A Change of Heart

by ChaoticHarmony

An Unfamiliar World

Chapter 2: An Unfamiliar World

His first feeling after that empty void was that of a cold, wet cloth touching his face. His instincts kicked in, telling him not to move and to access his situation from his position. He smelled a fragrant smell, sweeter than he ever smelled in his land. It nearly made him open his eyes to see what produced it, when he heard a soft sigh come from his right. The sound of that lovely voice made his eyes snap open.

The little pony he had saved from himself was sitting over him, holding a dripping washcloth with a shivering hoof. Apparently, he noticed, she had ice in that cloth, and was enduring it’s cold touch to help him. Needle Wings had never before seen such kindness from anypony. Everyone back in his home had always rewarded pain with more pain, believing it to teach him to be merciless. Her eyes widened when she saw that he had awoken, and she pulled back from him, suddenly afraid. The previous night’s event still shone in her eyes. She was scared of him, even though he gave up his world for her, though he was already on the verge of doing so already. Anger suddenly ignited in his heart, and his horn flamed green with it. She recoiled even further from him, whimpering in fear, looking desperately for a way to leave. When she found none, she trembled even more, shaking from head to tail with terror.

Her eyes met Needle’s, and suddenly, the hot anger vanished from him. He backed away from her, horrified at how close he had been to feeding. Suddenly, the hunger crashed on him, and he shook with fatigue. Falling to the floor, he managed to pant out a question, “Where am I?”

The pony, not entirely recovered from his anger, answered in a quavering voice, “You're home Needle Wings.” She stepped closer and kneeled down in front of him placing a hoof on one of his own, “You're safe now, rest.” Needle tried to fight the sleep, but in this place of peace, he had soon lost the battle, and was soon pulled into blackness.

The pony stood up, looking down at the curled thing in front of her. She was still terrified that he would feed from her. She could tell he was starving. Denied his food, she thought bitterly. She looked out of her window, and, as usual, didn’t see anypony walking by. We should be safe for a while here, she thought with hope. She walked over to the creature on her floor, and dropped down next to it. No, not ‘it’. His name is Needle Wings!, she thought with anger. She put her head in her front hooves, and fell asleep next to Needle Wings, snoring lightly.

000

Although it seemed that he had only opened his eyes for mere moments, Needle Wings awoke from his hunger-induced slumber. Against his side leaned the little pony that had cared for him. He suddenly felt stronger, and surprisingly, not hungry. In fact, he felt stronger than he ever had back at home.

He glanced back at the slightly snoring pony on the floor. She seemed at peace, and even more beautiful than she was when she was awake. She had a smile on her face, and was whispering something in her sleep. Leaning closer to her, Needle heard a soft breath of air say his name. She said it so lovingly, with so much affection in it, that his emotions ran out of control. He slammed to the floor, unable to comprehend the swarm of feelings in his heart, in his very soul. What is this feeling inside me? It’s so much different than what I have experienced!, he thought with awe. After the pain of it had passed, he lay down next to her, exhausted once more by his transformation. Once again, he was pulled under into the deafening blackness.

They awoke together, side by side, with the same sudden gasp. A pounding at the door had caused their awakening. Suddenly alert, Needle Wings pushed the pony behind him and assumed a protective stance. “Oh no, it’s my sister! She’d never understand” she wailed in despair. “Nopony else knows that I’m back yet!” The door burst open, and the ponies sister stormed into the room, her horn aglow, searching for danger.

She didn’t expect to see her sister, weeks gone, suddenly returned to them. “Dear sister! I was so worried about you! However did you return here?” Then she saw Needle Wings. Her expression changed quickly from relief to surprise, and then to hate. Her horn re-ignited with fury, pointed straight for Needle Wings. “Why are you with that… THING? Cherish, get behind me, before he eats your emotions! Don’t you know changelings are dangerous?” Needle Wings, terrified at the look of horror on the unicorn’s face, grabbed at his companion’s hoofs, and darted under the unicorn’s hoofs, and straight out the door. Flashes of light followed them, along with the shouts of “My sister is being taken by a changeling! Somepony, ANYPONY, help me save my sister!”

They ran into the surrounding woods, panting for breath. They hid beneath a large tree, with roots surrounding them, almost like a loving hug. Cherish looked into his eyes, and saw, not a monster, but a misunderstood creature away from home. She hugged him closer to her, and they drifted off into the world of dreams.

Comments

[Gus]

Moar!!! , Good start!!!

[Book Smart]

It has potential.
What you have right now is VERY rushed (especially the beginning). A look at the MC's background would be helpful, along with insight as to HOW Cherish was abducted by Needle's family.
You don't have that many grammatical errors, I think the most glaring was the use of "it's" rather than "its"
If you can get an editor to help you flesh out the story, you'll have something great. As of now, though, it's average at worst and decent at best (C to B- range).
Then again, I might just be acting a little harsh since I haven't slept in days
Keep on working with what you've got; try to add some content to what you have, and don't let the dicks like me discourage you. You've earned yourself a thumb.

[ChaoticHarmony]

Book Smart, dont think of yourself as a dick. I find your critique the most helpful by far. Dont worry about the backrounds, those will be coming soon. I'll also look aroun for an editor, new to this whole thing. I only really started being a brony 3 days ago...

[Starcat5]

In story:
"Your safe now, rest."

Should be:
"You're safe now. Rest."

I also suspect that the previous "Your" is also a misspelled "You're", but it technically works as is, all be it with a slightly different meaning.

Again, too short, needs more back story fleshed out, etc. Moving on to next chapter.

[Bongoro7]

They both seem to really like sleeping.

[Thegodhand]

Holy crap these two sleep allot...

[crazynrandom]

They sure are sleeping a lot :-D Oh someone said that already, well whatever.
Interesting so far, I love Changeling stories, I will continue reading this one

[matangadijolachanga]

now i know what you mean, the "feelings" the characters have for each other are kind of rushed, and seem to be a residual effect from an Stockholm syndrome . But who the F**** cares i love the Stockholm syndrome of the main characters is so pleasing .

[BitSmith]

The air must be filled with chloroform :P