“Here we are, Sweet Apple Acres!”
Once again, Twilight’s voice snapped Trixie out of her thoughts. She made a mental note of how frequent that was becoming.
Trixie had been trotting down the dirt road, doing her best to hide all of her body under the cloak, meeting some levels of failure due to the wind that day. Twilight was trotting next to her, keeping the same pace. She was doing her best to cheer up Trixie, with all the success of an earth pony trying to traverse Cloudsdale.
As the main entrance was open, Trixie and Twilight walked down to the apple orchards, looking for Applejack. After some minutes that let Trixie appreciate the beauty of the strong and healthy apple trees, they found the pony in question harvesting the already mature apples of the trees down a hill.
“Trixie will… wait here,” said Trixie as she let her hooves drag to a halt on the dirt road, interrupting whatever topic Twilight was rambling about now. “Get out of this sun a little. While you… discuss matters with your friend and see if she’s okay with Trixie being here.”
Twilight frowned at Trixie’s phony smile, looking between her fellow unicorn and the ponies down the hill before muttering acceptance and assurances, and trotting off.
Feeling tension she didn’t know she was holding drain from her shoulders, Trixie moved into the shade of the nearest apple tree and hid behind its trunk while still keeping an eye on the ponies at the bottom of the hill. It wasn’t that she was worried about Applejack and how she’d react, more that she had spotted a young yellow filly working alongside the older mare. Twilight had identified her as Apple Bloom before departing. Dealing with Applejack on her own was going to be trying enough, Trixie didn’t need a young filly there to complicate matters further.
Not after how the rest of the town reacted to her.
From her hiding place, Trixie could see how Twilight greeted the two farmer ponies. Since she was too far away, Trixie couldn’t hear what Twilight told them, but she had a pretty good guess what was said since Applejack turned back to her sister and told her something before sending her away. That made Trixie sigh in resignation.
“So this is how my life is going to be?” she thought, sitting down next to the tree and not paying any more attention to her surroundings as she reflected once more on what had just befallen her.
While still prone on the ground after Pinkie’s departure, a very badly timed gust of wind had blown Trixie’s cloak out of place, leaving her whole body exposed in the middle of a busy road. As Trixie expected, the visage of something that clearly should be six hooves underground and not walking among the living unsettled the ponies around her.
Their reaction was a bit more extrene than she anticipated, though; the entire town block deserted in seconds amidst screams of terror, sans the three ponies who cried “The horror!” and fainted. Trixie was really thrown back by how much fear she instilled in them, and if it wasn’t for Twilight constantly trying to start a conversation, Trixie would have remained completely silent for the rest of the trip.
Trixie remembered her promise to herself; never fall down that abyss again. But it was hard to keep it, especially since she seemed to be relegated to the shadows. If she ever dared to step into the light for ponies to see her, fear and hatred would arise. She wasn’t a stranger to the feeling tough, with all the public shaming that the Ursa incident brought. Trixie was already an outsider among the more well know towns and cities around Equestria before due to that. But now? Being now apart from existence itself? This was a new level of isolation.
“They didn’t need to cry ‘the horror’ to the four winds,” Trixie surprised herself saying out loud.
“What’s ‘the horror’?” Trixie quickly raised her head and saw the same yellow and red filly accompanying Applejack. “And who are you?”
So lost in her thoughts and her head so deep inside the hood that Trixie hadn’t noticed the small figure approaching from the same road she and Twilight walked some moments ago. Trixie tried to think of a good answer for the filly without saying exactly who she was. “Enough rejections for one day.”
“You’re Apple Bloom, right?” Trixie finally said, trying to hide her tone too.
“The very same.” Apple Bloom smiled at Trixie. She then frowned and cocked her head to the side. “Hey, how’d you know who I am?”
“I… am a friend of Twilight,” Trixie said doubtfully. “She told me who you and your sister were.”
“Oh… okay.” Apple Bloom sounded almost disappointed. “Anyway, who are you?” She tried edging around Trixie, to get a look under her cloak. “You kinda look like Zecora, what wit’ that cloak a’ yours, but you don’t sound like a zebra.”
“A zebra?” Trixie thought. “Now that would be something.”
“No, little pony, I’m not a zebra.” Trixie was about to leave it there, but the expression on Apple Bloom’s face told her it was hopeless. “Think of me as a phantom, a stranger, and that’s all you need to know about me.”
“Still doesn't seem fair that you know my name and I don’t know yers,” the little yellow filly replied with a pout. “Can you tell me what you’re doing on my family’s farm with Twilight? This some big secret with what happened in town the other day?”
*sigh* Trixie sighed in defeat, this one seemed to know just enough.
“Alright, you seem smart enough to understand what is happening, which is more of what I can say about some of your fellow towns ponies.” Trixie got back to her hooves. “You’re right, I am involved in the events that transpired two days ago.” Apple bloom sat down, spectating at the stranger’s curious way of speaking. “But before I reveal myself, I must ask to you,” the young filly leaned forward, “what do you know about the unicorn named Trixie?”
“Trixie?” Apple Bloom wrinkled her muzzle in distaste. “I know that she was a mad showmare, that she had some kinda grudge ‘gainst Twilight. She came to town a couple days ago and started throwing around all this dark magic, tormentin’ my sister and her friends after kickin’ Twilight out. I helped my sister and the others get her in the end, though! She was using this evil amulet, the Alicorn Amulet or somethin’, and we tricked it off her.” Looking away, the yellow filly frowned a bit. “She collapsed after that, fainted from using too much magic my sister told me. I know they took her to the hospital. Hey, are you here from Canterlot to arrest her or something for all she done?”
“I…” Trixie didn’t know what to say. She could feel her throat had tightened up. “Yes, something like that.” Trixie thought about what to say next. Was her image really that bad? More important, was that only an image, or what she really was? Trixie decided to put her doubts aside. After all, there was a filly in front of her waiting for an answer. “The show must go on.”
“Trixie is the reason of me being here,” she started. “Not to punish her more though, but to help her overcome what has happened to her.” It wasn’t a complete lie, Trixie did want to overcome all of this.
“Help her?” Apple Bloom repeated incredulously. “What makes you say she deserves help?”
Trixie was about to answer, only to be cut off by the thunder of hooves and an angry shout of, “Hey, you! Git away from ma sister!”
“Applejack?” Apple Bloom looked away, seeing how her bigger sister was racing towards them. “What’s happenin’?”
“Get behind me!”
“But--”
“Behind me! Now!” Apple Bloom never saw Applejack like that, but she sure didn’t want to contradict her either. The filly got behind her bigger sister, trusting in the grown up to know what to do.
“And you, Trixie!” Applejack pointed and accusatory hoof at Trixie. “Ah don’t want you near of my family, or my house!”
Trixie cringed, her tail tucking itself between her legs as she tried to retreat deeper into her cloak. She knew that there would be rage against her, she knew that her appearance was something that instilled fear in others. But to have both combined and against her like this? That was something she never expected to see and with the stars above as her witnesses, she didn’t want to see again!
“Didn’t you hear me?!” Applejack barked at Trixie, who was frozen in front of her. “Go! Away!”
“Applejack, wait!” Twilight finally managed to catch up with her friend, but it was too late. Rage and fear had done their job and the damage complete. The scholar unicorn arrived only in time to see a black cloak swirling in the wind, disappearing into the distance.
“Applejack, what did you do?” Twilight couldn’t believe what she just saw.
“What Ah had to do to protect mah family.” There wasn’t the slightest regret in her tone.
“But I told you she wasn’t dangerous!” The tone of her voice showed only frustration.
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Applejack muttered, wrapping a foreleg over her little sister’s back.
Twilight saw how the black spot was now missing from her line of sight and she knew that Trixie would need help. “We-we will talk about this later.” She didn’t expect an answer this time and went full gallop down the same path that Trixie took.
“Uh, what just happened?” asked a very perplexed Apple Bloom, looking up at her sister.
In less than a few minutes, Twilight has already galloped out of Sweet Apple Acres. Seeing at how Trixie was nowhere to see, she stopped herself, fearing what the undead unicorn would do in a moment like this. Twilight looked down, searching for any sign of her quarry, and found three set of hooves marked on the ground; two entering the farm that were her own and Trixie’s, and a third set leaving it. Twilight didn’t need to think about it.
She followed the third trail. Seeing how the prints were getting closer with each step, Twilight reasoned that Trixie got tired and gradually slowed down from full gallop to trot, so she expected to find her fellow pony at the end of the trail any second.
What she found instead left her baffled. For when Twilight looked around, Trixie was nowhere to be seen, just two final hoof prints in the dirt next to a lonely tree at the side of the road and Trixie's black cloak hanging on a lower branch of said tree.
“What? How?” Twilight's scholar side took over, as she listed all the possible explanations to Trixie disappearance; teleportation, levitation, a spell to make her hooves weightless so she wouldn't leave prints... Except any of those theories implied the use of a minimal amount of magic. From what Twilight understood, as long as the restraining ring was on her horn, Trixie couldn't do any magic for her own. Taking the ring off required the input of a magical aura, making it impossible for the restrainee to take it off on their own.
"Applejack, why?!" In her frustration, Twilight threw her head back, lifting her gaze to look at the skies, but instead of the white and soft clouds over and endless blue background, she was looking at the branches and leaves of the tree beside her.
... and the pale azure spot hiding between them.
“Trixie?” Twilight couldn’t help herself.
“Congratulations, Sparkle. You found Trixie.” There was some rustling in the leaves above Twilight. “What do you want?”
In spite of the circumstances, Twilight just couldn’t overcome her natural curiosity. “Um, just… how did you get up there, without magic?”
A snort and more rustling. “Trixie has other skills besides her formerly spectacular magic, you know.”
“No… No, I didn’t.” Twilight sat down on her haunches and leaned up against the tree. She tried her best to keep what she could of Trixie in sight. Twilight realized how little she knew about Trixie and how much of a mystery she was. Taking the opportunity to find out a little bit more about her fellow unicorn and avoid what had just happened with Applejack, she asked, “Would you mind telling me? I mean, if you want.” When she didn’t get any response besides the sound of the wind in the trees, she pressed on. “It’s just that my whole life I’ve only really focused on developing my magic. I wanted to get into Celesita’s school so badly, even as a little filly. Then when I got in, I wanted to learn about it more and more. Heh, I guess that’s what I get for it being my talent, you know?”
Another snort and more rustling from above. “That school wasn’t all it cracked up to be.” There was a clear disdain in her tone. “Trixie couldn’t take it, it bored her too much.”
“Wait, you went to Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns?” Twilight exclaimed, actually leaning away from the tree to get a better look at Trixie.
“Surprised, Sparkle?” sneered Trixie, looking down on her lavender colored counterpart. “Trixie does have some talent, after all.” Twilight swore she heard a muttered “did” when Trixie moved her head back to lay on the branch.
“Wow, it’s just… I don’t think I ever saw you there.”
“It would have been a few years before your time. Besides, Trixie left before she finished.”
“Why?” Twilight asked softly, having picked up the hurt in Trixie’s voice. There were more leaves rustling, only more violently this time, some of them falling in Twilight’s face and forcing her back from the tree. Behind her, four small thumps sounded as the pale and thin figure of Trixie landed on the ground.
“Sparkle, although Trixie is a master of stories and their telling, her own is not for the public.”
Twilight’s ears pressed against her head at Trixie’s severe expression. “S-sorry.” Flustered, Twilight looked away in discomfort. “Will, um, will you at least tell me how you got into the tree then?”
Trixie slumped, seeming to sigh but without the wheeze of breath that would have been normal. “In the return for how you already told some of your own story to her, and in view of Trixie’s debt to you, she shall concede to a private show and tell you that small part of her own.” Trixie paused, tossing her mane back and composing herself like she were on stage once more. “But remember, Twilight Sparkle, daughter of nobility and favored by the Sun. What Trixie is about to give you is only for you and you alone. Never share this mystery and secret with others unless Trixie herself allows you such liberty.”
At first, Twilight was about to tell Trixie again that she wasn’t in debt with her and that her family wasn’t exactly a noble one. But seeing how Trixie was back on the ground and at least talking to her now -- not to mention sounding at least a little like her old self -- she couldn’t bring herself to interrupt.
“Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria,” Trixie began, “there lived a young and quite smart mare called Beatrice. She had just taken her own life in hoof, having departed the stifling halls of academia for the unbounded highways of Equestria. At that time, she was just your average wanderer, traveling far and wide, witnessing Equestria’s magic first hoof with no boundaries to her to anywhere or anyone. Her father was the road, her mother the stars, and freedom her creed.
“But such a life had a price, and our young Beatrice, although free to lead her life to whenever she wanted, had no goal or reason to her wanderings. Her days and nights had no meaning beyond staying in motion. It was freedom without purpose.”
Twilight could only lean closer, not wanting to miss any detail of the show in front of her.
“Beatrice’s life would have continued and ended like that -senseless- if it wasn’t for one faithful night, between the festive music and warm ambiance of Neigh Orleans’s Carnival, that annual celebration, that last grand party, held by the town between swamps before their forty days of serene contemplation.
“There, Beatrice met seven of the most skilled ponies in Equestria, all of them a master in their field. They knew about her heritage and once they recognized the noble semblance of the last descent of Lulamoon, they took it as their responsibility to mentor young Beatrice and help her bloom in a pony worthy of her ancestors’ name.
“One of those masters used to be a proud warrior, descendant of an honorable lineage himself. Master Kunai Tail took the task of forging Trixie’s physical abilities and her mind. Thanks to him, Trixie can figure out her way to disappear without magic and has the skills to do so.
“And that, Twilight Sparkle, is how Trixie was trained to see a refuge where you could only see a lonely tree on the side of the road.” She stood on her hind legs, her fore legs hooked over a branch just above her head. “You see branches and leaves, Trixie sees supporting points and coverage.” With a quick pull, Trixie hauled herself into the tree, scampering from branch to branch until she reached its top and took up her position from earlier. “A performer must be aware of her surroundings. She must be aware of how others perceive those same surroundings and use that to her advantage.” She swung back down, again coming to a perfect four-point landing in front of Twilight. “Most importantly, she must know how to move through them quickly and seamlessly, using only her body and senses so that her audience cannot follow her magic and learn how the trick is done. That was just one of many things that Trixie was taught.”
Either by nostalgia or by force of habit, Trixie finished her tale with a sweep of her hoof and a graceful bow to her limited audience.
On her side, still sitting motionless, Twilight couldn’t figure out what to do after that. Should she reply? Ask for more?? Applaud?!
“Wow,” she finally settled on. “I didn’t think about-- wow.”
“But that was a long time ago.” Trixie didn’t give her the opportunity to continue. “A lifetime ago.” She trotted past Twilight and took her cloak from the branch from where it was still hanging. “A life that Trixie has now lost.” In one swift motion, Trixie was once again hidden under the black cloth. She pulled up her hood and began to walk the road back to Ponyville.
“Trixie, wait!” Twilight was ready to give chase again, especially after Trixie’s last departure, but to her surprise Trixie actually stopped and waited. “Please, don’t talk like that. Princess Celestia is work--”
“And then what?!” Trixie suddenly turned her head around like an owl about to attack.
“What?”Twilight was taken back by the response.
“And. Then. What.” Both mares stood still as statues, one in front of the other. “Even if Trixie is given her magic back, even if the Princess finds a way to free Trixie from the Amulet, even if Trixie gets her body back...” Trixie shut her eyes tight, this time wishing she could cry, or pant, or do anything. “Trixie lost her life long ago, the only difference now is that her body has finally caught up.”
“Trixie,” Twilight trotted closer to her, “what do you mean?”
“You already know what happened after my last performance here, Sparkle, I remember telling you about it.” Trixie’s tone changed, it was unsettlingly calm. “I already told you that Trixie is already known as Equestria’s most famous buffon, ponies mock and heckle me whenever I go.”
“I can help Trixie, me and my friends--”
“Don’t laugh at me too!” Trixie stomped her front hooves on the ground. “I-- Trixie knows that getting her life back is all but impossible now.” Even if she cracked a little, Trixie kept that same uncanny monotone. “And if Trixie depends on ponies like your friend back there, she should just find a good burial place and finish the job.”
“Don’t talk like that, Trixie, everything can be solved, I promise you.”
“You promise?” Trixie moved closer to Twilight. With her forehooves, she opened the front of her cloak, the Alicorn Amulet in plain view. “Sparkle, look at this,” she said with pleading eyes. “You know what Trixie did with this thing. I know what I did.” She hung her head low, covering her eyes with a hoof. “Maybe your friend is right to hate and fear Trixie. Maybe I am the villain in this story and didn’t realize until now.”
“Trixie…”
“Maybe Trixie is getting-- Maybe I had it all coming to me.”
This time Twilight reacted quickly enough, reaching out and pulling Trixie into a tight hug.
“I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.” Trixie said as Twilight started to stroke her mane, doing her best to calm her. “I just wanted to have my old life back, I… never meant to hurt anypony.” She was shaking.
“It's okay, Trixie, it’s not your fault,” Twilight said comfortingly, refusing to release her forelegs from Trixie’s neck. “It was the Amulet, not you.”
“But I bought that Amulet. I looked for it and it was me who accepted it when the offer was made.” Twilight didn’t say anything. “It gave me a chance, you know, when I put it on the first time; I was asked if I really wanted to keep it up and I…”
Twilight hugged her fellow magician closer. While she couldn’t know what Trixie was going through, she had at least some idea. Just seeing the poor mare trying to cry without tears and sob without breath was telling enough of her condition. Trixie could barely feel Twilight’s fur against her own numb skin. “Don’t be afraid, Trixie. We’ll find some way to fix this.”
“Trixie isn’t afraid, Sparkle. She’s terrified.” Without either of the ponies realizing, two small drops of green liquid ran down Trixie’s cheeks.
“I ate enough, can I get up, please?” Apple Bloom said, half of her lunch still untouched in her plate.
“What’s wrong dear? Ya have barely ate a couple of nibbles,” Granny Smith asked, looking worriedly at her grandchild. “Somethin’ happened?”
“No, no, it’s just that I ate too much at breakfast.” Apple Bloom said. Not waiting anymore for permission, she got up and left the dining room. Granny Smith tsked while following behind her, wanting to find out what happened to her. Applejack just followed her with her eyes. After the elderly mare left the dinning room, she looked back at the table, noticing that Big Mac wasn’t eating either, instead seemed to be gazing past her.
“Well,” the red stallion broke the silence.
“Well what?” Applejack answered. Something must be mighty interesting in the window behind her, she figured, what with the way Mac was staring out it.
In response, Big Mac didn’t say a thing, but slightly shifted his expression, nonverbally saying ‘yah know what’.
“It was for her own good, Mac.”
“Whose?”
“You know darn well whose!”
Mac went back to looking out the window.
“Fine, then you tell me what you woulda done.”
The large red stallion turned back to his sister, looked down at at his nearly empty plate then back up. “Twilight was with her?” Applejack affirmed she was. “You trust yer friend?”
“‘Course Ah do.”
A shrug and then back to the window. “See what she wanted, I suppose.”
He received a snort in response as Applejack leaned back in her chair. “Just like that?”
Another shrug. “You trust your friend. She seems ta trust Trixie enough to bring her ‘round here. I’d see what she wanted.” Applejack didn’t reply, she didn’t know how.
“Ah suppose Ah shouldn’t have shouted at her like that,” she finally said to no one in particular. “Just when Ah saw her talking to Bloom like that… You think Ah messed it up, that’s what you’re saying?”
The stallion shrugged again.
“Can’t you be on my side on this?!”
“I don’t think yer on yer side.”
“And just what is that supposed ta mean?”
“Ya shouted a mare outta here who sounds like she was just tryin’ to make amends, without even hearing her side a things. I can’t say that ye did wrong, sis, I know how ya feel about family. I’m also not one to judge others. That’s a job for the powers above.”
“‘Make amends.’ After what she did,” grumbled Applejack, slumping lower in her chair. Still, what her brother had said stung. Twilight was her friend and she trusted her friends completely. “Fine then. Twilight said Pinkie was puttin’ together something for Trixie. Ah’ll see what she has to say for her herself then.”
Big Mac grunted and nodded, still looking out the window. The edges of his lips had curled into the slightest of smiles.
6060090 you know..it really saddens me cause you two deserves much more....when you see that all those"Displaced" fics often get much more likes for a fic with no originality
Hmm.... I hope the reactions between each of Twilights friends and Trixie will vary. Sure Applejack and Rainbowdash might come aggressive towards her. Maybe even Rarity though not sure. Therefore I'm actually interested how Fluttershy conversation with Trixie will become. Afterall she was able to befriend Discord even after all the things he had done to her and her friends.
6069306
The cycle just keeps going, TCB, FO:E, YHAY, 5S/4, every spin off is just a sprinkling of uniqueness on the cake of unoriginality.
6069548 I have a habit of finding good and unique stories, and I often recommend fics that I find under-appreciated to people. I actually have a few fics like that in my Top Favorites list...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Wow.... not gonna lie. Dick move Applejack. Dick move.
6069344 Expect all of this happened before Celestia have brought Discord around.
Trixie can no longer show her face in public, unless she wants to instill terror and fear (leave it to the Flower Sisters to over dramatize it) . For a stage performer like Trixie, that is a devastating enough blow. Add everything else, and I can see why Trixie feels she would have been better off six hooves under. Twilight is going to need a LOT of help, as well as maybe a miracle, to change Trixie's perspective.
6069987
Tell me again how this makes any difference about Fluttershy Character? If I recall that episode right it was Discord and not Fluttershy whom made a giant character shift.
6069548
YHAY? I do not recognize that term.
Your human and you i believe
6070730
Your human and you, it's planet of the ponies.
6069306
Well, i'm actually happy with my halfway fame. Although I'm also angered that some lazier fics get more popular, I'm not really mad by this point.
P.S.: What is Displaced?
6069344
Oh, don't worry, the reactions will vary. If all of them reacted the same it would get boring too soon and too quick. Also, even if your assumptions are statistically right, considering that most of the "Trixie's return" fics out there follow the "Getting Back On your Hooves formula", I would like to remember you that Rainbow is less overprotective that Applejack (so there's no button to press) and Rarity tends to be consistently shown as the mature one in comparison. I'll leave it there so I don't spoil anything.
6069548
You forgot Fall of Equestria (vade retro satana), Villain in Equestria (I swear to God, if I see another one I'll--) and the always present memes like Tyrantlestia, Discord in Leather Pants and the weird Lunar Republic.
6069631
Oh this curiosity of mine...
I need to ask, is Actually, I'm Dead one of those "good fics" you talk about?
6069666
Try to think about it from AJ's point of view; So far, she has seen Trixie as little more than an antagonistic force, that embarrassed AJ and her friends in front of the entire town, bragged about it, lied (that's a heavy one) and when she came back, she became a mini-dictator over the entire town. To top it all, now she looks like a George Romero's reject project and was right next to her baby sister. AJ didn't thought about it, she reacted.
6069987
Yeah, I think that since S3 that the Mane Six have become increasingly less flawed in favor of their elements, but that has kinda reduced the conflict factor for fics set in S4 and S5. But since this is still set before turning points like Keep Calm and Flutter On or Magical Mystery Cure, I think the conflict factor is quite high.
About Trixie, I was thinking about what you said on character grown around falling, the "have to fall to rise up" thing. You have a strong point, but I also want to make mine about a character not falling to depression, kinda like an emotional version of the determinator trope. You see here Trixie falling, but there's also the fact that, even down, she's willing and able to tell a tale while showing off. There's always hope, all will be well.
P.S.: For the record, her new room is, in fact, six hooves underground and yes, Twilight is aware of the fact but has not told to anypony, yet.
6070059
I think that the character change was full-cast wide between Seasons 3 and 4. Mostly to the direction of toning down the Mane Six's flaws in favor of making them more fitting for the ideal hero trope. Case in point is how much Ponyville depended on them in MMC.
6070730 6071201
Your Human an You; As far as I understand, Planet of the Apes, with ponies.
6071789
Yeah, that one.
6071815 Fair enough but still. She knew that Trixie was coming so.... I dunno. Just seems kinda dickish to me.
6071815 Displaced fics are the ones about peoples going to a con and cosplaying as a character but being send in equestria after buying something from a merchant .
Pixel pony resumed perfectly what i was thinking.
you're featured and you got more than 150 likes, i know it's already a pretty good achievement.
But your work from both you and Nightwalker really deserves more.
6071815 It is pretty good, and the concept is somewhat unique, although the execution could be a bit cleaner...
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
6071824
Exactly, Applejack was ready to confront Trixie herself, but her lil' sis involved? She didn't see that one coming. Mama bear and big sis instinct in full effect.
6071836
Oh, those ones. Yeah, it kinda makes little to no sense, even in the fanfic ambiance.
And many thanks for that support. mate. Maybe, if I were more greedy, I could make a hype and featured campaign work, but I'm too lazy to pull it off.
6071852
Okay, thanks for that. I'll try to be more straight and focused on the further chapters. At least I'm not writting from the seat of my pants anymore, since nightwalker and i have an actual plan going on.
I think this song sort of fits trixie's situation
Twilight, you ask why and you never realize that you and your friends are the ones who really caused this. YOU TOOK AWAY TRIXIE'S LIFE. YOU KILLED HER, AND TOOK AWAY EVERYTHING SHE HAD GAINED. And you think that having her say SORRY will fix YOUR mistakes?!
Love this story, by the way. Sparklebutt and Applejackass are just complete idiots. -_-
6071980
Not bad, but I was thinking about something more in the lines of Jack's Lament, as Trixie has now lost any motivation;
6072069
Speaking about rage...
Although I see the pint where Trixie lost a lot in Boas Busters for doing too little, I don't think that the Mane Six are entirely to blame for what happened (although they have their share of guilt since they went to a show they didn't like). I think that if someone is to blame here are Snips and Snail, but since it was mostly out of stupidity rather than malice, there's not really a full responsible for the whole situation.
The same goes for Trixie dying, who's really to blame? Celestia for loosing her struggle against the Amulet? Rainbow Dash for taking the Amulet away in the first place? Twilight for tricking Trixie into taking it off? Trixie herself for buying it? The guys at the store for selling it? Just like in Boast Busters, we don't have someone to clearly blame, only victims (again that bad mood).
Thanks for reading and glad that you liked the story.
6069987 Those flower ponies Daisy, Roseluck, and... whats her face are always saying how Horrible things are. "The Horror the horror!"
6071815
Eh, fuck those other guys how get more hits and are lazy! This is a good piece and it fits to what we like to read! I mean this is awesome. I feel bad that we always pin Applejack to be some, dumbass who won't tolerate Trixie no matter what. I did it in my story too. But you know, aside from her Rainbow Dash wold be next in line for treating Trixie like this.
Speaking of which, if Rainbow destroyed an entire weather factory and gets off scotfree, yet Trixie faces an Ursa Minor that Snips and Snails brought to Ponyville, and Trixie gets blamed for it? Seriously writers? Seriously? And lets not forget what Spike did when he turned into a rampaging dragon! Or Raritits for turning the damn town to gold! Sorry, I've been meaning to vent about that for years.
Anyways. I like how you kept Applejack true to her nature, very family oriented. Very protective of them. I like how Apple Bloom was like, "yeah she was a horrible pony." to Trixie and she was sort, of OK with it. I guess. But Trixie dos bring up a good point. If her life due to the ursa minor was nay indicator of how the ponies reacted to her one failure, what point is there to living if this event of her, dying, for lack of a better word be any better? Now she'd be put in the same category with Sombra of sorts. That evil pony who should have stayed dead.
Makes me sad to think about it. Oh just had a burst of inspiration again! Gotta go write it down! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK WAVE!
6073086
The other one is Lilly, and together they are the holy trinity of the "Holy overreactions, Batman!"
You know what, even if having the featured box for a couple of hours and the five seconds of fame that came with that, I think I'm happy with my actual audience, especially commentators like you. I wouldn't trade readers like the ones in the comments section for any number of silent followers. Sure, fame is nice, but having actual people to talk to is irreemplazable.
I don't think that Applejack's reaction came out of not knowing better, she's usually the voice of reason when Twilight is not near. I think that what we saw was mostly a reaction, but an actual thought through action. Again, moma bear+big sister instinct kicking full-force once she saw her little-baby-vulnerable sister standing too close to something like this:
img03.deviantart.net/f9fb/i/2007/162/a/c/the_spectre_by_rm73.jpg
But as you see in the last scene, Applejack is well aware of what she did and where is the mistake, Big Mac only helped her to admit it.
Don't worry for ranting. I did pretty much the same in the blog after Tanks for the Memories came out. I do believe that the writer's main problem is that annoying protagonist-centered morality, but they're not really to fault over it, since the production is clearly still minded to the animation age ghetto, forcing them to put everything in black or white terms, keeping the main cast as the white side. As TVTropes puts it:
I think that Apple Bloom's part was essential to show how Trixie is viewed. So far, and since Apple Bloom was nowhere to be seen in Boast Busters she has seen Trixie as an evil dictator who enclosed the town inside a glass dome while doing all kinds of magical abuse on the townsponies. Sure, it was all under the Amulet's influence, but AB doesn't know it, and neither do most of the townsponies (we usually see Twilight's library empty, so I'm assuming that not a big lot of them are versed in cursed artifacts).
I don't know how much sense will make the following explanation, but I see Trixie's current situation as a versus between canon and icon. Canonically speaking (in the story's terms), she's still unsure of how much of what she did was the Amulet's fault, since there was obviously a part of her in enough control to target Trixie's perceived enemies (Twilight, the mane three, those two idiots). Iconically speaking, she's seen as what AB described, with the explanation above.
Go! Follow that inspiration! To hell and back if necessary! GOOooooo!!!
(thanks for the support btw)
...screw it, I know I should be calling this idea out for just being too silly to take seriously, but you know what? Ninja Trixie is such a hilarious thought I just have to like it, no matter how ridiculous is it.
6074322
Finally someone comment about that!
Yeah, it runs on rule of cool, as making giving trixie a ninja's training is a plan so crazy, it just might work. Although technically, she was trained by a ninja, and it's more of an acrobat, keeping it along the idea of showpony.
It all comes from an old fancanon of my own in regards of how Trixie is Twilight's counterpart; if Twilight is some kind of überpony who can lift ursas, invert gravity and eventually become an alicorn, then Trixie should be the ideal counterpart that is the equino universale, which means she's at least versed in a lot of disciplines. Hence why is stablished that she had seven different masters, each one for a different discipline.
P.S.: Kunai Tail's inspiration is actually a very well known ninja, especially in modern western culture, since he just appeared in the last statement of a very famous game franchise.
The ninja thing was a presented a little disorganizedly. "not for the public." needed to be repeated to connect the dots I think. Like,
So she's reminding Twilight dramatically, but it also helps the reader connect. When I first read it, it felt like "Trixie will not tell you her story. So anyway, here's Trixie's story." Shifting that "not for the public" into her reasoning for telling Twilight as well as her reason for not telling her lets us understand easily that Trixie was coaxed to change her mind, not that she is showing internally inconsistent behavior.
Also it sounds a little better if Trixie talks about Twilight's politibabble when demonstrating the reasons to release her amazing secrets, instead of afterwards when addressing Twilight directly. Sort of like, instead of saying "Quiet now, the queen addresses me. So almighty queen of all everything the super cool, what's up?" you would say, "Quiet now, the almighty queen of all everything the super cool addresses me. So queen, what's up?" It's actually more respectful to talk about someone in the third person when referring to their title, because in second person it can be perceived as biting sarcasm. While Trixie has a lot of biting sarcasm, the time when she's opening up and admitting a friend into her heart is not the time that she'd be swinging it around like an unwieldy club.
...yes that one little paragraph is the only opportunity for correction I could see.
6087680
Believe it or not, it was entirely intentional and I can actually prove it. Look, go back to the first arc and tell me if the narrative ever changes its structure whenever or not Trixie is in the scene. Done?
Well, the point is that Trixie is a storyteller, and this is the story of her. It means that the narrative is subjected to her, her mood and what's going on around her. Right now, Trixie would have used any distraction at hoof in order to avoid confronting what just happened. Hence why the narrative starts getting messed up; she's not in the right mood.
Yes, it is. Okay, look up there and tell me, based on the scenes after Applejack's rage scene if Trixie uses first or third person to talk about herself. Done?
You see, Trixie, again in her role of storyteller, looks at her life as another story. A private one, but still a story, and she sees herself as the hero protagonist. The combination of having an entire street block running away from her, the Flower Trio calling her "the horror" and Apple Bloom speaking about her as a villain is making her think that she may be the villain. After AJ treats her as if Trixie was some kind of monster, she finally goes into full "heroic BSOD" or "villainous breakdown".
6089027
She's abusing the fourth (and fifth) walls to try to escape being put on the spot, fine. But Trixie struck me as a good storyteller, and, deliberate or not, a storyteller who tells things out of order and leaves their narrative vague and unconnected is not a good storyteller. Anyway it's just a suggestion. If you intended that stuff to be confusing, go ahead and leave it that way. You have to do a lot worse than that to lose readers on this site. I just thought you were trying to be dramatically effective, not obfuscate...y.
6089547
Well, again, Trixie is undergoing a massive breackdown after everything that has happened to her so far in both, canon an the story. But you have a good point anyways, so I'll try to put a warning the next time I get that level of meta-textual with the narrative.
P.S.: The dramatically effective part is the next one, where Trixie actually breaks down right in front of her 'nemesis'. The narrative getting messy before that is some kind of foreshadowing. Think about it as the written version of this page:
batman-comics.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/batman-5-3.jpg
6073086
You are not the first to note. Trixie's "sins" are non worse than those of the Mane 6.
Boasting to be the best? RD does on a regular basis. To only think to not being the best risks to make Pinkie Pie to leave her job as a party planner.
Use an ancient artifact to boost her powers? Seriously...
Loosing control over a spell? Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Twilight...
Having a personality change for the worse? Twilight and Fluttershy without even magic involved. Everyone under Discord's spell...
Trixie's flaws are not bigger than those of the Mane 6, but they trust each other enough to permit their friends to correct them and help them. Trixie has no friends, so there is none to correct her beaviour first than her adversaries have to do that.
6075719
Well, not as a trained ninja for certain, but in my headcanon too Trixie is quite versatile (she canonically is in her magic), and has learned many different disciplines she tought could be useful for her shows.
6094984
I think that it raises the very unfriendly aesop that, if you have the right friends, you can get scott free from anything.
6094994
Again, I'm not stating that Trixie is a ninja either, just a very versatile showmare with some out-of-the-bow skills, and between those is acrobatics taught by a ninja.
Edit: And yeah, I agree that Trixie is a multidisciplinary pony. In previous comments, I said I would like to think about Trixie as an pony universale, in counterweight to Twilight being the magical überpony.
You cannot see it because your eyes are closed.
6163001
Okay, that one, right there, has just won the "Comeback of the Day" prize. Have your non-dead Trixie:
So far this story's pretty dull/cliche. The concept is okay, but the execution feels a bit stiff and proscribed. Personally I think Applejack seems out of character, because she wouldn't be that worried about Applebloom and simultaneously okay with dealing with Trixie. Maybe that's just because of the earlier scene with the mane six, but it seems for a moment that we're talking about two different mares. For what it's worth, Pinkie being her usually bubbly self also feels overly cliched. Unless she's actually an idiot, then she should realize that the problems here are far more than skin deep or a bad attitude. A party won't fix Trixie's problem and it will probably have adverse effects on what's left of her mind.
I'm not sure what to blame, but the story is kinda bland. Hopefully it will improve.
P.S.
Why on earth are you segmenting as four parts of chapter six enough words (~25k) to make about 16 chapters (~1500 words/chapter) of the same size as the preceding five? I think that maybe you need to aim for maybe 3k-4k chapters and consider revising the "parts" of chapter 6 and/or making them separate chapters. You can always separate the story into acts/books/or some other super-division (i.e. above chapters) if necessary.
I don't think Trixie is uncomfortable enough about the state of her body or the reactions she's getting from other ponies.
Also, unless you can insert some tangible progress on fixing Trixie's problem or at least resolving that it is incurable then your story is going to become lots of prose trying to make a boring story about 'undead Trixie' living in Ponyville exciting, interesting, etc. I doubt it will work.
6284963
Okay, first of all, I'll take all the offense on you calling this one dull, cliché, stiff and bland (I don't know how you apply proscribed to a piece of writing). But not because of you accusing me of writing the story that way, that's for the readers to decide. On what I take the offense is on how little argumentation is there.
For starters, I actually invite you to tell me straight up what is the cliché you're accusing me of using here, because to this point in the story, I've been avoiding the common ones for the genre.
Now, on regards of applejack, I already addressed the matter of her character in the following editorial.
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/498797/actually-im-dead-editorial-applejack-the-jerk-and-trixie-the-ninja
However, I still have a doubt over your comments. First of all, how in hell are Celestia's scene and the one here simultaneous? There are, at least, over twelve hours of difference since Chapter 4 happened the previous day in the night (various hours after the canon episode, if following the narrative o far) and Chapter 6 is past morning on the next day (following the previous chapter's narrative too). If you think that a person (or pony in this case) is bound to act exactly the same in every occasion, no matter the variables involved, then you're asking for that same monodimensional characterization that you're accusing me of using.
Secondly, Pinkie Pie. In canon she is that levels of hopeful over how a friendly attitude and staying optimistic are the best response, so I can't go too far against that when it come to characterize her. And no, optimism is not an idiot's stance, neither is staying grim and gritty when facing adversity, which has been the point of Pinkie's character since day one. Probably you're right too, and a party wont solve everything, but at least on Pinkie's POV , party will do way more good than doing nothing about it. And doing nothing is literally the opposite to Pinkie's character.
Then, there's this little piece of --bleep--
Ahem...
Of course, there's also Trixie's consistently hiding herself from everyone's view under that hood of hers, trying to keep her identity hidden from Applebloom, letting a pony insult her, do nothing about it and then exposing herself and her past to Twilight, right before breaking donw and starting to cry.
Suuuuuuuuure, not uncomfortable enough, rrrrrrright (my Chilean, rain soaked arse).
On another point, the progress for Trixie's recovery. Considering this is only the next morning after Celestia left, I would guess the process is still in the investigation phase. Considering Canterlot's archives are all written and that Equestria doesn't seem to have computers, it will take a little while (definitively more than just a day) before making any relevant progress. Otherwise, it would put to test the readers' suspension of disbelief (and mines, for what it's worth).
Finally, and this is actually the important part of all this reply, I would ask you to bring arguments if you want to rationalize why you don't like a story, because so far, your comment doesn't back you up beyond saying you just don't like the story.
P.S.: I give a flying eff on wordcount. The episode division is there to mark the events. Since the first four were different stages to present Trixie's new condition, each one is a chapter on itself. But on the Ponyville's one, since each part connect to the next and the main conflict doesn't get a resolution till the sixth part, they all are part of one single chapter.
I'm actually happy Trixie herself brought up a very important factor in this whole debacle. Namely, that she's not blameless.
So many folks completely ignore that part. They argue everything she did while wearing the Amulet can't be on her head. Fine, but what about the fact that she bought the damn thing in the first place?
She knew what she was looking for. She knew how it looked. She knew where to find it. She could research all that, but the part about it being corrupting, she somehow never came across? Or the fact that the vendor told her to her face it's dangerous? That didn't make her think twice?
Trixie knew, but she didn't care. She's not blameless. Snips and Snail brought an Ursa into Ponyville thinking it wouldn't be dangerous because Trixie would just vanquish it. So why is Trixie getting off the hook in nearly every story ever dealing with the Alicorn Amulet? She knowingly bought and used an artifact she knew would be dangerous.
And that's not even mentioning that, from the looks of things, she originally came to steal it.
Well. Anyway, I'm glad this isn't like other stories.
6428381
If there's one aspect of the "Trixie comes back" genre that always bothers me it's how always there must be a one sided apology. The usual situation is that Trixie is either the worst thing to ever happen or a purity sue "caught in the circumstances". Since one of the bases for this fic is to get out of the box, I decided, and nightwalker agreed, that we needed to address the subjective point of view by acknowledging the faults on both sides (hence the last scene with Applejack admitting her mistakes too).
Thanks for reading and sharing your opinion on the matter.
P.S.: Steal? Where? Not saying you're right or wrong, just asking what part gave you that impression.
So, Applejack is too dumb to understand what possession means... And then she is a total prick to someone who has had their life destroyed and currently can't breath, sleep, or use magic. Her body is decaying by the moment. How heartless can someone be? Their needs to be an Element of empathy to balance out the darkness in the elements.
6442763
Yeah, it sounds like a good addition to the Elements' concept, along with other ideals like trust or forgiveness.
Now, on AJ I have the following editorial on the subject:
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/498797/actually-im-dead-editorial-applejack-the-jerk-and-trixie-the-ninja
But to give you a quick explanation, this was more Applejack reacting instead of thinking. That's why I added the seccondary scene at the end with AJ realizing and half-admiring her mistake.
Things trixie did wrong: defend herself from hecklers who were confusing cruel boasting for a stage performer, allow to idiots to become her fanboys, fabricated things because it's her JOB, and bought a necklace to boost her magic so she could have a fair fight against the mare who in her opinion ruined her life.
THE HORROR!
Seriously applejack. Your being kind of unfair.
6526730
Well, for starters, from Applejack's perspective, Trixie embarrassed her and her friends in front of the whole town, bragged about it, outright lied, used dark magic, kicked Twilight out of town aaaaaaaaaand took over said town.
It's all on perspective. Also, more than rational, AJ just reacted, since she perceived Apple Bloom in danger.
Here, I made an editorial on the subject that may help clarify things:
http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/498797/actually-im-dead-editorial-applejack-the-jerk-and-trixie-the-ninja
And now we're getting into a little bit weaker section of the story, where this story DOES do the cliched scenes of Trixie talking to a member of the Mane 6, getting rejected, that pony thinking maybe she was a bit too harsh, etc., as well as Trixie giving a little bit of her own personal background, blah blah blah.
I wonder if Trixie is leaking blood from her lacrimal glands, with the blood being replaced by the ectoplasm, or if all her tears were replaced by the dark magic ectoplasm as well.
6594487
Okay, I admit it. so far, this chapter is the most cliche one in the fiction. It plays every Trixie Trope straight and there are very few new elements added to the genre. But on my defense, I think here is where the line between cliché and classic gets thin.
Now, on the necroplasm thing, more than leaking blood, it's the thing replacing every fluid she has. In other words, the thing is literally taking over her body.
6530806 actually,I realized that is not your writing that's the problem. Boast busters just couldn't convince me that trixie was an antagonist.in the show, if this were to actually happen, I believe applejack would act that way. Boast busters would have been so much better if they had a pony taking advantage of the town by exaggerating and making up stories.
6648491
I think that's why so many of us like Trixie so much. She's treated like a villain, but she never did anything that evil to begin with. However, she isn't nice either, in contrast with most of the main and side cast of the show. In other words, Trixie is the closest to an average person to that point in the series.
Of course, the large ham, the reveling attitude and the visual design helped too. But it's all, like, in my opinion, dude.
In danger of what? You don't think I'd let anything happen to a member of what you said was my family, do you?
7246757
Let's be honest here (no pun intended). AJ is the kind of pony who acts first and ask later. Maybe more restrained in comparison with Rainbow Dash or Pinkie, but she's still prone to jump at the gun if family is involved.
7285990
This was another "get inside Trixie's head" chapter. Here we see how she deals with her past actions (far and close) while also seeing how the image others have of her and Trixie being aware. However, I anted to give the others the chance to be in the spotlight too, so an entire scene is dedicated with Applejack also dealing with her actions and its consequences.
Nos vemos.
-Wave
7285990
And of course Applejack, who is the most reliable of the group, is an explosively angry and paranoid hypocritical asshole just because of that one time with Zecora - a lesson that AJ learned from. We gotta get past these overly common MLP tropes.
"I'll believe it when I see it." Stay away from my family, home, and lands. How, AJ? How are you going to see it? You didn't mind introducing Twilight to your family immediately despite the fact that she could have killed every one of them with sheer levitation alone - at the same time.
7317917
Okay, that could have come out better. However, I don't think we should apply clod logic to this situation since Applejack's response was entirely emotional. A common trait of her character, both in canon and fanon is her over-protectiveness towards family, like when she participated in a 'colonists vs natives' confrontation (Over a Barrel). Another one is how much she sees Apple Bloom in need of protection (Somepony to Watch Over Me) and that she's not afraid of jumping at the gun if the little sister is in a perceived danger (Appleoosa's Most Wanted).
So, with all of that in consideration, the reaction of jumping at Apple Bloom's protection when the former dictator and dark magic user, who was now a walking corpse animated by said magic was nearby isn't that much of a stretch but more of an eventuality. Granted, it was probably the worst she could have done, given the situation. That's why Applejack ends up facing how much of a mistake it was, even if not saying it out loud (although it's clear enough for Big Mac to see it).
Thank you for reading and sharing your opinion.
The moment I saw this line, my blood boiled. That's the first time I've been legitimately angry over something that wasn't just a sudden death because of my stupidity in a while. I just wanted to pick her up and shout "How in the blazes do you expect to be able to see whether or not Trixie is harmless if you force her to get out of your fucking sight!"