Hoopy's Notebook

by Hoopy McGee

Calories are magic

On a near-perfect day in the charming little town of Ponyville, five friends sat around a table at an outdoor cafe, laughing and talking about the small details of their lives. The sixth member of their group had sent word on ahead that she'd be late, and so they had ordered already. Time passes quickly when it's filled with friendship and laughter, so it seemed like barely any time at all before the waitress showed up with a large tray balanced across her back.

"You know," Rainbow Dash said to Applejack as the waitress put each plate down in front of their respective diner, "I just noticed something weird."

"What's that, Rainbow?" Applejack asked.

"You eat a whole lot."

The friendly chatter from the other three mares stopped as if cut off by a knife.

"Whaddaya mean by that?!" Applejack snapped back, getting up halfway out of her seat. The waitress, sensing trouble, dropped off Fluttershy's plate and made a hasty retreat.

Dash, whose self-preservation instincts sometimes took a while to kick in, shrugged and said, "It's just what I said: you eat a lot." Oblivious to the mounting anger from the farmpony and the stunned silence of the rest of the group, she added, "But you're in really good shape anyway."

Applejack, who had a moment before been rising on a swell of indignant outrage, found herself suddenly floundering in a sea of confused embarrassment. "Oh, uh... Well, shoot. Thanks, I guess?"

"It's just something I've been wondering about the last few times we've gotten together for lunch or whatever," Dash continued. "I mean, you work all the time, so maybe that's why you're not fat. And I eat even more than you, but I'm an athlete in training, so it makes sense that I'd be in great shape. But the way the Rarity and Twilight eat really just confuses me."

Now it was Rarity's turn to feel that she should, perhaps, be offended. "I beg your pardon?" she asked.

Rainbow turned to face the white unicorn. "Well, you don't each as much as we do, but you still eat more than most ponies I know," Rainbow, said, either not noticing or ignoring the indignant spluttering of her unicorn friend, "and I don't think I've ever seen you exercise much, but you're still pretty skinny." Dash then pointed her hoof at Fluttershy, who let out an "eep!", ducked down, and tried to hide behind her mane. "She eats almost nothing, so that explains why she's so thin. But Twilight eats even more than I do, and she's only got a little bit of a pudge—"

"Hey! I do not!"

"—even though she's not an athlete or anything." Dash shrugged, oblivious to the wary or outright hostile stares she was getting. "I was just wondering about it, is all."

Twilight eyed her meal—a large bowl of pasta covered with a small dairy's worth of rich, creamy sauces—and shoved it aside. "Well, I have an answer for that, if you're interested."

Dash snorted. "Of course you do."

Twilight glowered at her, but wasn't about to let a little rudeness interrupt a good lecture. "A pony can burn calories in one of two ways. Physical exercise, like Applejack, or magical exercise for Rarity and myself."

"Wait, wait, wait," Rainbow protested, temporarily derailing Twilight's lecture train. "I thought your magic just happened. Like, you know... magic is everywhere, and all that junk."

"It is," Twilight affirmed. "However, the effort of gathering all of that magic and directing into a spell requires the exercise of a unicorn's own magical field, which pretty effectively burns off calories. As a pegasus, you exercise both physically and magically when you fly, just like I do." She flapped her wings to underscore the point. "And, as with any type of exercise, a greater output requires a greater intake of calories. Just like how exercising more means you have to eat more. It's simple science."

"So, wait..." Dash said slowly as she tried to process this. "You're saying if you eat too much, you or Rarity can just cast a few spells and burn it off, so you won't get fat?"

"Yes," Twilight replied, nodding. "Rarity has all her work in the Boutique, and I'm constantly casting spells. A single short-range teleport can consume as many calories as a double-fudge donut provides. With sprinkles." She grinned. "Why do you think I teleport everywhere these days? It's practically a requirement when you live in the same town as Sugarcube Corner."

"Huh," Rainbow said as she leaned back. "I guess that's how Celestia manages to stay so thin when she eats nothing but cake. She's gotta raise the sun every day. I bet that's heavy!"

"She eats more than cake!" Twilight protested before she started to settle down. "But, yes. She does eat considerably more than the average pony. She actually needs to, because she's the most powerful pony in Equestria."

Rainbow was about to answer when a bubbly, chirping voice cut them off. "Hi, girls! Sorry I'm late!" Pinkie Pie said as she bounced up to their table. "Sugarcube Corner was, like, crazy busy today." She hopped into the one empty seat at the table and immediately began scanning the menu just as their waitress arrived. "Oh, hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! And I'd like appetizers."

"Which appetizers, dear?" the waitress asked, taking out her order pad and a stub of pencil.

"All of 'em!" Pinkie replied with a grin.

The waitress blinked. "All of 'em?" she repeated. "You mean, one of each appetizer?"

"Yup! To start with." Pinkie's baby-blue eyes scanned the menu. "And, let's see... I'll have a number one, a number three, a numbers seven through twelve—the twelve with extra cheese, please! Oh, and a number sixteen."

"Uh..." the waitress hadn't written anything down, yet, instead staring at Pinkie as if the pink mare had spontaneously grown a second head. "Wait. Seriously?"

"Yuppers!" Pinkie replied in her usual chipper fashion. "I'm a bit peckish."

"Could, ah... could you repeat that?" the waitress asked, then scribbled furiously on her pad when Pinkie did just that. "Uh, okay. I'll... I'll go put the order in. Do you want it all at once, or..."

"Nah, just bring it out as it's ready. I'm really hungry."

"Okay," the waitress replied in a shaky voice before turning tail to flee back into the restaurant.

"When you come back, could you bring out the dessert menu?" Pinkie called after her. Then, grinning, she turned to her friends. All five of them were staring at her—with confusion, with awe and, in the case of Twilight Sparkle, with burning scientific curiosity. Her grin faded a little. "What? Have I got something on my face?"

Author's Note:

Pinkie Pie is, obviously, the most powerful pony in Equestria.

Comments

[Conflicting views]

Or she just place all that in her hammer space...

And well, she is always moving so fast, and constantly, she may have a very high metabolism.

[tsaukpaetra]

Bouncing everywhere and altering reality constantly would take some energy indeed. You'd think that any restaurant would be used to Pinkie though...

[blake0831]

7372787
Maybe she's a new hire?

[FanOfMostEverything]

Ah yes, calorie-fueled magic. An entirely logical form of thaumobiology. One that certainly explains Pinkie's appetite. Heck, even Fluttershy probably needs a decent meal after using the Stare.

7372787
The waitress is new to Ponyville. After all, Pinkie introduced herself to her.

[Kusac]

I wouldn't doubt that earth pony farming uses a lot of magic too keeping the crops healthy. Plus the apples from AJ bucking all fall into the basket. That has got to be magic.

[silvershinepony]

Oh my god

[Rokas]

This really makes you wonder how much and what that really, really, really fat pony we saw in Rarity's Canterlot boutique eats.

[jedi_master_brony]

She's probably still making up for the time she spent as Fillysecond (or she's moonlighting as Fillysecond)

[Bugsydor]

Pinkie Pie is, obviously, the most powerful pony in Equestria.

Was there ever any doubt?

This short complies exceptionally well with my headcanon, by the way.

[albedoequals1]

"You eat a whole lot."

Ah, classic element of honesty loyalty there.

[pahnazd]

No surprise with Pinkie. You need a lot of food to replenish all the energy use when you break reality on a regular basis

[Lancerlot]

7374264 Maybe she's a member of the nobility?
Being fat used to imply wealth and idleness, in a time when only the very wealthy could afford to be idle. It was a status symbol.

[ryttyr]

Well. This makes kind of sense I suppose. Pinkie Pie is somehow able to keep up with and even outrun Rainbow Dash flying at top speed. I suppose she converts all those calories into earth-pony stamina magic.