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Nikola of Tesla

Joined November 2011
30 followers

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Stories (1)

  • Too Intelligent to be Loved
    When Twilight is lonely she puts science to work to once and for all answer the question of love.

    21,735 words · 7,622 views · 318 likes · 48 dislikes

Blog Posts (2)


Twilight Sparkle may be the smartest pony in all of Ponyville. She may be able to understand non-linear magical field gains but love eludes her. Can reason and the scientific method shed some light on this mysterious magic? Twilight is determined to try. Surely it is only a matter of applying a proper rigorous series of tests and analyzing the results. It couldn't be any simpler.

Image by lovetomorrowlove

First Published
24th Nov 2011
Last Modified
23rd Jan 2012

Comments ( 147 )

#1 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 2d ago · · ·

Sparkle+Science+Emotions Oh this oughta be good.:rainbowlaugh:

#2 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 2d ago · · ·

It was really nice, the pacing was just A BIT fast, but still bearable. Grammar was Ok, the plot seems interesting enough.

Also after reading it i was left wondering if Twilight would do something too reckless in her pursuit of love, so even tho the cliffhanger wasnt too extreme it left me with the desire to know more, so you really made a good job.

keep up the good work.

#3 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 2d ago · · ·

Followed

#4 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 2d ago · · ·

first fanfic? for a first fan fic its pretty fucking awesome if rainbow dash says so her self :rainbowdetermined2:

#5 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 2d ago · · ·

:rainbowlaugh: Agreed!

#6 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 2d ago · · ·

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

#7 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 2d ago · · ·

>>32677 I am glad to hear you think so too!

>>32685 That is a big relief for me. I was worried it was too slow and people would get bored with Twilight's self-doubts. Good to hear the grammar was ok and the plot was interesting. As to Twilight doing something crazy; Twilight will be Twilight. That is all I will say.

>>32729 Thanks!

>>32740 First work at all.

>>32886 Hopefully I will have the next chapter done by Friday.

#8 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 1d ago · · ·

Tracking this one.

You've definitely nailed Twilight's character though. I can really imagine her trying to approach the problem like this. I can DEFINITELY imagine Twi sending a letter like that (through the normal post) and I can also see Celestia seeing straight through it (as she does here). :rainbowlaugh:

#9 · Chapter 1 · 144w, 1d ago · · ·

>>33772 What are you talking about! :twilightblush: That letter was a masterpiece of subtly! She was very careful not to leave any hoofprints or hairs on the letter. She faked her hoofwriting and even removed the letterhead. And like you said she sent it through the regular post. Perfectly untraceable. Twilight cannot think of any conceivable way even Celestia could work out who sent the letter. It is inconceivable!

#10 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

Haha, I am really liking this fic. It nicely balances some humour with a genuine interest to find out who Twilight's admirer is. Keep up the great work!

#11 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

I stand impressed. This is very good indeed for your first Fanfic ever. Also, I always picture the mysterious stranger as two bright-white eyes in a dark blob of shadows. You almost had me there with BigMac...

Keep up the good work, I am tracking this.

#12 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

Really like this fic, keep up the good work!  Tracking! :pinkiehappy:

#13 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

Totally tracking this

#14 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

There need to be more of this.

#15 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

I really LOVE how you portrait Twilight. So in-character for her. This story has great potential - keep up the good work. MOAR!!!

#16 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

>>35431 I am glad you think so.

>>35440 The real question now is who Big Mac is covering for. And why.

>>35448 >>35473 Thanks

>>35476 There will be. Hopefully soon.

>>35530 Capturing Twilight's character was what I was really going for. I am glad to hear people like it.

#17 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

Love it! :rainbowlaugh:

#18 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

this fanfic is real good n shit. I like it.

#19 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

Love

#20 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

>>35729 Mkay...

Well tis'awesome so... tracking!

Also: :trixieshiftright: : Hint Hint

#21 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 5d ago · · ·

im really loving this! written with clever style while sticking to the rigid image of your character nicely,  can wait for MOAR!

#22 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 2d ago · · ·

OK, I've reread this again, and while I love it, have tracked it and will definitely be following this, there IS something that's been bugging me. I've noticed you're not using contractions (as in "it's", "I'm" etc.). It's really making the dialogue at some point seem forced. Twilight doesn't seem to use the expanded forms except in moments of extreme stressing-out. I realise she *is* stressing out somewhat in this fic, but I suspect she will become a lot more stressed out later. Something like this would be a good, subtle way of indicating the shift.

As an example:

“But it is faster! And I mean it all goes to the same place in the end! I am just improving the efficiency of the whole process.”

Might be better phrased as

"But it's faster! I mean, it all goes to the same place in the end, after all. I'm just improving the efficiency of the [whole] process."

Which IMHO is much more typical of Twilight's dialogue (and Spike's too).

As an aside, I don't mind using the expanded forms in the thoughts, especially the mysterious door knocker - actually, especially in this case as it seems to highlight how highly strung the poor pony is over the whole matter, (something I can relate to far too well).

It's just a suggestion, and it's really my only criticism of this so far - your characterisations are IMHO spot on. It's just something that's jumped out at me on re-reads.

#23 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 2d ago · · ·

>>38288 I totally agree. I am working on the fix as I write this. If you or any other pony have any more suggestions please tell me. Any and all suggestions are welcome. In the words of Discord, "Fire when ready." I am just about impossible to offend.

In other news the rumor that I redirect asteroids to ponies' houses that criticize my story is completely unfounded. We will all miss Sparkleshyguy85 who died from a completely unrelated asteroid impact.

#24 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 1d ago · · ·

:twilightoops:

*sends asteroid to the moon*

#25 · Chapter 2 · 143w, 1d ago · · ·

This is simply amazing. I can't wait to read more!

Twilight's character is spot on! I can tell by your writing that you are very intelligent. You perfectly capture her nitpicking and dialect. Enough to get me physically hyper with enjoyment.

I'm definitely tracking!

#26 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 6d ago · · ·

Oh this is goooooood!

#27 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 6d ago · · ·

:heart:

#28 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 6d ago · · ·

OH SNAP! :pinkiegasp: What a pickle!

How is Twilight going to handle this! On one hoof, she could give Fluttershy a chance, but on the other, she was so quick to dismiss her feelings for her as platonic love. I fear that both are going to get their hearts broken really quick but then again, Twilight has never really opened her heart yet. Oh man the possibilities!

DON'T YOU DARE HURT LITTLE FLUTTERSHY! :fluttershysad:

Just kidding. Wherever this story goes, I know you will have the writing ability to keep it entertaining throughout.

Looking forward to reading more.

P.S. Rainbow Dash seems a bit out of character in this chapter. She isn't really one to judge emotions or even be that considerate if she does know. But its no big deal.

#29 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 6d ago · · ·

nig dis shit is c00l

5/5 will continue reading

#30 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 6d ago · · ·

Good ol' Senor Spike :moustache:

#31 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

Naww, so much love for Fluttershy! :heart:

Keep up the great work!

#32 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 5d ago · · ·

Superb! Simply Superb! M O A R!!!

#33 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

file:///C:/Users/SainTheBeast/Pictures/tumblr_lt60pgSnWB1r4kwmso2_1280.png

#34 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

:trollestia::trollestia::trollestia:

#35 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

>>40863 The pickles are only going to get picklier. Is that the right expression? Anyway, it is only going to get worse. Twilight is the position where she is looking for something she really doesn't have a grasp of.

On the issue of Rainbow Dash I think you are right. I will be changing that scene. Thanks as always for the feedback. And get your next chapter up!

Nikola of Tesla,

Head of Applied Magic, Canterlot Institute of Technology

#36 · Chapter 3 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

>>40899 Your comments always puzzle me.

>>42871 I don't know what that means. It may be connected to the picture but the picture is broken. I will just smile in a noncommittal way. :applejackunsure:

#37 · Chapter 1 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

Well other than some gramtical errors(by the way i sugest just reading through to find and fix those) the story did not seem to drag on infact your "detailed discription of twilights emotions brought me in more,i actually have a growing consern for the character. If anything the other characters like fluttershy, dash applejack, rairaty seem twodimentional. That may be the fact that they didn't have that much time in the story.  But all in all I liked it.

#38 · Chapter 1 · 142w, 4d ago · · ·

>>43200 I will work on the grammatical errors. I keep finding and fixing them, only to find more. I am glad you didn't think the opening too tedious. I am thinking of going back and expanding it to do better justice to Twilight's emotions. The first draft I had was about twice as long. As for the rest of the cast they will have plenty more time.  

#39 · Chapter 2 · 142w, 3d ago · · ·

The contractions were something that i was going to sugest looking into but sparkleshyguy had allready pointed it out cuite clearly, and i'm quite sure that you trackers wouldn't want me to throw out names, but you did say that you wanted some feed back on who we think or want the secret admiroer to be I sugest caramel.  It makes sence to me, why else would big mac cover for him if it's not applejack andthat is another ponu that appleblume knows.

Thats an odd shipping caramel and twilight sparkle? Could work, his character is undiveloped and he could be anything at this point.

#40 · Chapter 3 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

First of all, there's really a lot of mini errors spread out here and there; I won't go into all of them, but there's quite a lot of them. Second, the way you write things like "I am" and "That is" is kinda odd; you should probably use "I'm" and "That's" and so on and so forth, as another comment already stated. It just makes it flow better.

The negatives aside, this is really interesting. TWilight's nerdness is really showing, and while that was quite odd, I can totally see her doing an "experiment" like that. The whole secret admirer part was fun to keep track of, and I wasn't sure who it was...until the end of this chapter. Thanks to you, Twilight x Fluttershy is now stuck in my head; you WILL pay for that! Please, do go on! :twilightsmile:

#41 · Chapter 3 · 141w, 6d ago · · ·

>>48893 I am slightly confused. I fixed the contraction errors about 2 weeks ago when sparkshyguy85 pointed them out. And yet you are the second person to point them out again. I see that I fixed all the grammatical mistakes and contractions but evidently no one else can. I am going to feel really stupid if I didn't make the changes. I am going to try to unpublish and republish it perhaps that is why nothing changed. Thanks for bringing this to my attention. There now should be version numbers at the bottom of the pages.

#42 · Chapter 3 · 141w, 1d ago · · ·

We are waiting.

#43 · Chapter 3 · 140w, 6d ago · · ·

OMC I'm loving this story. A thousand internet points to you.:twilightsmile:

#44 · Chapter 3 · 140w, 4d ago · · ·

>>40863

BLIND HER WITH SCIENCE TWILIGHT

DO IIIIITTTT

Cheers

~iraqlobstah

#45 · Chapter 3 · 140w, 3d ago · · ·

eh

you ever gonna finish this?

#46 · Chapter 1 · 140w, 3d ago · · ·

Thank you for finally having twi write a letter to the princess in a romance fic. You handled it perfectly!

Onward to chapter 2

#47 · Chapter 3 · 140w, 3d ago · · ·

I give this story a :yay: :yay: :yay: :yay: :yay: Keep it up!

#48 · Chapter 3 · 140w, 3d ago · · ·

>>55692, >>63048 I am working on it and should have the next chapter out in a couple of hours. Unless something happens which I am betting it will. Thanks for being patient I am working on it! :ajsleepy:

>>61554 This looks like a job for SCIENCE!

>>58791. 1000 internet points. You are most generous!

>>63943. I don't know why everyone keeps thinking Twilight sent the letter to the Princess. It was clearly from an anonymous concerned citizen.

>>63957. 5 yays is high praise indeed! :pinkiehappy: I will try to live up to Fluttershy's yay.

#49 · Chapter 4 · 140w, 2d ago · · ·

Um...I, uh...wow. :rainbowhuh: That was...well, brilliant. But...I seriously have no idea what happened. That's what usually happens when I read stories that are bogged down with details. It happened when I read Lord Of The Flies, Thatcher In The Rye, and many more. I'm not stupid; I just find it so hard to read stories that constantly insist on dragging the reader through every millisecond of what's going on with the fanciest of words that could be found in the dictionary. So, I'll admit, I kinda just skimmed through this. I love the premise of Twilight trying to understand love and Fluttershy seemingly being the one who loves her, but...it just hurts my brain when I see too many details bogging down the story.

You see (and this is just MY opinion; feel free to totally disagree and ignore this), a good story should be right in the middle of the road with details. It shouldn't have too few, since that wouldn't make it a good story at all...but it shouldn't have too many, since it just gets the reader bored and makes them skim, skip, or just stop reading altogether. Others might disagree with my philosophy, but I'm just giving my two bits on the matter. Your story was very good, VERY descriptive, and I didn't find any errors. But...I also don't really know what just happened. I'll try to sum it up as best as I can to explain what I THINK happened:

Twilight had to lay down after studying love too much. Her heart or body or flank or whatever is apparently throbbing rather loudly. She then used the bathroom and got a drink. Then, for some reason, she thinks about Spike and how he acted weird during Fluttershy's tests. Then, for some reason, she thinks about Rarity.

So...that's basically what I read. None of this is really meant to be insulting or anything. You did a great job and you should be proud. I really hope your real life issues get themselves worked out; no one deserves stuff like that. You really do have a gift for writing, even if it's not technically my preferred style, and I do enjoy love stories with Twilight and I am looking forward to see how this ends up. Good luck with the next installment, whenever it should come.

#50 · Chapter 4 · 140w, 2d ago · · ·

>>64671 Oh, I meant Catcher In The Rye...I type too fast sometimes.

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