- Member Since 7th Jul, 2015
- offline last seen April 21st
HydraLightning
TF2, Minecraft, FNAF, Anime, Shipping, BOI, L4D2, Xenoverse, Terraria, Halo, DOOM, Fallout 4, Castle Crashers, JASON VOORHEES, John Constantine, PAYDAY 2, and crossovers.
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None of this makes sense. Pacing is wrong, grammar is completely arsefucked, half of this shit's run-on, and the other half is confusing as fuck. I read like, three sentences before just skimming over the rest so I didn't give myself a fucking migraine. You sure you had a teacher's help? Either they lied to you, or they're fucking stupid. These mistakes are obvious. Punctuation is also a problem. I'm assuming that the second chapter is the same way? I don't know, as I didn't read that far. I mean, holy shit. You want me to Edit this? I have nothing to work with here! If I wanted this to make sense, I'd have to rewrite the damn thing! Which, in hindsight, is exactly what you should do. Be smart. Go and read a book. Any book. Look at the pacing. Look how the words are spelled correctly. Look how the grammar actually makes fucking sense.
Now, shoo. Get to work. You got a lot to get done.
6549325 I have one thing to say...Thanks
me likey :D
This is just funny, I like it.
nice chapter but it is to short try tomake it longer please
6818947 I'll try but I'm not that good so don't expect much
6819420 how are you not good l? You got me hooked on this story alone i know i am a nonody here in fimfiction but still this story is better then good it is great
6819432 Thanks but I have the problem where I can think and speak the ideas but I can't write or type it
6819440
how so?
6819450 Exactly how it sounds
6819462 i see i hope you manage to be bettere
When is the next chapter coming out?
6949825 I've been adding more to this chapter mostly cause I'm having a block so a new chapter won't be coming for awhile.
6949962 Ok
6949962 i think i know how to help with your wtiters block
6960075 What do you got?
6965727 okay look i am not sure if this can help but why not have necrotos explain afew things about him and the things he is capable of the things he capable and get afew info on the world then the ponies try to get to teach them afew things but he gets reluctant something along those line if that those not help then i recomend go read the foal necromancer by kitranis (but little warning it has not been updated in awhile) and a the other fic with the same name but cannot remember the author
6966652 again i don't know if it will help you out of your writers block just trying to help you out
Yeah, I'm not returning to this. Writing ponies out of character, very little scenery is described, and the pacing is narrative equivalent of caffeine overdose... So, this is one I will not return to.
7078048 Ok
7078221 However, credit where credit is due; the concept is what brought me here. It's an interesting one, the type that draws me like a moth to flame... Sadly, the quality wasn't enough to keep me. Work on the points I mentioned, and you would have a story that keeps me wrapped around your finger.
7078230 Thanks...But to be honest the part where you said it was caffeine high based. (not your exact words) You weren't all wrong. I've got ADD, ADHD, & an extremely over active imagination. I'm also bad at writing & typing.
7078241 Welcome to the club.
Question: Update?
7686355 I'll see what I can do but I make no promises
7687619 Ok I'm just curious.
Finally well even if it is still not finished it's better than nothing
This compared to your first few chapters is much better even if it isn't finished well done on getting an upgrade
7747250 Thank you
is this gonna be continued?
8142083 yeah I'm just having a writers block
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8142083
I have remade the first chapter so if you want to read it go ahead. I think you'll find it much better.
8420145
alright
Good first chapter. Need more though