- Member Since 30th Apr, 2013
- offline last seen Yesterday
Abaddon_Satanas
We are all heading to our own personal hell
Abaddon_Satanas
Joined 30th Apr, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Gravitiaxis · 57k words · 358 25 · 13k views
- TDR · 439k words · 466 18 · 6.5k views
- Coffee dot exe · 15k words · 27 0 · 1.5k views
- Jetstream S · 59k words · 325 16 · 7.1k views
- HopeForTheFew · 9.2k words · 98 16 · 3.3k views
- Onomonopia · 125k words · 294 19 · 5.8k views
- Art Inspired · 14k words · 339 25 · 3.6k views
- IAmNotSmartest · 30k words · 387 15 · 7.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.256 seconds
Total duration
1,089 users online
2,368,258 hits today, 2,328,677 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I am just aski g but why are people disliking my story?
Your story is very interesting. It has a very interesting character who has very interesting charactaristics.
That's however, the only good thing about this. Pardon me if I sound a bit cold. I'm giving my honest opinion.
There are many errors spread around the entire story. In most cases, it is as if some words had been left out entirely.
It is just me, but also the fact of there being a gun in Equestria is a bit sketchy and seems like lazy writing. I get that this is an alternate universe, but you should have tried something a bit more original. I would replace the idea of a gun with some kind of magical artifact, likely a staff of sorts, of which would trigger some kind of violent spell towards Pick Lock within the time limit.
There also seems to be a limit to the story. You just created this bully and put him in the scenes without any motive or context. I mean, the bully was trying to kill Pick Lock in the very beggining. There doesn't seem to be any reason for this. Even more, there definitely doesn't seem to be any reason for the bully to still be roaming around after trying to murder the guy, EVEN MORE coming back and trying to do it again. Try to add some back story as to why the bully would want to actually murder Pick Lock. Give him a logical motive.
I would also suggest to proof read your work before you post it. (Or find a willing beta reader. There are many of them everywhere.)
Don't let this long list of criticism get you down. You have amazing ideas and a lot of potential to be a very good writer!
6019793 thx for giving your opinion
And what is wrong with my story a least I now know the reason for people disliking my story
I enjoyed the story excluding some spelling/grammar items. If you use discord dm me and I'd be down for a collaboration and a reader from another one of your stories happens to be my biggest follower.