For over a week, I kept traveling across Equestria. Occasionally, I stopped for a day or two and just hung out in the trailer or practiced using my magic. I had gotten good at using it and one time, I conjured up a shark that was eating a cheeseburger. One day, while I was pulling my trailer across the road, I saw what look a town in the distance.
"That must be Tall Tale", I said," It looks quite nice. What do think, Nightshade?"
As I finish talking, my shadow started to move on it's own. It turned into a large black dot, and out from that dot, rose a unicorn mare with black fur, red eyes, and a red mane and tail with black highlights. Her cutie mark was the symbol for Shadow the Hedgehog.
This mare was my companion and sister, Nightshade.
You see, during my travels, I got really lonely and decided to make a companion. I then decided to use my own shadow as what I would use to make her for two reasons. One, shadows are a part of you, so they understand what you're thinking and how you feel, and two, being a shadow means that they can be stealthy and can also turn into all sorts of creatures. So, using my magic, I brought my shadow to life and decided to name her Nightshade. During the time we spent together, we had bonded quite well and she was particularly like a sister. So, I decided that she can be my sister.
"Yes, it does look like quite a nice town", said Nightshade.
"Think the ponies there are friendly?" I asked.
"We won't know until we see it for ourselves", said Nightshade.
"You're right, sis", I said, "Well, we won't find out by standing around here. Let's go".
Nightshade nodded and turned back into her disguise form as my shadow. I then headed toward the town, wondering about how things will turn out for me.
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After entering the town, I began to look for a place to set up shop. After a while, I found an open spot in the marketplace. I then opened one side of the trailer and out popped a stand, with shelves filled with potions, books, clothes, weapons, and other things. I had originally planned to sell items from movies, games, cartoons, and tv shows, but I thought I might save that for when I decide to open an inter-dimensional shop. There was also a banner above the stand that read "Breezy Day's awesome antiquities", which was also the name I decided to give my disguise form.
"Now that everything's set up, I think I'll go change outfits and freshen up a bit", I thought as I enter the trailer. I then made my way to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe. Just like the trailer, it was bigger on the inside. There were rows upon rows of different outfits. I began to search though the outfits, looking for the right one. After a few minutes of searching, I had found what I was looking for. A long, grey cloak with gold trimmings and the symbol for chaos on the back, with the top arrow stretching all the way to the hood.
"Perfect", I thought as I put the cloak on and pulled the hood up. I then walked over to a large mirror and got a good look at my reflection. The cloak covered most of my body and the only part of my face that could be seen was my muzzle, giving me a mysterious look. Satisfied with how I looked, I made my way out to the stand and stood behind the counter, waiting for some customers.
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By the end of the day, I was exhausted. Many ponies had come to buy things from me. At first, they were a bit suspicious due to my appearance, but after a few satisfied customers, more of them began to visit my stand. Once I had satisfied my last customer for the day, I retracted the stand back into the trailer and made my way inside.
"Man, that was a long day", I said, taking off my cloak and hanging it on the coatrack,"I never thought that being a merchant could be so tiring".
"Yes, but you must admit, you did quite well for your first time", said Nightshade, coming out of her disguise form.
"Yeah, I guess you're right", I said,"Still, I think I might be nice to take a day off sometimes, you know, to relax and spend time with you".
"You know what, I think I'd really like that", said Nightshade.
So, we had some dinner and afterwards played some Mortal Kombat X. I had beaten her two or three times, but Nightshade was quite a skilled gamer. After a while, we decided it was getting late and that it was time for bed. We said goodnight to each other and went to our own bedrooms. I then went over to the dresser and pulled out a set of pyjamas, a sleep mask, and some curlers for my mane and tail. After all, every mare needs her beauty sleep. Anyways, I slipped on the pyjamas and and put the curlers on my mane and tail. Finally, I headed over to the bed, got under the covers, pulled the sleep mask over my eyes, and turned off the lights. Within a few minutes, I was peacefully sleeping, dreaming about what may lay ahead for both me and Nightshade.
What exactly is happening here? If the goal was to have fun, sitting at a stand selling stuff isn't how to do it.
6210909 did you NOT notice the idea of her selling interdimentional gear?
She almost created a reversed displaced multi verse! Think of the chaos! Think of the fun! And who said selling couldn't be fun?
What could be more fun than selling and haggling prices for quality stuff with customers and just having a great talk with them as the day goes by?
Being a merchant is hard work but its the little things that make it worth it.
6211430 Oh, is that what was being sold? How'd I miss that?
Holy crap she is shadow the hedgehog's reincarnation. Basically you have the dark arms symbol my friend. May she become the ultimate lifeform as the ultimate chaos lord helps her.
Nightshade sounds like Maud to me. Just wondering one thing: on purpose? Anyway, I think this fic could use some more emotions. Either from the Protagonist or from Nightshade.
And this (Chapter 5) was a fantastic example of how NOT to do it.
Given an entire world full of interesting characters to interact with, you create another OC to act as an echo chamber.
Setting yourself up as a travelling merchant from an RPG who sells all the cool potions, armour and weapons is a fantastic set up. I can think of dozens of things to do with it. Healing potions? Doing quotes from the shopkeeper in the DOTA2 advert? Quest items? Magic tricks that do something chaotic but positive, like changing your species randomly for a couple of hours, or turning you into a living, non-poppable balloon.
Of course, you don't do any of that. Rather than interacting with any customers, you skip over that part entirely so you can regale us with how hard it was (rather than actually showing it) and your X-Box playing skills.
Right now, the only way we c an tell we're even in Equestria is that you've dropped a few names. We havn't actually seen anything or done anything substantial.
This was a wonderful set up for a roaming adventure story. It's a shame you've done absolutely nothing with it.
Would have been nice if you had done some alliteration here
While you a good writer and has a nice style, your ideas are quiet disturbing... Corrupted. Your character behaves in a way none sane human would. Casually changing his sex and turning his shadow into sister, behaving like he was women all along? Seriously, if you only started with a woman, it would be so much more natural and simple.
Oooo man how would anypony react to your shadow sister? Because you can literally make a cool fake backstory fir her as an identity
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If I could give you more thumbs downs I would it is called being TRANSGENDER get over it
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I mean with chaos it could unwinding there morals and ethics over time. It's not permanent either. They could swap all day and nothing would change. A person with infinite power would lose some humanity. While the choice of gender swap is questionable. The idea to throw celestia of there trail makes sense. Plus the goatee is a give away for discord. I don't think celestia would believe discord to put aside his ego and drop his traits to hide.