Twilight
As I emerged from the portal, I was greeted by the smiling face of Sunset Shimmer. When she saw the somber look I had on my face, her smiled faded. She opened her arms and motioned for me to hug her. Without hesitation, I threw myself onto her while my eyes welled with tears. I felt like an idiot for being so upset over finding out Rainbow Dash had gotten together with Applejack while I was away doing my Princess of Friendship thing. I should have known better than to wait so long.
“I'm so stupid,” I sobbed.
Sunset shook her head. “No you aren't. You're hurting, which I understand. Rejection isn't easy no matter who it comes from.”
“I was just so sure that she and I would be together...”
I felt her arms tighten around me. “Sometimes things don't always work out how we want them to. It's hard and it can hurt, but when we come through it, we're stronger for it.”
What she was saying made sense to my logical side, but to the upset and heartbroken side of me, it just didn't want to make sense. “I don't see how things could ever get better.”
Sunset pulled away from me, placed her hands on my shoulders, and looked me in the eyes. “Things will get better. That's part of the reason why you came here isn't it? To get away from that place for now so things can start getting better?”
I nodded slowly. “But do you really think that me running away from the situation like I did is going to make it better? Be honest.”
She hesitated for a moment and let go of my shoulders. “I honestly don't know, Twilight. Being away for a few days could give you perspective or it could just give you a false sense of security that will crumble when you go back. At the same time, you're here now. If you feel like being here will help, then it will.”
I wiped my eyes and smiled. “I think it will, but I'm not quite sure how yet.” I looked back at the portal behind me, letting one last thought of Rainbow pass through my mind before pushing it away. “No one knows I'm here do they?” I asked, looking back at Sunset.
“No. You told me not to say anything to the girls, so I didn't. I don't like lying to them but...”
I placed a hand on hers. “Thank you for not telling them though. Normally I wouldn't either but I don't think I could stand seeing them right now. After all, there's a Rainbow Dash and an Applejack here too. It would just make me feel horrible all over again.”
“I understand. Come on. My loft isn't far from here and I think you'll like it,” she said with a smile.
We walked for about fifteen minutes before we came upon a large, run down building. At first I was put off by how it looked, but I trusted that the outside did not reflect what was on the inside. Rather than going through what appeared to be the front door, we walked around behind it and took some stairs up to the roof.
“I'm sure you're curious as to why we are up here on the roof,” Sunset said, pulling me from my thoughts.
I nodded slowly. “The thought had crossed my mind.”
She returned my smile. “The answer to that is it's the easiest and safest way into my loft. The roof and the top floor of the building are the only places in this building that are accessible. The stairs from the lower floors are all broken. The building is structurally sound otherwise,” she finished, pulling open the heavy door to the stairwell and motioned for me to go first. “After you. Straight down, you won't miss it. It's a big open area.”
I smiled at her as I walked past and down the stairs. What I saw took me by surprise.
Sunset's loft was not what I expected. I had assumed she would have decorated it to match her fiery hair and personality, but I was wrong. She had decorated the walls with a white wallpaper that had pastel green ivy covering it. The work on it made it actually seem like the walls were covered with a layer of ivy. It was beautiful.
On one side of her loft there was an entertainment center topped with a TV and what looked to be the same kind of gaming device Rainbow Dash and Applejack played with at our sleep over at Pinkie Pie's house. Sunset Shimmer certainly was full of surprises.
On the other side was a black leather couch and a black leather chair to match. That was more like the Sunset I knew, which made me smile. Hanging on the wall behind the couch were several pictures of her and the girls doing things together. Hanging out at an amusement park, having drinks at the coffee shop, playing at a concert, and playing what looked to be hide and seek at AJ's apple orchard. Then there was a picture of all of us just after we had stopped the Sirens. That particular memory made my smile widen.
“So, what do you think?”
I jumped at the sound of Sunset's voice.
“Sorry! Didn't mean to scare you,” she smiled meekly.
I shook my head and waved my hand at her. “It's okay. I was just admiring the pictures of you girls. You look like you have a lot of fun together.”
Sunset stopped and looked thoughtfully at the pictures. I noticed her eyes lingered longer on the picture I was in. “Yeah, we do have some fun times.”
“Sunse-”
“Oh! Come with me! I got you something when you told me you wanted to come here for a couple days!” she exclaimed and rushed off through the door at the end of the room.
I shook my head and followed her through door with a chuckle. This room was different than the previous one. The walls were light purple color, but they were void of any pictures or posters. On the bed I noticed Sunset had a comforter that matched the color of the walls and had a large, fiery red and yellow sun on it. It made me think of the time when she stole my crown and I saw her cutie mark. I guessed she had it made to remind her of who she was. On the wall opposite the bed was a dresser with a mirror and a chair. Scattered across it were various makeup items. I couldn't help but wonder how she was able to find anything in all the items which cluttered her dresser.
Next to the dresser there was an open door with light pouring out of it. When I looked inside I couldn't believe my eyes. It was the biggest closet I had ever seen filled on all walls with clothing and shoes. I chuckled at the thought that came to me.
Sunset poked her head out from a section of clothes and looked at me. “What's so funny?” she asked, giving me a curious smile.
I shook my head. “I was just thinking that this would be a closet that would make Rarity feel jealous.”
She laughed and disappeared into the wall of clothes again. “It pretty much did! Apparently my fashion sense is 'amazing darling,'” she said, imitating Rarity perfectly, to which I laughed.
I could hear her fumbling around with things in the closet and, after a moment I heard her call out. “Ha! I found it! I don't know why it was hidden back here though. Pajamas are over there,” she said, pointing to a section of clothes.
“Wait, you bought me pajamas? You didn't have to go out and buy anything. I would have been content wearing a pair of yours. We look like we're the same size,” I said.
She shook her head and handed me a bag. “Nope. I saw these and I couldn't resist. I think you'll love them. Bathroom's just outside the bedroom to the left and through the kitchen. You can't miss it.”
I nodded and followed her instructions. Once I was in the bathroom, I opened the bag and pulled out the pajamas. She was right, I loved them. They were the same light purple as the walls in Sunset's bedroom. On it were different sizes of darker purple stars. They were perfect. I quickly undressed from my clothes and put the pajamas on.
I looked at myself in the mirror and couldn't help smiling. All that time we spend talking to one another through the book obviously helped Sunset pick out just the right set of clothes for me. After a moment I managed to stop admiring myself in the mirror and pick up my other clothes. As I did, something fell off of my skirt and clattered to the floor.
It was the Wonderbolts replica pin Rainbow Dash had gotten for me during our trip to watch a show put on by them. I bent over, picked it up, and ran my hand over it lightly. The memory flashed through my mind. Buying popcorn, cotton candy, and playing games at the park. Watching the show itself...us almost kissing. Tears began to well in my eyes as the last thought flashed through. I tried to maintain my composure, but the pain of the memory overtook me. I fell to my knees and began sobbing uncontrollably.
It wasn't long before I heard a knock at the door. “Twilight, are you okay? Can I come in?”
I tried to speak, but the sobs were just too frequent which made it hard for me to say anything. Thankfully it turned out that I didn't need to say anything, because, not even a second passed before I felt Sunset's hand rest gently on my shoulder.
“Twilight...what happened?”
I wiped my eyes, though it did almost no good as tears still continued to fall, and took a deep breath to calm myself for just a moment. I turned to face her and showed her the pin I was holding in my hand. “It's just a memory now. All just a memory,” I said, breaking down into sobs once more.
Sunset didn't say anything else. Instead, she pulled me close and wrapped her arms around me. I wanted to thank her for what she was doing for me, but all I could do was bury my face in her chest and cry.
It seemed like hours passed before Sunset finally pulled me to my feet, took me back into the bedroom, and had me sit on the bed. It was only when she sat down beside me that I noticed she had changed into her own pajamas. The top was a lilac color with the same red and yellow sun on the left side of the shirt, with bottoms that matched the top. I figured I'd have to ask if she had some of this stuff custom made. I doubt many places would have that kind of sun design since it's of her cutie mark. The tears had stopped falling and I was no longer sobbing, but I still felt so broken; so frail. I had never been so broken and upset about something in my life. I looked down at the Wonderbolts pin and couldn't help but feel a little curious about my reaction. Rainbow Dash only bought the pin and gave it to me. I was with her when she did it so it wasn't as though it were a surprise. I knew that trying to comprehend why would be next to impossible but it seemed to help me get somewhat a hold of myself.
“Penny for your thoughts.”
Sunset's voice pulled me from my contemplation. I looked back at the pin then held it up so she could see it. “I don't understand why I reacted the way I did. Sure it's connected to the memory of a very special day with Rainbow, but it's not like it was a surprise gift or her own Wonderbolt pin.”
She shook her head and shrugged. “My guess would be that it's not the pin, but the memories that are attached to it. I won't ask what they are, but obviously they're very special memories to you.”
I nodded slowly. “They are special.”
“Well, I took the liberty of ordering pizza,” she said walking over to me and leaning in close. A sly grin formed on her lips. “I also have some double chocolate fudge ice cream in the freezer for late.”
I couldn't help but smile. It must have been the way she told me about the ice cream, as if she were trying to seduce me into eating ice cream with her. I knew, though, that she was just trying to make me smile. I guess it worked. “I look forward to that ice cream. I love chocolate.”
Later that night, after pizza and very delicious ice cream, I sat on the floor leaning up against the bed and she lay behind me on it reading a book. We had spent the evening talking about different kinds of ice cream and wondering why nothing like pizza had ever been thought of in Equestria. I mean, how hard is it to make a disc of bread, throw tomato sauce, cheese, and vegetables on it and cook it. Sunset was careful not to mention Rainbow at all, though I knew she had questions. I was grateful that she didn't ask the questions. They would just be too hard for me to answer.
I glanced over at the spot on the dresser where I placed the Wonderbolts pin. The memories flashed through my head again, but this time it didn't hurt as much. Either I was finally past the hurt or—I stole a quick glance at my friend behind me—I was falling for Sunset. What! There was no way. I knew that she and I shared quite a bit through the book, and she's been so sweet to me since I got here. Keeping my visit secret, the amazing silky pajamas, double chocolate fudge ice cream. She was just being a good friend...right?
As I looked away from her, I spotted her guitar sitting behind the door to her room. Standing up, I walked over to the guitar and picked it up. I could feel the fine layer of dust on it and I couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't been playing.
“I haven't picked that up in a few weeks. The Rainbooms haven't been doing much playing lately with the Friendship Games coming up in a few weeks. The girls have been busy training. Fluttershy has actually gotten pretty good with her bow.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “Fluttershy learned archery?”
Sunset smiled and sat up. “Apparently it was a hidden talent of hers. She was pretty nervous at first, but Rainbow helped her get past the fear.”
I couldn't help but smile. I moved back to the bed and sat down on the floor with the guitar. “That's Rainbow for you. Loyal as always and a good friend,” I said dully, plucking a string on the guitar.
“Want me to teach you to play?”
I looked back at her. “Um, I don't know. I don't think I would be any good.”
Sunset scoot over behind me, grabbed my hand and put it on the neck of the guitar. “Okay. Let me give you the basics here. These are called frets.” She pointed to the spaces between the metal bits on the guitar. “I mean, some people call the fret bars, the metal right here, the frets but really it's personal opinion.”
“Okay, so those are frets. That's how you make the different notes right?” I asked.
She nodded. “Yep! You just put your fingers like this,” she said, placing my index finger on the second string in the first fret, my middle finger on the fourth string in the second fret, and my ring finger on the fifth string in the third fret. I couldn't help but blush as she helped me.
“Do we need to plug it into anything?”
“Nope! This is an acoustic guitar. You don't need an amplifier for it.”
“Oh, neat!”
“Now, you push your finger tips down onto the strings, but make sure you aren't hitting the other strings or the chord won't sound right,” she said.
My hand felt awkward being in this position but I did as she instructed. “Okay. They're pushed down.”
“Good, now take this, in your other hand and strum it down across the strings,” she said as she handed me a triangular piece of plastic. “It's called a guitar pick.”
I nodded and did as she said. What came out wasn't what I was expecting. It was a dull sound that didn't sound like a guitar should. I frowned at her and dropped my hand from the neck of the guitar. “Guess I did it wrong.”
She chuckled. “Not really. The finger placement is just awkward at first. You get used to it. Try again.”
With that, she grabbed my hand and placed my fingers for me again. This time she kept her hand over mine and made sure my fingers were clear of the other strings. It was sweet of her to teach me this. I peeked at her out the corner of my eye and noticed she was smiling. It was a completely innocent smile and yet there was that feeling of being attracted to her, which only served to confuse me. I mean, who was I really falling for all this time?
“Okay, strum again. It should make the right sound this time.”
I jumped slightly when she spoke, making my cheeks burn with embarrassment for fear that she caught me looking at her the way I was. In an attempt to forget my previous line of thought, I did as she instructed and strummed. The sound that came out actually sounded nice.
“Great! You just played a C chord! Bravo!”
I smiled and looked at her. “Now you play something,” I said, boosting myself onto the bed next to her and passing the guitar to her.
She gave me a smile that said I was putting on the spot, but she obliged. “Okay. What do you want me to play? Do I have to sing?”
I let out a giggle. “Well, you do have an amazing singing voice. I wouldn't mind hearing you sing and play.”
She gave me a playful glare. “Of course you wouldn't.”
After a deep breath, Sunset began playing a beautiful sounding song. I couldn't believe the sound the guitar made, it was almost breath taking, but then she started singing the song. The way she was singing sent chills through me, as did the words of the song. The emotion she put into it was visible on her face. There was something about the song she seemed to relate to somewhat. When the song was over, I noticed a single tear rolling down her cheek.
“You really got into that,” I said, wiping the tear away for her and letting my hand linger a moment longer than necessary.
“It's easy to do when you know how the person in the song feels. The song is called 'Iris' and it's one of my favorite songs.”
“Sunset...” I said, moving to place my hand on hers. I knew what she was getting at and I would be an idiot if I didn't admit that I was beginning to feel the same way for her. The feelings I was having left me feeling more confused than anything, but it was like this was feeling more right than my feelings for Rainbow Dash. Could I have been transposing my feelings for Sunset into feelings for Rainbow all along? Am I that dense? Either way, it was clear now that Sunset had feelings for me. Whether or not I felt I could reciprocate them was an entirely different story.
With a sigh she got to her feet, walked over to the closet, and placed the guitar inside. “Don't worry about it, Twilight. This visit is about you. I just want to help you be happy.”
“You are.” I stood up, walked over to her, and took her hand in mine. “Believe me, you have helped me be happy. You've helped me realize that my desire to be with Rainbow may not have been real.” My mind went to all the times we've disagreed about things and the fights we had gotten into. Sure, we had some fun times, but our differences, now that I look back, are pretty big. “I've done so much thinking tonight. She and I just aren't right together.”
I tried the best I could to make eye contact with her, but she kept avoiding it. Finally I let go of her hand, put both of my hands on her cheeks and forced her to look at me. “I realize now who it was I was really falling for all along. I was stupid not to see it sooner because I didn't realize it until tonight.”
She pulled out of my grasp and looked at me on her own. I could tell she was a little embarrassed by the now frantic look on her face. “Was I being that obvious? I was trying not to be.”
I gave her a small smile. “At first, no, you weren't but as the night has gone on, it started becoming more apparent to me. It wasn't until you were playing just now that it fully hit me. I don't see how I got it so wrong and I'm sorry that I did.”
Sunset shook her head. “It's okay. I'm honestly kind of glad this came out. I don't know how I would have made it through your entire visit without saying something about it,” she said, then gave me the cutest, most playfully innocent smile. “Do you really think my singing is amazing?”
The smile on my face widened and I took her hand in mine. “Of course I do,” I said, moving in a little closer. She must have understood because she stepped closer to me. I looked into her amazing sea green eyes and smiled. “I could listen to you sing all the time. It's actually fairly relaxing.”
Sunset reached into the closet and pulled the guitar back out. “I could sing some more if you want me to.”
I nodded cheerfully. “Of course! I can't think of anything I'd rather do right now.”
So, that night, Sunset played several songs while I just laid on her bed and listened. I wasn't entirely sure where our relationship was going to go, but I knew one thing for sure: When we fell asleep in each others arms, I knew that I had never felt more secure, so content and, finally, so at peace in my life.
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That was really cute and well done.
I am a Sunlight shipper, and I do say that this was a very neat fic you have here. It is very well done. Awesome!
That was such a sweet story. I'm glad with how it ended.
D'AAAAWWWWWWWWW FLUFFY-FLUFFY-FLUFF-FLUFF-FLUFF
Okay, before I get into specific comments and criticisms, I have one major problem with this story:
It feels like it should be the middle or perhaps even late-middle part of a much larger story which develops the relationships between the characters and sets the stage for this. You're kind of pulling shipping out of a vacuum here and not selling it all that well, and that's lazy. "Informed Twidash", "Informed Appledash", it doesn't work. There's no real impact if the shipping that sets up the conflict and drives the plot comes out of nowhere.
So how's the delivery driver gonna bring it to the loft if the stairs in the building are broken? Details are important to pay attention to.
Nitpick: Twilight's favorite flavor of ice cream is vanilla, as stated in "Party Pooped".
vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/a/a7/Manehattan_delegate_demands_a_ruling_S5E10.png/revision/latest?cb=20150622162905
Really.
(Attention to detail is important!)
Nitpick: How is Twilight supposed to know the names of the different fingers? She's only had hands three times in her entire life at this point, and never for longer than three days. Attention to detail is IMPORTANT!
Final thoughts:
This story would have a lot more impact if it was part of a larger story that developed the relationships (and failure to relationship) more organically and naturally. If there was some buildup to the events of this story, it would mean more.
As it stands, this story falls flat as a standalone piece. It's severely lacking. If you want to get the most out of this story, you'll write the rest of it, all the things that lead UP to it.
Also: "Iris"? Really? Sunset isn't that emo.
I usually avoid any story that uses First Person. I still read this story though because of my love and thirst for SunLight.
It was an okay story. I do wish it was longer. It would have been nice if you actually focused a little more on their writing to each other as Twilight started to realize her feelings were for Sunset instead of just causally mentioning it in a sentence or two. It would have made the story feel more like an actual heart felt romance. As it is, the story kind of feels like Twilight takes advantage of Sunset's feelings a little just to get over her own heart break faster.
It was still a nice and fluffy story to read nonetheless and had SunLight. I'm also very glad you didn't do like so many fics out there do and write out the song lyrics just to make the story longer, or "add in more emotion". I hate it when fics do that. I like how you instead described it along with her emotions as Twilight listened and then had Sunset tell her what the song was afterwards when they were talking about it. This approach to me felt more like an organic way to include a song in the story. It also didn't cause me to shake my head, sigh, and roll my eyes at it.
I agree with the other comments lamenting that this story wasn't bigger. With that setup of Twi's broken heart and a few days of visiting Sunset you could've taken way more time to develop their relationship, and I think for much more effect. Twilight missing Rainbow, slowly realizing how happy being around Sunset makes her, missing Rainbow a bit less, hurting again after running into human Rainbow and or Applejack, realizing what Sunset actually feels for her... augh, see, now you gave me ideas!
I still enjoyed reading it
So, this story started out promising, but you really, REALLY rushed it at the end, pretty much killing the story in the last dozen paragraphs.
In addition to that, I'm pretty sure emotions don't work that way. Twilight went from a complete wreck over What happened to she and Rainbow, to suddenly believing she never loved her to begin with, just because they had a few big differences. I'm sorry, but that's just not a Switch you can flip. At the least she should have aknowledged that she DID have feelings for Rainbow, but maybe she had feelings for Sunset as well, and had been subconsciously suppressing them for her desire to be with Rainbow.
Instead it's just "Oh, I never loved rainbow all along. I'm all better now."
6464073 Yeah... writing first person is a skill that is a bit tricky to hone. It's also not meant to use in every story, or every part within a story. It's best used for showing the perspective of a character, so the audience only knows what they know about something, as a means to build suspense or highlight drama. Third person is best for the same, but lets the audience know things character's don't allowing for things like "No don't go in there! There's a bomb on the door!"
I've been thinking of making a youtube series on writing and how to do it better. I do have a degree and minored in it after all...
6463964
Oh that's no problem. The City of Equestria has the Pizza Delivery man that it needs, but not the one it deserves.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFFW2Qn9U08
Why can't people just take a story as it is? This was a cute, fluffy thing. Sure, the last few paragraphs of the story felt a bit rushed, but I don't think it ruins the whole story or anything.
While Twilight may have had some sort of realization about liking Sunset, it doesn't mean Twilight may still harbor some sort of feelings toward Rainbow Dash. I would think that Twilight is still in more of a confused state. Yes, the ending made it seem like Twilight was just suddenly over Rainbow, but come on...It's not uncommon for someone to THINK they are over someone when in reality they aren't. I kind of feel bad for Sunset if that's the case with Twilight...
6464697
Since the story is first person from Twilight's view, couldn't Sunset have told the delivery driver where to go once he/she arrived?
6464720
Because people have opinions, and free will, and the free will to not have the same opinion about a thing as everybody else.
6464720 That, and it's in our best interests as artists to help each other develop our talents. The goal of any artist should be to improve our craft and be better tomorrow than we were yesterday, and that's not something that any of us can do alone.
6464727 Obviously. We dont know everything Sunset dose. She could have stepped outside for a brief smoke and killed 12 people with a bow and arrows and we would never know....
This ship will always be top tier. Haven't read it yet, but will when I'm not so damn tired. Looking forwards to it.
A nice little Sunlight fic, even if I'm not too big a fan of humans :P Enjoyed the read!
Also slightly amusing to see several Jurists on here as well.
It didn't work for me. While the sunset twilight interaction was great, twilight just discounting what she felt for rd as mis aimmed feelings for sunset? What. If she didn't feel something for rd then why was she so upset? The second half doesn't match the first.
It's possible that twilight likes both of them but I find it hard to believe she can't tell the difference in what she feels for each.
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Thank you guys for your views and opinions. You made me do some hard thinking about this story. I ended up doing exactly what I was afraid of doing and that was making it seem like Twilight just flipped a switch and was all better. So...I have two words for you all about this: Stay Tuned.
Everyone else who has commented, thank you for your support. This was my first SunLight fic and it won't be the last. You all "stay tuned" too!
6467264
I realize I may have been a bit harsh, ande only gave negative criticism without giving any positive at all, and that's not something you do when you review a story, so I'll say this now.
You were doing well up to that point, there's no mistake about that. The story was flowing nicely, and while it seemed like it would have fit better into a larger story, it was doing well as a one-shot. Maybe you're like me, and you like to get to the meat, the climax of your story as soon as possible, and you saw the end in sight and suddenly got tunnel vision.
If that's the case, know that you shouldn't be afraid to step back and think about what you're writing, and how you as a reader might react. Try to distance yourself from the fact that it's your own story at that point, and put yourself in a reader's shoes. In this case, you may have done well to slow things down and have Twilight acknowledge that she's still hurting from Rainbow, and it might hurt for a while more, but realize that she has a chance for something else with Sunset. It would likely mean the two taking it slower, and maybe you'd have a longer story because of it, maybe more than a single chapter, but I think ultimately you'd come out more satisfied.
6467973
I appreciate your comment. It does me some good to know that I didn't do it completely wrong, though I know I kind of messed up this time around with this story.
Also, I'm not going to lie, I took a few of the more negative comments a little personal, which I shouldn't have. It's good though because you all did make me do some serious thinking about the things that were pointed out. This story isn't over and I think I've thought of a good way to continue it. I really hope that what I have in mind works and helps to remedy Twilight flipping the switch. I'm really quite grateful for the comments.
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I'll be sure to look out for it.
Also, one other thing that works, is to step back, and not look at what you've written for a few days, and then look at it again, if you have doubts about the quality of what you'v'e written in the moment.
Anyway, Looking forward to it.
Yaaaaayy!!!!!!! Fluffy cute fluff!!!!!
I really liked your story, it was very well written. The only criticism I have is strictly personal; please don't try to ruin twidash.
nice song choice of the author
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Thank you! It's one of my favorites. I thought it went well with how Sunset was feeling. Some might disagree, but ya know.
*Sniffle* SO BEAUTIFUL!
That was beautiful
Awww!
So beautiful
hey guess what song was the last song played in my playlist
6477592
I never knew the song name
also is this why sunset had an acoustic guitar because in show she has an electric
8621190
Yeah. Also, I think acoustic guitars just sound so much better. Besides... Any good guitarist would have a collection of both!
By The Goo Goo Dolls nice I have that song in my favorites playlist
Thanks for recommend the song.