Cheese Sandwich Gets a 'Real Job'

by PensacolaRanger

Chapter 4 - Pink of an Eye

“BUSTED!?” Said Twilight, Spike, Applejack and Rainbow Dash, all at once!

“Uh-huh. That’s why he exploded at the party tonight! His Cheesy Sense has SELF-DESTRUCTED! Or at least that’s what he told me after waking up in the bedroom a short while ago. Oh, Twilight, what are we ‘gonna do, what am I ‘gonna do, even worse, what’s HE ‘gonna do? Now he says he’s out of work and will have to quit the party ‘biz, and he’s only got 30 days to come up with the rent money he owes his landlady in Manehattan, or he’s ‘gonna be HOMELESS! (*Pant, pant, pant*)”

Pinkie was babbling away a mile-a-minute as usual, until at last she caught herself, and started hyper-ventilating.

“Okay, okay, Pinkie, just calm down, just---come on, work with me here, CALM DOWN, Pinkie Pie!” Twilight ordered, trying to talk down her frantic friend.

“Okay, okay, I’m calm, I’m cool, I’m calm…calm…(*Pant, pant, pant*) No I'm not, no I'm not!” Pinkie tried, but kept respiring at hyper-speed.

“Hang on, Sugarcube…” said Applejack, trotting over. She started working Pinkie’s shoulders and back, like a masseuse. “There, there, just relax. T’ain’t ‘gonna help your friend none to get yourself all riled up like that. This ain’t your problem, Pinkie Pie. It’s his; pure and simple.”

“But he’s my friend!" Pinkie turned around and retorted, “And now he’s in trouble! I can’t just leave him hanging!
How can you be so COLD, Applejack?”

“WHAT? COLD!? ME?? Now, wait just a gall-darned minute there, Little Miss Happy-Hooves…” warned Applejack, marching forward in a threatening posture.

“QUIET!!” Twilight hollered! “NO FIGHTING IN THE LIBRARY, OR THE CASTLE! GOT IT?”

Twilight emphasized her command by pouncing into an attack stance on all fours, her wings flared out to either side, and her nostrils snorting like a bull.

At this, Rainbow Dash couldn’t help herself. She lowered her head, shook her mane, and started laughing…

“(*Giggle*) You should see how silly you look, Twilight, trying to look like an angry yak! BA-HAHAHAHA!!” Rainbow rolled over laughing!

Twilight immediately looked across the library----at the trans-dimensional portal mirror to Sunset Shimmer’s other world---and studied her own reflection. Sure enough, the grimacing purple Alicorn staring back, looked absolutely…ridiculous.

At this, the Friendship Princess let her guard down, and her wings, and just slumped on her hooves. “(*Giggle*) Okay, okay…” she relented.

Then Twilight let out a huge Manticore-esque YAAAWWWN… acknowledging the lateness of the hour.

It was catching; everypony else in the library did likewise. It was after 1 o’clock in the morning by now.

“Look, it’s late, we’re all tired, and Cheese is safely tucked in bed for the night. I suggest we all do the same and hit the hay." Twilight concluded.

“But…but,..” Pinkie tried to press.

“No buts! SLEEP, Pinkie. There’s nothing more we can do for him tonight. Just let it go ‘til morning. Go to bed." Twilight ordered.

Defeated, Pinkie slumped as well, “(*Sigh*) Okay…” she said sadly, and started clopping her way out the library open double-doors.
The others followed in turn.

“Next time, Dash, you check the high shelves.” said Applejack.

“Oh, yeah, right…” said Rainbow Dash, sheepishly.

Twilight & Spike were last, but then Spike quickly doubled back, and ran to pick up a book from one of the lower shelves.
“Almost forgot. Here it is!”

He held up to Twilight a copy of: Starswirl's Magical Guide to Unusual Ailments. “Spontaneous combustion. Chapter 6.” he confirmed.

Twilight yawned again. “Just put it by my bedside, Spike. I’ll have to read it in the morning.” she managed weakly, and magically pulled the library doors closed behind her as they left.

After Dr. Twilight relieved Rarity & Fluttershy of their nurse duties, the Mane 6 left the guest bedroom and filed off to their respective beds, and called it a night.

***

“(*Groan*) Okay, let me get this straight…” said a groggy Twilight less-than-Sparkle at breakfast in the Grand Dining Hall the next morning, as the others (Cheese included) all enjoyed their customary first meal of the day: Pancakes a-la Applejack. Twilight rubbed her temples with her forehooves, in the vain hope of thinking more clearly, before continuing.

“…Cheese Sandwich, you’re 3 months behind on your rent in Manehattan. Your landlady won’t support your party career anymore; you've got 29 days left to find a 'real job'..” she made the quotations with her hooves, “…and starting earning 'real money'to pay the 1,500 bits you owe her in back rent, or she’s going to evict you?”

“That’s pretty much it,” said Cheese, still wearing a bandage on his mane, “I quit the gigs, or lose my digs. The only problem is: the party circuit is all I know. All my life, my calling has been to entertain ponies and make them happy. If I can’t do that anymore, what else am I going to do with my life? I sing, I act, tell jokes, play accordion, wear costumes, plan parties…a little painting, drawing and creative writing on the side, I’ve even DJ'ed….but that’s it. That’s all I'm qualified for. That’s my whole resume’! I don’t have any other job skills!”

“And to top it all off, he said…” Pinkie Pie added, “…his Cheesy Sense went SUPERNOVA! It blew up right in front of us last night! So now he can’t sense where his next party gig is going to be…”

“…Or where my next job is going to be…” Cheese continued, “…without that sixth sense that’s been my only compass…how am I supposed to find out where I belong? So that’s it, now…I’m stuck. No plan, and no guidance..."

Feeling depressed, Cheese picked up his accordion (funny how he always managed to have it close by) began squeeze-boxing a mournful, bluesy tune on it. (Even funnier is how an accordion could actually sound bluesy, if played right) and launched into a pitiful, funeral dirge-like song:

"What do you do...when your party days are through...

What is your plan, when your life's flushed down the can...

What's a pony to do...when he no longer can do...

What his Cutie Mark is telling him to do...?

What's a pony to do...when he no longer can do...

What his Cutie Mark is telling him...

To... do... ?"

As the song ended, Cheese folded the accordion back into shape...and plopped his head face-down on the table.

Long faces and a long palpable silence followed.

“Bummer…” said Spike sadly.

“Double bummer. No more Birth-iversaries…” moaned Rainbow Dash.

“Shucks…never even thought o' that, myself. I ‘dunno what I’d do if I couldn’t grow apples no more…” said Applejack glumly.

“And I can’t imagine what I'd do if I couldn’t make dresses anymore…” pouted Rarity.

“…Nor I, if I had to stop taking care of animals…” Fluttershy barely said, sinking below table level.

“Oh, mane…no more weather duties? Or flying? I could not live like that…” Dash quailed.

WUMP!

Twilight thumped a sound hoof on the table, making the others jump, as she got up from her seat and started pace-trotting.

“Okay, that’s enough gloom-and-doom for one morning! Time to think...”

Twilight paced. And thought. And paced some more. And thought some more… She eyed Pinkie for a moment, but then returned to her deep-thinking…

Then suddenly, she stopped, looked at Pinkie again, and straightened up, eyes bright and smile wide!
“OF COURSE! THAT'S IT!”

All Pinkie & Cheese could say was… “Huh?”

“YOU have a second job, don’t you, Pinkie Pie? You’re not a party pony all the time?”

“(*Gasp*) Hey, that’s right!” said Pinkie, “I help in the kitchen with the baking at Sugarcube Corner! Plus, every now and then,
I babysit for the Cakes! (*Gasp*) That’s 3 jobs I have!”

Pinkie paused, then glowered & smiled at the same time, with confidence. Then she looked her fellow party pony in the eye.

“Cheese…how good are you at baking?" she asked, point-blank.

“Oh! Well…outside of birthday cakes, party pizza, and…the usual can of cold beans on the road between gigs…”
he slumped, “…not much, I’m afraid.”

“Ooh-ooh! I bet I could teach you! Yes-yes, I could! I know…you could be my assistant in training! I can give you on-the-job training at Sugarcube Corner! The Cakes will LOVE IT! I know they will! They know you, so I know they’d just LOVE having you on the baking staff!” Pinkie bounced up and down in nervous excitement.

“Um…Pinkie…” said Cheese, matter-of-factly, “…what if I turn out not to be a baker?”

At this, Pinkie stopped in mid-air, and floated back down, with a sourball candy look on her face, as if to say:

"Look, Cheese, I'm trying to open a door here for you; what are you slamming it shut for?"

“(*Ahem*) Well, then pardner…” Applejack offered, “…how good are ‘ya at buckin' apples? Sweet Apple Acres could always use an extra farm hoof or two! Besides…it’s almost Cider Season again. You could help with the harvest, and entertain!”

“Hmm…” Cheese considered, “…now that's got potential.”

Pinkie went even more sour, as if to say: "Oh...and I DON'T?"

Then Rarity put in, “(*Ahem*) And of course, if you don’t feel like bucking apples for the rest of your life, I could always use a helping hoof or two at the Carousel Boutique. You certainly look strong & handsome enough for textile work…” she added, batting her pretty eyes. At this, Spike nearly smoldered with jealousy. As did Pinkie.

“Ah, well…heh-heh, um…” Cheese stammered, now blushing from the awkward attention.

But then he felt a tug at his bandage, as Fluttershy (now in one of her rare bold moments) said:

“You know…if you can train a little white mouse to sit in your mouth and play a horn, I bet you’re really good with animals…”

If Cheese were a steam whistle, he would be right about to blow right now. His blush went from pink to red.

Pinkie also seemed about to reach critical mass.

“GIRLS! GIRLS! THAT’S ENOUGH!” ordered Twilight, clapping her hooves together!

Pouting, they all backed away and resumed their table seats. All except Pinkie, who grinned smugly, and wrapped both forehooves possessively around Cheese. "MINE!" she seemed to say with he angry blue-eyed stare all around at the others.

“Ponies, I have a solution…” Twilight announced, “…time share. Cheese, once you’re all healed up, you’ll spend one day with each of us, helping out with the job at hoof. That’s one day baking with Pinkie at Sugarcube Corner, one day bucking apples with Applejack, one day helping Rarity with fashion design at Carousel Boutique, and so on. That should take about…6 days overall. By then, we should have a fair idea what other things you’re good at, for a new career.”

The others all nodded in agreement, but Cheese still held back a bit. “And…if all that doesn’t work out?” he cringed.

Awkward pause...

Now it was Twilight’s turn to glower…and face-hoof. “Hoo-boy…you just keep looking for trouble, don’t you?”
She mumbled that last line to herself.

“(*Sigh*) …If and ONLY IF all that doesn’t work out… well, then, Cheese…you’ll just have to do what everypony else does with no sixth sense to find a new job… march your own flank down to Town Hall every day, and check the postings on the Community Bulletin Board. There’s always somepony hiring for something, somewhere, each and every day. I believe that’s about as clear as I can put it, Party Boy.” Twilight finished, calmly but clearly annoyed, with folded forehooves.

All the others turned to share Twilight’s droll face and folded forehooves with the reluctant Cheese…who now seemed to be melting with regret. And indecision.

Even Pinkie shared their sentiment, but tried to soften the blow, and said point-blank to him:

“Look...you came here asking for help, Cheesy. And…you might as well face it; this is the best you’re ‘gonna get. It’s this…or an old cardboard box in a dirty alley, back in Manehattan. I don’t ‘wanna see that happen to you, Cheesy…none of us do. But...what happens when your accordion breaks for the last time, and you can’t afford to fix it or get a new one? End of the line, Cheese. Party’s over. Where’s the fun in that? Please…give it a chance, won’t you? I promise you, it won't be forever. Just until you can pay off your rent, and get back on your own four hooves again. Please….you can do that for me, can’t you?” Poor Pinkie was on the verge of tears.

Pinkie then grabbed a cupcake from the table (funny how she always managed to have one close by) squashed it into one eye,
and held out a hoof, shoe-out, to her friend. “(*Sniff*) Pinkie-promise?”

Now Cheese was on the verge of tears. As was everypony else at the table. He slumped again, then raised a hoof to Pinkie’s.

“(*Sigh*) Okay… Swear on Camembert.” said Cheese.

The pact was made. No turning back now.

CHEERS, HOOFCLAPS and sobs of joy bloomed around the dining table, filling the Castle Dining Room with merriment!!

“YIPPEE!!” hollered Pinkie Pie, “Okey Dokey Lokey! Trust me, Cheese Sandwich! You’ll see!

You’ll have a brand new career, in the PINK OF AN EYE!”

[CONTINUED NEXT CHAPTER…]

Author's Note:

Whoa...real emotional. And scary.

Had this conversation about a week ago with my landlord and his family, after church. My toes are still covered in ice.

Got an appointment next week to see Vocational Rehab people to see about training for new work, since I can't afford to go back to college. Also applied blindly to anything from school janitor to cafeteria helper. No callbacks or interviews yet. After devoting 25 years to the one career on the community party & entertainment circuit, how do you just leap into the next one with no training whatsoever? Sorry, but I've got no Cheesy or Pinky Sense to guide me. Not even the Force... Just my conscience, and faith in my Creator.

My model for Twilight's 'last resort' solution was the (now defunct) online roleplaying game "Welcome to Ponyville - Act 1" (And now that it's defunct, there won't be an Act 2. ) It did something neither the show nor comics did for me: introduce me to working concepts of the cost of housing in Ponyville, a local job market & hiring process, and a standard minimum wage----essential elements for this kind of fanfic. Let's see where this goes!

Comments

[LCranston]

I like where you're going with this. It makes sense.

Also, Twilight seems to be growing in the Dark Side of The Force.

WUMP! Okay, you get +1 AC because of the use of awesome words. I always liked this one.

[PensacolaRanger]

Thanks, LCranston.

As for Dark Twilight, well...my landlord's family was no less dark in their talks with me, about finding a new full-time job.
I wanted to reflect that in this story, and in my mind, it seemed to make the most sense coming from Twilight, than from any other of the Mane 6.

Also, since my landlord is also a Baptist deacon at our neighborhood church, he has a sympathetic & motivational side, too.
I chose to reflect that in Pinkie Pie, as the one friend closest to Cheese Sandwich.