"Check," Twilight gleefully yawned to herself as she checked 'Attend Pinkie's Sugar Coated Muffins Bakesale Party' off her list of things to do for the day. She continued her journey back down Ponyville, the glow of the moon and stars lighting her way home. She had to admit, she had underestimated Pinkie's new "sweet treat" as Pinkie liked to call them. She half expected them to turn out too sweet, which was a common problem with all of her "latest, biggest baking discoveries" that she seemed to constantly have. Okay, she completely expected them to be too sweet, which probably showed when she hesitated her first bite of the Sugar Coated Muffin for what seemed like minutes as everyone watched, trying to hold their anticipation as they awaited for even the slightest hint of confirmation as to its edibleness. She liked to think of herself as the "taste tester" since she was typically the one to take the first bite. The group did greatly depend on her opinion the most when it came to the treats, but in reality none of them wanted to be the first victim if it was proven to be unsatisfying.
She rolled up her list and put it away as she levitated her Sugarcube Corner Goodie Bag around to her side so she could look at it. 'Maybe one more wouldn't hurt,' she thought to herself as she turned her focus towards opening the bag, continuing her stroll towards the library. Suddenly, she felt a great force across the side of her face; her body followed her head down to the ground and onto its side. She shook her head before opening her eyes to find the cause of her pain, realizing she had just rammed the flank of a tall blue mare who was standing in front of her doorstep. The mare's mane was translucent and flowing, which caught her eye in an almost hypnotizing way. Twilight made a quick mental note to remember the close proximity between Sugarcube Corner and the Golden Oaks Library the next time she chose to focus on something else while traveling between them, and quickly stored it in the back of her head so she could address the situation at hand. "Pri-Princess!?" Twilight exclaimed in shock, her cheeks burning in embarrassment as she bowed and cowered her body low to the ground.
Luna turned around to face Twilight. Luna's eyes displayed a soft look of confusion at the matter before quickly resolving back to a gaze at Twilight, and she smiled. "Ah! Twilight! We—" she stopped herself, realizing she was still using her royal voice after noticing Twilight cowering even more. "I mean, I request your assistance," she continued, her voice now modest and with care, her cheeks running slightly red.
Twilight froze for a few seconds, before reassuring herself that Princess Luna was nopony to be afraid of; even if she had just disgraced the Princess's dignity by running into her like she did. Twilight gulped before responding, "My-my assistance?" Luna giggled, and motioned with her head for Twilight to lead them inside. Twilight relayed the same soft look of confusion Luna had given her before, and then resorted to opening the door with her magic and leading the way in. Twilight's mind was running. 'How long had Princess Luna been waiting at my doorstep? What could she possibly need my assistance for? Why didn't she seem phased when I walked into her flank!?'
"Uh… Twilight dear, you forgot your—" Luna paused as she smelled the bag of treats next to her outside. Her eyes lifted as she inhaled even more deeply through her muzzle. "Mmm! What is this delicacy?"
"Oh!" Twilight blushed, realizing she had completely lost focus again. "Those are Pinkie Pie's new Sugar Coated Muffins! Here, let me…" Twilight rushed into the kitchen, quickly finding the most delicate plate and napkin she could find and returning to the doorway, only to find Luna already enjoying a bite-full of the muffin now in her hoof. Luna hummed a moan of satisfaction, staring at the muffin in amazement before turning her attention to Twilight. The lavender pony stood there even more confused than before. Defeated in her efforts, Twilight held the plate and napkin close to her, as if to hide them. Twilight's eyes widened as she witnessed her current processions glow a dark blue before being carefully levitated up near Luna as she placed the muffin on the plate and dabbed her lips with the napkin. Luna tilted her head slightly, closing her eyes and smiling at Twilight, relieving her of her defeat.
"You said this is Pinkie's delicious masterpiece?"
"Yes, Princess Luna. She makes lots of treats!" 'Not that I would consider all of them "delicious masterpieces" though,' she thought to herself. 'Well… maybe to Pinkie Pie they were. She has the sweetest sweet tooth of any pony in all of Equestria.'
Luna walked into the main room of the Library, escorted by Twilight. "She must have been behind the wedding cake as well! It was delicious!"
"Actually, Princess, that was Applejack. Pinkie Pie was in charge of the reception and the dance."
"Yes!" Luna loudly exclaimed. Twilight cowered down once again, shocked by Luna's sudden outburst. "That's what I need your assistance with!"
Twilight laid down onto the ground, unsure of what to say. "You mean, Pinkie Pie?"
"Haha, no, sweetie." Luna rubbed a hoof on the top of Twilight's head. "I want to learn how to dance."
Twilight's heart began to beat faster. 'Did she just call me sweetie?' Twilight closed her eyes, the feeling of Luna's hoof upon her head relieving her of all her worries. Twilight felt Luna remove her hoof, and she opened her eyes, met by Luna's. They both smiled, assuring each other that they both enjoyed her shown affection. Luna was the first to break the gaze, looking around the room.
"Do you have a musical instrument that can play for us? Or perhaps a book on dancing would help!" Luna explored the room before finding Twilight's latest letter to Princess Celestia upon her study table. "My sister and yourself are very close, are you not?"
"No! I mean, yes, Princess, but not like that! I mean—"
"Calm, Twilight Sparkle. I know you are her closest, most trusted student."
There was a short silence between them. Twilight couldn't stand it. 'Should I say something? What can I say!?' Twilight forced a few chuckles before saying, "I hope you're not jealous!" Her eyes widened as she realized what she had just said. 'Twilight, you stupid, stupid—'
Her thoughts were interrupted as Luna pounced on top of her, spreading her wings out to exaggerate her dominance. "Why would I be?" she whispered, forcing Twilight to focus on what she was saying. Twilight felt her heart pounding out of her chest. She had always admired both Princess Celestia and Princess Luna, and here she was, favorite student of one and the other mere inches above her. She had to admit, she preferred this much, much more. Twilight and Luna locked gazes once more, their mouths equally sharing mixed forms of smiles and expressions of awe.
Luna suddenly became distracted from their gaze as she noticed in the corner of her eye a book upon the bookshelf simply titled 'Dancing With Ease'. "Aha!" Luna leaped forward, levitating the book off the shelf and opening it. She examined each page, one after another. "I do not recall any of these dances being performed at the wedding."
Twilight rolled over onto her hooves to get a better look. "Oh, well Princess, those types of dances are for much more formal occasions."
"More formal than a royal wedding?"
Luna and Twilight both exchanged a shared look before bursting out into laughter. "Well, not when Pinkie's running things." They continued their fit until their laughter finally died down.
"How can we—I mean, I dance like the other ponies?"
"What do you mean?" Twilight asked. From what she could recall, Princess Luna had been dancing along with everypony else at the reception. 'Surely she means some other type of dance?'
"Like…" Luna gazed up at a corner of the room and stuck her tongue slightly out as she gave herself a second to think, before closing her eyes, bringing a tune to her head, and lightly bouncing from one pair of hooves to the other.
Twilight giggled, slightly louder than she had meant to. She was amused by Luna's dancing, and actually found it quite cute. Luna giggled back, and Twilight joined in on her dance in the tuneless room.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
"WHAT!? PRINCESS LUNA WAS AT YOUR HOUSE!?" Pinkie squealed, her physics-less body floating in the air in shock, her legs extended and hair on end.
"Quiet, dear! Let her continue!" Rarity brought a hoof up and pulled Pinkie back down to her seat.
"Yes, Pinkie, she was. She was waiting for me at the door to the Library when I—" she hesitated as she realized what she was about to say. Her cheeks flushed warmer, and she tilted her head forward in embarrassment.
"You wha—" Rarity began to yell, the anticipation killing her, before finding Pinkie's hoof covering her mouth.
"Shh!" Pinkie returned, grinning at her victorious revenge.
"I… I…" Twilight tried to bring herself to words. 'Why can't I say it? Princess Luna didn't even care!'
"Sugarcubes, ah' reckon ya' gonna kill Rarity at this rate," Applejack encouraged, noting towards Rarity's begging eyes.
Twilight sighed, and pushed aside the thought of being judged, if only just long enough for her to say it. "I walked into her flank."
"Oh my," were the first words Twilight heard, which she recognized to be coming from Fluttershy; Rarity dropped whatever drink she had been drinking, her mouth open wide; Pinkie took her hoof off of Rarity's mouth and onto her own, keeping herself from another incoming outburst; Rainbow Dash, who had been hovering above her seat as usual, quickly dropped down to get in on the action; Applejack raised her hat up, the shock in her eyes enough to say everything that was on her mind.
"Is everything alright, sweethearts?" Mrs. Cake cried from behind the counter as she hoofed over a customer his change. The response she got was an equal outburst of confirmations and oppositions, both of them muffling out the other, followed by each of them trying to explain the situation all at once. Mrs. Cake proceeded to walk around the counter towards where they were sitting to try and analyze the situation. "Mares, please!" She raised her voice, successfully muting each of them. She took a quick glance at each of them, trying to find the most rational choice to ask about the situation. "Rarity dear, are you okay?" she questioned, noticing that Rarity had succeeded in spilling her drink onto her front hooves.
"She ran into the Princess's flank!" Rarity pointed her hoof towards Twilight, as if telling on her for some terrible deed she had done. It would have been, under normal circumstances, considered one of the rudest things you could have done to someone of royalty, even if it was an accident.
"Well now, dear, she has been around the Princess a good amount of time now. She's bound to have gotten complacent and walked into her eventually." Mrs. Cake replied in a surprisingly calm manner. At least, surprising to the group of shocked ponies before her.
"Not Princess Celestia," Rarity continued, "Princess Luna! She walked into—"
"Rarity, please!" Twilight interrupted, already embarrassed enough from having to announce what she had done, and now feeling cornered by everypony's judgement. "It's not what you think! I was looking at my goodie bag and—"
"Twilight, darling, it doesn't matter what you were doing. You just don't go around running into royal flanks!"
"Rarity!" Mrs. Cakes raised her voice again. "Whatever the case may be, she meant nothing of it, and if you were put into her situation you would hope your friends would understand." With that, Mrs. Cakes brushed away Rarity's broken glassware and handed her a warm cloth to clean her hooves with.
Rarity quickly reframed her position, ashamed of herself. "I apologize, Twilight. Mrs. Cake is right, I would want my friends to understand, and I am your friend. I shouldn't have been so selfish."
"It's okay, Rarity. I forgive you." They both exchanged smiles, and she continued. "As I was going to say, Princess Luna didn't even seem… oh sweet Celestia, what was that word I was thinking of?... Phased! She didn't seem phased by it at all! She just turned around and told me she needed my assistance with something."
They all leaned in closer, captured again by her story. "Assistance with what, Twi?" it was Dash's turn to ask the question. They had all unconsciously developed a habit of taking turns asking questions whenever one of them had a story to tell. They had all tried asking questions all at once before, and that never got them anywhere.
"Well…" Twilight once again froze up, her cheeks burning as she imagined her friends reaction when she told of her activities with the Princess of the Night. Rarity raised a hoof to her forehead and fainted in her seat.
"Ah' called it," Applejack happy announced.
"Gee', Applejack. You've gotten to know Rarity so well you've developed Pinkie senses for her." Dash playfully teased, winking at her.
Applejack tried to hide the intensely red blushes now forming on her face with her hat before resultantly swinging it at Dash. "That ain't nun' of ya'll business!"
"WE SHOULD THROW A PARTY!" Pinkie proclaimed loudly, balloons coming out from underneath the table.
"Now see what ya've done!"
"Well?" Rarity questioned at Twilight as she regained consciousness.
"Oh! It's nothing, really. We just… danced." Everypony focused on Twilight once again, dumbfounded. None of them could even bring themselves to question what she had just said. Twilight got up from her chair, trying to find someway to break the awkward silence. "Like…" Twilight closed her eyes and breathed out, tuning out the music playing in the bakery and recalling the tune she had played in her head the night before. She then began bouncing from side to side, just as Princess Luna and her had done.
"Ooh! I know this one!" Pinkie joined in, following in with Twilight's rhythm.
Dash leaned closer towards the remaining three ponies at the table. "You all realize they're completely off beat, right?" She questioned, raising a hoof towards the nearest speaker above them.
"Have you any imagination, Dashie?" Rarity rolled her eyes before proceeding to get up and join the other two dancing ponies.
"Eenope," Applejack teased before getting up to do the same. Fluttershy made a sheepish squeal before joining in on the fun. Rainbow Dash, not wanting to look uncool, stayed in her seat for a few seconds, before convincing herself that sitting alone at the table was much lamer.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Twilight awoke that night to a knock at the door. Not wanting to get out of bed, she turned over to look at Spike to see if he was getting up. She was disappointed to see his bed missing of any dragons, reminding her that Spike was out for the night. She heard another knock at the door, persuading her to get out of bed. She looked out the window, noticing that the moon was barely peeking the horizon. 'I suppose it isn't too late for someone to visit, but who makes visits this late at… Oh!' "Princess Luna!" Twilight felt butterflies inside; her body building warmth as her heart leaped. She quickened her pace down the stairs from her bedroom and used her magic to open the door. "You can come in, your majesty!"
"That's mighty nice of you, Twilight!" the gray pegasus exchanged as she flew in through the doorway. "I hope you don't mind, I'm running a little late on mail!" Derpy reached into her pouch and handed Twilight her mail.
"You don't say," Twilight said as she took the mail from Derpy, glancing back at Derpy with a tired, irritated look.
"It doesn't always happen, but every so often I have a lot to deliver! Anyways, have a nice night!" Derpy flew back out, barely missing the frame of the door with her wing. Twilight facehooved herself; there had to have been enough room in that doorway to easily fit two ponies, if not three.
She closed the door and began heading back towards the stairs before she noticed one of the books slightly extended out from the shelf. She walked over to examine it, recognizing it to be the book Princess Luna had pulled out just the other night. Twilight sighed to herself, pushing the book fully into place. 'Who knew one night could be so special?'
She heard another knock at the door. "Ugh! What now!" She impatiently paced herself over to the door, opening it with her hooves with extra effort, as if it would somehow make her feel better.
Luna was greatly shocked by Twilight's performance, but she only expressed her shock by tilting her head slightly. "You never fail to amuse me, Twilight." Luna grinned as she proceeded to rub Twilight on the head as she had before. Only this time, her outreach was met with a grasping hug.
"Princess!" Twilight squeezed tightly. Princess Luna being at her doorstep washed all her negative feelings away. If it had been somepony else she didn't know what she would have done. 'Wait… what am I doing!?' Just as Twilight was about to release herself, she felt Princess Luna embrace her back, wrapping her hooves around Twilight and holding her closer, using her wings and a touch of magic to keep them from falling. Luna pulled her head back to look at Twilight's. Both of them had the biggest smiles on their faces that they ever remembered having. Luna took this moment to ask Twilight a simple question that changed their lives forever.
"May I have this dance?"
Dat cover pic.
Jeez, last time I saw this shipping pair, it was in Romance Reports. Amirite?
'Luna already enjoying a bite-full of the muffin now in her hand.'
Very good story, I love the way you ended it.
If you continue this, I will love you forever.
673928
It fit one of the scenes in my story perfectly. I just had to use it.
673967
EDIT: Wait... What? Each time I read this comment, it confuses me more and more.
673993
The fact that neither I nor my proofreaders caught that is shameful. I owe you one, you awesome person.
674011
Luckily for you, I already have big plans for Chapter 2.
To be honest, OP, the cover photo is what brought me here. But what the hell, I'll add this to 'Read Later' just for kicks. Good luck.
The cover photo does imply clop. (When you messaged me it I was like "Be this clop?"
(Keep it that way to troll cloppers? )
674035
Well the rating does say Everyone, and it did get approved by whatever moderator was on at the time, so I see no problem in keeping it this way. I don't see this turning into a clop anytime soon, though. Sorry, cloppers, maybe next time.
674047
I didn't expect you to be a clop writer. That's why I like you
Don't get me wrong, if clop is part of a good story, that's fine... but I hate that "AND THEN THEY FUCKED" stuff.
674063
So you like me because you thought I wasn't one? Or because I might be one?
And I know what you mean, haha. Some writers make these ponies out to be very... in season... all the time...
674087
I'm not a fan of people who turn every story in to clop. So, if anything, I prefer that there be no clop in any of my stories! If there is clop in a really good story I like then I'll suck it up and read it because then I'll be worrying over if I missed something important!
674092
That's dedication right there, haha!
I'll be sure to keep the romance stories and the clop stories separate for you. I don't see myself starting one anytime soon, but I'll likely give it a shot someday. As a novice writer I'm up to trying everything at least once.
674101
I know that feel. I got a good 6 people to ask me if my story was going to be clop.
I was tempted to make a chapter or so with it in there near the end, but I decided not to. I'm sure I'll try to write at least one story of every genre.
I'll make a special exception for you
I'm feeling a lot better, and I'll be faithful to ya and pre-read your stories, clop or not
My Checklist:
- Well written
- Comfortable dialogue
- Smattering of comedy
- Twilight in romance with princess, well its the wrong one but I guess everyone is prone to errors every now and again .
674107
Glad to hear you're feeling better!
674122
I'll be sure to fix this error in one of my future stories.
674122
TwiLuna is best ship.
I am a bit surprised at Twilight being scared of Luna when they meet at the library. Given what Twilight was doing in 'Luna Eclipsed', I thought she'd be a bit more at ease. I will admit ramming isn't her usual means of getting royal attention, though.
us2.memecdn.com/molestia-is-not-pleased_o_241804.jpg
In this case.... Chapters xD
674221 Well the way I understood it, it was more: "Oh f***, I just disgraced royalty, please don't banish me" than it was "I just headbutted the former NMM, I'm dead"
674221 676332
My goal was to hint at Twilight's character flaw of worrying about things too much. I considered removing it because of the reason you brought up, but I also needed it to show she knew "ramming" a Princess was a degrading action. I appreciate the positive critizism, and will focus on making the points more clear in the future chapters.
676116
"Don't you worry, everypony! We'll be back with more soon!"
Question: Can you rewrite this into a mature fic? You could do it easily. It'd be awesome o.o
Hmm...pacing seems to be all over the place, but that is true of many new authors. I mean, you've got Luna showing up in the second paragraph, and asking Twilight for dancing lessons before the 1000-word mark. You're forcing the relationship too much, slow down!
678205
I won't be experimenting with mature fics until I gain more experience and do some practice writing first. No one enjoys a bad mature fic. No one.
680661
Honestly, this was going to be a one-shot. Since then I've had so much support to continue it that I've decided to add a few more chapters. By the time I finish this story I'll have a new, bigger, slower paced story started for people to enjoy even more. Will it be another Twiluna? Depends on how much support this one gets, really. I'll have to take a poll of some sort.
Edit: You also have to account for the fact that the relationship between them (friendship wise) was already developed in the cartoon. She came to Twilight's for the specific reason of asking for her advice on how to dance in the modern day culture.
More Edit: Your criticism is appreciated, though. I'll try to slow down my pacing from now on. That will also help make my stories longer.
681021 True enough. Although remember my words. This story has potential to be awesome. If you know what I mean
67396
to be fair i dont think you could classify romance reports as a twiluna, it was everything BUT a twiluna, it's pretty much the only pairing that we didn't get in that one...
For a first fic, this looks really good! Truth be told I WAS expecting clop only from the pic like some others here did. So although this wasn't what I was really expecting, a nice little love story like this one to follow every once in a while is always nice.
As iSmartMan said, the pacing was a bit too fast for my liking. If you plan to make this story a bit longer, do add some story between the second-to-last (is that how you spell it) and last part. That would help covering why Luna suddenly is so "happy to meet" Twilight again at the end and make the story a lot more engaging, I think.
685743
I probably really should change the cover. In all likely-hood, this story probably got more views simply because people were expecting a clop, but people enjoyed it none-the-less, so in the end it worked out. I'll put something new together though.
Also, thanks for the criticism. I'm learning a lot from you all, and I hope it shows in the next chapter.
lol... where did you get that picture from? hmm? it looks kinda familiar ;)
i can see it's the same version as mine because photoshop for some unknown reason felt like toning down the colours a bit from the original picture :D
you know... you could just have asked if you were looking for the original picture? you can probably cut and past it better than i apparently could ;)
686101
I found it on google, haha. I later found your profile through searching on here long enough and was like... no way. And then you found me! Small world, bro.
686121
lol... really? nice one! XD small world, you say? pfff... its magic! twiluna unite! XD
anyway, trying to read your story, so be very very quite! :3
ah... now i got around to read it, it was pretty cute and pretty decent, i hope to see more.
and i liked how luna got a bit more cheerful personality... all those "gloomy" luna fics can get kinda tiresome -_- even if that kind of personality probably fits her better (at least to some extent), but rarity's personality kinda disappointed me a little, i know she's very dramatic and such. but she felt a little stupid to me here. but overall, good job so far, diff gonna "track" this ^_^
689821
Hmm... I hadn't considered Rarity's personality when I reviewed it afterwards, so that's something I'll definitely keep track of next time (as well as the other characters). My take on Luna is that she essentially has the mindset of a younger mare. Since she had spent so much time banished away and was thrown into a new culture, she's relearning a lot of concepts. This also gets expressed in chapter two, which hopefully will be published later today. Still reviewing it over. I'm making a serious attempt to try and become a better writer so that I can provide you all with better stories.
i think there should be more to this...but i loved it nonetheless
694138 Still working on chapter two. Should be done tonight, given my proofreader gets online later.
690073 meh... rarity just felt a bit out of place, thats all... i know shes over dramatic and there was nothing wrong with that, it just felt like she took a bit further than she would in the show and kinda made an ass of herself... thats all :P
and i'm fine with this version of luna, it gets a bit tiresome to read about gloomy gloomy doomed luna all the time -_- not that it isn't interesting, its just a bit much when its like in 9 out of 10 stories, you know? >_<
and no biggies about the writing, i'm mostly plot driven, so if the plot is decent i can get by most things :P but your english is way better than mine! and thats a plus XD
i have no other "complains" with this than i've already said, which is much less than i have given about other stories, which were just an insult to my eyes!
699792 Haha, nice. It might help to imagine that Rarity was up all night watching the CMCs and she's completely perturbed to start with.
that is all for now
Okay. It's time to read this story legit.
This is cheesy, but its a good kind of cheesy. Like a slice of pizza from one of the places on wooster st.
I looove this story it's adorable