Chapter 3 (EDITED)
Just nearby...
Spitfire and Fleetfoot were giggling like crazy.
"Wow. That really was fun," Fleetfoot said.
"Wait, there's more..." Spitfire told her.
"So is it true? Huh? That you're faking to be MY best friend?! I mean, how could you?! I thought you were my friend, I trusted you! How could you do this to me?!" Dash yelled at Soarin.
"That's a lie! Do you seriously believe those two?! I can't believe your dumb enough to be fooled!" Soarin yelled back.
"Who are you calling dumb, liar! Just spit it out, Soarin! Stop lying! I've had enough already!"
"DON'T BELIEVE THEM! THEY'RE A BUNCH OF LIARS, PLEASE!"
"OH YEAH, PROVE IT! PROVE IT TO ME THAT THEY'RE LYING!"
Soarin remained silent because he couldn't think of anything that either Spitfire, nor Fleetfoot had done to him.
Dash shouted, "So you can't think anything, huh? That's good, because you know that they are YOUR best friends. You know what? Fine! You know who's the real liar here? YOURSELF!!" She slapped Soarin's face and ran as fast as she could going home.
Soarin just stood their speechless. As he watched Dash run away, he stood there sighing. "Oh, Dash. If only I could explain it to you...." he said to himself as he walked away, sighing.
Spitfire and Fleetfoot were laughing like a mad scientists.
"See? I told you it was fun," Spitfire said in between laughs.
"Gimme five, Spitz," Fleetfoot told her and gave her a high five.
"Hey Fleet, let's get outta here before he finds us."
"I agree."
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Short story or long story?
I think your story has potential, but there are some things you could do better. These are just some friendly tips.
You could expand your story. So far, you only concentrate on the main plot (the relationship between Rainbow and Soarin). There's so much more you could put into the story to make the romance between the two believable. A flashback into their past, how they met or the moment they realized, that they love each other. Or other scenes (him talking to his friends, maybe getting tips on how he can confess his love...). This would make the story more interesting.
Also, the characters have sometimes illogical moments. Rainbow wouldn't question the friendship between her and Soarin, only because someone else told her, that he would fake it. Why would he fake the yearlong friendship with her? There was also no reason for Spitfire's and Fleetfoot's actions in your story. None of them would be that cruel to crush the friendship of their comrade. If you really want them to be the antagonist of your story, then give them a good reason to do, what they did. Or just remove their actions and make the nervousness to confess their love the main problem/obstacle. You could also add some school gossip and someone else, who has a crush on Rainbow Dash/Soarin, to make for a more realistic problem.
It'd be better for the story if you'd search for an editor. Like I said, the story has potential, but it needs some polishing.
6267868 Depends
6268150 Thanks for the advice.
The story has a good plot but the chapters are so short. Do you plan on making future chapters longer?
Do you know how do I feel now? I JUST WANNA KILL SPITFIRE AND FLEETFOOT AT ONCE!
But it's a great story. Continue.
It has alot of potential but first you have to make this longer
Another cute soarindash story?
Yes.... We need moree of these
6270023 Maybe.
6270362 Ok.
6270468 I'll try.
6270593 Really?
6270680 No rush though
Cute story so far! Could be a little longer though....
Also, prepare the shotguns for spitfire and fleetfoot...
And I agree with what chocolate said. I think it would actually be very dramatic yet awesome if someone who had a crush on either Dash or Soarin started a rumor that made them crack somehow.
Wow. I liked the story! Did you make this plot? Like, when SoarinDash were fighting? Because, if someone else did this, then, that person is amazing!
Wow, I kinda hate Spit and Fleet right now