One day, you will all come to my funeral just to make sure that I stay dead, but today is not that day | https://ko-fi.com/chillybook
Lazarus, the immortal Lord apparent of the infamous House Bethany, crosses paths with Princess Celestia of Equestria, who quickly catches the Lord's attention. One driven by boredom and the other by their own conviction, these two make an unlikely alliance as they begin a search for the mythical Elements of Harmony.
Page generated in 0.257 seconds
Total duration
673 users online
1,400,587 hits today, 2,732,798 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
What do I think? This is an ammazing story. Please write more. You should continue this. I love your work. You're welcome! ~DBaggins ;)
6567288 I shake my head in disappointment, dear friend.
This doesn't count, Onyx_Eclissius. This doesn't count at all.
Hm...
This story is definitely interesting. The characters seem to be from the middle ages, I presume?
The main character, Lazurus, seems a lot like Discord to me. I don't know if that makes this better or worse.
As for any qualms about this story, I don't have much. I personally do like the idea of an immortal being who's a smart ass. A few things did stick out to me though.
Why is Celestia such a bad mage? Maybe it's explained in other chapters, but I'd think she'd be an amazing mage.
Who is Lazurus? If this story ever leaves haitus, will we find out? Maybe he was cursed?
Maybe. Only you know.
Like.
6594270 Holy crap, an actual comment?! I had officially given up hope. I do intend on bringing this this back from the dead eventually. It won't be for a while, I think, but I do intend to bring it back. I have the whole thing planned out, it's just a matter of dealing with everything else going on in my doc folder.
This looks like a very promising story. Please, keep up the good work no matter how many thumbs down you get. I hope to see this story finished. Good luck! :)
6595545 consider it done! Lazarus Bethany will soon see the light
This seems to be the longest chapter, but it also seems to be the best.
I think that in this chapter you tried to hammer in the readers mind just how much Celestia's life sucked ass. And you did just that. The king is unbearable to read, Luna's character is a little cliche, but okay nonetheless, and you dropped a hint of Celestia's mother. It's probably Faustia.
Lazurus didn't make much of an impact in this story, but what he did do posed somewhat of a problem.
Of course, I'm talking about his spells. Maybe you know what you're doing, but I severly urge you to make sure you don't do the same thing Stan Lee did to Superman in the comics. By that I mean Don't give im random powers that fit the scenario. It's very important you understand his limits on magic and personality.
On an unrelated note, congratz on 50 followers. I'm happy to be number 51.
6597570 Duly noted. I'm trying my hardest not to do that very thing, but, with someone like Lazarus, it becomes far too easy to just give him everything. I'll try to dial it back.
In related news, I really hope that the SUperman/Stan Lee thing was a joke.
A few things about this chapter.
It was much more serious than the others. He killed six people this chapter. His necklace is worth nothing, but I guess it holds sentimental value.
About that bar. What was its purpose? If they were going to go outside a few lines later, why have them go in anyway. I'd understand if there was a bar fight, which I expected when it was introduced, but nothing.
Lazurus has anger issues.
Celestia is very calm for a person who just saw someone murder in front of her. I expected her to act like Luna.
Luna is very frantic for a calm and collected person such as her. I expected her to act like Celestia.
Discord is her uncle? Don't know how I should feel about that. I guess it's okay, Discord is very uncle-ish person.
The Smog Deamon is kinda hard to picture. It's mostly my own fault, but I still still can't.
*Teleports into the throne room* Lazurus: HI DAD!
I have nothing more to say about this chapter.
And yes, the Stan/Superman thing was a joke. I wanted to see if you'd catch it.
6608157 The thing with the bar was me trying far too hard to be realistic and logical. The way I saw it at the time (mind you, I wrote that particular chapter months ago, and have since had time to be angry at it), the only logical thing to do was to go to a bar at that point. (I also really wanted to use the name "The Berserking Barbarian"). I admit, now that I've come back to it, that it does seem unnecessary.
Lazarus does very much so have anger issues, which will become a problem later on.
This might be a flimsy excuse, but I feel like I gotta share my reasoning so you don't think I'm being inconsistent for the sake of being inconsistent. The reason Luna reacted so poorly is because she's never actually seen anyone die like that before. Celestia ventures outside of Canterlot all the time, and has seen a few stabbings in her day. Luna, however, had not.
I intentionally made the Smog Daemon hard to picture, because I was hoping to convey a sense of something so horrific that the mind can't really bring it all together. I don't know how successful of an attempt it was.
I made Discord her uncle because A) I feel like that's the only logical place for him to fit inside this universe, besides as a villain (something I didn't want to do, because Discord is more entertaining to me as an ally character) and B) because I have an uncle who reminds me of Discord so much that it's scary.
6608157 You're commenting somehow made this more interesting. Chillbook used to write this alongside me, but he put it down on a case of the story getting too many downvotes. I dunno, maybe he's a BEEP and BEEPs to BEEEEEEEEEP. Anyway, keep reading... maybe some of my stuff...? Eeeeeh?
Shameless plug is Shameless...
Edit: My associate has told me to not plug myself on this story. He also told me that I shouldn't say that I wrote alongside him, because technically I didn't.
Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaah.