-Location- (Alabama) -Fort Hawk- -testing- -(unknown)-
Beep, beep, beep, is the sound made by the machine that Professor Britney help created. she is happy that it finally finished. “we done it.” Britney announced to everyone in the lab.
“We’ve finally done it!”, one of the scientist exclaimed. After 5 years Britney had finally done it. Britney helped to create the first ever united states dimensional transporter or the USDT. the name could be better. She thought.
“Looks like we did it Professor Britney.” John said. John is the head of the research team of the dimension transporter.
“Looks like we have to tell the president about this success.” General Wellington declared. Wellington is the general of the American Army and had been so for the last seven years. He had seen the horror of war, but it didn't stop him; he rose through the ranks and claimed the rank of General over the entire army. You could see the scars covering him, due to a few interrogation attempts by foreign enemies. Rumors also said he had been shot five times in the chest, once in the head, twice in the leg, and even stabbed in the arm; all in the defense of the american way of life, he was a true american patriot.
“I’ll get right on it, just wait second.” Britney stated. She walk over to the phone and pick it up to her ear and enter a combination of numbers,
Ring ring, ring ring.
“hello, who is this.” the man said with a tired voice.
“Hello, Mr. President, I'm sorry to call you, I know you're busy but this is very important, this is about Project Explorer.” Britney said.
“What about project explore?” the president ask.
“Well, we finish the project.” britney said.
“What, this is great, Good work professor, did you test it yet?” The president ask.
“Not yet, but we’re preparing to do so as we speak, sir.” Britney affirmed.
“Okay, go continue with your work. Congress wants to know if it works, this could stand be one of the greatest accomplishments, in the history of our nation. The people of America will be grateful, go carry on your work professor.” the president responded, he proceeded to hang up.
She put on phone and turn around to her coworkers she spoke, “Okay everybody, the president has given us the thumbs up to activate the next phase of our work.” The scientists scramble to did their part to get the machine activated. Hissing and humming began to emit from the transporter as it came to life.
“Time to make history.” general Wellington said with a slight smirk on his face.
______________________________________________________________________________
Meanwhile, across the multiverse, a certain lavender pony is working in the lab of her new crystal castle; her name is, Twilight Sparkle. She was researching teleportation over long distances, the mare had dark bags under her eye’s and her mane was a complete mess. She hadn’t slept in a week.
“Ahhhhh! This is so frustrating, Spike! where's my tea?!” Twilight grumbled.
Spike walk up to her with the tea in his hand claw. “Here’s the tea Twilight.” Spike said in a bored tone.
.
“Thank you Spike, this is turning out to be a lot harder than I originally imagined.” Twilight said, as she enveloped, the warm tea in her magic. She blew at the service of the liquid before taking a satisfying sip.
.
“What are you doing?” Spike asked, with a curious expression as he looked over what Twilight had laid out in front of her.
“I'm trying to find a spell that would help me travel long distances.” Twilight announced, a bit of frustration still apparent in her voice.
“Why are you researching that?” Spike question further.
“Because it would help me escape fans. Do you know how annoying it can be constantly bombarded by ponies, and all because of these?!” she pointed a hoof at her wings, “Plus, I want to see how far I can teleport as well. It has been a long time since I’ve really challenged myself or my magic.” Twilight added in a much chipper tone.
“Ok.” Spike said as if he just lost interest.
Wait a second she thought as she looks over her paper. “Ok, I think I finally figured it out, stand back Spike.” twilight said with a determined look on her face as she pushed a large amount of energy into her horn and then proceed by firing it at the center of the room; in a matter of second a small orb of small magic began to grow and tear open the fabrics of time and space.
“It’s working!” Twilight shouted, as she watch the portal continuing to grow. Suddenly the energy began to fluctuate, causing her earlier happy expression and confidence to contort into one of fear and uncertainty.
“What's going on Twilight?!” Spike yelled, backing away from the haywire portal.
“I don't know, Spike!” Twilight scream, just before it exploded into pulse of energy and hit them causing them to blackout.
______________________________________________________________________________
At the same time, back on Earth the dimensional transporter’s power levels were increasing at an alarming rate.
“What's going on with the machine?” General Wellington ask with concern.
“I don't know, General, I didn't think this would happen.” John said while checking over for solutions to stop this.
The machine got more violent and light started shining out of it.
“It's going to overload!” one scientist yelled from the other side of the room.
“Everyone, quickly evacuate the room!” Britney shouted. Everyone quickly filed out of the room as machine began to spark controllably.
Wellington notice the machine start to have cracks in it. it's going to explode. He thought. “Everyone get down!” Wellington yelled, then machine released a loud roar and next it exploded in multicolored, then Wellington blacked out.
______________________________________________________________________________
-Location- (Texas)
-Meanwhile at Mexican Border- 9:43 AM
Fred was just doing paper work when a guard came into his room.
“Sir! we found a couple immigrants trying to smuggle across the border.” the guard said.
“Take me to them.” Fred said, they walked to the interrogation room and the guard open the door for him.
“Qué está.” the Mexican said sitting on the chair.
Fred sit down down on the chair facing the Mexican. “Porque te quería pasar aquí.” Fred responded.
“I'm here because my father wanted me to get a better life.” the captive immigrant said.
“Okay, so you can speak English.” Fred said.
“What, you think I can come to your country without speaking the language, how am I supposed to get a job then?” The Mexican ask.
“I don't really know.” Fred said.
Anyways they talk for 30 more minutes when a guard came in the room with a horrible expression across his face.
“Sir! Mexico is disappearing!” the Guard said with a grim face.
“What do you mean?” Fred ask, while looking at the guard incredulously.
“It started vanishing, what what should we do?” the guard ask.
“Let me see what happening, just wait here.” he said skeptically to the Mexican. He left with the guard, with haste they ran on top of the building.
“look at that sir.” the Guard pointed toward the distance. He was right Mexico with disappear in front of his eye.
“We have to tell the lieute-” Suddenly Fred blackout unexpectedly and fell down on the floor.
Interesting.
...You're serious.
... No
No. No. No.
No.
EDIT: There was an editor for this absolute dreck!?
I favorited this story. It is so stylistically bad, I love it. I can't tell if that was the author's intention or the magical work of the editor though.
gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/Michael-Scott-Failing-to-Hold-In-Laughter.gif
It's freedom time
Warning this video contains blood and gore... BEWARE!
Ok I will bite and follow for now. My biggest complaint is the human dialogue it feels clunky and doesn't flow well. Still an interesting idea taking the entire lower 48 and putting them near Equestria. Would hate to see what would happen back on Earth but would love to see what would happen with magical pony world!
you know is it hard to make a story in a McDonald's all the kids they are screaming
I thought there would be a dramatic build up before the "accident" phase.
first off for the love of god get a editor if you have a editor get a better one
second this story has been done and its been done better http://www.fimfiction.net/story/205215/island-in-the-sea-of-equus that being said it's taking that story forever to update so i'll watch this for now
that where I got a part of the inspiration can alsoI'm pretty sure its me not the editor. I would try to make little bit more dialogue and some emotion and also this is my first story. deal with it and wait until I get better that's how evolution works
You must be kidding me...
....English was not your first language was it?
Da. An ISOT scenario. Really a good premise. Poor execution. If I were on Yelp right now? 2 stars.
Even better than spiders.
Faved, thumbed and followed.
english is my first language
6467839
Isn't it obvious? People with English as a second language usually at least get the capitalization and punctuation close to correct. An all-lowercase title and a short description with only a single period and "United States" as the only capitalized part screams of a native English speaker with no respect for their mother tongue. (Like giving a speech in ripped, stained, wrinkled clothing because you have no respect for the audience.)
...and now for the constructive bit:
6468469
I strongly advise you to install LibreOffice and LanguageTool. The English-language grammar-check rules could use some expanding, but it's better than nothing and it'll at least catch that "forgot to capitalize the first word in the sentence" problem.
For what? He/she obviously did no work whatsoever.
6468469 Use this button (>>), it works wonders. And as for your fic, I see a distinct lack of any mention of an editor's name and/or site userpage in the after-synopsis bit and in the author's notes (which this wreck sorely lacks). If you cannot get an editor, than look over your story's chapter-to-be a few times, top to bottom, and flesh it out some more if need be before fixing small nitpick errors that half the people here are bordering on going total Grammar Nazi over. And then, after publishing the chapter, fix it some MORE! You'll miss errors even during the pre-publishing, triple-to-quadruple-checking phase, which is why I recommend this--but only do so upon finding them and/or having them pointed out to you.
Also, try to be original in your concept--add new spins to it, like the American populace being swapped out with ISIS and the people they're oppressing before sending the good ol' US of A down the magical
Deus Ex Machinaportal to Equestria. It's what I do, and it works wonders sometimes.People oft judge books on their first page alone, and sadly that's what you're getting. You should not have published this chapter--it looks a lot more like a first draft than it does a cohesive prologue to a story. In fact, a beginning is the most important bit of a story; it's what draws the readers in hook, line, and sinker if executed in a way that they'll want to see more of it. It's the same deal with a movie; only instead of directing a camera, you're mastering the keys of the keyboard in direct tandem with your vocabulary, established setting and characters.
All four of which you're simply not grasping. You're doing it wrong.
If this was going for a "so bad it's good" angle, then congrats, because this is one of the most hilarious trainwrecks of a fic I've seen in quite some time.
If it was meant to be taken seriously...
This isn't YouTube, it's a fanfiction website, where you are expected to use proper grammar and punctuation.
6471381
Well, you're no fun at all.
Edited for punctuation.
6471832 Like, missing some of it is fine, but the amount that is missing here makes it almost unreadable.
6471988
6471998 What are you facehoofing at, may I ask?
Just a few edits to make this story more readable:
Correct spelling should be:
What happens if the country United States teleported to the middle of the ocean, on a different planet. What would the United States do? Here it is.
Correct spelling:
Should be
moar pls. MURICA!!!!!!!
What.
I can almost understand it...
The premise is interesting but the idea of just the US being transported is illogical. Without something to keep the effect within the borders of the US or project it electromagnetic waves go out in rings around the projection point
6499966
Self Inserts are good as long as its well done and he doesn't over do it. I do it and it works out for me.
6543616
The author most likely frequents Alternate History.com. They do this kind of thing all the time. The term is ISOT and they are just fun to read.
For God's sakes. Learn to capitalize. This needs work.