When Rarity, Fluttershy and Sweetie Belle find out about a strange cemetery somewhere nearby Everfree Forest, things start to get strange for that place hides a dreadful truth that no pony should find out about. Inspired by Stephen King`s Pet Sematary.
Page generated in 0.081 seconds
Total duration
766 users online
719,431 hits today, 2,364,530 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
It seems lacking. I hope you add more to the suspense in future chapters.
wow... I just realized I was first.
cool.
675295
Don't worry, this was just for an introduction. It will get more suspense soon ^^
675321
I'll give you thumbs up just cause I love that picture of Rarity so much. Don't know if I'll track though, anything with a dark, sad, tragedy tag involving Sweetie Belle and Rarity isn't my cup of tea. However it seems you can spell words well, which is more than I can say for a lot of people on this site so kudos.
LOL Pet Sematary with Opalscene.
I've actually read the book... Hoping to see some resemblance.
675474
Lol thanks
Actually, I originally planned to use Applejack and Apple Bloom instead of Rarity and Sweetie Belle, but then I changed my mind when I remembered that Rarity has a cat. (if you have read Pet Sematary, you understand why)
And yeah, well, I check my spelling like 10 times before posting xD
I'll hold off on rating, but I do want to see where you'll go with this...
675759
Pet Sematary storyline will be used. (well, more or less)
I guess you can figure out what role I gave to each character?
Tell you what, this really does make me remember "Pet Sematary".
Some of this really made me go 'aaaaaaah'. Hasn't Sweetie Belle already had some understanding of life, death, good, evil, and the like? Her sister is an element of harmony that has fault horrible things and seen horrible things.
Also, the writing seems to have a really dull and flat tone to it.
An example is something like: As they approached it, they saw that there was a clearing, and in the clearing were many stones, most of them misshapen, as if foals had dug dirt just to put a rock in its place.
There's nothing about that sentence that's 'bad writing' per se. But it doesn't come across as 'suspenseful'.
Maybe look at something like: { As they approached the area, Sweetie's eyes darted across the ominous big clearing. She locked upon a set of stones, most of them misshapen. Had foals just dug up some dirt to place a rock in the same spot? Why would they do that? She paused. Something just might be buried in there. She flicked her ears back }
I dunno. Just throwing that out there. Does anyone else see the story with this kind of 'flatness' to it.
675836 There is one role I have not yet figured out, but both options are valid. Well written.
Come to think of it, Granny Smith would also have worked well as Jud.
Congratulations.
For being that unimaginative with the idea. You could not jst take the premise idea and make something more original out of it, you really have to go so far as to include a pony version of Jud into this mess and make it a re-enactment of the original, just with the main character`s names switched?
HEre, I give you nine disappointed Applejacks out of ten
Try something more original, next time. At least this story seems to be cancelled. Not that this is a disappintment. As Jud would say: Sometimes dead is better.
675484 - Poor Rarity. Poor anypony that crosses paths with an undead Opal. As if she wasn't vicious enough in life.
I wouldn't call this a "bad" story, but it's not especially good. I just didn't feel any suspense. Then again, it was just getting started.
'Tis a dead one, sire.