When Twilight's Away... The Spike Will Play
written by YakkoMLP10
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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You have my interest in this story so, and I hope that I wont be dissappointed in it.
If you need helpful advice or anything of that sort, feel free to ask me!!!
i wonder if this has sex?
6366421 Why the hell would you think it has sex?
6366449 idk had a funny feeling it would hbu
6366535 I'm still not convinced TBH.
Wait, this has sex in it! Why the hell didn't you warn us?!
pre15.deviantart.net/e9f3/th/pre/i/2015/235/4/2/spike_2_by_hillbe-d96v5np.jpg
Lets get started!
6366421
6367030
Can someone tell me if there's sex in this?
6368222 no sex here
6368222 Who said anything about sex?
6368414
Dunno. Saw it somewhere.
Yes, you did. Seven times, actually.
Okay so the concept of Spike getting a month off way down the line and use it to reconnect his friends is something I like, and as long as the sex is well written and given good reason also great. The big immediate concern is that the first actual line for a sexual act is "Spike went in his room and began to beat the meat." You picked one of the least sexy and frankly just generally immature way to describe a guy getting off. I'm a straight guy, and here's the thing, if a guy's gonna get off there's no reason it should be treated differently than a women. Give him a detailed fantasy, show the effect of the pleasure before the orgasm, make his body heat up, deeper breathes, increased heart rate, make it more intense as the fantasy plays out, and finally, there's a reason they call it a climax, it's the most intense and exciting part so make it so. Show the electricity shooting through his body, the pleasure rocking his core, and everything else.
Another serious issue is you have Spike cum to Rarity, and then you jump from him saying they'll only ever be friends to jumping up as he wakes up with a sudden date with Rarity and an intense burning to tell her. This is a massive shift in thinking and needs some emotional conflict and resolution. We need to see what really makes Spike change his mind and why, otherwise you just give us all whiplash.