Thunderlane
"Have you noticed how quiet things have been over the last few months?"
Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Alicorn of Friendship, the Dusk, and Crazy Experiments, Defeater of Discord, Defender of Ponyville, Bearer of the 6th Element of Harmony, Former Student of Princess Celestia, Savoir of Princess Luna, Sister-in-Law of Princess Cadence, and the only mare never to get 'Jiggy With It', looked up from the newspaper she was reading (there was an interesting article about a comic book convention going on in Detrot that weekend and Twilight wanted to know if the writers of Superstallion would be there). Her friend/adopted son/#1 Assistant/joint voice of reason, William T. Dragon (Spike to his friends), was lazily playing with a chocolate chip that had fallen off his muffin. The other hand was resting on his chin, propping his head up as he let out a weary sigh, looking around the rather quiet Sugar Cube Corner Bakery. There were a few ponies around getting a quick midmorning snack but otherwise it was a rather peaceful day for the bakery that employed Pinkie Pie (especially since Fakeo Lunamoon had finally worked off his tab).
"It hasn't been that quiet," Twilight said, returning to the article she had been reading. "There was the Winter Wrap Up a few weeks ago."
"And nothing strange happened thanks to you having everything so organized. We were done 12 hours early!"
"...okay, that's true. But what about when Rarity got that magic cloth that could defy gravity and lifted ponies up into the sky? That was crazy!"
Spike shook his head. "For five minutes, then we all realized we had pegasi around and they were able to help the floating ponies. The worst of it was when Fluttershy forgot she could fly herself."
Twilight's lips pursed together. That little situation had settled down rather quickly. She hadn’t even bothered to record it in her friendship diary. "Ok, that's true... ah, remember the Queen of Fear?"
"You mean that little breezie that thought she could scare ponies by whispering really quietly?" Spike asked dryly. "Slendermare is scarier than that and we learned she's just Zecora's college roommate who came for a visit."
"Okay, sure." Twiligh blinked. "Huh, it has been rather quiet."
"Yeah," Spike complained. "We use to have wild adventures and crazy misunderstandings but now none of that happens! Discord is a nonissue after that whole thing with Tirek, Lord Tydal and the capricorns haven't acted up in ages... heck, Queen Chrysalis got a pardon and is now building an amusement park near Ponywood!" The little drake let out a sigh. "Things have just gotten so dull."
"You'd rather they be crazy again?" Twilight asked with a slight smirk.
Spike quickly waved his taloned hands. "No no no... I had my fill when we had the Crisis of Infinite Yous!”
“I still don’t like that name. It makes it sound like having a lot of mes is a bad thing.”
“Said the mare that murdered all the Pinkie clones.”
“I didn’t murder them!” Twilight complained. “That was eliminating unnatural magical constructs.”
“Sure, sure, keep telling yourself that.” Spike went back to rolling the chocolate chip about. “I just want things to be a bit more lively, not utter madness." He gave a small shrug. "You know, like when you were searching for Scootaloo's secret origins."
Every table in Sugar Cube Corner shuddered.
“Nothing about that week was ‘a bit lively’,” Twilight grumbled, her horn glowing as she raised her tea cup to her lips and took a quick sip. “Have you forgotten how insane things got?”
“Not really… we still have that dalek you adopted living in the basement.”
“Be nice to Rollypolly. Everypony from my friends to neighbors to the rulers of this country decided to troll me about Scootaloo and her origins… and it turned out she was the daughter of two recluses who like building tables. So I take back what I said… it wasn’t just insane, it was pointless.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Spike said. “I mean, we figured out Miss Cheerilee was insane and were able to get her the medical help she needed.”
~Meanwhile, at Dr. Head Shrinker’s Office~
“Miss Cheerilee, please stop rubbing magnets against me.”
The schoolmare merely eyed the balding stallion, placing a magnet against his slightly pudgy cheek. “Ha! You will not convert me, robot! Fry!”
“No one here’s a robot,” Dr. Shrinker said with a long suffering sigh. “I am not a robot, your students aren't robots, the Princesses aren’t robots. This is all a part of your delusions. There are no robots here, pretending to be ponies, seeking to destroy us all.”
“But…”
“No buts,” Shrinker said. “Now, why don’t you lie down while I have my receptionist get you some soothing herbal tea. Would you like that?”
Miss CHeerilee slowly made her way back to the psychiatrist’s couch. “Yes… I’m sorry doctor. A cup of tea would be lovely.”
Dr. Shrinker touched a comm. on his table. “Miss Papercut, could you please come here.”
“BEEP.YES.DOCTOR.” The silver mare with glowing read eyes walked in on her stiff legs. “BEEP.”
“AAAAAAAAA!!!” Miss Cheerilee screamed, leaping onto Dr. Shrinker, clinging to his head.
Dr. Shrinker let out a sigh. “Miss Papercut, we talked about this; stop scaring my patients!”
“I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist! Oh, is that stallion who is afraid of bananas coming today? I went to the grocery store…”
~MC~MC~MC~
Twilight frowned. “While that is well and good, I’d have been perfectly happy not knowing the mare teaching fillies and colts was nuts. Of course, considering how crazy every other pony in this country is, I imagine the current sub is any better.”
“They aren’t that crazy-“ Spike said, only for the rest of his words to die on his tongue as Derpy and the Doctor ran by, holding a cabage that was wearing a beanie hat, Dinky only a few steps behind them, a fez on her head and a sonic screwdriver clutched in her mouth. “-ok, they are crazy, but we kinda already knew that. You’ve been saying they were crazy since we first came here.”
“Yes, but for once I was happy to not have exact measurements.” Twilight folded her paper, deciding to get back to the article about the Griffland House of Lords being scolded by Dowager Countess Gertrude Snowheart and then sent to bed without their blood pudding. “I’m just glad we are done with talking about Scootaloo.”
“Scootaloo?” a deep voice said. Twilight and Spike suddenly felt a cold breeze hit them and somewhere off in the distance a moody saxophone began to play. The smell of stale smoke drifted around them and it looked to the two as if Discord had decided to once more drain all the color in the world, leaving Sugar Cube in monochrome. “I’ve already heard that name once today and now I hear it once more in the most unlikely of places.” A black stallion wearing a gray fedora and battered trenchcoat walked over to them, tipping his hat to both of them. “Names Thunderlane, Private Eye. I’d come to get a cup of coffee and bend an ear but now it looks like I’ll be getting a sideorder of information to go along with my Cup of Joe.”
“…we already know the origin of Scootaloo!” Twilight said quickly, hoping to hold off any attempts by the Pegasus to tell them his crazy theory about the orange filly.
“Then I suppose you’ll be able to clue me in, dollface,” Thunderlane said, taking a seat next to Spike. He motioned towards Mrs. Cake and said, “Coffee. Make it as black as the underbelly of this crime-ridden hamlet.”
“…you want it to be overflowing with milk and cream to the point that there’s no coffee in it?” Mrs. Cake said in confusion.
“Make it beautifully tragic,” Twilight said, hoping to get rid of the baker; it was bad enough to be dealing with somepony that wanted to tell her about Scootaloo’s origin, but Mrs. Cake and her rumor-spreading were in a league of their own. Twilight’s scheme worked and Mrs. Cake scurried off, leaving her to deal with only one potential pain in her flank. “As I was saying, we know Scootaloo’s origins and if you’d like to know-“
Thunderlane reached into is trenchcoat’s pocket and pulled out a thick piece of wildgrass, placing it between his lips. He reached over and gave Spike’s tail a tug, causing the startled baby dragon to let out a small flare of fire that the detective used to light the tip of his wildgrass.
“Uh, I really don’t think you can smoke in here,” Twilight said.
“Or use me as a lighter!” Spike complained.
“I’m not concerned with the kid’s past,” Thunderlane said, smoke leaking from the corners of his mouth. “I’m trying to ensure she has a future.”
“What are you talking about?” Twilight said.
“Seriously, does no one else care that I’m not a lighter?”
Mr. Cake walked over, holding out a pot of coffee, and yanked on Spike’s tail, aiming the stream of fire on the pot. “Thank you. Our warmer is acting up.”
“STOP THAT!” Spike screamed as Mr. Cake happily walked away. He cradled his tail and looked over at Twilight. “I’ve been violated.”
“I’m talking about a story as old as time itself. It starts with some poor slob just looking to discover a few of life’s hidden mysterious, a little filly lost and scared, and most importantly of all… a dame.”
~MC~MC~MC~
The rain was striking my window like Hot Trot going into one of his tap routines. It offered only a little bit of relief from the heat that seemed to forever cling to this town like a short skirt on an aging street walker. Still, it was doing better than the rattling fan that hung in the corner of my office. My chair squeaked as I looked over some old cold case files, the dead faces of those poor mares and stallions looking up at me, silently pleading with me to bring the vengeance that had long been denied to them. I leaned back, staring at the water-stained tiles, wondering if it was fair to compare them to the stained soul of this dirty town. Probably not, as this place was more layered than any tile.
Business had been slow, though I wasn’t foolish enough to believe that meant that things were peaceful in this hellhole of a city. That was the first mistake a pony made, believing that this town could ever be peaceful. More often than not it was also their last. The quiet meant that the criminals were being smart, performing their knife work without drawing any attention. I got how some could see this run down, dirty, corrupt to the core town as something shining and bright but I’d long had my eyes opened and no amount of spit shine and polish would make me believe it anything but a festering wound on the face of Equestria.
“Wait, are you talking about Ponyville?”
“Ponyville, the city that never sleeps or met a law it didn’t want to break.”
“…we are talking about the same Ponyville, right? We were voted ‘Most Likely to Hug a Stranger’ four years running by Ponytimes Weekly!”
“Ponytimes Weekly, a rag that feeds on the pain and suffering of the masses, following the commands of their bloated-“
“Ok, nevermind, back to your purple prose.”
I was all alone in my office, with only the ghosts of past failures to keep me company. I was about ready to call it a night and find a bottle of bourbon to chase me into Morphius’ embrace when she walked in. I knew the moment I saw her she was going to be trouble but the question was what kind. Was she going to be the kind of trouble that drove poets to madness and singers to longing despair… or the kind that began with honeyed words and ended with a bullet in your head? Of course, in my line of work, it’s possible for a mare to be both.
She was a leggy lady that knew she looked good and wanted the entire world to think the same. Every step was a testament to her strength and I could practically see the hearts of all the stallions she was crushing with every trot of her hoof. She wore a stylish fog-gray coat that hung off her frame like a lover desperate for her not to leave, hinting at the cobalt body that was hidden just underneath. I leaned back, taking her in, silently warning myself to be careful of this one. She knew how to tease and hint and if I wasn’t careful I’d find my soul joining all the others that had fallen for her.
Her hair was hidden under her tilted hat and a translucent veil hung over her face. She had smokey eyes that could trap a man in their depths and a small little mouth that could make your heart flutter or shatter depending on how she used it. Oh yes… that mouth might be her most dangerous weapon. As she took her seat I could tell she knew what she did to stallions and didn’t care one lick. Yeah, this one was trouble all right.
“What can I do for you, ma’am?” I asked, a piece of wildgrass dangling from my lips.
“I need your help,” she said, her voice a breathy whisper. The words seemed to dance right off her tongue.
“Everypony that walks through that door needs my help, sweetheart,” I said, reaching into my desk drawer and pulling out a bottle and two glasses. I poured us each a splash and she accepted it, taking a moment to swirl her’s before downing the contents in one shot. I watched her throat work and-
“Okay, I’m going to stop you right there.”
~MC~MC~MC~
Thunderlane blinked in confusion. “What is it, little drake?”
Spike rolled his hand dismissively. “I really want to hear your story-“
“I don’t,” Twilight grumbled.
“-but I could do without the rambling commentary where you compare one thing to another thing.”
The Private Eye frowned. “But that’s how I add color to this lifeless world.”
“This world doesn’t need any more color. Have you seen half the ponies in this town? It looks like there was an explosion at a paint factory!”
Twilight shook her head. “Spike, I think Thunderlane means ‘color’ as in ‘give more depth to the story’.”
“That’s true, your highness. Of course, I wouldn’t call this black and white little world of ours that colorful.” Spike and Twilight just stared at Thunderlane, who accepted his Tragically Beautiful coffee from Mrs. Cake (she’d gotten the order wrong and prayed her didn’t noticed). “There are only three colors: black, white, and gray. Our mortality is like cream in a cup of coffee; no matter how much you pour in, you can’t ever get the coffee to be pure white… instead it corrupts and darken the cream, like crime does to any soul that-“
“Yada yada yada,” Twilight said, rolling her eyes. “Alright, continue if you must.”
~MC~MC~MC~
“What brings a dame like you to a place like this?” I asked her, pouring her another splash before taking a sip of my own. It burned my throat and warmed my belly, reminding me that I was alive. It’s easy to forget your breathing when you live in a town like this.”
“The worst criminal we have in Ponyville is the Undergarment Snatcher and he only breaks into Rarity’s House! Spike, why are you fidgeting?”
“Uh… no reason.”
“A filly’s gone missing and I need your help finding her,” the dame said, looking at me from lidded eyes. “She important to me and I’m afraid something foul has happened to her.”
“Maybe she just ran away. Fillies do that. They get stars in their eyes and think they can find success and fame on their own. Course, what they normally end up locating is crime, pain and death.” I gave her a steady stare. “I’m sorry, dollface, but I’m telling it like it is.”
“She didn’t run off,” the smokey dame complained, a bit of fire flashing in those cunning eyes of hers. More than one stallion had been burned trying to tame that fire, I was sure of it. “I know Scootaloo and she wouldn’t have left without telling me.”
“Maybe you don’t know her as well as you think.”
“I didn’t come here to be mocked, gumshoe,” she complained, standing up to leave. “If you won’t help-“
“I didn’t say I wouldn’t help. Cool your gams and sit back down.” I picked up my drink and walked over to the window, staring out at the trash-strewned street below. This job had made me jaded, forcing me to look at the worst of the world and see it in every alleyway and dumpster. I shouldn’t have felt anything about this case and told the femme fatale to take her sob stories to someone else… but I couldn’t. I don’t know what it was about this crazy dame that made me want to hope again but damn me, I did. I wanted to help her find this Scootaloo, to save that poor little filly from whatever swirling mess she’d gotten into. I knew it was foolish but at that moment I thought that if I could just save her perhaps I could save a bit of my own soul. I wanted to steal it back from this city that had taken so much. “Now, why don’t you tell me your name, dollface.”
“Dash,” the sultry mare said. “Rainbow Dash. You know how to say that, right? It starts by rolling your tongue-“
“Are you drunk?”
~MC~MC~MC~
“Only a touch, why do you ask?” Thunderlane said, taking a sip of coffee.
Twilight just stared at Thunderlane, wondering if she could get away with punting him to the moon (‘I could tell Princess Celestia that he was trying to bring eternal monologuing to the world…’). “You described Rainbow Dash as ‘sultry’ and as a ‘dame’. I can’t think of any two words that would be worst to describe her!”
“Humble and slow?” Spike offered.
“Okay, those two work but you get my point.” Twilight pushed away from her table, her horn glowing as she snatched some bits from her saddlebag and placed them on the table (Pumpkin and Pound Cake, who were waiting in the rafters to drop a bread cage on any dine-and-dashers, whimpered that they wouldn’t get to trap her). “Listen, this has been fun-“
“No it hasn’t,” Spike said.
“No it hasn’t and I need to be going now.” Twilight was two steps away from the table when her friends burst in. “Ha! Oh, this is perfect! Rainbow Dash, this crazy detective-“
“Thunderlane!” Rainbow Dash cried out, hurrying over to the black Pegasus stallion. “Have you heard anything about Scootaloo?”
“…what?” Twilight said.
Fluttershy shivered. “It’s just horrible, Twilight. Scootaloo has gone missing.”
“…no she hasn’t,” Twilight said weakly.
Applejack nodded. “No one can find the little one, sugarcube. Dash over there hired that gumshoe in hopes he could help find her.”
“…please no.”
“Hey!” Pinkie shouted, popping out from a trash can. “You know who we should have asked? Twilight! She knows a ton about Scootaloo.”
“Wait, what?.”
“You’re right, Pinkie!” Rarity said before turning towards Twilight. “My dear, you must take the lead on this.”
“What’s happening?!?” Spike whimpered, clinging to Twilight’s leg as he saw everyone in the bakery slowly turn and stare at them. “Twilight, I’m scared!”
“Please Twilight!” Rainbow exclaimed, hurrying over to her friend. “You have to find the kid!”
“Find Scootaloo!” someone chanted, the call being picked up by the rest of the bakery. Twilight and Spike began to back away, quickly finding themselves surrounded.
“Find Scootaloo!”
“Find Scootaloo!”
“Find Scootaloo!”
“Brains! Wait, I mean, Find Scootaloo!”
“Find Scootaloo!”
Thunderlane watched this all and sighed. “I’d been unable to find anything to break open the case so I stopped off at a local dive to get some coffee. But answers were waiting for me in the form of the ‘Princess of Ponyville’ and her hired muscle. She was a mare that had quickly risen to power and now had the entire town wrapped around her hoof, clueless to her ways and secrets. He was a muscular brute with a temper to match, willing to burn you first and ask questions later. If anyone knew where the poor girl had gone it would be them.”
“Mommy, what’s wrong with that stallion?” a little colt asked.
The mother pushed her child towards the door. “I don’t know but I wouldn’t go near him.”
Stats
Page generated in 0.049 seconds
Total duration
1,124 users online
1,822,369 hits today, 1,872,792 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
So… where the hell did this come from?
Writer’s block, that’s where.
The God Squad and Les Petit Poneys created two giant walls that I can’t, at this time, break through. I know people wanted me to finish both but every time I tried to write their next chapters I just couldn’t motivate myself to continue. As for ‘The Should-Have-Been-King’… blame that on the size of it. That story is going to be massive and I really want to get it right… and the energy needed to do it justice just isn’t there. I suppose it doesn’t help that I’m already working on another epic (the Harry Potter: Pokemon Master series) that is just draining me.
So… this story. This all came about because of a promise I made back when I wrote ‘The Many Secret Origins’. I knew there were characters people wanted to see and, back when I first wrote that, I thought about doing ‘deleted scenes’ that would feature other characters.
One of them is Gertrude Snowheart, a character from Crowmagnon’s awesome stories (which started with Snowblind), which were inspired by the alternate world The Doctor described in his chapter in ‘Many Origins’. Crow and I worked on some ideas but then I forgot about it… but Crow reminded me of our ideas recently and I decided to finally get around to finishing that deleted scene, at the very least.
But as I worked on it my mind turned to my notes for the other deleted scenes… and just like with ‘The Many Secret’ I suddenly had ideas flashing through my head. The answer to my writer’s block was found… to return to my roots and work on a true sequel to ‘The Many Secret Origins of Scootaloo’.
‘The Search for Scootaloo’ will be a return to my roots. If ‘Crisis’ was an escalation of my insanity, ‘Search’ will be a return to the style I first developed. It is still the third in this now trilogy, though you don’t need to read ‘Crisis’ to follow the story. I’m also going to avoid the Capricorns, the race I created, in favor of focusing on other characters and new races, such as the Griffins and the Perytons, to help build up this wide world I started to create when I introduced Tydal and his Capricorn army.
So with that said… welcome to the silliness, folks. Its going to be a wild ride.
Winter Wrap Up.
The students probably should be called robots.
Thunderlane
...Cheerilee....
Also, make an authors note, not a comment. Good story though!
Thunderlane is probably trying to play it up in a bizarre attempt to impress Rainbow Dash.
Awesome, already laughing at Twilight being dragged into more Scootaloo related plot. Happy to see another tale to the Scootaloo storyline and you've reintroduced Private Eye Thunderlane. This is already shaping up nicely and this should be a fun ride.
Just when I thought I was out of the horror, the madness, and the brownies; HE dragged me back in. Now, I know Iam going to be compelled to read every chapter of this tale, to search through every inch of this story in order to find the truth of what happened to that little filly. And the scariest part o it all is...
...
...
...
I know that I will most likely be reading this live at one point in the future and that scares me.
5837364
Maybe Twilight could banish herself to the moon…
Fantastic
Also, you should do a small rewrite. Scootaloo's mom should be a bat pony.
5837364
I keep hoping you will continue The Doctor of Oz, myself.
Oh, nice. I will be following this. Nice to see you with us.
Have they tried asking Scootsloo's parents?
5838842
It will be addressed. That won't be an option.
5837685
Fixed. Also, I dislike Author's Notes, as people can't use the 'reply' feature to address particular comments I make, thus making it harder for me to understand what they are referencing. I've always been the first comment, it is a staple of my writing.
5839089
Ahh... That makes sense, and I agree. The only issue is that some people don't read the comments.
Coincidence?
Probably not considering the author.
Just starting and I already feel bad for poor Twilight. Still, I'm curious to see where all this is going. Pretty sure if this keeps up, Twilight is going to become a villain... or there will be a table uprising. Let's see what outrageous idea the crazy ponies come up with this time.
And since I can already guess one thing that will happen with this story, I know exactly where to stick it.
)
(Not like that!
Heh. Just as ridiculous, insane, and pointless as the original. I love it! Can't wait to see where this goes.
Intentional or a typo?
5838341 Only in my series. Her mom was established as being very normal in Secret Origins, and that's okay.
5839517
An error. Fixed. Thank you
IT BEGINS.
5839930
The half-boiled detective! And one half of my first major exposure to Kamen Rider. Nice.
Great story! But are you planning on updating The God Squad: Equestria's Most Wanted anytime soon?
5840268
Not for a while. As I said in my first comment, I really hit a wall with God Squad and need some time doing other projects before I return to it.
5840144 I'm guessing the other half was Philip?
5842113 Yep. Double was the first KR series I got talked into watching, and it's still one of my favorites.
5839235 You know, even if the Undergarment Snatcher wasn't Spike, Rarity would pretty much be the only mare in town who would wear undergarments. Most of Ponyville tends to think one layer is too many.
Well... Who's up for another trip down the river What the Hell am I Reading?
You just made my day by posting this.
And what, if I may ask, is a man?
5842404 Kiva was the first one I tried, but Wataru's behavior in the first few episodes turned me away. Then Decade visited the Shinkenger's world and everything changed.
Speaking of W, I've devised a rider that uses the Arms memory. I only have the belt designed and a concept for the helmet, but to sum up his powers, it's basically a stronger version of Kiwami Arms. Aside from being able to summon any weapon with the right accessory (a gun magazine with the logo of a main rider or a Super Sentai on it), he can equip weapons however he wants (shoulder mounted Gaburicannons, for example) and combine weapons however he wants (like a sniper rifle made of the Trigger Magnum, Metal Shaft, and Accel's sword). Technically has no ultimate form, but Gaim gives lots of options.
Huh, first reference to Fakeo is a while.
This surprises me so little.
I'm not surprised.
Too Many Pinkie Pies.
Whatever.
Hardly.
Troll.
I sense shenanigans inpending.
No, the opposite-OH! Very clever.
Apparently not.
He's nuts.
Said the purple pony.
Lavender.
Whatever.
Agreed.
Yep.
You're going off topic.
HEH!
Because your description fits Rarity more than Rainbow.
Details.
Oh poor Twilight.
Ya want the short answer or the long one?
5843210
*has bags packed and hat on head* When so we start?
Suggestions!
Twilight.
Cheerilee
I think this was supposed to either be "I can't imagine" or "sub isn't any".
"her customer didn't notice" or "he didn't notice" perhaps.
I think you meant "morality"
darkens
She's
worse
Good stuff! Looking forward to more. Poor
LighterSpike!Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!
This looks like it'll be a lot of fun.
Laughed so hard I cried, oh my gods this is going to be amazing, I love your writing, always makes me laugh.
I'd totally read a slice-of-life fic starring Rollypolly's life in Ponyville.
I have this sudden urge to read a noir story or watch a noir movie.
This guy is awesome. He has the best descriptions of ponies ever. It’s hilarious!!
5893830
Lol grammar nazi put so instead of do
we've got a.... *puts a hat on* a missing filly case on our hooves