was not in this room, or perhaps even of this world. “Altrix, huh? I see what you did there. I suppose you needed something to mentally separate yourself and I, and what better than a name such as that.”
“Still, thank you again for all your help,” said Trixie. In response, her other half snapped her head back down, looking hard at Trixie.
“This place is not one that will fix you, Trixie. It shall not make you whole,” Altrix warned. “This Pool of Reflections merely turns your reflection back at you, and forces you to face what you are. Were you of a lesser strength of will, you would have left this room even more of a broken mare than when you arrived. All I can do is help you begin to help yourself. When you leave, your journey has only begun. Now that you are aware of your weaknesses, you can never stop attempting to better yourself. Only then shall you become as great and powerful as you once proclaimed to be.”
“I’ll continue to face myself,” Trixie promised.
Her doppelganger nodded. “I cannot hold you to that. You must hold yourself to it. Never lose sight of what makes you, you. Farewell, Trixie.” Altrix turned around, and walked away from Trixie, and back towards the pool. The clone pony stopped for a moment once reaching the edge of the water. She sighed, then took a step forward into the pool. Instead of beginning to float, every step she took brought her deeper and deeper until even her horn disappeared underneath the surface.
Altrix was gone.
Trixie looked at the pool. The Pool of Reflections, huh? If the pool near Ponyville was the Mirror Pool, capable of creating clones of a pony, then this pool was capable of showing one’s reflection, no matter how dirty or gunky parts of it may be. Trixie wondered how the Empress had discovered this pool, or how it had been created in the first place. It was a mysterious entity that was so far removed from Trixie’s own understandings that she thought she would need another lifetime to study it.
The water continued rippling for a few seconds. Then it subsided, turning into an undisturbed surface. Trixie entertained touching the water again for a few seconds, before deciding against it. She had come and done what the Empress had wanted of her. Instead, Trixie turned around, and stood up. She craned her head up to look past the stalactite-dotted ceiling of the cavern, and to the heavens above.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
The words died off after a brief echo. Being able to say those words felt liberating. There was still work to be done, Trixie knew. Becoming an alicorn was no easy feat. If it was, there would have been more than a hoofful of them in Equestria’s history.
Trixie had the power of illusions to help her attain apotheosis. Now, however, it was time to confront the Empress for the other half of the potential puzzle: how to utilise the pools of magic that gave Trixie the ability to use pegasus and Earth pony powers.
“It’s time,” Trixie said, determined. Feeling her eyes full of vim, she took off up the curved slope going around the side of the room, returning back to the Empress’ throne rooms, where the changelings and her friends all were.
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So Trixie's thirst for power is brought to the surface here, quite literally. And she gives herself a "good reason" to want this power - to use it for healing.
Really nice chapter here.
Through "Dark Altrix" being defeated by cuddles still looks strange to me.
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I think it was based in the first book of the Earthsea serie, where the main character rejoins with his corrupted self.
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Oh, thanks for reminding me of it! I had it read about 10 years ago))
Still, I don't thinks so. In "A Wizard of Earthsea", he was actively chasing his shadow, and it was somewhat an actual person. Here, she just got a look at herself from different angle.
I am so curious how much general butthurt will happen when she actualy ascends. Celestia might even swear off cakes.
Nicely done bringing in those separate ideas into one story. That speaks of insight and planning. Good marks for a good writer.
Self-reflection or reflected introspection... Hell if I know, my head hurts
This chapter put a lot into focus, and I actually feel the curve of the story. Iz gud
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I never really based it off of anything much. Probably the biggest inspiration going through this chapter was Persona 4, where 'I'll Face Myself' and self-introspection and Jungian psychology plays an outsized part of the plot. It's not for nothing that I have a gazillion uses of variations of the line 'I'll Face Myself' in this chapter
Oh. My. Gosh that was amazing!!!
The pool was so well done! I wasn’t sure exactly what it was until the end. Normally, I’m not a fan of this sort of thing, as it is usually explored very badly in horror movies, but this was both really interesting and relevant. Well played.
I can certainly understand why it was difficult to write! Also, you? A Trixie fanboy? I’d never have guessed.
You don't need a noble reason to gain power you are creating for yourself.