6540786 its a basic rules that applies to practically all forms of storytelling, regardless of media. So yes. Dont just tell me something was interesting and that you would have liked it, describe it.
6540793 ...Never said that either of us were bard-level storytellers. This is an experimental story, after all; seeing how specific styles work out and such. Bumps and ridges are entirely expected.
6540803 I can provide a few links on the subject. The story being experimental does not really excuse the lack of detail. It's one thing to provide a vague description of something, but atleast trying, and another thing to just have the narrator say "then this pretty cool thing happened. I'd describe it, but nah."
6540829 Hmm, I see. Personally, the starter intent was Playing With numerous tropes. I suppose I overlooked a few crucial details while doing it. The original idea was to avert the Infallible Narrator trope, and to subvert the All First Person Narrators Write Like Novelists trope. The narrator is essentially a young man relaying his story to [REDACTED], so I did not see much point in including lines corresponding to what he did not experience, and to glaze over what the narrator won't remember.
Out of curiousity, what was the part that caused such a reaction? So I'd know where to start considering to tweak scenes and such.
6540852 there's multiple scenes that come to mind, like the first confrontation between him and the princesses, the Red Miles, the destruction of random cloud city, and the betrayal of discord, luna, and celestia. I understand that you wanted to subvert some tropes, and the result isn't half bad, but some tropes are tropes for a reason. Because they help in delivering a story. Mabey increase the amount of details, but make the narrator mess up some details, or forget a part of it, only to later remember it. Also, the Red Miles. You should probably explain that to people not too familiar with it.
Edit: the character is a bit bland too. A bit unrealistic. Too accepting. Either way, carry on.
6540786 its a basic rules that applies to practically all forms of storytelling, regardless of media. So yes. Dont just tell me something was interesting and that you would have liked it, describe it.
6540793
...Never said that either of us were bard-level storytellers.
This is an experimental story, after all; seeing how specific styles work out and such. Bumps and ridges are entirely expected.
6540803 I can provide a few links on the subject. The story being experimental does not really excuse the lack of detail. It's one thing to provide a vague description of something, but atleast trying, and another thing to just have the narrator say "then this pretty cool thing happened. I'd describe it, but nah."
6540829
Hmm, I see.
Personally, the starter intent was Playing With numerous tropes. I suppose I overlooked a few crucial details while doing it.
The original idea was to avert the Infallible Narrator trope, and to subvert the All First Person Narrators Write Like Novelists trope.
The narrator is essentially a young man relaying his story to [REDACTED], so I did not see much point in including lines corresponding to what he did not experience, and to glaze over what the narrator won't remember.
Out of curiousity, what was the part that caused such a reaction? So I'd know where to start considering to tweak scenes and such.
6540852 there's multiple scenes that come to mind, like the first confrontation between him and the princesses, the Red Miles, the destruction of random cloud city, and the betrayal of discord, luna, and celestia. I understand that you wanted to subvert some tropes, and the result isn't half bad, but some tropes are tropes for a reason. Because they help in delivering a story. Mabey increase the amount of details, but make the narrator mess up some details, or forget a part of it, only to later remember it. Also, the Red Miles. You should probably explain that to people not too familiar with it.
Edit: the character is a bit bland too. A bit unrealistic. Too accepting. Either way, carry on.