1640 Riverside Drive, Hill Valley
Visible Light comes home with bags of food
Vis is busy cooking for herself. She is a kind mare, aged 25, and single with no foals. She is used to this. Vis isn't really a pony looking for love, but if given the chance, she would take care of a pony or two if she must. She frequently goes over what she has accomplished in her time, while she waits for her food to cook. She's a scientist, she works and makes money by inventing, and is in a family who does the same, and has made loads. A good portion of her money is inherited, as well was the fabulous mansion and property she owns. She goes over her latest invention when she hears a high-pitched scream, breaking Vis from her thoughts. Vis throws herself to the living room where the sound originates. To her surprise, a short, dark gray filly stares into a stand-up mirror.
"'Tis it?" Vis rushes over, "are you hurt?!"
The filly whips her head around as her eyes grew wide, and forgets whatever it was she was concerned about before. "Wow, a unicorn! And...you have rainbows in your hair! Back home they said they were fake, but boy are they wrong now!"
Vis can sense something is amiss. This filly has never seen a unicorn? She can't be from another nation, she's a pony, not a horse or griffon. But even if she was, why would she be taught unicorns weren't real? Is she taught the same about pegasi, alicorns, earth ponies? Wherever the filly is from, Vis can tell she probably has no means of getting back home. She decides to do the right thing. Vis would become the filly's foster mother. She doesn't feel she can give her to anypony else, there's something special about this filly.
"What's your name?" Vis asks the foal.
"I'm the Traveler!" The Traveler answers eagerly.
"Well, 'Traveler,' for as long as you are here, I will take care of you. You must be starved, come with me." Vis turns and leads the way to the kitchen. She mutters under her breath, "Yes, you certainly must be quite the traveler...."
6 years later
The Traveler is now aged 13.
The Traveler is home schooled. It's been quite the change for her, as she used to be in a public school as a young timelord. But that's just it. The Traveler doesn't even remember her origins, or her first encounter with Visible Light. You may think she would remember something as important as that occasion, but she was seven years old. I certainly don't remember CRAP from when I was seven. But the Traveler thinks of Vis as her mother. Vis has also grown from this change, she's learned to be more patient, and how to teach others important life skills. She teaches the Traveler in Science, Maths, History, Language Arts, and Debate. However, the Traveler started being interested in Physical Ed when she was eleven, when she found Visible's weight training room. While Vis never uses the room, the Traveler uses it frequently. Vis even started taking the Traveler to a public gym for better equipment. And the Traveler got excited about these visits. It was a time where she got to meet other ponies. Today was a special day though. The Traveler's interest in strength training would spark her interest in inventing and science.
The Traveler walks into the gym doors for her usual weekly workout. While her visits aren't excessive, she works herself hard in every department of the gym. Except one place, the pegasus workout place. And why would she? The Traveler is a simple earth pony, what can their machines help her with? And even so, every time she passes by the room without entering, her curiosity grows stronger. Today, she decides to inspect the room. The Traveler walks into the room, and almost instantly regrets it.
"Hey, who let the flightless PIG in here?" One pegasus shouts. It draws all attention to the Traveler.
"I uh....was just...." she panics, as she desperately tries to conjure up a reason to be there. Then it hits her. "I am here to study pegasi for my next invention, of course! Why else do you think I come to the gym so often?" The Traveler blurts out, which raises a lot of eyebrows. "Uhmm....I'm working on makeshift....distinctive parts of certain pony breeds for ponies who want to be another breed or lost their identifying qualities. Like, a pegasus who lost their wings would need new ones....?" As shifty as her excuse sounds, the pegasi just accept it and go back to their business. The Traveler is relieved, but now she has a statement to uphold.
5 months later
From that day forward, the Traveler pours herself into learning pegasus genetics, aerodynamics, nerves, and wings in general. She starts producing a pair of metal wings two months into her studies. She even skips every single weekly workout to keep at her studies. And finally, today, the work will pay off. In front of the Traveler lies a pair of stainless steel, five-"feathered" wings. Vis stands next to her.
"You sure you want to go through with this? You don't have to prove yourself to passersby at the gym..." Vis says.
"Of course! I may have started out wanting to prove myself, but now it's about science!" The Traveler exclaims. "I'm ready."
Vis picks up a needle full of a liquid that will put the Traveler down until she is done. She injects it into the Traveler, and puts a breathing mask on. Visible Light will spend the next few hours surgically installing the wings into the Traveler.
I love what you have so far! I can't wait to read more
Hey, remember what I said about tenses? It still applies to this chapter. Let me do a silly dance!
I'll be right back.
Okay, I'm back from doing the silly dance.
Now, I know that projecting a viewpoint of polydimensional temporality and/or eternity to linear time can be difficult and even confusing, but frequent tense shifts are generally, well, not good writing.
The next thing I want to address is the pacing. I might not actually know a lot about pacing, but I do know that the pace you are going through the story is, well, quite fast, to understate it a bit. In other words, it feels rushed. But I wouldn't count on me being right about that, so, please, ask someone who actually knows something about pacing.
Now that all the boring, technical stuff is out of the way, let's look at the story itself.
Why? Or, rather, explain! Explain! Explain!
Why doesn't she remember? What caused her amnesia? People don't just forget that kind of stuff, do they?
Was she hit on the head? Was she drugged? Who drugged her? Did Visible Light drug her? Did Visible Light's secret wish for foals lead her to drug this small filly into believing she was her mother?
What happened?
Also, wings. Every rational part of me tells me that this can't work. Why, you ask?
[1]Steel wings. Steel is heavy. In order to fly with steel wings, you need to be able to flap'em real hard. (Or be an aeroplane. Is the Traveller an aeroplane?) To flap'em real hard, you need strong muscles. Strong wing muscles. Muscles the Traveller, not being a pegasus, does not have.
[2]Magic. Pegasus magic is different from earth pony magic. Proof? Pegasi walk on clouds, earth ponies don't. Second, pegasi need their pegasus magic to fly. Proof? They couldn't fly after Tirek drained them. Again, the Traveller is an earth pony. No pegasus magic there.
The only way to make these wings work is magic. Lots of magic. So much magic in fact, I'd wager it would make the wings unnecessary. Put the magic in a pedant, put the pedant round your neck: Bam, flight achieved, no wings involved.
Lastly, steel wings are made of steel. Steel is not well known for being flexible. Steel wings mean clumsy flight, bad manoeuvrability, and so forth. I'm not saying the Traveller can't fly with steel wings, I'm just saying it would be quite inconvenient.
If I seemed abrasive, sorry. That wasn't my intention. I just get a bit over-enthusiastic sometimes; also, I have a tendency to rant.
Wall of text ends here.
6239806 Thank you for your concern for this story. Also, thanks for providing constructive criticism instead of going off on me :P and i have furthered my facts about metals. And I've figured out her wings are made of lithium, the lightest metal. and even when together it would be heavy, but they're so thin they are pretty light and partially flimsy. and the wings are actually partially connected to some of Flux's own nerves, just not each metal piece. she engineered them (hah, engineer!) in such a way because she knows all the problems. Like, she made the metal close together and the middle pieces long because she knew she would need to create LOTS of wind resistance to get her up off the ground. and lastly, she's actually not able to walk on clouds. This is one of the things i thought through a little more. and Flux will figure it out pretty quickly. and i know this explanation sounds really REALLY stupid and so does the entire story, it's all unrealistic. but the way i see it, stories about candy colored unicorns and pegasi and alicorns and ponies in general are pretty unrealistic. i've seen a lot of stories worse than mine (NOT saying my story is like up in that category of goods stories). so i kinda like to let things happen, even if they have little to no explanation. Again, I DO appreciate you helping me out. I'll definitely take what you've said into account as i write on ^^ and i'll try to make them less rushed and in the same tense
6238947 thank you very much. this story will get better in the next chapters
6239256 i might be able to find a way to work that in, as Flux isn't dead yet. she's got hundreds of years left on her.
6240585
Using a lighter metal? Good idea! But, um, Lithium? Do you know what happens to Lithium when it gets wet?
That's right. It burns.
If you want a light metal, use aluminium, which is also used in real-world aircraft, or an alloy thereof.
Next, making the pieces thinner will also reduce the weight, but creates the problem of reduced stability. It's like the difference between a block of wood and a sheet of paper. You can make planes out of aluminium, but you can't use aluminium foil.
If you look a bit at both birds and planes, you'll find one thing: bird bones are hollow; feather shafts are hollow, aeroplane wings are hollow. Hollow things weigh less but still can be pretty stable.
Still, there is the problem of not having the proper muscles to move the wings.
The thing is, flight is hard. Real hard. And everything flying in My Little Pony that is not a bird, a hot air balloon or a normal cloud is actually cheating by using magic. Everything.
6240742 ah yes thank you. i almost just made a bigger fool of myself than i already sound lol ^^