Huh, certainly an interesting idea, though it seems rather rushed. All of the events just seem sort of glossed over rather than really letting us see these events play out. I would definitely recommend fleshing out these scenes better so we get a clear picture of the characters interactions.
580843 Would you suggest I edit those two chapters then, or should I fix this issue in later chapters? ie, every chapter after this one?580889 Really? It looks delicious.
581585 You can use it, I don't really care, since I've never wrote a story myself. I just comment. Because I have no idea what to write about - too many ideas!
581087 To keep the story flowing, I'd just make sure to add more detail and deeper character interactions in future chapters, then come back and edit the first two. Though this leaves readers that come later with a glossed over opening, which could turn them away if they prefer those higher levels of writing. Just something to consider, your choice either way
582225 Alright, I've started the third chapter with more depth as you suggested and I can see a difference. Around chapter 4 when it's halfway through I'll go back to working on chapter 1 and 2. Hopefully good comments in later chapters will sway those who want quality.
583152 Sadly Kinkie Pie wasn't my pun, she's a tumblr oc. Just a reference along with Sirachi. As for the rushed clop, I'm trying to fix that for the next chapters.
Ten gallons of Vodka!? If she's never had alcohol before, she wouldn't know her limit! Oh Celestia, please tell me she's still rational enough to take it slow! I'm seriously worried about her, if she's not careful, she'll kill herself!
............ I like the cover art.
580576
Better then liking nothing.
580576
Besides that what did you think?
Huh, certainly an interesting idea, though it seems rather rushed. All of the events just seem sort of glossed over rather than really letting us see these events play out. I would definitely recommend fleshing out these scenes better so we get a clear picture of the characters interactions.
Cover art is intimidating me.
580843
Would you suggest I edit those two chapters then, or should I fix this issue in later chapters? ie, every chapter after this one?580889
Really? It looks delicious.
581087
*Suppresses nightmares of princess molestia*
581126
That's not a nightmare, that's a dream come true.
This made me lawl
581381
That's good I suppose. If I don't fix the "rushed" feeling then it's going to end up just like another story I did.
581578
Not sure if good comment or bad comment. Also now I can't use that idea. Damn. Honestly I never thought of that.
581585 You can use it, I don't really care, since I've never wrote a story myself.
I just comment. Because I have no idea what to write about - too many ideas!
581605
Meh, ok.
581605
I deleted your comment because I'm using the idea as a twist.
581657 Yay.
I Can Haz Creditz?
581674
Of course.
581680 Yay.
581087
To keep the story flowing, I'd just make sure to add more detail and deeper character interactions in future chapters, then come back and edit the first two. Though this leaves readers that come later with a glossed over opening, which could turn them away if they prefer those higher levels of writing. Just something to consider, your choice either way
582225
Alright, I've started the third chapter with more depth as you suggested and I can see a difference. Around chapter 4 when it's halfway through I'll go back to working on chapter 1 and 2. Hopefully good comments in later chapters will sway those who want quality.
582299
Always happy to help
582792
You're the first to notice congratulations.
Clop was a bit rushed.
Still, "Kinky Pie" was a great pun.
And oh dear, impending Molestia!
583152
Sadly Kinkie Pie wasn't my pun, she's a tumblr oc. Just a reference along with Sirachi. As for the rushed clop, I'm trying to fix that for the next chapters.
I'm pretty sure i have blood on my chin from how hard im biting my bottom lip in an attempt to stifle the Lolz.
“Sex? Well, what do you wanna know about it? I am the expert you know.” Pinkie Pie smiled.
I wouldn't doubt it. Seriously.
If a pony parties that much (and is all about feeling happy and good), something would be bound to happen.
Kinky pie yeaaa
Ten gallons of Vodka!? If she's never had alcohol before, she wouldn't know her limit! Oh Celestia, please tell me she's still rational enough to take it slow! I'm seriously worried about her, if she's not careful, she'll kill herself!