5662059 *Glances back up at the piece of shit that was just written*
I don't think it's Feminism that has the major problem. If we're gonna extend that fallacious logic, we'd be saying that Christians look infinitely worse because of Westboro. Or Bronies look bad because of /mlp/. Or gamers look bad because of Gamergate. While all of these things are problems in and of themselves, you are going to find more people in those groups decrying them than not. Groups like FEMEN get more criticism from other feminists than they do from anybody else.
And more often that not, the kind of people who are accused of being radicals by the Internet (Emma Watson, Zoe Quinn, Anita Sarkeesian, ect) are not actually radicals. The Internet just has it's whining maw up it's own ass.
Feminism has had brainless dipshits trying to slander the movement since it's conception back in the 1930's. What was William Randolph Hearst in the 30's was Fox News in the 90's and 8Chan today.
5665456 Anita Sarkeesian might not be a radical, doesn't mean she isn't a lying, thieving waste of oxygen. And as for raging at the anti feminism message, why did you read it then? It's clearly marked in the discription as such so for you to sit here and go "I don't like the ideas in this piece of fiction clearly not targeted at me" is as much a waste of your time as it is for anyone who looks at your comment.
5669522 The thing with Sarkeesian comes down to Internet slapfights, which is about as valuable an exercise as slamming one's face into a brick wall.
As for why I read it? Evil themes and evil people fascinate me. So by virtue of being a story about a virulent scumbag, I found myself curious. However, like certain other works (Fall of Equestria) the story is very clumsily written. It fails to come off as a depiction of misogyny, and instead an advocation. Instead of it being made clear to the audience that the character is a sexist piece of shit, the body of the writing (ie, using the author's narration for most of the posturing instead of the character's thoughts or dialogue) brings the notion that it is the author who has some issues he's working through rather than the character.
Whether that is by design or incompetence is yet to be seen.
I actually do like the ideas in this piece of fiction. As I said: Evil people fascinate me. But there are two sides to every story. The idea, and the mechanics of one's own writing. And that second is where the whole story crumbles because the author took their idea and handled it very carelessly. The whole thing is very clumsily written and needs a second run of editing.
5670247 Internet slapfights? She's two years overdue for her 12 videos, of which she's made less than half, with no noticable increase in production quality or any other reason why she would need even a penny of the rediculous amount she recieved. And to top it all off she still asks for donations, she's the literal definition of a professional victim. And that's ignoring the fact that she cherry picks to an insane degree, but if you want to defend her that's your business.
As for the story, I've got no great literary skill, not do I care to read too much into fettish fuel. Overall I don't remember any huge grammar errors, but then I was skimming it so I can't be sure. My biggest complaint is that it's far too long winded and requries a rediculous amount of willing suspension, but then it's aimed at people who want pages and pages of this stuff, so I can't really fault him for that.
As a side note if you want to reply to the Anita comment please do it through pm, should probably keep the comments related to the story.
"The whole thing is very clumsily written and needs a second run of editing."
My editor, who's otherwise the most helpful and besterest duder I've ever had the good fortune of meeting, only made it nine pages into this story before he gave up and went back to editing my Bleach mind-control series. So, uh, it didn't really get a first run of editing? If you're volunteering to help, I'd be delighted to get the google doc for you.
5672586 Honestly no. I'm not one for editing. But to give one crucial piece of feedback: There's too much of the main character's toxic attitude in the narration. It comes off as the author and the character being of the same attitude toward women and feminism. Altering it to be either his dialogue or his thoughts would alleviate that.
I guess I can't really say for sure what your goals were with this, but I don't believe it was executed as well as it could have. If you were meaning to paint feminism in a bad light, you failed it completely with a main character so disposed and awful to females it worked for feminism. If you were trying to satirize people who are antifeminist because of the stereotypical feminist, you built a totally corny, unbelievable villain of a main character it also didn't work in that light. So I don't know.
Technically, the writing is good, but the characterization isn't so good.
Fluttershy is written as unbelievably stupid. Having Klein pointing it out doesn't make it better.
Klein right now is a one-dimensional character who only thinks about sex. I know that you wanted to write an evil character, but if you added something that most people can relate to, then he would be more interesting to the readers.
Y'know what? I'm okay with this story. Its obviously meant for a market, and that's okay. It won't appeal to everyone, that's okay. Its not meant as a serious "Take that" to all women in the world (I like to think), but its obviously porn for certain people, and as far as I can tell? Its good porn.
I get why the story has so many dislikes, but I'll give it a thumbs up.
Oh, and before you get offended by this... this is a fantasy, and a damn good one at that. Klein was titfucking someone who didn't even realise (or so we are led to believe) she was getting titfucked, don't take it too seriously.
5661483 Feminism is a cancer that tries to control everything. It perpetuates the idea that women are weak, victims that are incapable of taking responsibility for their own actions and require special treatment. On top of being thought controlling jerks who wish to destroy anything that doesn't fall within their ideology and hypocrisy. Look at what they are trying to do to games for years. This comment has been out for a while but my point stands.
When Klein paused for a moment, a gasping Fluttershy opened her mouth to speak. But even as those gentle lips opened wide, he immediately cut her off again and continued talking! "Is an 'over-sexualized display of flesh' really so bad, if it means they make men happy? You need to learn a simple truth, Fluttershy... keeping us men happy is the only thing these girls wanna do. I could walk into any club room on this campus right now, even this... 'Pink Circle' you're in, drag my balls over the face of any bitch I want, and she'd better smile up at me and give me a big, cheerful 'thank you,' or she's gonna get slapped or worse. Understand, cutie~? There's more important things in male-female relationships than who's getting 'demeaned' or 'exploited.'"
img0.derpicdn.net/img/view/2014/9/12/720526__safe_twilight+sparkle_monochrome_sketch_vulgar_reaction+image_cropped_wtf_artist-colon-willdrawforfood1.png
I hope you and everyone else who use patreon on this site suffer every penalty of the law possible for making money on something that isn't yours. :D
5661483
You see, feminism's image has been ruined by radicals, #gamergate, etc.
Feminism It's self isn't bad, but people who are radical feminists make it look bad.
5662059 *Glances back up at the piece of shit that was just written*
I don't think it's Feminism that has the major problem. If we're gonna extend that fallacious logic, we'd be saying that Christians look infinitely worse because of Westboro. Or Bronies look bad because of /mlp/. Or gamers look bad because of Gamergate. While all of these things are problems in and of themselves, you are going to find more people in those groups decrying them than not. Groups like FEMEN get more criticism from other feminists than they do from anybody else.
And more often that not, the kind of people who are accused of being radicals by the Internet (Emma Watson, Zoe Quinn, Anita Sarkeesian, ect) are not actually radicals. The Internet just has it's whining maw up it's own ass.
Feminism has had brainless dipshits trying to slander the movement since it's conception back in the 1930's. What was William Randolph Hearst in the 30's was Fox News in the 90's and 8Chan today.
I imagine this story along the lines of this. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1K77ehXQqLg&list=LL4_tKxMHs5SPmAmSkSM5iAg
5665456
Nice.
5665456
Anita Sarkeesian might not be a radical, doesn't mean she isn't a lying, thieving waste of oxygen. And as for raging at the anti feminism message, why did you read it then? It's clearly marked in the discription as such so for you to sit here and go "I don't like the ideas in this piece of fiction clearly not targeted at me" is as much a waste of your time as it is for anyone who looks at your comment.
5669522 The thing with Sarkeesian comes down to Internet slapfights, which is about as valuable an exercise as slamming one's face into a brick wall.
As for why I read it? Evil themes and evil people fascinate me. So by virtue of being a story about a virulent scumbag, I found myself curious. However, like certain other works (Fall of Equestria) the story is very clumsily written. It fails to come off as a depiction of misogyny, and instead an advocation. Instead of it being made clear to the audience that the character is a sexist piece of shit, the body of the writing (ie, using the author's narration for most of the posturing instead of the character's thoughts or dialogue) brings the notion that it is the author who has some issues he's working through rather than the character.
Whether that is by design or incompetence is yet to be seen.
I actually do like the ideas in this piece of fiction. As I said: Evil people fascinate me. But there are two sides to every story. The idea, and the mechanics of one's own writing. And that second is where the whole story crumbles because the author took their idea and handled it very carelessly. The whole thing is very clumsily written and needs a second run of editing.
5670247
Internet slapfights? She's two years overdue for her 12 videos, of which she's made less than half, with no noticable increase in production quality or any other reason why she would need even a penny of the rediculous amount she recieved. And to top it all off she still asks for donations, she's the literal definition of a professional victim. And that's ignoring the fact that she cherry picks to an insane degree, but if you want to defend her that's your business.
As for the story, I've got no great literary skill, not do I care to read too much into fettish fuel. Overall I don't remember any huge grammar errors, but then I was skimming it so I can't be sure. My biggest complaint is that it's far too long winded and requries a rediculous amount of willing suspension, but then it's aimed at people who want pages and pages of this stuff, so I can't really fault him for that.
As a side note if you want to reply to the Anita comment please do it through pm, should probably keep the comments related to the story.
i think this story is getting too many dislikes and i know the "anti feminism" thing it bad but still, i dont think the story itself is awful
5670247
"The whole thing is very clumsily written and needs a second run of editing."
My editor, who's otherwise the most helpful and besterest duder I've ever had the good fortune of meeting, only made it nine pages into this story before he gave up and went back to editing my Bleach mind-control series. So, uh, it didn't really get a first run of editing? If you're volunteering to help, I'd be delighted to get the google doc for you.
5672586 Honestly no. I'm not one for editing. But to give one crucial piece of feedback: There's too much of the main character's toxic attitude in the narration. It comes off as the author and the character being of the same attitude toward women and feminism. Altering it to be either his dialogue or his thoughts would alleviate that.
I guess I can't really say for sure what your goals were with this, but I don't believe it was executed as well as it could have. If you were meaning to paint feminism in a bad light, you failed it completely with a main character so disposed and awful to females it worked for feminism. If you were trying to satirize people who are antifeminist because of the stereotypical feminist, you built a totally corny, unbelievable villain of a main character it also didn't work in that light. So I don't know.
Technically, the writing is good, but the characterization isn't so good.
Fluttershy is written as unbelievably stupid. Having Klein pointing it out doesn't make it better.
Klein right now is a one-dimensional character who only thinks about sex. I know that you wanted to write an evil character, but if you added something that most people can relate to, then he would be more interesting to the readers.
5693421
i made it so hung hunks could jerk their naughty dicks and cuties could pound their filthy pussies
Woooooooooooooooooooow I am surprisingly okay with this
Cool, I Love The Characters
5661289 5661483 5662059 5665456 5693421
cdn.slowrobot.com/9212013224660.jpg
Good story.
Hope to see the next chapter soon.
Y'know what? I'm okay with this story. Its obviously meant for a market, and that's okay. It won't appeal to everyone, that's okay. Its not meant as a serious "Take that" to all women in the world (I like to think), but its obviously porn for certain people, and as far as I can tell? Its good porn.
I get why the story has so many dislikes, but I'll give it a thumbs up.
This Klein-guy is hilarious.
Oh, and before you get offended by this... this is a fantasy, and a damn good one at that.
Klein was titfucking someone who didn't even realise (or so we are led to believe) she was getting titfucked, don't take it too seriously.
I tip my hat to this Klein guy he's got some good skills.
6791172 Wow. Fuck off. What Klein did was despicable, and you should be ashamed for being impressed.
6712513 Except it's impossible for any woman to be so ignorant. Fluttershy especially. She's shy, not stupid.
5661483
Feminism is a cancer that tries to control everything. It perpetuates the idea that women are weak, victims that are incapable of taking responsibility for their own actions and require special treatment. On top of being thought controlling jerks who wish to destroy anything that doesn't fall within their ideology and hypocrisy. Look at what they are trying to do to games for years. This comment has been out for a while but my point stands.
xD
i fuckin died this dood is hardcore
I had to.
Klein... there’s someone here who like would have a word with you.
pre00.deviantart.net/4076/th/pre/i/2017/126/8/3/angry_discord_by_theartsyemporium-db1zvcj.png
Discord: 🔥YOU’RE SO FUCKING DEAD, MOTHERFUCKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🔥