Well I liked it. I thought the long synopsis provided helpful insight to the story. It may just be the fact that I love flutterdash shipping but I'm looking forward to the rest of the story.

698245 Ouch. Good points, but a little blunt, don'tchaknow?
images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110217224942/mlp/images/8/8e/Moo_moo_cow_cow.JPG

Sorry, NintenGal, I'm sort of a wreck tonight. I'll read later, just came to see it.

698245
Sorry, my bad. It's hard to explain why I wrote it that way, but now I fixed it. Thank you for your advice.

That was nice

Really cute story you have here. The way that you portrayed thier feelings for one another just really made me think, "How cute!", the entire time. However, perhaps you may invest in more detailed descriptions? The help the audience invest in the imagery of the story and get a better understanding of what is happening. Not saying you didn't have enough to suffice as is, but in my opinion you can never have enough imagery! Good show.

Great fun story! Here are some things I found:

"Within a moment or two, this was when when she met with Fluttershy's marehood."
This is an awkward sentence... you might want to streamline it somehow, maybe shortening it to something like "After a moment, or two, she met with Fluttershy's marehood." It's not completely necessary but the awkward sentence pulls you out of the story for a moment.

"Nodding back, she looked back at her exposed marehood, as if beckoning her."
Another awkward sentence, this one is confusing as to what it means. Is the marehood beckoning her? Is she beckoning the mare attached to the marehood? You could clean this up depending on what the context is. Two examples are:
"Nodding back, she looked at the exposed marehood as it beckoned her."
and
"Nodding back, she looked toward the exposed marehood, as if beckoning it."
The reason to remove or change the second "back" is you use it in a different context just a few words earlier. It's not necessary, but it helps readability a lot. You don't want the first her as the she in this sentence is already described and she is not looking at her own marehood. The easiest way is to remove the possessive "her" and replace it with a neutral "the". The next part is mostly self explanatory in having the two separate examples. The sentence shouldn't leave such an important factor as "who is doing what" ambiguous. It may be difficult to identify these sort of things as you translate your thoughts into words- that's one reason pre-readers are very useful. They don't have your inside information and have to construct the imagery as you present it without any background other than what you give them.

"The stimulation combined with the intense pleasured waves were by far anything she'd felt before."
I think you forgot a "better than". Got typing a bit fast eh?

"Fluttershy's moaning sent her desires on a tailspin, stirring her own marehood down below her."
Can't tell if very minor grammar error or very clever pun..... Either way, I saw it. Do I get a cookie? The proper use would be "in a tailspin". Unless tailspin meant.. something different and very relative to the term "clop".

I'm sure there are more errors, but I was caught up in your story too much to notice them. I'd call that a win for your story. Good job, I honestly really liked this.

698742
You do get a cookie. XD *Gives you one* I'm glad you enjoyed it regardless of the little bumps in the road. I'll fix them up, of course. XD Thanks a lot for your help!

Interesting. The way this played on the projector in my head was pretty good. Please continue.

"The stimulation combined with the intense pleasured waves were by far anything better than she'd felt before"

I was thinking you might want to throw the "better than" before the "anything," so the sentence read like this:

"The stimulation combined with the intense pleasured waves were by far better than anything she'd felt before"

But I wasn't specific, so I deserved that I guess. I don't think your story does though.

I noticed some other problems with your corrections... Do you want me to get annoying and keep harassing you about them or should I just leave it as it is? Pretty much everything you corrected... didn't seem much better...

I don't want to be annoying, and really you can drag anything out if you spend too much time nitpicking on things. I also don't want you to feel like you did a bad job, because you certainly did not. So I'm just gonna let you be and look forward to your next story. I know I make plenty of mistakes and people don't seem to mind too much. Good luck!

698922
Well, a little helpful correcting never hurt anyone, and I'm not that kind of person who gets annoyed over it. But I guess if there's a glaring flaw that does need to be fixed, definitely point it out. Then spelling mistakes, that pretty much is something I need to know. XD Aside from that, yeah, I think if it's a minor nitpick but we can get away with it, then that's pretty much where we just need to shrug and move on. Unless it somehow affects the story pretty much.

But it's true, we all make mistakes and sometimes even I spot mistakes in stories that I like. Most of the time though, I tend to let them pass and just enjoy the story, since they oftentimes don't even affect my overall reading experience.

I still appreciate you trying to help, though. But yes, definitely just sit back and enjoy the story! Nitpicking, on your own or someone's work can be tough. XD

Adorable clop....well played

I knew you of all ponies couldcould pull of a clop fic thats cute as buck
I liked how the entire time they were both confused on what to do. Looking foward yo to the cuteness to come

702270
Aww, thanks! That was my exact intention! Sure, a clop fic, but with emotion and feeling, as well as cuteness.

Yep! They both never did this before, and Fluttershy's only extended knowledge comes from Sex Ed, romance novels, and maybe a health or biology book. XD But first-hand? Nada!

Thanks again! I hope you'll enjoy the future chapters!

Very sweet story, I loved it. ^w^ Looking forward to more!

MOARMOARMOARMOARMOARMOAR.

Sorry. :P It really was cute, and the initial awkwardness of it all made it completely adorable.

This story is...AMAZING. You are a very good writer and i have read just about every story you have written and they are all good so keep it up and i cant wait for the next chapter. So keep up what you are doing. . oh and i'm always watching

698245
but if you dont read the story you dont read the clop...

I was going to do my "Good, Bad, Ugly" review, but then I saw that you made it incomplete... so all I will say is...

profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-snc4/277167_146562318774450_2017642263_n.jpg

I'm ready for chapter 2

717962
XDDD I asked for that kind of caption, didn't I? Oh dear! What have I done?!

Cool then! I'm working on it now.

such great writing, the only way for me to read a fic like this

First time Iv'e read a clopfic that actually had a adorableness to it! Mostly in Flutterdash Clopfic's Fluttershy ends up being obbsesed with BDSM, I love this! :3

Spelling errors were too hard to find, Every word is sorted, FlutterDash <------ You rocked out. Again! =D

That was possibly the most... awkward... thing I have ever read.
I'll admit, I didnt HATE it, but at least now I know it's not my type of reading.
Other than that, I found it to be very well written.
Keep up the good work!
~Jeta~

Who the hell thumbed this down?

couldn't help but think of this song.

This being my first FlutterDash fic, I have only one thing to say: I'm liking where this is going! Can't wait to read the rest.

Well, while I like the actual events and pacing, the grammar was a bit distracting. There was a lot of subject-verb disagreement and the occasional misspelling. The dialogue was a bit stilted and awkward as well. None of these faults was enough to make me not want to keep reading, mind you.

Nicely written with a side of d'awwww.

This is the first shipping I've read that stars out as a friends with benefits thing. I kind of expected it to be poorly written, but you pulled it off nicely. Take this.

Well, let awkward sex commence. But really, I find this to be a wonderfully written story. I couldn't see any major grammar mistakes, Wunderbar spelling, and how the characters reacted to the situation was just so cute! But, I'm really liking that Flutters isn't obsessed with BDSM... And she reads romance novels to learn it all :D

I'm already loving this story! It's so adorable, romantic, and the awkward sex makes this an amazing story! Flutterdash will always be best ship!

No doubt, Flutterdash is the best ship of all!

And for the story, I just want to say d'awww!

God, I miss the original...
~Wywint

Too... cute. Gerr, Diabetes

You know...

Even in 2021 this story reads well right off the bat.

I get the feeling that it will forever be one of the great unfished Flutterdash works.