Twilight Sparkle was and is one of the greatest Archmages known, but nopony gets -that- good without some development. What does it take to make a regular unicorn into the greatest of her era? And more, to become a Princess?
Hum, I had trouble understand AJ part with Twilight. I don't remember her trying to pay a visit at Twilight and it's not she never use her work/family to stay away from her friends. It's not even brutal honesty, it's more like she is jealous.
It was a not-unfamiliar sound to her in this particular establishment, one she was familiar with.
*insert joke about the Department of Redundancy Department.*
"Ah *weren't the Element of Honesty fer nothin', even if I hafta be brutal about it sometimes."
*ain't. Unless you actually meant to write it in the past tense, in which case it should probably be *wasn't. Wait, are they even the Elements of Harmony anymore? Or has that ship sailed?
"Only if I can get one of her candied roses! How are she and Bon Bon getting along, by the way."
Missed a question mark.
"Right." Rarity stepped in. "I know I'm willing to drop everything to help anypony; especially one of my good friends. Just because *we're not all six together anymore doesn't mean we're not friends. Just a different caliber of friendship, is all."
Doesn't quite read right. Possible suggestions: Just because we're not as close as we used to be/ once were.
"Dash!" Twilight caught up with the *pegasi in the late-evening sun. Rainbow Dash flapped to a halt, dropping down to land heavily in front of her.
*pegasus. Pegasi is the plural.
...I really should probably apologize (apologise(?)) for being so meticulous. Is that the right word? I think that's the right word. So, I apologi(s/z)e if I look like a dick when I point out the tiniest of flaws. It's just in my nature.
Yeeeaaaah, so anyways... I can't tell you how happy I was to find out that you decided to do things differently. When I first read about the dark path you intended for Twilight, Luna and Celestia, I was kinda miffed. There was that great story, Archmage, and its sequal, Beyond the Crystal Mirror; two of my top favorite TwiLuna stories so far. And then there was that blog post where you mentioned your plans for them. Words cannot express how happy I am that you're not going to make them evil/insane anymore! I look forward to many more chapters!
"Ah appreciate you comin' out here to take a look, though. Sorry you had t' get all dirty."
"That filly. Ah swear." Appjeack shook her head with a warm smile. Twilight mirrored her.
"Ah ain't sayin' she don't. Ah'm happy fer her, Twi. Nevermind what ah heard."
(To many here to list. You need to fix up the Ah's and the ah's in AJ's Dialog in this chapter.)
I
ya ________________
"So what else y'all got planned today?"
ya _____________
In a way, Twilight supposed the element of Loyalty would be hurt by leaving friends and former homes behind.
Cap. ____________
I liked seeing Twilight being able to have a good long talk with her friends after all that's happened. Although the AJ's talk on Twilight not being honest confuses me a bit. After all, Twilight never hid the fact that she beat up a mountain; nor what her and Rares went through in the desert; or her feelings towards Luna.
I mean yeah, Luna wanted to keep it secret till the Library bit happened; and she did do that trick on Regal. But none of those two were common knowledge, and were rare compared to everything else Twilight's done. Much less something not classified that'd reach AJ.
Uhh, I think you missed an end tag for italics somewhere, I don't think the entire thing is meant to be italicized.
5744429
Fixed; thank you!
(The virtue of doing this without a formal editor -_-;;)
Why did Twilight say "It will be the best night ever"? She should know those words are cursed for them.
Hum, I had trouble understand AJ part with Twilight. I don't remember her trying to pay a visit at Twilight and it's not she never use her work/family to stay away from her friends. It's not even brutal honesty, it's more like she is jealous.
Damn... there's some strong feels in this chaper. Outstandin, as always.
Suddenly this fic became a lot darker.
*insert joke about the Department of Redundancy Department.*
*ain't. Unless you actually meant to write it in the past tense, in which case it should probably be *wasn't. Wait, are they even the Elements of Harmony anymore? Or has that ship sailed?
Missed a question mark.
Doesn't quite read right. Possible suggestions: Just because we're not as close as we used to be/ once were.
*pegasus. Pegasi is the plural.
...I really should probably apologize (apologise(?)) for being so meticulous. Is that the right word? I think that's the right word. So, I apologi(s/z)e if I look like a dick when I point out the tiniest of flaws. It's just in my nature.
Yeeeaaaah, so anyways... I can't tell you how happy I was to find out that you decided to do things differently. When I first read about the dark path you intended for Twilight, Luna and Celestia, I was kinda miffed. There was that great story, Archmage, and its sequal, Beyond the Crystal Mirror; two of my top favorite TwiLuna stories so far. And then there was that blog post where you mentioned your plans for them. Words cannot express how happy I am that you're not going to make them evil/insane anymore!
I look forward to many more chapters!
I see Pinkie modified her promise a bit.
> It'll be the best night ever.
Famous last words....
You used impotent wrong. Impotent would mean he can't get an erection, sterile means he can't have children.
Loyal, Great job on this chapter/story. Brought so many tears to my eyes and Laughs for the awesomes.
Keep up the great work!!!!
<--- Big Fan
Perhaps you meant sterile? Impotent means that he has an erectile dysfunction. Sterile means, that he cannot get someone pregnant.
I believe that you meant fly, as Pinkie saying die is very unrealistic.
Commence read.
Plenty of wisdom and emotion.
OH NO!!! She said it! Twilight do you ever learn!?
Jk I'm sure everything will be absolutely fine.
*edit*
Everything was absolutely not fine!
wait Bon Bob is with Roseluck? what happened to Lyra? also wheres Spike in all this
theres a spell to fix that problem
pinkie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw7625_medium.png
6878692 it was explained in the first story (first chapter if I'm not mistaken) he's taking a (multi-(can't remember))century long nap.
(To many here to list. You need to fix up the Ah's and the ah's in AJ's Dialog in this chapter.)
I
ya
________________
ya
_____________
Cap.
____________
I liked seeing Twilight being able to have a good long talk with her friends after all that's happened. Although the AJ's talk on Twilight not being honest confuses me a bit. After all, Twilight never hid the fact that she beat up a mountain; nor what her and Rares went through in the desert; or her feelings towards Luna.
I mean yeah, Luna wanted to keep it secret till the Library bit happened; and she did do that trick on Regal. But none of those two were common knowledge, and were rare compared to everything else Twilight's done. Much less something not classified that'd reach AJ.
7495080
Actually it was just a century long. Well that's what it said in the first fic.
As for Through the Crystal Mirror it ended up being longer.