Dear Diary,
I’m still shaking. I just spent the last few hours with Sky, but it didn’t help. Ever do something incredibly stressful, like argue with someone you’re really close to? Your whole body seizes up, and you feel so sick you might throw up all over the place. Well that’s kinda what happened today, except none of those things at all.
Today was our meeting with the Human Preservation Initiative. The humans. There are humans and they’re still alive and God they knew this was going to happen and they couldn’t stop it and they didn’t even warn us how am I even supposed to handle this right now?
Okay okay, focus. It isn’t like that’s even what makes me upset. Mostly it was being close to them for so long; the instinct to run away started to dull, but it was still grating. I think it all hit me at once as I was leaving, because boy did I run.
Just finished with the editing on the meeting transcript. Mostly just made it more readable; I’ll glue it in before this page, so hopefully if you’re going through in order you already saw it. I don’t want to rehash everything, not after having a recording listening to the whole thing.
A few things are less obvious in the recording: they looked human. Like, I’m not totally sure since I didn’t actually see the suits off, but there’s no way thick pony legs would fit through the tiny openings for their thin human ones. That neck, the head shaped all wrong.
Sorry, wrong. Guess I’ve been a pony a little too long. I’ve reached the point where I sometimes look twice at the characters in movies we watch and think that their ankles are going to snap when they move. It’s so frustrating, because I know full well human bones never felt fragile, but it’s hard to remember what it felt like to have them. I’ve stopped having my own body in almost all my dreams now. Sometimes I wonder if I was ever human at all…
No, focus. I have boxes of my old family photos. I can still see my face, even though I haven’t showed it to any of the other ponies. Not questions I want to relive right now. It sucks enough for me without going into detail with other ponies. Not even Moriah, though I did think about it. Ultimately I figured she’d probably just hate me more if I talked about it.
Such a frustrating pony in general, and I’m not even sure. She’s going all up ons with the romance stuff and I sure as heck wouldn’t do that. Maybe I’m just… what’s the word… projecting? Seeing things that aren’t there. Sure as hell don’t have the balls to just ask. That’d mean I knew enough to know what I was asking about. Not gonna happen.
So where am I now? Aside from frightened? Aside from sick...
And not even at the news! The news was good news! Learning that there was a group of humans out there, even a small group, is absolutely fantastic! It means that the weight of carrying mankind's legacy isn't entirely on our pony shoulders. There are others. It's more than just the few ponies we've managed to scrape together. There's hope. Maybe we'll die or just fail and it'll be okay because there are others and life will go on.
Even better, we get to help them. It isn't as though any of us (barring Sky as a possible exception) have any loyalty to whatever it means to be a “pony.” We don't know why this happened, we didn't give our consent, and we would change back in an instant if we could (whether I got my stolen years back or no). I don’t think my loyalty goes far enough to put my friends in danger, though. We want to help, but we also want to live. Even a pony life is better than no life at all.
I say even like it’s bad. Actually, it isn’t. If I think about it. Sure it’s got its suck; the quadruped disability. Not being able to stomach my favorite foods. Losing my family and friends. All that sucks. But I’m not alone, and in our way, we make the most of life. We take turns cooking things we think the others will enjoy. We watch our favorite movies in the theater downstairs. Sky and I go running together, just because we can (and none of the others can gallop).
We aren’t sick, we aren’t starving or thirsty or cold. Aside from Moriah, we aren’t even injured.
I won’t say we’re living in paradise, because that’s just all kinds of wrong. I’ve been attacked by wild animals in the last few days, got blasted again with transforming magic that almost certainly made me the youngest member of the group (hopefully not forever. It might just wear off!). Soon we have the prospect of uprooting everything we’ve built here and traveling east, building a colony. Fending for ourselves as all the old technology starts breaking down.
I guess meeting humans has made me a little existential. I’d started to take it for granted that there weren’t going to be others, and that the weight of the community (and by extension, all of human civilization) fell on me. If future generations were never born, or never knew what it was like to hear a concerto or see a beautiful sculpture, it was going to be my fault.
That’s got to say something about how incredibly self-centered I am, if I think nobody else on the whole planet could stop our memories from being erased. Heck, there are monuments so sturdy that they might last long enough for the freakin’ dolphins to evolve and see them. Mount Rushmore will still look like faces for millions of years. What will the ponies (sea-ponies, dolphins, whatever) think when they see Teddy’s stern face glaring at them. Or will they find the Statue of Liberty thickly patinaed in some sea and know that once, we were here?
I guess it’s wrong of me to be thinking about what might be happening millions and millions of years from now. Even prior to the Event there was no telling our society would live that long. It was probably a bit prideful of us to think western civilization would live longer than its predecessors. Virtus sola nobilitas.
The old Alex was so strong and confident that nothing like this could slow me down. The old Alex would’ve got everypony together for a meeting where we could talk about whether or not we wanted to help the Initiative.
New Alex was too scared of an argument with Moriah or Sky to try it. New Alex curled up and barely talked about it. I wonder if I have some kinda… sickness. Magic sickness. Antimagic? I didn’t go into their thing, or even near it. I didn’t wear one of their suits. So probably not that. Assuming it even would’ve happened. I don’t really know how making the stuff works.
Joseph yelled at me when I got back for not asking any of his questions. He wanted to know how their shields worked. I kinda wish I had, though at the time I was more worried about not getting shot and not running away. Both of those things took most of my attention, I’ll admit. Didn’t leave nearly enough for the more academic questions.
There’s nothing stopping him from using the communicator they left to call and ask. He hasn’t. Guess he didn’t really care that much.
It really doesn't matter how it works so much as it matters that it does work. There’s no reason for them to lie about it; some elaborate tactical misdirection doesn’t make sense when your enemy is inferior in every way.
Joe said, “We don’t know they were humans! Maybe they were the aliens that took all the other people away, and they were only tricking us!” Whatever. Doesn’t make sense. I want to help. Going to help.
Something is coming. Soon, just days away. Maybe its arrival will finally bring answers.
They thought we would all die. They hunkered down in some bunker to let the entire human race die.
I wonder if that makes them monsters. Or… I guess… they probably stuffed that base as full as they could.
But damnit if we didn’t deserve to know! I didn’t ask the reason for such an awful decision, but it’s easy enough to guess. Didn’t want to cause a panic that might destroy the base, or the organization, before the Event actually occurred. Or maybe they thought it was kinder to let humanity quietly die in its sleep.
Just because I would’ve rather known doesn’t mean everybody would have.
I guess… I guess I’m just glad I’m not the one that had to make the decision of what to do. I’m not sure history would’ve thought fondly of me either way.
Not that I’m going to be remembered. Not that there’s going to be a history. Just an animal now. We’re all just animals now.
Or… actually not, I guess. I’m not just an animal. Animals all run, or they fight. I didn’t do either. I’m human. I’m not an animal, I’m human, I’m human, I’m human…
Aaand existential crisis interlude.
Can't really blame the breakdown with mental chemistry getting shifted, and the youth thing too. Overall though, its a quiet chapter to fit, though, a shame we wont really know the miltiary volume of people here.
If they were capable of that then what could you give them that they couldn't get themselves? And if they killed the humans they'd probably kill you if you weren't useful - or make you useful.
That's not a very solid argument Joe, he probably made that out of panic and fear of the (seemingly) unknown.
I'm worried about Alex. I think that he's going to have some sort of breakdown soon. All the stresses and the identity issues are all piling up on his shoulders right now and I'm not sure that he has the strength to keep on handling it on his own. Nopony else, with the possible exception of Oliver, seems to have sufficient mental or emotional maturity to do so.
Hmn. I suppose it's possible that they aren't really actually the same, er, people, but are new or dimensionally imported ponies implanted with the memories and skills of certain missing humans. Seems unlikely though, way more complicated than assuming the magic transformation is the real explanation.
You blew it up, you maniacs!
Sooo... my theory is genderbent guy turned mare.
Anypony else?
I'm pretty psyched to find out whether this is a story about how Equestria came to be or one about how Equestrians messed with Earth. I'd personally prefer the latter, probably because "Equestria is actually future Earth" is just so cliched. But I'll be fine with either, just please don't let it be both options at the same time through some time-travelling bs.
Poor Alex... sompeony is going to crack soon if this keeps up. Sky really has her work cut out for her; at least she seems to be trying. That little thing with the galloping together was sweet... something where they can be close and both be better than any of the others at something that matters.
The time reversal really shows now: suddenly Joseph can act with authority and put Alex in their place as an 'adult', with the outcome being a curled up crying earth pony and not a unicorn missing some (metaphorical at least) teeth. Could almost hear the hurt tone when telling the diary about how "Joseph yelled at me."
And that HPI shielding can't be good for pony sanity. Especially, in Day's case, when it drives home the message you're not human so harshly.
6143887 Nerdicorn. Cosplaying as Death Star.
6143848 I've been thinking that for a few chapters as well, I actually made a reference in the comments of a prior chapter.
Alex needs, like, all the hugs right now. Like, 3.2 gigahugs.
6143848
Yeah, I think we're pretty certain at this point. Though Who knows, maybe it's something else, and Starscribe's just pulling our collective legs.
6143686 Joseph is a paranoid, reclusive putz. Listening to him in any situation not involving computers or the networking thereof is probably a bad idea.
6143784 I think meeting the HPI face-to-face was the best and worst thing that could happen to Alex. Best in that it takes away a good portion of the pressure of having to worry about humanity's legacy; worst in that without that pressure, Alex now has the free time to come face-to-face with all of the changes that have happened.
Alex has got a point, though. Imagine all of humanity being told that we are very, very likely to be utterly eradicated two days from now, with absolutely no way to save ourselves, save for one tiny bunker that has space for half a thousand people. I'd be surprised if there wasn't a significant international nuclear attack by the end of Day 1, and millions of people killing each other for a chance to beat on the door of the bunker by the end of Day 2, clamoring to be let in. What'd be the point?
6144008
6143997
Like, totes.
SSTTAAAAAAARRSCRIIIIIIIIIIIBBEE!?!?!??!?
Can we get a yea/neigh? (See what I did there? That was terrible, and I regret it)
[youtube=www.youtube.com/watch?v=onfWeSqJ6qs]
Hmm, so it seems that Joe is the rather aggressive paranoia character, who blames Alex for not asking questions he could have reminded him with over the radio.
WTF man?
And also we have a identity crisis, oh I just bet Cloudy will try to bring him over the pony side the moment she see's this weakness...
Poor Alex. Just about every button he has is being pushed here. All of the sad ones, anyway. He's buckled under the sheer weight of all of the things on his mind, the enormity of everything around him. He needs some time with Cloudy Skies to get his mind off of the big things. Hopefully soon, or he'll be overwhelmed into a fugue state.
Well, joes being a dick. A paranoid dick but a dick none the less
6143848
It certainly sounds like there's been a gender swap here. I'm not 100% sold on either mare or stallion at this point, but I'm leaning towards mare, and this chapter suggests that whatever gender Alex is currently, that's not the gender Alex was a few months ago.
For some reason, I can't help but think this sounds like something out of Fallout: Equestria. Don't ask me to explain though
6143765
Why do you keep saying "he"????? Alex has been confirmed to be female. Just look at this picture.
36.media.tumblr.com/9d1053b9b8d535c74d88f411e06a1d01/tumblr_nqh1d2RPCg1rsmidfo1_500.png
That's obviously not a stallion (or a colt)
6143848
If that were the case then she would have mentioned it by now. If I woke up one day with a new set of genitals (if I was keeping a journal) I would definitely want to write it down.
6146060 UNLESS (s)he doesn't want anyone else to know, and everypony knows, writing something down is the first step to admitting it's true. (Also somepony else could read his/her diary. Also, just because (s)he LOOKS like a mare does not necessarily mean (s)he IS a mare. (although I do agree, I'm pretty sure (s)he is one)
Implying he's female?
6146017 Because that makes them sound like they were in vaults?
these were secret, vaults of fallout were advertised and had merchandise.
running around the games and finding that junk is super fun. haha
6143646
I would've put it on the same chapter, but it was already waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too long.
6143686
Yeah, I'm not sure Joe really meant this. I think it's more his panic at the (understandably very stressful) situation.
6143765
Well, lose your species, your family, and now your age, and anyone would be pretty stressed by that point. It's pretty amazing Alex has made it this long without some kind of breakdown.
6143784
That razor, man. Honestly this would be a pretty unsatisfying explanation in any case.
6143929
I agree that "Equestria is actually future earth" has been done before. I dunno if I've ever seen "Equestria was literally made out of ponies that used to be human" before, but that would explain why they seem to have so much in common. Won't say whether that's what's really going on here though.
6143966
I'm glad the age-reduction thing worked well. I feel like so many child characters don't get portrayed accurately. (read Homestuck, those kids act like they're all in their twenties), and I wanted to do what I could to portray a changed Lonely Day in accordance with the new wave of emotions and lack of confidence that comes with being a hormonal teenager. Won the lottery on that one, eh Day?
6144008
What? And why on earth would I do that? I've... never misdirected before! >.>
6144140
There wouldn't be a bunker left standing on day 3 for anyone to use. Bet the magic-shield can't stop an actual nuke.
6144167
I'll only say the story will answer this question by the end. I don't want to talk for the story, it'll speak for itself when we get there.
6144342
Well Cloudy Skies is Alex's best friend. That probably gives Cloudy an advantage when it comes to trying to influencing the poor, troubled pony.
6146017
Never read those stories. Really love fallout, though.
6147411 Wait, so can I talk to it? *Reaches over and shoves my head into your mouth, looking around* Hello? Mr Story? Are you there? I wanna ask ya something! Heeeelllllllloooo!!! Heeeelllllllloooo!!! *Pulls head out* Huh. He's not home. *GASP* Wait is it a he? I get the feeling your story's a he. Those dishes piled up certainly didn't say anything otherwise... Oh well, I'll just ask next time...
6146045
I'll wait until that is confirmed unequivocally in the text. Alex 'feels' masculine to me.
Does mlp exist in this universe?
6147922 Nope.
6147411
That's actually a pretty neat idea, not bad at all. I certainly haven't seen anything with that angle yet though it would make a lot of sense in a way; the actual execution to get that precious suspension of disbelief is going to be tricky though. A lot to play with here. Hmm...
Definitely true. So many kid characters come off as mini adults with the same reasoning skills but really vulnerable and super panicky.
I'd shy away from trying to do that; portraying an adolescent is difficult enough, but you're doing a very good job at it in my mind. It's mostly the stuff that isn't said that's important.
Again (because I like that one) the "Joseph yelled at me (and that was mean!)". Old Alex wouldn't have said that but would have complained about GlowJoe being too dense to realize that Alex was under extreme stress and experienced a life and death situation. And really didn't have the mind for technical details there and then. This followed by a snarky unicorn complaint.
Wouldn't have run to Sky afterwards either.
Ahem.
http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MadnessMantra
This reminds me of a video.. Oh, I remember. It estimated what the world would do if all humans suddenly vanished and estimates of how long monuments and stuff would last. Here you go for those interested!
Humans are literally just smarter animals.
7632603
yes, now they are smart ponies.
I'm wildly guessing that that "thaumic presence moving south" is Celestia or Luna trying to rescue them.
Gods, I hope not.
I hope some locally transformed Native Americans dynamited that obscenity into oblivion.
Yeah I agree. More pone is allways ok, even if quality was not top notch.
10489835
How dare you!