Have you ever wondered why or how? When it comes to Pinkie Pie‘s antics, most leave it be. Although it is best to not question the supernatural abilities of this cartoonish party pony, some can’t help but to ponder day and night.
They say curiosity killed the pony. Or was it the cat...? Whatever.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Great concept? Absolutely!
Humorous? Yes.
Characterization of Pinkie Pie? Excellent!
Messy? Ee-yup.
this story would be among my favoeites if it weren'tfor the awkward sentences and grammar mistakes. Not enough that I don't like it, but enough that you need a proof reader. I would suggest fixing this chapter before you move on, because this chapter is most important for attracting readers. If you cannot find a proofreader, I would be willing to do it.
Two more things:
1. Twilight wouldn't say or even think "awesome".
2. Why does Twilight go from admiring to condescending in about 20 seconds flat. Wait a second, did I just use....oh, nebermind. Anyway, keep her admiring him throughout or make the transition slower.
3, (I lied) Slow down. Have fun with it! Its moving too fast.
Overall, good story. 3/5 duck faces
Thanks, sir!
Glad you like the story, and I can tell you that it gets more humorous as it goes. As for proofreading, your probably right. I'll let you know about that offer of yours, and I appreciate that alot.
I understand grammar mistakes, but can you elaborate on "awkward sentences" please?
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!
Good plot so far, but you have massive issues with tense. Fiction is traditionally written in past tense. And you should never mix tenses.
Example:
"Moments later, the unicorn opens her door and walks toward the entrance of the library tree." -> "Moments later, the unicorn opened her door and walked towards the entrance of the library tree."
This because the line followed a line in past tense. The sudden change is jarring to the reader and imho, the "wrong" tense in general causes things to be hard to read.
644848
Ahah! Thank you very much, thats greaty helpful. I knew it would be a good idea to not write the story one shot style.
I actually just got back from the local bookstore with a proofreading guide in hand!
Yes, yes, im being an applejack here. I want to learn to proofread my own work in order to make future fics run their course smoothly.
All of that aside, Im glad this has so far been recieved with open arms. I shall now get to work on this chapter soI can start on mumber 2!!!
UGH *facehoof*.... theres technically over 50 errors with just this chapter.
Hoo boy. While I am pretty darn happy that somebody is using this concept, I'm going to have to agree with henke37 on this one. Improper tense is one of the first things that will drive a reader to hit the back button on their browser and look for another story to read, along with grammar.
A good tip for self-editing and proofreading is to simply read your paragraphs and quotes aloud to yourself, and ask questions like: Are these things that the character would actually say? Am I justifying these sudden mood swings, or even explaining them? Things like that.
I don't intend to sound condescending with that last piece of advice, for those are questions I actually ask myself at times. Not saying that I'm some incredible author or anything, but you get the idea.
But despite this constructive criticism, I'm actually looking forward to see where you go with this. It's an idea that stands out amoungst the sea of monotony, and I'm glad to see it happen.
Keep writing, and pony on!
MOAR!!!
It is hilarious, but for Celestia's sake, Capitalize all names, including Spike's.
On a second note, use the Author's note for anything personal like at the end of this chapter. This isn't a part of the story.
645304 Learning about how to proofread is a good idea for any writer, regardless of if you have a proofreader or not. There are numerous tools to auto-correct your story, once in digital form, which would save you time in picking up on your errors.
On that note, it is clearly high time to post and publish the next chapter.
The alternative is to mark it as either complete, or on Hiatus. All depending on how you are doing.