• Member Since 22nd Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen April 23rd

EB


Trust me,You don't want to know. And don't worry, I wont tell you... yet.

T

The Tri-Equine attack Equestria, catching it completely off guard. They will stop at nothing to overthrow the alicorn government and seize control them selves. Celestia will be pushed to her absolute limits to protect her kingdom and save her subject form their crazed vision. But even her a army behind her, her power doesn't seem to be enough to stop them.

Author's Note: I Would like to continue this but I meed some help with writing it. If you are interested please message me.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

I mainly read it to find out what The Tri-Equine was. The main idea is interesting, but the execution needs work. Putting aside spelling, punctuation and grammar errors -- of which there are a lot -- the story is somewhat lacking in description. Everything is very much just a summary and statement of how characters feel. Some of what is there could be removed or relocated.

For example: given the content of the story, a better starting point would be having Princess Celestia coming to after the attack. We could have the confusion and disorientation over what happened, leaving us trying to figure it out, and discovering it as she does as well. It would leave the reader more curious and wanting to know what happened.

Enough mistakes in the description to convince me to skip this one.

EB

6479981 Thanks for the criticism and I will try to Improve. If can I could use some help writing it.

6481811 Sorry. I have my own stories to deal with, so I can't really help on that much. However, there are groups dedicated to such things. Maybe if you look through a few, you can find one you like and get help there.

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