A man is defined by his ambitions. With his birth came a solemn vow. Ludwig was a man of words and a man of deeds. The founder of the Church’s Workshop, Ludwig and his Holy Moonlight sword, which he had discovered a long, long time ago, would become a prime example of the power us humans have inside of us. This abyssal weapon, which could summon the power of the cosmos itself was wielded by him, and only him.
Ludwig was a fine hunter. He saw no need for further slaughter, had the beastly spread been haltered. He saw no need for having to slay every last one of them. He would rather have the Church search for a cure, while they would fend off any beast that dared to threaten the existence of mankind. The Holy Moonlight Sword. His tutor, his pride and joy. It had been with him for as long as he could remember.
But alas, it was all too good to be true. The beastly scourge was not haltered. Church hunters would turn into veracious beasts, having taken so much of the Old Blood. Some would even get drunk, having taken too much blood. Their pupils collapsed and turned to mush, indicating the onset of the scourge of beasts. Even Laurence, the First Vicar had broken his promise. His vow.
Fear the Old Blood.
A vow and a promise he had made to Master Willem, a long time ago. He did not keep it.
Ludwig had always looked up to Laurence, he always admired him and his ambitions. Whenever Ludwig would get the chance to talk to Laurence, or even be in his presence, he would consider it an honor of the highest level. But even the highest of honors, can be deceiving. Laurence’s pupils were turned into mush as well, indicating the beastly scourge. The only thing that was left of him, and that was honored by the other vicars, was his skull… the skull of a beast.
Not even Ludwig could have predicted this outcome. Laurence was dead, and the Church was left without a leader. Some desperately tried to make contact with a god, a Great One, but to no avail. And Ludwig. Well, he saw no further need for holding back.
Both rage and grief had taken over. His vison blurred and his mind clouded, Ludwig separated the Church’s hunters into two different classes. The Black Church hunters whom he would join on the nightly hunt, were tasked to kill every single beast, and erase any existence of it. the Whit Church hunters would do the same thing, yet they were to experiment on the beasts, trying to figure out a way to stop the beastly scourge from spreading.
But even the mighty heroes, will eventually fall. Ludwig had gotten drunk of blood. His body no longer in the physical world. He was taken to the Hunter’s Nightmare, where Kos ruled. There, in his human form, he continued to hunt beasts, while also having to fend off against hunters who had gone rogue. His Holy Moonlight Sword kept evil at bay, his true mentor would always be at his side.
The Hunter’s Nightmare showed a lot of resemblance to Cathedral Ward, yet it looked like someone had tried to recreate it. It looked more like a faint memory, than the real deal. Ludwig had passed several hunters on his way to the cathedral itself. When he had beaten the humongous axe wielding monster and reached the cathedral, he was shocked at what he saw.
A beast. A beast that looked like it had been just set to flames lay there on the altar. Curiosity overtook the chief hunter, and he walked towards it. Nothing could have prepared him for the discovery he was about to make.
A smell. A smell he recognized. A smell he adored and loved. Laurence. Vicar Laurence. His pride and joy. His inspiration. The one who acted like a fatherly figure to him, was laying the on that altar. How could this have happened? Laurence… his mentor had turned beast. Why? Why did it have to be him? Why not someone else?
Having been overtaken by grief, Ludwig prayed to his mentor one last time, before taking his leave.
The River of Blood. Despicable spider-like creatures who sucked out the blood of hunters, their bellies filled with blood, looking like they were about to explode. Ludwig slaughtered them all, their blood covering his Church attire, entering his wounds. Eventually he reached an underground arena.
And it would be the last place he would reach. The beastly scourge had taken its toll on him. He felt it. He could feel himself turning beast. And he did. He did turn beast.
Many hunters would come to the hunter’s nightmare, but none would ever get passed Ludwig, the Accursed.
Ludwig’s humanity died with him, when the Old Blood had taken its toll on him. His ideals were still intact, his Moonlight sword was still with him, and the Old Blood would never leave his veins. He would always stay in this Hunter’s Nightmare, never leaving that accursed arena.
But then you come. The player. The hunter who has bested Great Ones and other beasts. You enter the Hunter’s Nightmare. You fight against bloodthirsty hunters. You have the right weapons and firearms to best any beast. But most of all, you have the will to press on. You have the will to fight, and die, but return and fight again, until you are victorious.
And then you enter the underground arena, and you see what has become of Ludwig. You see what a once great hunter has become. You have been given hints in the past. Ludwig’s Holy Blade is a prime example. Ludwig’s Holy Blade is a prime example, being a trick weapon typically used by Healing Church hunters. It is said that Ludwig, first hunter of the Healing Church, employed the silver sword. It's transformed state combines the smaller sword with its sheath, forming a greatsword that emphasized the Church's heavy-handed, merciless stance towards the plague of beasts. Its departures from traditional workshop designs suggested that the Church anticipated much larger inhuman beasts.
You are given hints, hints that indicate that Ludwig was a skilled hunter and leader. You believed that he was. We all speculated that the Cleric Beast was him, we all thought it was. But it wasn’t. He wasn’t. He had turned into something more veracious, because he was veracious all along.
Do you defeat him? Yes, you do. And when you do, you are given a choice. Do you tell this once proud hunter that everything he has fought for was in vain? Or do you tell him that his Church hunters have become the honorable Spartans he wanted them to become?
The choice is yours. But remember one thing. Ludwig fought for what he thought was right. he made the ultimate sacrifice. He fights you with his conscience intact. And he fights with some if his glory intact.
Ludwig, the Accursed. Ludwig, the Hero. Ludwig, the Fool. Ludwig, the Hunter.
Names do not matter, legends do.
And those screams of pain he lets out? Ha, those are just screams of excitement. Because he knows that you are the one who will set him free. You, the player will set him free.
So, young hunter, you know what needs to be done. Continue your hunt and uncover the truth. It is your destiny.
And Ludwig will be watching you from the skies, together with his fellow companions. Because heroes always end up in the skies, as the angels they are supposed to be.
Best chapter of this story.
It was very well written.
I get what you wanted to do with this chapter SolidArc5542, and you succeeded, but was your regular editor(if you have one) not available? Because there are plenty of grammar revisions that need to be addressed. Let's go down the list.
My grammar detector in word keeps recognizing this as a fragment, and any attempt to keep the wording still results in an error. Here is an alternative wording that you could use.
Also, whenever you say the full name Holy Moonlight Sword or just Moonlight Sword, make sure the 's' in sword is capitalized.
I keep seeing multiple fragments. Here is an alternative,
Get rid of 'by' and put in a comma after 'drunk.'
Change the "," after Laurence to ";"
Remove the comma.
Change 'vison' into 'vision.'
Put a comma after hunters and change 'whim' to 'whom.'
The 't' in 'the' should be capitalized and 'Whit' should be 'White.'
Remove the comma.
Change the period after world to a comma, and lowercase the 'h' in 'He.'
This phrase just sounds really awkward. Here is what I think it should be changed to;
Remove the ';'
Change "laid" to "lay."
Change "laying" to "lying."
Remove the comma after mentor.
The first sentence is a fragment and the second sentence doesn't describe the creatures relation to the River of Blood. Here is an alternate form.
Consider changing into this.
I just feel like there is a better way to integrate the description of a weapon that isn't just a copy-paste from the Bloodborne wiki. Here is my recommended change.
Capitalize the 'h' in 'he.'
Again, capitalize the 'h' in 'he.'
Recommend changing into this.
Get rid of the "You, the player" sentence as it is unnecessary to include.
Recommend changing into this.
Change "your" to "you."
Also, a general thing. From my experience it is standard to include two spaces after a period of a sentence, but your sentences have just one. My computer isn't detecting that as wrong, so I don't know if one way is correct or not, but I'm just telling you what I know.
Sorry for the super long comment, but I needed to let you know about all of these grammar problems.
6677710 "Best written?"
Sorry if I come of sounding like a jerk, but I refer you to my previous comment of all the changes that could and/or should be made.
6677803 I have to edit this all by myself, since I don't have a editor.
6677814 http://www.fimfiction.net/group/97/looking-for-editors
This here is a page where you can find an editor. If you have no luck, then I will help you with editing.
6677836 If you want, that'd be great. I've already searched for editors, I also used that group, but it didn't work out too well.
6677841 Okay, so how will this work? I'm still new to this site, so I don't know how communication works between writer and editor.
6677845 I can just PM you the chapter, or you can give me your e-mail and I'll send it to you.
6677848 Where do I check for PMs?
6677848 I found out how to check for PMs, so you can just PM me the chapter and I will get it back to you as fast as I can.
6677861 Top left corner, you click the envelope icon
6677881 I found it.
6677881 So I'll be your editor.
6677881 So when you have the chapters finished, just PM me and I'll edit them for you.
Ludwig is NOT undeveloped. Oh nonononononono.
Ludwig is way to overpowered to be the first boss of the DLC! All the other boss are tame compaired to Ludwig the Asshole!
6678607 Undeveloped in terms of character, not in terms of power as an enemy. (Also, Laurence is harder.)
6flyer
Oh. Whoops. I should have known he meant character and not power. But with my seething hatred for Ludwig I saw undeveloped meaning in terms of power. (Rom is a humongous pain in the ass. Ludwig is an asshole. Laurence is just annoying.)
The entire dlc is absolutely brutal in comparison to the base game and i still haven't been able to beat Ludwig. Also Ludwig gets the award for most twisted boss in the entire game and im kind of convinced that's not only him in this mess of a body.
6679467 I was more grossed out by the Orphan of Kos who attacks you with his own PLACENTA!
6679650
Nah man, that's just some shrimp he caught. Totally just a shrimp.
6682416 One apparently attached by it's UMBILICAL CORD?!
6682583
Hey man, the seas a place of life, and life will find a way.
Might I suggest changing "the player" to "the Good Hunter"?
It is a story that we read not an article on the wiki, having the player character kinda breaks the immersion. Just saying.
6688074
That's where you're wrong, the "good hunter" is nothing more than a player, while the play itself is the entire journey he/she partakes in.
All the monsters, heroes and gods are also, players in the play, wether they partake in important roles in the stories progression or minor roles that are used as stepping stones for others to use and climb higher in the story is yet to be concretely defined.
Back to my point, the player is a puppet, having its strings pulled in order to move at the puppeteers whims and mercy, but the real question should be: who is the puppeteer?
Is the puppeteer one of the Old Ones? Using its puppet to gain what it wants?
Is the puppeteer the dream itself? Using the puppet it has gained to make sure the cycle and the dream itself remain undisturbed?
Is the puppeteer the blood? Deriving the puppet to commit actions it wouldn't do otherwise just to satiate a bloodlust it wasn't there before?
Is the puppeteer the hunt? Enjoying the feeling of seeing the crimson blood gushing out of the wounds the puppet makes or suffers?
Is the puppeteer the player itself? Following its own code of justice and moral justification to make his actions valid and "good"?
In this game of fact and fiction no one knows who's being played by who, or the intentions behind the actions taken in the play, that regardless of how many times it ends, it will always continue to repeat itself for the land of dreams has no beginning and no end.
7158639 that's deep man