Dream A Little Dream Of Me

by horizon

7. I figgerured out murderpone (Zergling Drone #4853 aka KitsuneRisu)

Zergling Drone #4853

Dear MAs Bosspone

Hi is me your SIKRET ZERGLING SPAH

reproting from PONYWAH ISLAND

I figgerured out murderpone

ples listeen

THE CULPRET IS DARK TEMPAR

Dark tempar hiding in body of PONY CALLED TOMMYRUM

I give proofs nao

= – = -== = = -

PROOFS 1 ONE:

Protosx is smelly race

They ias always smell of dump poops

AND I AM ZERG

I know aboot the bad smelllllls!

And the Protosz is bad smelz ALL THE DAY EVERY DAY

I disguize mysef as Pone pone call LITTELMOFF

so dat I can smell every pone in village

by go to bed with them

Then I smell them while they are SLEEP.

I SLEEP WITH EVERYPONE

Tommyrum smells bad

LIKE OLD LEAF

AND TIGER WANG

he is protoz dark temprar.

PROOFZ 2TWO:

Protzoz EATING HABIT

Protozez do not has MOUTH

They cnanot put LOVELY CRICKET IN MOUTH

DELICIOUS CRIKET

They cnanot put LOVELY WORM IN MANBIBBLES

TASTY WORM

Protoz has no manbibble.

THEY EATING THE SUN AND LIGHTZ

And drinkz throgh skin.

Like DIRTY PLANT

THIS IS PROTZOZ BIOLOGGY

acoarding to wiki

TOAMYRUM

ALSWYAS SLEEPING IN DAY

IN THE SUN

ON STREETS

He is sleepeaeting

HE IS ALWAYS

LYING IN PUDDELS

ON HIS FAEC.

He neavar eats FOOD or PIGMEAT

Only has bottle to por water on his hed

Always dunkling head in WATER BARREL

He is protzreoz dork tmeprar.

-=--8——--565

PROOFS 3 THIREE:

PROTOSS BAD SPEKALING

MY WRITELING IS BAD

Bezucs I am zerg.

TOMMYRUM SPEKALING IS BAD

Bezuc he is Protzsoz.

Protarz SPEAK IN THE BRAIN NUTS

THey has no mouth

Cannot word!!!!!

TommYrum is not practiz the speak!

He SPEAK LIKE CRAZY BASTAD

NOPONE UNNERSTAND HIM

SunsPot pone always say to hims: “Spak clearar, you dumb dronken haff-twit!”

HE SPEK LIKE WET ORANGE

like failed badger

Becuz he no speak in life

He is protoz Daek templor.

=-3-2-1–-1444444–=

LAST NIET

I has the NIETMEAR

I am FRIGENTEN

they will FIND ZERGRNG

and KILL ME WIATH SPEAR

I am zergring in body of DIRTY HOOKER

ONE DAY THEY WILLL NOTICE TEH SLIME

I anwat to leave on BOAT

but BOAT IS NO HERRRRRRRRRRE.

Plz send boat.

=3=-=-==-=-002=0—

Murdrar of Pettydough is Tawmmyrum

Pettydough is High Temprar who is hunting dark temprar

So Dark temprar kill first

DARK TMERPRAR.

DARRRRRRRK TEMMMMMMPREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEARRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr

chehgkkgkgkkk

I am tierd of being a spah

too many pensises in the mouff.

Comments

[Dubs Rewatcher]

same

[ponichaeism]

Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the pinnacle of literature. This is it. You can all go home now. It's done.

[BlazzingInferno]

HE SPEK LIKE WET ORANGE
like failed badger

You snuck this into the poetry section of my brain (which is like putting strawberry yogurt in the water cooler), and now I can't stop laughing

[AugieDog]

Nobody's mentioned that it is:

But I get the feeling that this is all referencing something I'm unfamiliar with: zerglings and all the other names that I don't know how to spell since the story doesn't know how to spell them. Something out of anime or a video game, maybe?

This one does give an answer, though: the creature disguised as Tommyrum killed the creature disguised as Peridot before Peridot could kill it. There's a lot of humor here, too, which is a plus, but I'm pretty sure I'd find it cleverer if I had any idea where it was coming from.

Mike

[Vic Fontaine]

*Looks at chapter*

[Titanium Dragon]

ZERGLING DRONE #4853 IS DISGUIZED AS LITTLEMOFF
TOMMYRUN IZ DARK TEMPLAR
TUMMYRUN KILT PERIDOT

This is a ridiculous StarCraft crossover piece, and I can see why Horizon felt it necessary to mention it specially after the ridiculousness of it (and the zergling drone’s complete lack of evidence that Tommyrun was a dark templar). This is a comedy piece that doesn’t fit at all with the rest of the story…

But I have to admit I laughed a little.

[Bad Horse]

6462531 A real-time strategy video game, Starcraft.

I laughed.

[journcy]

Protoz has no manbibble.
acoarding to wiki
HE SPEK LIKE WET ORANGE
like failed badger

8/8 i am rekt thank you based zergling

[Sypher]

Welp. Glad that mystery's been solved.

[Monarch Dodora]

I would provide a list of parts that made me laugh, but then I'd have to quote the whole thing. So instead:

I disguize mysef as Pone pone call LITTELMOFF
so dat I can smell every pone in village
by go to bed with them

THIS IS PROTZOZ BIOLOGGY
acoarding to wiki

HE IS ALWAYS
LYING IN PUDDELS
ON HIS FAEC.

HE SPEK LIKE WET ORANGE
like failed badger

- for making me laugh hard enough that I had to stop reading, and:

He SPEAK LIKE CRAZY BASTAD

- for making me burst into full-on Brian Blessed laughter, because I cannot remember the last time I ever did that.

[KitsuneRisu]

By the way, if anyone's wondering why I have two entries, this was sort of an arranged joke between myself and Horizon. It's not meant to be taken seriously and is not a proper contender, obviously. I, and Horizon, just hope people got a kick out of it.

[Sypher]

6475808
I knew it would be you! Thanks for the laughs.

[KitsuneRisu]

6476112
Thanks for enjoying. As always, it's Horizon's fault.

[Lurks-no-More]

It's Write Like A Zergling day in Myinnkyun!

This was terrible. But brilliant. Brillible?

[Casca]

My freaking sides.

[PresentPerfect]

HE SPEK LIKE WET ORANGE
like failed badger

This is the greatest thing ever.

[PresentPerfect]

this is still the best thing ever

[horizon]

7404097 (cc 6476332)
yesh

[PresentPerfect]

7404207
DAAAAAARRRRRK TEEEEEEMMMPREAAAAAAARRRRRRRrrrrrr

[BurningSkies]

AND TIGER WANG

...how does this POV know that smell?