Chapter 1: First Customer Part 1
“Wow, this place is awesome!” Cap Grass exclaimed. His excitement was brought to a halt as his friend, Swift Justice, gave him a disapproving glare.
Swift Justice cleared his throat. “Ignore my friend here. This office space is in fact sufficient for our needs, but it does bring its price into question. I'm far from desperate, as there are quite a few options, What is your monthly fee?” Swift put on a fake smile, and looked toward the mare currently offering the real estate.
The salesmare looked at him blankly. “The rent will be two-hundred fifty bits a month plus utilities. However, the first month will cost you three-hundred fifty.”
Swift Blinked a few times digesting of what he just heard. “Did I just here you right? Two-fifty? Seems rather low.... Is there something you're not telling me?” He said with a hint of skepticism.
“Nothing that's not covered in the contract.” The pony continued her blank stare seeming rather disinterested in her customers.
“Sounds good to me where do I sign?” Cap blurted with his previous enthusiasm restored.
Before Swift Justice could interject, the mare had already pulled out a few documents in which Cap Grass eagerly skimmed. The mare handed him a pen when he seemed finished.
“I'll need you to sign here." The mare pointed toward a blank line in the middle of the document. Which he hastily signed. “And here, here, here and... here. I'll also need a sample of your blood. Yes, very nice. Don't forget to write the date right there.” As Cap Grass signed away his life, Swift couldn't help but cringe each time he heard the pen glide across the pages.
When it was all said and done, the mare pulled the documents away and motioned Cap to give her the pen back which he promptly spat out. “Looks like I'm your new landlord. Hope you enjoy your stay!” An evil grin. formed on her face. As she made her leave out the door, she couldn't help but let loose one of her evil cackles. Even when she was gone her laugh seemed to echo in the dark corners of the office space.
Swift used one of his wings to slap Cap in the back of the head. “Darn it, Cap. Didn't you say paperwork was suppose to me my responsibility? I am a Lawyer after all.”
“Correction, you were a lawyer. I mean, What's the worse that could have happened? it's not like I signed away my soul or anything.” Cap nonchalantly leaned against a nearby reception desk.
Swift continued to stare at him silently for a long uninterrupted amount of time. “Well, I don't know, I'll have to check the paperwork.” Swift simply shrugged and began to go to the kitchen portion of the rented office space.
Caps eyes widened for a moment then decided to catch up with his friend to the kitchen. “Wait, that's not actually a thing you can do, is it?” Swift did not answer only making Cap more uncomfortable.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Two weeks had passed since they initially bought the office space. In the first week they had managed to get their signs printed and hung, the office organized, and the advertisements posted. The next week comprised mainly of them waiting. They really didn't know what to expect, but if Swift was right, they would be getting a customer soon. They had taken it upon themselves to start a business that would help ponies improve their public image. They figured that since nasty rumours spread like wildfire, that starting a company to prevent them would be a hit. Their sign simple stated: “Public Relations.” Cap did suggest a few witty tag lines, but his friend shot all of them down as he wanted this business to appear as professional as posssible.
At the moment, they were doing basically nothing. So far their investment seemed like a dud. With nothing better to do they resorted to staring at the ceiling fan, or playing with writing. They could have just left, but it was office hours and a customer could potentially pop in at any moment.
A knock came at the door. They all excitedly looked at the entrance for a moment, only to see their old friend, Violet, nervously walk through the open door.
“Hey guys! Heard you started a business, just wanted to check it out.” Violet looked around at their office. “Looks like you guys have quite the setup, any business yet?”
“No.” Both Swift and Cap said in tired unison then proceeded to engage in their bored activities
“Aw, that's a shame.” Violet smiled. “Hey, maybe I'll recommend some ponies. What is it you do again?”
Swift sat up in his reception chair. “We do Public Relations.”
“You do what now?”
“Public Relations.”
“And that is...?”
“You know, When somepony's moderately popular, like a celebrity, they might needs to improve their public image, perhaps to quell nasty rumours, or to prevent them in the first place.” Swift explained.
“Oh, you should really put that on your advertisements. I thought it was a clothes store.” Violet smiled warmly.
Swift put his face onto his hoof. “Why in the world would I open a clothes store of all places?” Swift said with a bit of bitterness in his voice.
“She's kinda right.” Cap interjected. “We should have used a tag line.”
“We are not using one your dumb tag lines! We're just going to describe our services better on the next run of the ad.”
Violet looked back and forth between the two of them. “Well, you two look busy. I'll be at my flower shop if you need anything.” She smiled and skipped out the door off to her business. Before her hoofsteps could fade into the distance, the two of them heard an ear shattering scream.
With ears stood up at full attention, Cap and Swift looked at each other nervously. Cap stood up form the lobby chair he was sitting in and slowly trotted to the door. He was just about to push it open when The door was slammed open smashing him against the wall
Standing in the doorway was none other than Nightmare Moon. If Justice hadn't spent nearly half an hour earlier in the restroom prior to her intrusion he may have soiled himself. Her slitted pupils stared directly at Swift, or rather, directly into him. He attempted to move but instead he was paralyzed with fear.
“We demand your advertised services!” Nightmare demanded
"W-well just to clarify, this isn't a clothes store and–"
A displeased frown furrowed her lips. “I know what this place is, I can read! If you do not comply, I will eat your first born child!”
Swift snapped out of his daze. “W–what was it you wanted? I should let you know, I am practically inedible, A–all bone no meat you see...”
“Fool! Was your advertised services to be cannibalized?” Swift shook his head left to right slowly as Nightmare continued to eye him. “Then why would you suggesting I'd do that in the first place?”
Cap had managed to pry himself from the wall and decided to take a rest on the floor. “I mean, you did threaten to eat his children and all.” he said from his spot on the floor.
“Another Fool! How would I eat his children if I killed him before he could even having any?” Nightmare was momentarily surprised that somepony else was in the room, but addressed him without flinching or even looking at him.
“That is assuming I don't already have children.”
“Oh shut it, I can smell the virginity wafting off of you. It smells of dead catfish and lemonade.”
“Hold on, I'm not a–”
Swift was cut short by his friend. “Dude, that thing in College, it didn't count.”
“I'm pretty sure it does.”
“I'm pretty sure it doesn't. Right, Moonbutt?”
“It doesn't count.” Nightmare Moon acknowledged his place on the ground with a death stare. “Don't call me 'Moonbutt.'”
“See, look. Even an evil immortal goddess feared by the seventh layer of Tartarus agrees with me. It doesn't count.”
“She doesn't even know what we are talking about! How could she even make that judgment?”
“Oh, I know.”
“How?”
“It's really quite obvious.”
“Gah!” Swift slammed his head into the desk. “I'm done with the line of conversation! You can't just barge in here, threaten to eat my children, and start talk about my psex life!”
“These weren't my original intentions! I simply came here for your advertised services.” Nightmare slammed a hoof into the ground causing a momentary earthquake. It would have startled the two of them if they weren't already eye to eye with one of the most feared pony in all of existence.
Swift blinked a few times still trying to digest what he was just told.”Y–you want us, to improve your... P.R?”
“Have I not been saying this the entire time?” Nightmare stepped forward and sat in the chair facing the reception desk. “We have recently attained our own body, no longer confined by the short blue weakling. Our attempt to dominate the world has been met with lukewarm success and I have come to the conclusion that my only option is to lead a normal life, but I can't do that when every other day some no name ponies try to disintegrate you with spells and ancient artifacts!”
The room was silent for a moment with the exception of a small pendulum clock.
Cap picked himself off the ground. “Wooh! First customer!”
“Are you crazy, we can't just give our services to a pure amalgamation of evil! That'd make us evil by proximity!” Swift conjectured.
Cap shrugged. “It's not like we have much of a choice. Plus, she all, like, reformed or something.”
“Bite me.” Nightmare snarled.
“See? If she was still evil, I probably would have already been decapitated.” Cap had walked himself to the other side of the reception desk and leaned on his partner's shoulder while keeping his vision on Nightmare. “Cool teeth, by the way.”
“Oh, for the love of Celestia.” Swift put both hoofs to his face and groaned while resisting the urge to curl up into a ball. “What have I gotten myself into?”
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An excellent premise for a story, and it kept my interest all the way to the end. I will say that you ought to proofread your writing, as there's a plethora of grammatical/spelling/formatting errors strewn throughout this story. Other than that, this story is strong enough to hold its own, but a writer should always seek to improve, and this story can definitely use a little more meat to the narrative.
The humor, particularly with Nightmare Moon, was sufficient, so I'll Track this and give a Like. Can't wait to see what comes next.
6261097 Yeah, I was sorta drawing a blank when it came to formatting. I'll be needing a quick refresher on that when I have the time. I'll improve eventually. i did just fix some of the more glaring issues, but i'll be coming back to this later to give it a full sweep.
Hmm, a little dialogue heavy there. But I ain't got a problem with it, I'm actually kinda interested in seeing were this takes off to...
This may have already been addressed and/or looked at, and sorry for being a stickler for accuracy, but this needs to be changed to "somepony"
There could be a few more commas in there, too, but otherwise you're fine as far as I could see first read. I'll be tracking this. Keep up the good fight.
This might just become the greatest story ever written. I love the idea and will be avidly following this. I do second the recommendation for proofreading/editing.
6262413 Thank you for pointing that out. I honestly don't know how I manage to skim such blatant mistakes.
6262531 Well Gee, You sure know how to pressure a guy. I avidly hope I deliver on your expectations.
A whole story about my favorite industry ever? You've got my attention!
I really like this story so far and I cant wait to see how it goes, but I have one quick note for you that was bugging me:
Technically instead of PR it should be public image. PR refers to the practitioners who go between the person/company and the public to bring about positive publicity.
This deserve a 7/10 so far.
This story idea is so cool!
Reminds me of some of the writing of Terry Pratchett. Excellent premise, keep working hard at it and no doubt this will take off. Getting a friend to reread it could be a good idea, and you will really have to work hard to live up to the great start you've given this story! Hilarious! Kudos.
6263177 I guess I can edit that later. Doesn't have quite the same ring to it though.
I should point out that I will wildly misrepresent the PR industry for the sake of comedy and convenience.
6264810 Thank you. I'll get someone to preread it, maybe. I just hope I can keep the humor consistent.
Eventually, their services will be so renowned that they'll be hired to convince somepony that someone else is evil
and by that I mean they'll have their work cut out for them in getting Fluttershy to realise Angel Bunny is the most evil, insidious devil to ever walk on Equestrian soil
6265318
I'm sure that you will be able to keep up the laughs. This first indication has surely proved that.
6265318
So are you planning to do the others villains too? If they succeeds into getting Nightmare Moon a normal life among the population(like getting her to work at a haunted house or something) I can see them that they done a too good of job that Nightmare Moon spread the words of their success to others villains which leads them to becoming clients of the PR something like this.
I see Queen Chrysalis showing up in their office with a few Changelings asking them to find a way for her and her Changelings to peacefully fit in pony society.
I can see them helping King Sombra to adjust to modern times.
I can see a interesting scene with them talking to Tirek to something like this:
Swift: (freaking out but after seeing a guard standing next to Tirek) Wait a minute aren't you supposed be in Tartarus?
Tirek: Yes. But they decided to sentenced me with community services so I'm on house arrest (turning to look at a guard standing next to him) meaning that I'm not allow to leave this city.