She/Her Guiding Humanity to a Better Future, The Unicorn Magical Girl, Guiding Passion <3 Open your heart to others, and embrace a better world!
Sigurd Fiore was an ordinary young boy living a happy life in the pre-collapse United States. That is before the terrible accident where a car hit him while he was riding his bike. Since then Sigurd has been in and out of a coma brought on by his injuries with no hope of recovery.
50 years later Sigurd finally awakes from his coma to find the world a very different place and himself in a body which is not his own.
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I wouldn'the worry about the like dislike counter it will be about half dislikes because it's a cb fic
Bazooka. Bulbous Bouffant. Bus.
This is an interesting concept for a TCB story, but I recommend that you find a pre-reader or an editor. I saw several spelling and homophone errors in this.
> there there there there there
please stop
Could use some work on the grammar and punctuation; didn't quite flow right in spots. Not to mention in certain situations where the characters would be shouting the periods denote a lack of excitement that would be there. That said...
Eeep, being in a vegetative state is not a thought I find pleasant at all, something that I'd think to be worse than death; being trapped in a fleshy prison...just there, unable to do anything or even fathom that you're there at all. Rejoice Sigurd, for that imprisonment ends now!
Yes, bazooka does come out a little funny now that you mention it. Baaaah-ZOOOOoo-KAaaaaah! Okay, I'm done now!
Best to take your time crafting something till you've sorted out as many kinks as possible and it feels right. Like Shigeru once said "A delayed game is eventually good, but a rushed game is bad forever."
So... the conversion dream ponies came off to me a little impersonal saying "human" each time they refer to Sigurd. Oh, it's "pegasus" for a singular flying pony by the way, just made me itch.
.
Hope you're not taking this as me ripping apart your work or being really nitpicky, just some suggestions and notes, that's all.
Anyways, Sigurd's got ALOT of catching up to do! Heh heh...
6436488
Oh no your good.
I fully acknowledge I'm not the best writer and sadly I tend to lose interest in writing easily so I never get the chance to improve. Sadly I fear that the same can be said for this story
in that I started it during one of my brief moments that I was interested in trying to write again, but I've since lost interest.
Anyway glad you at least enjoyed though, and sorry for the delayed reply.