The Shipper

by Nekonyancer

Chapter 2: Incident Reports

I was too shocked to feel anything as I watched them wheel Bonbon and Lyra away, heavily restrained and murmuring to themselves despite the slew of drugs I’d seen the nurses administer.

And they were still grinning.

“Lyra… wow much luv…”

“bonbonbonbon…”

I just sat there staring at the hole in the door until Doctor Stable gently shook me out of my stupor. “Your Highness. Are you hurt?”

I turned to make eye contact. One of his eyeglass lenses was run through with cracks, turning it more white than clear. It looked hilarious, honestly, but I didn’t feel like laughing at the moment. Go figure. I gazed at him blankly for a second before realizing I was expected to answer his question. I mutely shook my head.

“Come on. We can talk in my office.” He led me away from the rubble and down a few hallways. Lyra’s last lucid words echoed through my head.

Twilight… help me…

I was jerked out of my reverie by a steaming paper cup, telekinetically held an inch from my face. “Here, drink.”

I drank, instinctively grasping it with my forehooves. Ahhh.

“Now, are you sure you’re alright?”

Can’t answer. Coffee. Mmm.

I finally lowered the empty cup to find Doctor Stable peering at me from across his desk.

“Twilight?”

I took a deep breath, my wits returning. “Fine, I’m fine.” Alright. We had far more important things to discuss than my own welfare. Lucky he hadn’t seen the beating I’d taken, or he probably would have insisted on an X-ray. I really was fine, anyway. Amazing stuff, coffee.

He frowned, but apparently let the matter drop. “Very well. Just a moment...” He started rummaging through his desk for something.

His office was very nice, if a little cramped. His polished desk was clean and clear of clutter (a feat I never seemed able to manage), except for a small Newton’s Cradle, a placard bearing his name, and a mug of freshly sharpened pencils. A large bookcase stood by the door, though at first glance, I only recognized a few of the titles. His medical certificates adorned the wall behind his desk, along with a landscape painting, and I was very pleased to note that they were all perfectly straight – the mark of a true professional. Below them, some family photos were propped up on a small table, next to – ooh. The coffeepot wasn’t empty.

Doctor Stable looked up, a new set of spectacles upon his nose, and noticed my gaze. “Would you like more coffee?”

“Yes, black please.” He turned back to prepare that heavenly drink. “So, uh, is the hospital…” I fumbled a bit for words. “...Are Lyra and Bonbon going to be okay here?” In truth, it wasn’t them I was most concerned about; I wasn’t sure the hospital would be able to keep them in check if they had another episode.

Stable paused. “We’ll manage,” he said finally, levitating my coffee over to me. “We’ll have to keep them sedated while we run some tests. That’s the best we can do, until we can come up with a proper treatment.”

My heart sank as my fears were confirmed. “You really have no idea what it is then?”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions. There’s too much we don’t know yet. Snap Gauze’s report was rather sparse on the details. Did you learn anything after he left?”

“A few things.” I briefly fired up my horn and lifted the now steaming cup of coffee to my lips as I thought back to – yikes, it was only an hour ago. After the... incident... it already felt like days. “A spell this invasive would have required an immense amount of power, which suggests one of two things – an ancient magical artifact, or a godlike being.”

He withdrew a notepad from his desk and scribbled furiously in that way only medical professionals can. “Could it—”

“No, it’s not Discord,” I interrupted. We had a true friendship now, and I refused to believe somepony I counted as a friend would do something this heinous. Still, I couldn’t deny that Lyra and Bonbon’s behavior was rather… chaotic. I frowned. It wouldn’t hurt to ask Discord about it, at the very least. “But there are others out there with similar levels of power.” Queen Chrysalis came to mind. “I’ll need to do some research. Same goes for the artifacts.”

Stable’s pen never stopped moving. “I assume you scanned the environment? Did you notice anything about the magical residue?”

“There was none.”

He raised an eyebrow. “I beg your pardon?”

“There was no magical residue at the scene. And I don’t know how that’s possible. I’ll have to research that too.” I took another sip of coffee. With all this research on my plate, I was going to need it.

Stable put his pen down. “So, we have fast-acting magical malady cast by either an ancient artifact or a god, making ponies fall hopelessly in love with each other while augmenting physical strength. And, uh, voices too...”

I didn’t care to linger on those voices any longer than he did. “Yeah. Is that enough to go on?”

“Not a chance.” He scratched his chin. “My first thought was of venenum amoris – love poison – but that would have worn off while they were sedated. I need more precise information before I can even begin to figure out what the cure is, if it even exists.”

My blood ran cold. “If it exists? It has to exist!”

He fixed me with a solemn gaze. “Your Highness, I’ve never seen or heard of a case quite like this before. I’ll send some letters to my colleagues at other hospitals, of course, but don’t get your hopes up. Chances are we’re dealing with something completely unknown. And I’m sure I don’t have to tell you this, Your Highness, but without a researched cure, the best way to counter a magical ailment—”

“—is to derive a counterspell from the source,” I finished.

“Right. And finding that source would require somepony well-schooled in magic—”

“—and there’s nopony in Ponyville better schooled than I.” I gulped down the rest of my coffee. “I figured as much.”

“I’m sorry. I wish there were more I could do. I’ll let you know if my research, tests, or correspondence turn up anything, but until then, it’s all up to you, Princess.”

It’s all up to you, Princess. Yep. No pressure.

I stood up. “I’d better get started then. Thanks for the coffee.” I showed myself out.

* * *

I exited the hospital and started heading home, lost in thought.

First things first. Letters.

As much as I wanted to, it was a bit too early to contact Celestia about this. As a Princess myself, I was expected to handle a few things on my own without crying for help every five seconds. Or at least, I expected that she expected me to. I supposed it was somewhat disharmonious to tackle a serious problem without any help, but asking for it right out of the gate felt like letting her down. That was not an option.

On the other hoof, this enchantment seemed to make ponies fall aggressively in love with each other. Surely I wouldn't be letting anypony down if I consulted an expert on the subject? I nodded to myself in satisfaction as I trotted down the road.

Mental checklist #2, item #1: Send a letter to Princess Cadance, asking if she can shed some light on the situation.

Ah, and while I was at it:

Mental checklist #2, item #2: Send a letter to Discord about the patients’ suspiciously chaotic behavior.

Making progress!

“Ah, Twilight, excellent! I was hoping you might come this way.” I broke out of my thoughts to find a beige earth pony approaching from the opposite direction, looking happy to see me.

The feeling was not mutual, but I forced a cordial smile anyway. “Mayor,” I said simply, and pointedly walked past her.

The mayor was a study in public imagery. Her mane was carefully coiffed to convey just enough haughty professionalism without sacrificing approachable relatability. Her cravat, too, struck a delicate balance between charm and garishness. Her pleasant smile – yes, pleasant, that was the word – was no less important, completing her look. She was Ivory Scroll, the mayor, and she looked the part, every inch. She made quite certain of that.

She turned to walk at my side without missing a step, seemingly unperturbed. “How’s life treating Ponyville’s very own princess?”

“Fine.”

“I heard about the incident this morning. Did you just come from the hospital? How are Lyra and Bonbon?”

“Not great.” If my clipped answers bothered her, she didn’t show it.

“I’m so sorry to hear that.” She sure didn’t sound like it. “I had hoped it would turn out to be something inconsequential, after Ambrosia prematurely called for that quarantine this morning.”

I grunted.

“I mean, she did make quite the spectacle out of it, didn’t she? Two ponies with seizures and she called for an evacuation. Really.”

“It’s not that I don’t enjoy your company, Mayor,” I broke in, “but I was using this walk to help put my thoughts in order, so if you don’t mind...” I sped up to a trot.

“Oh, very well, I’ll cut to the chase,” she said, keeping pace with me. “I thought you might like it brought to your attention”—she paused to wave at somepony—“that many local citizens are quite worried about the fiasco this morning, and are gathering in front of your castle for news.”

My eyes narrowed. I knew she wouldn’t have come looking for me just to say hello. “And you’re here to make sure I spoon-feed them just the right mix of lies and honey, like when Pinkie Pie cloned herself. Is that right?”

“Indeed.”

I snorted. “Not even going to try to sugarcoat it this time?”

She shook her head. “That would only aggravate you further,” she said cheerfully.

She was certainly right about that. “I made my opinion on the matter clear to you last time,” I said. “Lying never works out in the end. If ponies want to know what happened to Lyra and Bonbon, I’ll tell them the truth.”

The mayor hesitated. “How bad is the truth, exactly?”

“They are suffering from an impossibly strong and complex mental enchantment with no known counterspell that compels them to love each other with an intensity strong enough to be considered clinical insanity which, despite the impossibility of infecting others with the same condition, makes them a physical danger to themselves and everypony around them, unless kept sedated.” I tapped my chin with a hoof. Had I covered everything?

She stared blankly at me for a moment. “Are… are you serious?”

“Oh! And super strength too.”

“Super strength! Lovely! Just... just splendid.” I saw her ear twitch out of the corner of my eye. “It’s never simple, is it?” she muttered under her breath. “Have you thought about how you’re going to tell the townsponies?”

“Honestly. Like I said.”

“What, the way you told me?” She winced. “Look, maybe you haven’t noticed, palling around with all your other celebrity buddies, but Ponyvillians are generally a skittish bunch. Considering the dangers of the Everfree right next door, it’s remarkable that most of them consider Ponyville a pretty nice place to live. Fostering that opinion took a lot of work, I’ll have you know, so I’d like to keep it that way. Tell them everything you just told me, and you could incite a panic. That wouldn’t help anypony. We can agree on that much, right?”

She had a point. “I’ll be as comforting as I can,” I said tightly, “but Lyra and Bonbon are our friends. We can’t lie to everypony about this.”

“On the contrary, that’s exactly why we should lie. What it lacks in honesty, Twilight, it makes up for in kindness.” Her mane bounced lightly with every step.

“I’ve heard that rhetoric before. Facilitating delusions isn’t kind!”

“Shh, not so loud,” she hissed, eyeing a passerby. Her smile never wavered, despite her tone. “This isn’t about what’s kind or right. It’s about what’s best for the town.”

“Lying is never best for anypony. Equestria doesn’t work like that.”

“Perhaps it doesn’t for a superhero. It does for a civic leader.”

“What would Princess Celestia think if she heard you saying things like this?”

A short pause. “Hmm... what would she indeed?” she mused.

I didn’t much care for that question. “My mind is made up, Mayor.”

“Look at it this way,” she said as my castle loomed ahead. “They aren’t really looking for answers. They’re scared. They’re looking for comfort.”

“The truth is comf—”

“No, it isn’t, and you know it.” She sighed in resignation. “But if you must, just please, please, please be... diplomatic.”

That was probably her ‘diplomatic’ way of saying ‘politically two-faced,’ but I nodded all the same.

We turned the last corner.

"There she is!"
"Princess Twilight!"
"Your Highness!"

Those were the only exclamations I was able to pick out from the clamor. I blinked in surprise. There certainly was a crowd, and a far larger one than I’d expected. Many of them were shuffling their hooves nervously, and unease was written plainly on every face. Were they really as “skittish” as Ivory Scroll seemed to think? Had Ambrosia’s evacuation really stirred them up so much? It was only active for an hour or two! Perhaps we needed to schedule more municipal disaster drills.

I broke out of my musings when I noticed Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy in the crowd, with Rainbow Dash hovering a few feet above them. I smiled in their direction, but only Rainbow and Fluttershy returned it – Pinkie was craning her neck around constantly, and didn’t appear to notice me.

As we got closer, the crowd parted to allow me to walk up to the golden steps of my castle, which would serve well enough as a speaking platform. Ivory lagged behind as I did so, discreetly joining the herd. I turned to face them and cleared my throat, taking a moment to consider my words.

“Good afternoon, everypony. Thank you all for coming. It appears you’ve all heard about the incident on Gumdrop Street, and I imagine you’re all anxious for news. Lyra and Bonbon fell victim to some sort of powerful mental enchantment at approximately 11:00 this morning. They are currently in the capable hooves of Doctor Stable at Ponyville General. We are working on a counterspell for them, but cannot give an estimate as to how long it will take at this time."

The crowd murmured at that, prompting me to pause. I noticed the mayor in the back, shaking her head at me. I frowned, but continued on. Honesty was the best solution.

Noteworthy raised a hoof to his mouth. “When can we visit?” he called out.

It wasn’t time for questions yet. They’re asked at the end of press conferences for very good reasons. I couldn’t just ignore Noteworthy though. “Their condition unfortunately precludes visitation until we can be sure it’s safe.”

The murmur immediately doubled in volume, and somepony else shouted out from the crowd. “Safe?! How contagious is it?!”

I took a breath to answer, but it caught in my throat as the strangest feeling came over me. Like somepony was watching me intensely, more intensely than physically or magically possible. I shot a glance over my shoulder and immediately felt stupid. Nothing there but the door to my castle.

Ridiculous. Of course it felt like I was being watched – there must have been a hundred ponies watching right there in front of me! I tried to dismiss the feeling – Celestia, it was annoying – and raised my voice to be heard over the commotion. Commotion? Yikes, they’d gotten loud. "As I said, their illness is magical in nature, and thus cannot spread unless the enchantment is cast again!”

The clamor grew louder still. “Which… which isn’t likely to happen!” I yelled. “It took a massive amount of energy to cast, so the artifact or being responsible likely needs time to recuperate!”

I heard some of my words tossed around the crowd like a beach ball in stormy waters. And ugh, that feeling! It was almost like a buzz in my ears now! A piercing voice cut above it all: “Stars above! If it’s an artifact, it could be cast by any of us!”

I cringed. I hadn’t even considered that – just the thought of a fellow townspony... “That is highly unlikely!” I shouted. “I can’t imagine anypony in this town doing such a thing, and there is no evidence to support…” I cut off with a shudder. That feathering feeling! Something wasn’t right. I shot a quick glance behind me – same door. “...to support such a claim anyway!”

The crowd didn’t even seem to be listening anymore. Everypony was yelling.

“What are we supposed—”
“We could be next!”
“Why haven’t you—”
“—foals are in danger!”
“Nopony is safe!”

A loud whistle – Ivory Scroll was standing on a box, her forehooves stuffed in her mouth. They ignored her.

I followed her lead. “Everypony, please! Calm down! There’s no reason to panic!” They ignored me too. The clamor rose and rose despite my pleas until I finally lost patience. I drew in a deep breath. “SILENCE!”

And there was silence. Well, almost – just low, worried murmurs now. Huh, that weird feeling was gone too. I nodded in satisfaction, but then realized nopony was looking at me. A steadily widening circle had formed in the middle of the crowd, with everypony looking inward at something. I couldn’t see what it was until somepony shifted, and I caught a glimpse of a pink mane.

There was no hesitation. With a few flaps of my wings, I joined Pinkie and Rainbow at Fluttershy’s side, who was shuddering violently on the ground, eyes shut tight.

Rainbow was hovering anxiously from side to side. “I dunno what happened! She was just fine a second ago!”

Pinkie Pie was just staring at us blankly. “But this… this isn’t fun at all…”

I ignored her and put a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Hang in there, Fluttershy! Your friends are here for you.”

She didn’t respond, but as I watched, the edges of her mouth slowly curled upward.

Oh no.

“Rainbow,” I said quietly, “go get Ambrosia. Tell her to bring her darts.”

Rainbow blinked in confusion for a moment before horror dawned on her face. “What? Darts? Twi, you can't possibly think—”

“GO!”

She went.

At that moment, Fluttershy’s shuddering subsided, her eyes opened, and her smile stretched wider. “Twilight… I feel… so strange…”

No no no no no no no—

“but i think im k” she said, standing up.

Why you, Fluttershy? Why did it have to be you?

No time for drama. I blinked back the tears in my eyes and hurriedly clamped a hoof over hers. I’d been able to communicate well enough with Lyra when she was alone. She only lost control once she was exposed to the other ensorcelled pony. I frantically scanned the crowd around us for signs. “Is anypony else sick?!” I yelled desperately.

A gasp went through the crowd, and the nearest ponies started backpedaling hastily. A few started calling out again. None of them answered my question.

“Sick?!”
“Is it the same spell?!”
“—said it wouldn’t happen again!”
And from nearby, “Excuse me, coming through here!”

The mayor squeezed out from between two stallions and briskly walked toward me. “Nothing to worry about, everypony! I’m sure the princess has everything under control!” She reached me and hissed urgently in my ear. “Twilight, get them under control!”

“I’m a little preoccupied at the moment,” I said through clenched teeth. “Do it yourself.”

“um twilight could you mayb take ur hoof off my face plz kkthx”

Ivory Scroll stared at Fluttershy for a moment, but quickly shook off her surprise. “But you’re a princess! Their princess!”

“And their princess has to get Fluttershy somewhere safe. Come on, Fluttershy.” I started leading her away. The crowd hastily parted to let us through.

One pony did not. “SHLOOPY DOOOOOO!1!!”

Fluttershy’s ears immediately perked up at the voice, and she darted toward it, grinning from ear to ear. I managed to close my forehooves around her waist as she took off, but just got helplessly dragged along. I wasn’t even slowing her down! She finally shook me off with a great leap and collided with Big Macintosh in the air. The two hit the ground and started rolling around in the dirt together.

“OH BIG MAC I LOVE U SO MUCH”

“EEYUP EEYUP”

I fired up my horn and gripped them both, but a quick tug quickly confirmed that, like Lyra and Bonbon, they were far too strong for me to pull apart. I didn’t dare annoy them further, but I had to think of something fast. Biological consequences aside, enchantments like these tended to get even uglier if left unchecked. I got to my hooves and surveyed the situation.

Panic reigned in the plaza. The mayor had apparently given up, and was nowhere to be found. The pegasi had long since gone as well, but earth ponies and unicorns ran to and fro, uncertain of the fastest route away. Many of them were screaming at the top of their lungs.

“They got the pony pox!”
“Everypony run!”

For the record, pony pox is something entirely different.

Despite all the chaos, there was one pony who wasn’t running or panicking. She was walking slowly toward Fluttershy and Big Mac. “Big… Big Mac?” Her voice quavered. “I… I thought…”

“Cheerilee!” I shouted. “Stop! Don’t interfere!” I couldn’t tell if she heard me.

“I thought I was your Shloopy Doo!” she blurted.

Fluttershy shot fifty feet up into the air in an instant, then rocketed toward Cheerilee faster than I’d ever seen her fly before. Cheerilee just gaped up at her. I was beside Cheerilee in a flash of light, funneling my magic into the strongest force field I’d ever cast. This was gonna hurt.

“HES MINE CUZ I LUV HIM AND HES MINE!!!” Fluttershy shrieked from above.

I closed my eyes and braced myself.

Fluttershy hit the shield with mind-boggling force, creating a shockwave of air that I imagine knocked any remaining townsponies off their hooves. Searing pain lanced through my horn, but I didn’t dare stop powering the shield. Her initial attack having failed, Fluttershy began pounding on the outside with her hooves, each bone-breaking strike sending a fresh wave of pain through my head. The shield finally shattered, and I screamed as agony washed over me.

Through the haze of pain and the dissipating wisps of my shield, I saw uncertainty flash across Fluttershy’s face. “Twilight? What—”

Big Mac tackled her from the side, and they went rolling in the dirt again. Behind them, I was relieved to see Ambrosia running up, Snap Gauze right on her heels. Then my hooves gave out beneath me.

I had just enough time to question why I was lying in a crater before it all went dark.

Comments

[MrNelg]

I finally got around to finishing this. As for my opinion... I'm actually a little torn. On the one hand, it starts off rather ominous, but like the other tag implies, goes into comedy, which I found a bit off-putting because the atmosphere was so well established. It flows rather nicely and it's very funny, but not very scary. If that's what you were going for, it was rather tense in the beginning, but once the comedy aspect showed up, I was laughing more than worried. Were you going for a black comedy, because even as the virus, infestation, or whatever began to spread, I never once felt any dread. I'm not quiet sure how the dark tag applies, but it's my belief it'll all fall into place once the story finishes.

I still thumbed it up because it made me laugh.

[Hillbe]

Why isn't Spike and Rarity acting up?
We suffer from Writers and Animators Proxy ?

orig05.deviantart.net/ddc1/f/2015/278/1/a/spikes_gems_2_by_hillbe-d9c40ul.jpg

img06.deviantart.net/b0ec/i/2015/268/2/2/at_the_beach_by_hillbe-d9aua2g.jpg

this reads well. . .Let the wars begin !

[XangelMusic]

I understood the title and the bizarre illness that is plaguing Ponyville. I'm eager to learn more as to what the hell's going on.

[paintom_phan]

Oh my god.

They're speaking tumblr.

[Seriff Pilcrow]

Well, that was certainly…something.

I like the pacing and the comedy of this fic. It gets to the point very quickly and establishes its main plot without filler. Then, there's the deliberate use of bad grammar (and typeface choice, but dang formatting issues), which creates a sense of uncanniness with the infected's dialogue.

Though somehow, I'm wondering why Twilight isn't going to Zecora for help yet. She probably cured more maladies than the medical staff in Ponyville General.

And seriously? Your first fic, and you get featured in Equestria Daily already? That's quite an accomplishment!

I do have one question, though: if the shipping sickness causes two ponies to love each other irrationally, what if there's an odd number of infected? Will it result in at least one threesome?

About time you posted this!

…I feel the original is superior…

Hold on, am I missing some context, here?

[Nekonyancer]

6498428 All will be revealed in time. I have everything planned out. :)

6498344 I am currently not at liberty to discuss possible appearances of unnamed fashionistas nor individuals of a draconic nature in my story. Consequently, any and/or all speculative tragedies that may or may not befall such hypothetical characters can neither be confirmed nor denied at this time.

[Hillbe]

6498582 YEEEEEEEE HAWWWWWWWW

img02.deviantart.net/038a/i/2015/270/5/7/aj_catching_rays_by_hillbe-d9b6ek7.jpg

[Jake The Army Guy]

6498582

Wait, the story said Spike wasn't with Twilight anymore. Is this taking place in the future? How long? Where is he?

Sorry, just... well, Spike's loyalty to Twilight is, like, his defining trait.

Meh, don't mind me. I'm probably just pissed that Fluttershy butted into the way of my favorite ship.

Anywho, this is very interesting. I hope we don't have to wait too long to figure out more.

[Nekonyancer]

6498592 WTF HILLBE YOU JUST SPOILED EVERYTHING! That's EXACTLY where my fic was going!

6498699

Wait, the story said Spike wasn't with Twilight anymore. Is this taking place in the future? How long? Where is he?

Can you point out exactly what gave you this idea? Maybe it's something that needs fixing. It's not a future fic, it's present-day.

Meh, don't mind me. I'm probably just pissed that Fluttershy butted into the way of my favorite ship.

Rainbow... and... big mac? ... RAAAAGE

I'm glad you liked it! I'm in the revising stage for chapter 3.

[Jake The Army Guy]

6498748

Oh, derp. Never mind about the Spike/future thing, I'm just an idiot.

Bitch, don't you dis my Fast!Horse/Stoic!Horse love!! I wrote an entire plot point around that OTP!

Or, in the language of the shippers in this story, "fuk u bich i fite u i swer on me mum m8 1v1 me faget!!!1!!!!1"

[Nekonyancer]

6498559 Thanks so much! In writing this, I realized that I'm actually unable to write filler, and I was concerned that the fight scenes (if you can call them that) at the ends of chapters 1 and 2 were far too short. I'm glad you didn't feel that way! :)

Twilight isn't going to Zecora because she discovered through her MRI spell that the illness was magical in nature - an enchantment, not an infection. In her conversation with Doctor Stable in chapter 2, she mentions that the best way to undo such an enchantment is to devise a counterspell from the source. Zecora mostly deals with herbal remedies, and while yes, many herbs are magical, this particular problem is so purely arcane as to place it out of her realm of expertise. But good question!

As for missing context, DuncanR proofread chapter 1 for me several months before I actually posted it. He feels the original is superior because in the original, shipped ponies spoke not just in bold, but in comic sans font.

6498525
Heh, I wasn't referencing tumblr specifically - it's how I talk when I play league of legends lullzzlzlzz
Yeah, I'm a horrible human being.

[SQA]

In interesting mix of horror and comedy, I quite like it! Keep up the rip snorting good work!

[paintom_phan]

6498793 Oh my god.

They're speaking interwebz.

[Alondro]

I'm going to hazard a guess that the grimdark tag will apply when the inter-ship hatred begins and the slighted member of a pair or group decides to brutally slaughter the rest of the triangle or trapezoid, or perhaps even dodecahedron... herding, you know...

I also predict Waifu Stealer will die first. AS HE DESERVES!!!

And then it goes totally meta as it is revealed that the stupid shipfics plastered and promoted everywhere by hormone-addled prepubescent (even though they're over 20...) fanbois have the power to alter the Ponyverse and all the destruction and death is ALL YOUR FAULT, YOU OUT THERE!!!

Not mine. I don't write ship fics! I AM BLAMELESS!! SPOTLESS AS NEWFALLEN SNOW!!

[Swordflash4]

Oh no! They're speaking Tumblr! RUUUUUUN!

Call me hooked though. I'm very interested to see where this leads.