Do not go gently into that good night.
“It’s said, John, that this is the largest evacuation known in human history—”
“Over four hundred million people across the Pacific Ocean are moving inland on their native continents—”
“Yes, Michael, I’m coming to you now from NASA’s headquarters in Washington D.C. I’m here right now with Dr. O'Neill. So, doctor... you’re saying that you and your team have the exact date when ‘Apophis’ will hit Earth?”
“That’s correct. After calculating its orbit back in 2004 we were able to pinpoint it down to April 13th, 2036—”
“Breaking News”
“At approximately 5:00 A.M. GMT, the whole world was shaken awake due to the asteroid ‘Apophis’ making contact with Earth—”
“Due to their preparations, the United States had only suffered minor casualties—”
“Weeks after the impact, Japanese fisherman have been reporting strange incidents of pulling up large amounts of dead fish—”
“Dr. Oshira, is it possible that radiation from the asteroid leaked into the Pacific Ocean?”
“It’s possible, Kevin. However, after the recent autopsies on the salmon, our biologists were coming up clean.”
“So the water is... clean?”
“We’ve yet to determine that—”
“We’ve received reports of multiple emergency calls coming from fishing vessels across the pacific, saying that sailors are dropping dead—”
“Our autopsies of the recently deceased victims have ruled out the possibilities of this being the influenza virus or any other common infections—”
“Earlier this Sunday, Australian and Japanese hospitals were being flooded with victims of an unknown disease—”
“Whatever this virus is, it’s highly contagious; I cannot say this enough. Do not make bodily contact, do not exchange any fluids with the victim; it’s highly contagious! If you know anyone who is showing the symptoms of a fever, bloodshot eyes, sneezing, and acts of sudden aggression; please report them to the authorities. Stay as far away from them as you can—”
“Avoid trains, buses, airplanes; any place that is crowded. Try to stay home as much as possible until this emergency is dealt with—”
“Governments across the globe are blaming Apophis—”
Old age should burn and rave at close of day.
“We interrupt our programming. This is a national emergency important details will follow... The following message has been transmitted at the request of the United States Government... an extraterrestrial outbreak has begun in the northeastern United States at approximately 6:30 AM eastern daylight time. Several outbreaks have been detected in these cities including, but not limited to: Boston, Providence, Trenton, New York, Albany... The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has been dispatched to deal with the situation. All residents in the Eastern United States are to avoid any contact with an infected individual. If you do encounter such an individual, do not approach and instead report them to your emergency personnel—”
“Officials around the world are referring to the disease as ‘The SOL Strain’—”
“Leaked footage on the internet shows the Chinese army executing infected individuals—”
“A fist fight erupted earlier this morning in the middle of a United Nations meeting—”
“The worldwide death toll has reached a total of two-point-three billion since the impact four months ago—”
“News of hope spreads across the United States as twenty-six year old Chloe Cooper claims to be immune to the SOL Virus. Could this lead to the start of a cure—”
“Word has spread that the Japanese has begun construction on a ‘starship’ codenamed Icarus—”
“Communications with the United Kingdom, Russia, and China have fallen quiet—”
“The United States has closed its borders and has also fallen silent earlier this evening. Though inside reports state that Congress is up to something called ‘Operation Resurrection’—”
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am Alice Mercy with Sky News... and... and I come to you this morning... with... with terrible news. Prime Minister Jason Herald passed away this evening due to SOL Virus... Not only that, inside reports say that residents of Moscow woke up this morning to a wave of nuclear fire as the Russians attempt to purge their country of the virus... The Japanese rocket ‘Ikarasu’ failed its launch in a fiery explosion last night, causing the mission to end in failure... Satellite images show the streets of London are littered with the dead... and the United States still refuse to cooperate with anyone... This has been Alice Mercy of Sky News.... God help us all.”
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
:[-]:
16,000 Years Later
“What is it, Quartz?” Crystal asked the mare next to her. Her voice called back to her many times as it reverberated off the walls of the cave they were in.
A cream-colored unicorn with a chocolate mane and blue eyes leaned forward. She levitated the pickaxe up to her face and tapped the metal object in front of them. She adjusted her mining hat and looked at the shiny blue pegasus beside her. “If I had to guess, Crystal... I’d say it’s a wall of pure gold.”
“Pure gold?” The blue pony’s green eyes widened as her jaw dropped. “Quartz, we’re gonna be rich!”
The cream pony nodded slowly, then it dawned on her and she too began to hop with joy. “Ohmygosh, you’re–” The top of her mining helmet struck the low ceiling shocking her. “Ah!” Quartz landed back onto the hard surface with a clop, and she giggled. “Startled myself a little—” A deep groan echoed throughout the cave and the ground began to rumble.
“Oh no!” Crystal’s face was stricken with fear. “The cave, I think it’s going to collapse!”
Quartz took a step back and screamed, “Run!”
The two ponies turned and darted back to the direction in which they came from. The low rumble in the earth soon became a rocking earthquake. Pebbles and rocks fell from the ceiling. Deep cracks and crevices carved themselves into the walls and floor. Stalactites shook and wobbled, their bases chipping slowly away as they waited to be dropped.
The two ponies scrambled madly to the surface. They collapsed onto their bellies as soon as they cleared the cave, legs sprawled out in all directions as they tried to catch their breath.
“Horse feathers!” the blue pegasus shouted.
“Oh it’s all my fault!” Quartz groaned and covered her head with her hooves.
Crystal took a deep breath. “We were so close to being rich...”
Quartz gave her friend a guilty look. “Crystal, I’m so sorry.”
Crystal rolled onto her back and stuck her forehooves in the air. “Like, I could literally taste the bits!”
The cream miner’s ears fell flat and she rested her chin on the fresh green grass and sighed. “But hey,” Crystal rolled over to her friend, she rested a hoof on her shoulder, “at least we’re alive, right?”
A loud, menacing crack erupted out of the side of the mountain where their mine was located. The noise was so loud the nearby birds in the surrounding forest took flight and fled in in every direction away from the mountain. The ground began to shake once again, gusts of dust erupted out of the mine’s entrance, and the two ponies immediately shot to their hooves.
“Oh, Celestia, what do we do?” Crystal looked at Quartz. “What do we do?!”
“Uh...” Quartz bit her bottom lip. In front of them the ground split wide open and pulled away from them. “We run!” Crystal took flight and Quartz turned and ran away from the mine.
The two of them took cover in the nearby shrubbery by the entrance to the forest. “Are we safe?” Crystal asked, her chest heaving.
“I don’t know—”
BANG!
Both mares jolted at the sound of boulders slamming into one another. “I think we are!” Quartz smiled sheepishly at Crystal who replied with a frown. The two mares waited nearly ten minutes for the commotion to die down. When the tremors and the sound of falling boulders finally ceased, the two finally poked their heads out, and what they saw next made them gawk.
It was as if somepony had cast a megaspell. At the base of the mountain, there was no longer an entrance to a mine shaft. Instead, there was just a large crater, at the bottom of which was something even more bizarre: the solid gold wall. However, it looked more like a door to a giant safe. The two mares walked to the edge of the crater and peered down at the giant golden safe.
“Crystal,” Quartz said, her voice monotoned.
“Yeah,” She replied in the same way.
“Could you go back to camp and grab my camera and enchanted pick.”
The pegasus nodded slowly. “Uh-huh.”
:[-]:
Darkness... From all angles, no matter where I looked, there was darkness. Like a thick, cold blanket, I was wrapped in it to the point I thought I was going to suffocate. My breathing was slowed to the point that it felt like I was hardly sucking in any air, let alone breathing it out. I couldn’t tell if this was a typical dream or a nightmare. Even now in this dark void, I could still recall my final words with Dr. Eva before I laid down in this freezing cocoon.
“Eva?” I gave the woman who was sitting across from me a concerned look.
“Something on your mind, kid?” she asked, looking up from her book with a raised eyebrow. We were sitting around the table in the employee rec room.
“Will I dream?” The hand I was using to hold my water shook almost uncontrollably. Judging by the look on Eva’s face, she knew I was terrified.
Eva gave me a light smile and set her book aside. To my surprise, she reached over the table and took hold of my hand. Her fingers laced through mine and she gave me a gentle squeeze. “Of course you will, sweetie,” she cooed, “there’s nothing to be afraid of, we will all have our dreams.”
If so... Is this what she meant? This dark void that surrounded me... Was this my dream? Nothingness? A place in which I was unable to tell how much time had past, where time most likely didn’t even exist? A place where I could see nothing? Not even myself nor the clothing I was wearing? Was I even wearing clothing? I couldn’t recall if they had made me strip or not before going in.
Maybe I had died. Could this be death? Perhaps there was a failure in my cocoon’s system and I died in my sleep. There’s a possibility to dwell on. What if I didn’t pass, but the others did? Who shall wake me when the time of resurrection comes?
I don’t think it’s healthy for me to dwell on such things.
Thwack!
What the?
Thwack!
Who is banging on my cocoon–wait, is that a light? Somewhere far beyond––or was it? I couldn’t tell––I could see a small light, like a star, it shimmered in the distance.
Thwack!
The light grew brighter.
Thwack!
And brighter
Thwack!
With every smack the light expanded, slicing the darkness like a scythe through wheat! Someone must have woken up and was having trouble getting my cocoon open.
Thwack!
The light was getting closer. Soon I’d be awake and take my first deep breath. I'll then be able to eat and speak. Soon I could walk and see the others! Soon I’ll be free!
Thwack!
:[-]:
“Alert! Alert! Vault door breached! I repeat: Vault door breached, emergency depressurization initiating!”
My eyes opened wide since closing them, and my chest expanded outwards as I took my first deep breath . I groggily raised my arms and pressed my slim, boney hand against the glass as I tried to push it open. It wouldn’t budge. My throat clenched as a tinge of worry sprouted in my chest, I pushed again but a little harder this time. No movement whatsoever.
“Glenn?” My voice barely came out as a mumble. “Glenn?!” I called out in a loud raspy voice.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Cooper, but I cannot open the cocoon until the depressurization is complete,” the vault’s VI answered.
I lowered my face into my bare arm and gagged. The air inside the cocoon was stale and limited, each time I released my breath and sucked in more there was less. “Glenn, please, I can barely breathe!” I wheezed.
“I can assure you, m’lady, if you calm yourself and hold your breath you’ll be fine.”
“Screw you, asshole!”
“I’m afraid I do not know that request.”
I groaned, but took a deep breath and held it. As time went on, I could feel my face heating up as it became more and more difficult to hold my breath. Another minute past and my lungs felt as if they were going to catch fire. My eyes started to twitch, I pressed both hands against the glass above me and restrained myself from gasping out.
“Depressurization complete, unlocking cocoons.”
The cocoon hissed, followed by a metallic thump as two mechanical arms on each side of the machine detached. The glass door above that kept me concealed slid upwards in a swift, easy motion.
“Gah!” I cried out when the sudden shift of temperature reached me. I pushed myself up and gazed down at my bare naked body.
“Good morning, Ms. Cooper,” Glenn greeted me.
I felt my heart leap into my throat at the sudden feeling of being exposed and instinctively flung an arm over my bare chest as way to try and cover up. I clenched my teeth at the cold and tossed my legs over the edge of the cocoon. I pushed myself off the now empty pod and stepped onto the freezing floor. I yelped at the bone chilling touch and started to hop from foot to foot.
“If you’d wish to put some clothing on, M’lady,” Glenn said, “the closet on the far opposite end of the room has your proper attire.”
“Thanks,” I hissed and glanced over to the other side. The dim lighting in the room made it difficult to see, but beside the automatic door was a grey metal locker. “Could you at least turn up the lights or something?”
“Certainly,” the VI said happily and the lights in the room were turned up dramatically. The reflecting light off the metal walls and cocoon bounced into my eyes and I was forced to raise my other arm to shield them.
“Not that much, idiot!”
“Sorry, M’lady, did you mean like this?” Glenn lowered it to a more comfortable level.
After my retinas calmed down, I lowered my arm and grinned. I was now able to see just fine. “Perfect.” I walked over to the locker. The room I was in was basic, nothing too fancy about it. The walls were metal, the floor was metal, even the ceiling was made of metal. Everything in the room was made of metal. I think Eva told me that it was steel, once, before I went to sleep. Something about it made it last longer, unlike other metals that eroded easily. It was the prime reason why the vault was pumped with nitrogen after we laid down in the cocoons.
While it was understandable, it did make for a boring sight. Not too mention almost impossible to walk on barefoot. I swore it felt like I was going to be frostbitten with each step I took. The only bits that took up space inside the room were the cocoon and the locker, the rest of the room measuring a six-by-eight feet.
I reached the locker and put in my pin number. The locker awarded me with a happy chirp and I heard the lock release. Opening it, a deep frown crossed my face; the contents of my locker were nothing but a blue pair of jeans, socks, shoes, panties, and a single black c-cup. My brow knitted and I buzzed my lips. “Glenn?” I called out.
“Ms. Cooper?”
“Where’s my shirt and jacket?”
“I believe Dr. Osai said she was going to borrow them due to a spill on her clothes.”
“Where is she now?”
“B-24. However, right now we have a minor issue we need to take care of.”
I reached into the locker and grabbed my bra. “Like what?” I asked as I wrapped it around my chest and clipped it together. I then adjusted the straps a bit to get it to feel more comfortable.
“It appears to be that something is breaching the vault. My scanners indicate that already a small fracture has formed along the side of the door.”
A small lump formed in my throat and I reached in for the rest of my clothing. “So... how bad is it exactly?” I asked a tad concerned.
“I have not detected any contaminates coming from the outside air, and the climate outside appears to be temperate. There is no need to worry about any form of contagion, miss. However, something outside appears to be hacking away at the vault door.”
I pulled my jeans up and buttoned them. A cool draft drifted into the room and I rubbed my arms together as they formed goosebumps. “I really wish I had a shirt,” I mumbled.
“If you intend on checking the entrance, you may be able to make a quick stop off in Dr. Reynold's quarters and borrow a top off him.”
“I might just do that.” I stepped towards the door beside the closet and entered the pin to open it. The door slid open with ease and I stepped out into the dark hallway. A light came on above my head, followed by another as I continued down the hall. Every couple of feet a light came on in front of me while the other turned off behind me. Personally, I never understood why they were programmed to do that. Eva said it had something to do with conserving power as long as possible.
I got used to it though, and at times I found it rather entertaining. Before we were laid to rest in the cocoons, I’d play a game in the hall just outside my quarters. I was able to find the exact point between two lights that triggered the activation of one and the deactivation of the other, from there I’d hop between the two or dance beneath them to simulate a rave. It sounds childish, but when the world above is literally dying... the little things below is what keeps you sane.
I reached the T-junction at the end of the hall and made a left turn. I quickly walked down the hall towards a metal door with a turn wheel, like something you’d see on a submarine door. I took hold of said wheel and began to rotate it. The door seemed stiff, and for a second I thought it jammed. I gritted my teeth and pulled harder. The wheel groaned as it started to rotate. A deep, loud thump sounded from the door as the lock gave way and the door swung open. I stepped back to avoid the door and rushed past it up a small set of steep, metal stairs.
Thwack! Thwack!
I heard the same echo from my dream further up ahead of me. “What the hell?” I muttered, the second I reached the top of the steps a blast of warm air hit me like a speeding truck. My eyes widened and I could already feel the sweat forming on my brow.
'Maybe I don’t need a shirt after all.' I smirked.
Thwack! Thwack!
The sound of two objects smacking against each other brought me back to reality. I shook my head and pressed on towards the sound. The shirt could wait. I rounded another corner and found a large, black, circular door. Above it read, “Vault Exit Ahead” in white words and beside it was a large, red button that had the word “open” below it.
I slammed my sweaty palm on the button and the metal door hissed as the lock came undone. Out from the other end of the wall came a large metal arm that extended out from the side. The arm positioned itself over a hatch that opened up in the center of the door. From inside the arm came what looked like a screw that then drilled itself into the door. The arm started to retract back into the wall, bringing the door with it.
Once the process was finished, I stepped past the opening and into a room I haven’t been in since God knows how long. The room looked filthy and uncared for. The entire room, including the vault door, was built entirely out of gold, yet somehow failed to bring any sense of prestige to what should have been a grand foyer. Especially in the state was in now, and that state was being the stuffiest room I’ve ever stepped in. The air was stale and littered with virgin dust; I covered my mouth to avoid breathing it in, but it didn’t help much.
Thwack! Thwack!
My eyes shot to the vault door itself, the noise was now at its loudest, and I could see its results. Dead-center in the vault door was a small pin sized hole that fed a small stream of sunlight through.
“Glenn, I found that fracture you were mentioning.”
“Excellent, my data states that it’s safe to investigate further.”
I gulped and stepped down the two stairs that separated the rest of the vault from the exit. My shoes clicked against the old, metal floor which kicked a cloud of dust into the air with each step. In the very center of the room was a module that either opened or closed the vault, upon which was a screen that had originally held camera footage of the outside world, however, the screen was now black.
“Glenn,” I called out, “is there anyway for me to communicate with whoever’s out there?”
“Yes. You can try opening the vault. However, the module’s hardware has most likely eroded away.” Glenn explained. “Though engineer Adams does have a few replacements preserved away in his workshop.” A brief silence fell over us. I took a deep breath and opened my mouth. “Or you can try the comms device beside the vault door. My data indicates the module should still have a small amount of juice left,” Glenn said cutting me off
I clicked my tongue. “That sounds a lot easier.” I swung around the door module and walked over to the comms console hanging on the wall. “Let’s hope this works,” I muttered and pried open the small flap that hid the power switch. I took hold of the small red knob and flicked it upwards. The ancient machine greeted me with an old wheeze and a few sparks. I waved my hand in front of my face, trying to shoo away the smoke that poured out the back of it. “Dammit!” I coughed into my hand and stepped back from the smoking device.
“You overloaded the device,” Glenn stated.
“I didn’t overload shit!” I shook my head and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Guess I need to get those pieces after all.”
:[-]:
Thwack! Thwack!
My eyes twitched and my hands shook as I worked on the console. Another sound came, this time a much louder. I dropped the screwdriver in my hand and turned to face the vault door.
“Would you stop freaking hitting the door?!”
Thwack!
I rolled my eyes and faced the console again. “God, you’re worse than Jehovah's Witnesses,” I muttered.
A few excruciating minutes passed and I finished replacing the system’s old wires. I slid the case over the comm’s important bits and screwed it back into place. After I placed the screwdriver back with the other tools, I pushed myself back up onto my feet. Wiping the sweat off my forehead, I sighed, “Hope this works.” I flicked the power switch on and the machine greeted me with almost joyful sounding beep. A large smile came to my lips and I laughed, “Ah ha! Yes! It works, it really works!”
The whole time I had no idea what I was doing, all I did was match some newer, yet similar, pieces up with the old burnt out ones and it worked. I didn’t know exactly what I was putting into the console, Glenn tried to explain the techno-stuff to me but it completely went over my head.
Thwack!
I cringed at the noise and shook my head, I then jammed my finger on the green button labeled “talk”.
“Would you cut that out!” I practically shouted into the thing.
“Would you cut that out!” I heard my muffled voice echo on the other side.
The pounding noise ceased immediately. I stood there for a few seconds, my hand still pressed against the green button. I leaned into the console. “Thank you.”
Thwack!
“Grrr!” My hand nearly crushed the button. “Just stop it!”
Thwack–bang!
My head spun around just in time to see a large piece of the golden wall crumble to the floor. Eyes wide I could see the pinhead hole had now grown wide enough to fit a basketball through. “Oh crap…” I muttered.
‘There was no way someone just broke a hole through that,’ I thought, ‘Maybe it was a machine or something. Should I apologize?’
“N-no.” I stepped back from the console. “I need to warn the guys!” I turn and ran out of the room, forgetting to close the main door on the way out.
:[-]:
“Glenn!” I shouted while nearly stumbling down the steep steps leading deeper into the vault.
“Yes, Miss?”
“Remind me what rooms Reynolds and Osai are in?”
“B-24 and B-25.”
“Thanks!”
“Miss, if it is regarding the breach, I highly suggest you retrieve Adams as he is an engineer.”
I slid to to a stop right at the entrance to the T junction, I checked the labeled signs on the wall to find out where the B wing was. “Good idea. I’ll go wake him.”
“No need to bother, Miss, he’s already awake.”
Before I could run off, I stopped briefly. I glanced up at the ceiling and frowned. “Wait... when? Where is he then?”
“Engineer Adams woke up on the 15th of August 15049. You can find him down in the lower wing, room D-24”
I gawked. “Jesus it’s been that long? What’s the date now?”
“The date today is June 11th 18036.”
My eyes widened and my heart drop. “No...” I shook my head. “No that can’t be right, that can’t be right at all!” I began to sprint in the direction of Dr. Osai and Reynold’s rooms. “What about Eva, Glenn?” I panted out as I turned down another corridor.
“Dr. Osai woke up on January 1st, 16020. She hasn’t gone back in her cocoon since then. Right now my data tells me she’s in B-24.”
I abruptly turned my feet in mid run and slid in front of Eva’s bedroom door, nearly falling in the process. I caught myself by grabbing ahold of the panel beside her door, I quickly entered her pin and opened the door.
A wave nauseating odors and stale air penetrated my nostrils. I clutched a hand over my nose and stumbled back away from the door, I dropped to my knees. My stomach churned and groaned, and I felt like I was going to vomit. A wave of tears welled around the corner of my eyes and I pushed myself back up to my feet.
I kept my hand over my mouth and nose as I slowly crept back into the room. I paused just outside the door and took a deep breath. Stepping into the room, I could already feel the tears streaming down my cheeks along with a low cry admitting from my chest.
Rust.
The entire room was covered in rust, the cocoon that sat in the middle was in ruins, and inside these ruins, past the cracked glass, was a rotted skeleton gazing idly up at the ceiling.
“She hasn’t gone back in the cocoon since then.”
“Hasn’t gone back in... more like she never got out,” I sobbed and fell to my knees. “Oh my God, Eva!” I curled up over my knees and pounded my fist into the rusted floor. Something had gone wrong, the room must’ve not been sealed correctly after she’d lay down... Eva and the others... they’d never actually woken up. What Glenn must’ve detected were the machines shutting down due to the rust taking over, leaving Glenn with no way to inject the waking serum into them. They’d just rotted away in their sleep.
A sudden wave of anger washed over me. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” I got up and went back out in the hall glaring at the camera in the center of the ceiling.
“Tell you what, Miss?”
“About them! W-why di-didn’t you tell me if they were all d-dead?!” I choked out.
“I’m afraid I do not know the answer to that question.”
“You’re lying!” I screamed, “You knew we were all hooked up inside those things, why didn’t you tell me?!” The tears were coming like a flowing river, drenching my cheeks and dripping onto the floor.
“Before the time of their waking, Engineer Adams, Dr. Osai, and Dr. Reynold’s vitals were all stable.” Glenn Explain, “After the cocoons turned off for power conservation, there was no way for me to check their vitals. Therefore, I could not tell if they were deceased or not.”
I couldn’t believe it. I just could not believe what I was hearing, all of my friends are dead. I stood there silent, my eyes drifting away from the camera and back to Eva’s room. My best friends were dead.
“I’m alone,” I said, the realization hitting me. My lower lip began to quiver and my vision became blurry. “Oh, God, I’m alone...”
The tears came rushing back faster than they were before. I dropped onto the floor and curled up sobbing like a child. “Oh Jesus, I’m alone!” I cried out.
“No.”
I whirled around and gave the camera a black look. “Stop lying to me!”
“I cannot lie, miss. My data tells me you are not alone.”
I got onto my side and perched myself up with an elbow. “Wh-what are you t-talking about?” I ran my free arm over my eyes and wiped away the tears.
“There are two unregistered signatures heading this way.”
I shook my head. “Th-that can’t be true—” I sniffed “—no one could get past the door...”
“Did you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“That wailing sound, it sounded like a hurt filly.”
“You’re joshing me right? We haven’t seen anypony down here.”
“But what about that voice we heard earlier?”
“Some sort of warding spell used to scare ponies off, that was all.”
“I’m calculating exactly thirty seconds till the intruders arrive.”
Ignoring Glenn, I stared in the direction the voices were coming from. Slowly, I pushed myself onto my knees and then my feet. I gazed back into Eva’s room, the tears were starting to return again. “I’m sorry, Eva,” I croaked, “I’ll be back soon.”
I turned away from her bedroom and faced forward, then froze. In front of me were two creatures—small creatures. A cream colored one and a blue one, both about the size of a German Shepard, if not a tad taller and thicker. Their eyes were about the size of saucer plates and brightly colored. One had green eyes, and the other blue. Both of them stared at me with wide, shocked eyes. I returned the gesture.
“Sweet Celestia!” the cream creature started, “What the hay is this thing?”
At the sound of the animal’s voice my mind stopped. I couldn’t take it anymore. Before I heard the blue one’s response I noticed my vision began to swirl as my body started to shut down. Stumbling back, I reached out with an arm and caught the wall, sliding against it as I slumped to the floor unconscious.
Apophis, the Egyptian God of chaos... Interesting name choice
Not a bad first chapter! Definitely going on my read list!
Definitely a story I want to read more of. Please continue this story.
Don't be not avoiding those double-negatives.
No wonder she's immune... she's a bear!
Also, mind your plurals. 's is possessive,
Kind of a depressing way to wind up in Equestria. But Equestria as your post-post-Apocalypse isn't so bad I guess...
The key word there being 'preliminary'. There is still a very, very, very minute, slim, chance we could still see an impact, even if it is unlikely.
So far so good for an intro, need to see more story to get a feel for it though. Tracking for now!
Interesting plot. Those hook me more than the quality of writing. So it's a sort of "Fallout without Fallout" story? (not to be confused for the Fallout Equestria universe which has the ponies in the vaults and not the humans)
I like it :)
I don't like to complain but I don't like that she passed out at the end of the chapter. Maybe it's because I recently read fics that had that same thing.
Other than that it's pretty interesting I hope they find a way to bring the humans back but you do what you want. I'll try to keep track of this cause it's interesting so far.
I don't normally read HiEs, but the concept interested me. What I quite hate is when the author decides to just have the character faint. I'll keep track, interesting premise and decently written. Good work!
So they just decided to tear down the door? Let me guess, they were expecting some ancient timb they could tear apart and steal anything valuable. Figures.
The premise is really cool and it's nice to see that FINALLY someone is writing a female character but I have 1 serious problem with this: An alien virus wouldn't do that much damage. Let me explain.
The reason that this idea has become a major theme in pop culture is because of the great dying, caused by the Europeans when they brought European diseases to the Indians of America. The reason that these diseases were so effective was that they had had a lot of experience with combating the human immune system while the poor Indians didn't have any immunity against those illnesses. If an alien Virus or bacterium (all you said was pathogen and that can mean both) came into contact with human being then although we would have almost no immunity against us, the pathogen would have no freaking clue how to attack us effectively.
Also, I'm guessing that by pathogen you mean virus but I don't know. From reading, it is airborne ( Sneezing). Would like moar details.
To be accurate, Apophis hitting Earth on that date has been ruled out. The timetable has been moved back to 2068 CE with a (1 in 149,000) chance of impact. That estimation is as of the calculations completed February 26, 2014 CE. However, that does not make this work of fiction any less interesting. However, we are unlikely to survive Apophis as it is believed to make an impact of 750 megatons, which is an extinction event for Earth. I fortunately have read and watched enough Sci-Fi to accept the variation for the sake of a good story. Tracked.
I like it so far, and await more.
is she ever going to go and check on Dr. Reynolds?
6385399 Very true... unless the disease was engineered.
Small reminder. Some of us filter out stories with the Tragedy tag because a literary Tragedy is one that always always ALWAYS has a bad ending for the protagonist, usually resulting in their death as well.
Remember, a literary Tragedy is different from a story containing tragic events. If the story does not have a Bad End, but contains tragic events and death, it's just Sad.
6385577
Tragedy doesn't always result in the protagonist death (yet most the time it does) however, a tragedy usually if not always has a bad ending. Depending on where I take this story I'll look into changing it or not.
6385572 You raise a good plot twist.
6385399
Oh I agree with you, I already knew that an alien virus (of this kind) could not wipe us out. I learned that from Listening to the Stark Talk Radio "Zombies" podcast. One of the questions brought up by Chuck Nice was what if it was alien, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson and the medical biologist lady both said it would most likely do nothing.
However, in the world of fiction we can bend the rules a bit.
Also I'm happy that you're pleased that I chose to use a female character. You don't see them around fimfiction often, let's just hope I can right her believably
You should trim the story summary. Even if it weren't a bit on the long side, it makes the first bit almost entirely superfluous. (It isn't helped by the fact that you've done it before in a similar story.) Other than that there's only a few grammatical slips, nothing too bad. Curious to see where you go with this, mate!
6385712 I Agree. In some fiction people say "that's Impossible" however, some impossible or unlikely things are necessary for the story to exist. Like in the story "Eragon" The main character comes from a secluded village in the mountains but later finds out That his mentor who taught him how to be a dragon rider is his father. This is necessary because the spell that was meant send his mentor the Dragon egg would only have confused them for the aforementioned reason. So if something impossible happens to justify the story happening then it's fair game because without it, the story could not exist. I was just annoyed by the amount of people who don't know that space virus will not kill us all.
6385729 Yeah the summary is a bit long and I'll admit that trope with the news reports is similar to Lazarus's opening. I first got the idea of the story when I started writing the summary. So when I first sat down I couldn't figure out a way to start writing the first chapter (literally the first chapter is always the hardest in my opinion) so I went with the news reports and from there my fingers took control of everything. By the time I was finished I didn't feel like cutting it out.
I'm happy you enjoyed it so far though.
Argh! This is a story that should have really waited until they had the second chapter already done before publishing. It's an interesting concept, but it grinds me that the first chapter was really just an in-depth version of the description; nothing substantial is given to the reader that we didn't already know.
Hopefully you don't take forever on the second chapter, because that one will be more like the first one for me.
6385752 My apologies I thought the five thousand word length and character introduction would've been enough. I'll try and get the next chapter out by next week if not sooner do to me not having to wait on any editors.
6385572
Oh, yes. If I were an alien plotting to invade Earth, combining a meteor with a virus would be a good opening gambit. Nothing significant put at risk if it fails and a huge advantage if it succeeds.
Very, very interesting. I look forward to seeing more soon.
Have a follow and a tracking, maybe a favourite later, depending on how things go.
Keep up the good work!
P.S.: I liked the vault-opening scene that totally wasn't based directly off something else
Also, I agree with the others, the summary could stand to be chopped a bit, as it takes away just a tad from the information in the story itself, and the tragedy tag might need to be nixed unless this gets a load darker.
6385712 I wonder why the female characters are scarce?
6385751 whoops! Connection error on phone, thought the first didn't go up
Story is interesting, and I am tracking it... but you'll have to forgive me if I withhold my like for now.
If that was me I would beat the shit out of those ponies because they would have annoyed me and of course she fainted cause why not. Seriously I would brutally murder them.
6385791
Presumably because a large portion of the fanbase is male
Another thing is that male writers usually tend to write male characters whereas female authors do the opposite. I guess a reason for that is because males can't really tell how female's think/feel and vice versa.
But that is just an assumption. I could totally be wrong and not even know it.
6385792 It's prefectly fine, if you'd want you could leave a dislike until the next chapter comes (that's depending if you like it or not). It's not like I can force you to hit the like button.
you better do it muthafucka or I'll hack your PC and get your IP, I'll then find you, break into your house and click that like button myself.
No really I'm cool with it.
6385811
memeshappen.com/media/created/What-the-f-Why-the-f-meme-9554.jpg
Nice job!
6384047 You mean "Interesting choice in asteroid"?
Apophis was an actual asteroid that was predicted to hit Earth, but was changed back 2013-2014 after another check was done.
6385821 Because Ponies!
Have to be brutally murdered if they interrupt your endless beauty-sleep... They are a plague, and you are the cure.
Just kidding, I would have stopped the virus before it had come to ponies.
Keep up the good work
6385821 I don't see anything wrong with it. Explain why it is so wrong or not wrong my bad but surprising.
You know something? I was listening to the song "The 2nd Law: Isolated System" by Muse just when I started reading the prologue. Awesome feeling
Yowch. Poor gal, waking up to find that everyone she knew and loved is dead.
As an aside, you've done well so far. Though I do recommend that you have someone proofread your story to clear up any mistakes. Just advice.
when more chapters pop up I'll give it a read, I've seen to many great story die before their time leaving me wanting more that will never come...
Huh, I was listening to the 28 days later theme and it fit really well with the beginning.
Ok, I like the premise of this story. That said, I could only get half way through this chapter before needing to write this comment. You need an editor, BADLY. I keep a word doc open while reading fics and use it to write my comments as I read as well as note corrections that need to be made. I was switching to the word doc almost every other paragraph. Here's the list I have now:
The full name of the CDC is the Centers for Disease Control.
No apostrophe was needed there.
No need for that apostrophe either
Should read “Quartz said, her voice monotone.” If you want to keep it in the same format. I’d recommend just saying “quartz said monotonically” or “quartz said in a monotone voice.”
Questions end in question marks, silly!
Can people stop using ellipses like this? Use a dash (-) to indicate a pause in speech or rhythm. Ellipses are used for indicating that part of a quote or statement is omitted.
Saying “in which” sounds very awkward here. Not technically wrong, but little things like this can make a huge difference in your fic.
Missing a comma after “me”
She asked *cough cough comma cough cough*
Again, use a dash not ellipses.
Where
My throat clenched as a tinge of worry sprouted in my chest <period here> I pushed again but a little harder this time<comma here> no movement whatsoever.
Passed
No apostrophe
To
Were not was.
Not sure what a happy filled chirp is. I think you just mean happy chirp.
Contaminants
Used to it
I'll try to come back and finish this later.
We are safe in 2036. The next time around, however....
6385832 It's also the asteroid that hits Earth in the video game Rage.
rs1ci.memecdn.com/878/5264878_t.jpg
6385832 yeah I realised after I read the a/n...
I do not want to say it but I am terribly frustrated over it.
Fainting... Urg Fainting!
interesting story however. Looking forward for more.
Ok good start but you should be careful many people have tried and failed at this tipe of story before,just a little warning.
Now i keep getting unfair fallout and fallout equestria comparisons hear and i am sorry for that this story is not ever of thews it is it own gem in the stilt hole that is fimfiction to day and i don't want to keep comparing it to them.
but other then that good start and hope you keep this up.
6385942 Yeah I know (I pointed that out in the author's notes) I just decided to bend the rules a bit.
if the story is anywhere near as good as the description makes it sound, it should be a good time.