I'd say you need an editor, but your grammatical errors are few and far between. The problem you have is simple: your story is boring. You hit every cliché, they're anthro, etc. The only redeeming factor about this is the Magicka part.

The world that u said in the deacriptipn intrigued me to read but he is cliche, i mean he said he is an aprentice but wow an appretince kbows a hell of spells and well he is a battle mage, so ge can go berseker and slay with his swords skillsrather than learn the ways of the staff. Also outsmart and defeat an entire squad abd look at that he is still young!!
Look im not a fan of cliches alroght? But i know for a fact that the. First chapters are like this but as tge story goes tge wrtting will get better

*Coughcough*b*tch*coughcough*

I mean... Shes protecting her country and all.... But still....

6137407 Dude, I'd go see a doctor bout that cough you have

"Twilight, is he contained?" A voice that sounded like it belonged to an angel spoke.

I look at this woman, captivated by her.

i.imgur.com/ETyyBUI.jpg

~Have a good one.

Wow this story is absolutely Amazing good job dood you make the world proud

6137389 uh, those aren't spells he's casting. That's just basic elemental manipulation. A spell is something like Haste, which doubles your movement speed for 10 seconds, or Raise which returns a recently deceased person to life. Casting Haste requires you to stack Lightning>Arcane>Fire. When cast as elemental manipulation, that element stack would produce a beam of lightning that sets things on fire. When cast as a spell(provided you know the spell) it becomes Haste.

My first words to Anthro Celestia would be:

"You're pretty."

tanto tiempo le tomo darse cuenta que no era su mundo

She locks eyes with me and speaks with a demanding tone. "Who are you."

Anyone else getting a elder scrolls Skyrim vibe here cause that’s the line hadvar uses

9322182
"Your worst nightmare." I say In a gravelly voice

I sigh and place it on my right index finger.

I just LOVE it when characters' actions make zero sense.

They've been trying to kill me twice already, better give up the only thing that kept me alive so far!

Can you put this on your finger? It'll stop you from casting any spells and show that you mean no harm

Fuck no! He keeps getting attacked and nobody lifts a finger to help him!

Wait, so after trying to kill him constantly he just puts on an ring with a enchantment unknown to him?
Forget the fact that it stops casting, what if it's binding? Heck, what if it is a type of slavery or something? He really has less of a reason to trust anyone in this town as the story goes on and I'd be suspecting her to be in on it as a good cop bad cop routine.