Stress and Gala
I was sitting in my office going over various documents as part of now dwindling duties since Luna came back and resuming her old duties. Good thing in the end since I am destined for the Crystal Empire. It was midmorning when Shining stopped by. “Hey Cadance, wanna get a snack with me? They have fresh fruit.”
“Thanks but had breakfast an hour ago.” I looked over at him. “Be careful. The bat ponies LOVE fruit. Especially the mangos.”
“I am a lieutenant now. I'll be fine.”
“Your funeral.” He waved me off and left as I got back to work.
Ten minutes later I needed to go to a department and passed by the mini mess hall setup do staff and guards didn’t have to travel far to get food. I passed Echo who was munching on something happily as she walked by. Likely a mango. Then stopped and looked into the hall. It was a mess. Furniture strewn all over the place and Shining laying under a tipped over chair. “Hey Shining! Ya dead?” I got a moan in reply. “I told you so.” I pulled a nearby cord and soon a maid arrived. “Get a team to fix this place up and restock it and a medic to check the lieutenant here.”
“Yes ma'am.” I nodded and moved on. Soon I had my questions answered and headed back when Night Lance walked to my side. “So I here there is a gala tomorrow night, so should I wear something fancy as I escort you?”
“Not going.” She looked at me shocked.
“What, why?”
“Because its extremely boring. Just a gathering of the nobles that just talk gossip or try to court me so they will have more power. I don't understand why my aunt goes every year. She knows how boring it is.”
“So what are you doing that night?”
“Hanging out with Aunt Luna.” She perked up at that. They really did adore my aunt, it was lovely to know. I kept walking back to my office aware of Lance following. I know EXACTLY where she is looking to. Still trying to figure out what to do about it. It seems my body was attracted to both genders as I did find Lance attractive. While also finding Shining attractive. I sighed and looked at Lance as she sat down. Lance was black furred with a purple mane and tail with the typical golden eyes of her tribe. She was quite huge as her muscles were easily seen under her fur. A very nice flank. Just the right amount of curves and still toned. I shook my head. Got to get that thinking out of my head. I went back to the paper work. If was on the economics of southern Equestria. Training for her eventual take over of the Empire. I took it to heart and suggested what regulations to add, remove or modify to encourage economic growth. After a few minutes I glanced over to Lance who was still there. “Don't you have some training to do?”
“Nope, did that earlier. I just sit here and look at your pretty face.” I raised my eyebrow at that. Wow not holding back now.
“Okay, why me and you do realize we can't have foals.” If she was going all out might as well return it a bit.
“Well to me your exotic. My fellow bat ponies are all dark colored and that’s boring. You, you are so bright colored and multicolored at that. Your toned and support the sovereign fully. As for foals. I have five other sisters and a brother. My family is secure there and I prefer mares over stallions.” Well, that was detailed.
“And your duties here?”
“Already doing it.”
“Huh?”
“My job is to guard you. That comes from the sovereign herself.” I sigh and face plant.
“How do they trust me so little?”
“I think they do trust you. The love you and want to protect you. But you have to ask the sovereign herself. You are important to Equestria and my home.” I look up and stared at her.
“Come again?”
“You have to ask the sovereign for the full details but I think you are in line for the throne of something happens to her.”
“You mean Equestria or the Kingdom of Night?”
“The Kingdom.”
“Okay talk time.” I got up and left the office. I heard Lance scramble behind me. I stomped through the corridors heading for the lunar wing. She passed by the combo of regular ponies and the thestrals that came back with them. She went to Luna’s office doors and burst through them. I heard a femine yelp and looked to she a small size mare impaling a couch. “Uh, sorry. Some pony look after her.” I continued on passed Silent at the receptionist desk…odd. And opened the second set of doors leading into the office. This time more careful. Luna looked up from a scroll.
“Yes Cadance?”
“You named me your heir for the Kingdom?”
“Yes, I discussed this with Regent Bat Way. She is now third in line after us.”
“For Equestria’s sake why? You do know I am destined for the Crystal Empire. I have their heart tattooed on my butt!” She had the gall to smirk at my phrasing.
“We have no idea when the Empire will return. Could be millennia from now. Celestia was technically my heir before but after my fall they just don’t trust her. And despite those rogue ponies you are liked. Many asked about your health. You are the logical choice to be my heir.” I sighed.
“We are only legally related.”
“Not quite true.” I looked back up in shock.
“What?”
“I looked up your family tree and you are related to the late Empress Amore. While aren't birthed by me or my sister we did have cousins and your line goes all the way back to that cousin of ours so there not too big of a surprise you joined the club so to speak.”
“So having an alicorn relative ups the chance's of being one?”
“Yes. Not required but does help. Most of those I remember had at least one alicorn relative. But I was a teen when Discord started wiping us out. Any more then two alicorns can threaten him so he left me and Tia alive. Our efforts proved him right. We threw everything we had and he just laughed through most of it.” Luna looked down. All our efforts were bought and he beat me for the insolence of throwing the moon at him.”
“Jeeze, talk about reality bombing me.” Luna couldn't stop the snort.
“Well now you understand why I care dearly about you and why Lance is assign to you. You are capable but I want that extra insurance. Besides she seemed quite eager.” I have her a look.
“Oh not you to. I get enough of that from Tia. Jeeze shipping is my schtick not yours.” Luna out right laughed at my complaint. Before we could continue Silent poked his head in.
“Princess, permission to put the couch out of its misery and free up Private Hooves?”
“What?” My aunt asked confused.
“I burst through the doors and a mare went flying into the couch.” I look to Silent. “Is she okay.” He wave it off.
“She is an earth pony. She is more durable then a couch. She is merely embarrassed.” We left the office and saw Private Hooves halfway through the couch. She had a blush as her butt was higher then her head. Only her tail kept her holes covered. Silent drew his sword. “Miley, stay still.” The mare did and Silent showed his skill with a sword. Soon the mare was free of the couch. I turned to Luna.
“Now back to our discussion?”
“There is nothing further to discuss on this issue my niece. My decision is final.” I frowned and left. In a foul mood. I headed for my apartment. I burst opened the door and slammed it barely missing Lance. I started throwing stuff to vent.
“Highness please stop.” I look at her and she looked back with concern. “Why does this bother you so? The sovereign loves you and us so you as heir makes sense. You would have an easier time ruling the Kingdom then any other pony.”
“It bothers me because it’s being forced on me. Years before Aunt Luna returned I was in an accident and lost my memory. I worked hard to recover and never did I want to be so helpless and not in control ever again. Yet I end up there anyway.” I was lightly panted as I let my frustrations out. My entire time as Cadance has been controlled in some form. I looked at the floor , these thoughts going through my head. I needed to control something. I then felt a hoof lift her chin and saw Lance's sad smile.
“Princess, you have me. I am your guard. Command me.” I looked at her seriously.
“What exactly are you saying?”
“That I am willing to more then your guard. I love you Cadance. I want to be more.” I took her all in. She seemed so sincere and eager. And she was sexy…..screw it I needed a vent and Lance was willing.
“You give yourself fully to me?” she nodded.
“Okay, remember you asked for it.” My horn lit and I sealed the room. I teleported her to the bed and strutted up to it. “I don't have the right equipment..yet. But, I am good at improvising.” I said to her with a smile.
(Scene continues here https://www.fimfiction.net/story/470040/sex-seriously )
I was feeling better the day of the gala. That night of sex was needed. I felt less stress and more control. And Lance was good in bed. We hashed things out and right now we are friends with benefits. The castle staff was going crazy with the preparations for the gala. I moved around or otherwise ignored them.
Finally night came and I headed to Luna's room with Lance and Shining. Silent opened the door to let us in and directed us to the large balcony where Luna sat at a large table. Said mare smiled at us and greeted us with an almost RCV. We sat down to the axis and allies like board game on the table as we heard the mane six start their musical number.
“Well their downward spiral begins now.”
“Why do you say that Cadance?” Shining glanced at me.
“This is a nobles party. All it’s going to is fancy food, slow classical music, and gossip. Only Rarity would be interested in that. Twilight would just want some time with aunty. She isn't going to get that for aunty as to greet everyone that shows up so no real time together.”
“Dang then why does the princess even host the gala?”
“Honestly no clue except maybe the whole tradition thing. Though I think she may try something to stir things up.”
“My sister's sense of amusement is very odd.”
“No kidding. So let’s gets this game going.”
After two hours Lance was knocked out of the game with Shining hanging on when Silent looked over to the ballroom.
“That mare has pulled out a cannon.” And was readying a crossbow….
WHERE DID THAT EVEN COME FROM!?
“Put that thing away, that is Pinkie's party cannon.” He looked at me skeptically. “Just watch.” And like clockwork confetti came out and Silent put the crossbow away….from where ever he got it and we got back to the game.
* * * *
I was seeing my defeat being played out when we here.
“YOU’RE GOING TO LOVE ME!”
Silent looked over in surprise.
“What the buck?” He said.
“That sounded like Fluttershy. Who'd thought such a quiet pony could have a set of pipes on them?” Then the chaos began. Silent watched the chaos.
“Princesses, shouldn't we go and restore order?”
“No.” Luna answered. “This is my sister’s party. Let her clean it up. Now prepare to meet your end!”
Spoilers it was her end.
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great chapter
Oh Dave, you have no idea how little control you actually have, and how fruitless it is to try and wrest some more from around you...
10272408
that's why he had a mini melt down. he does know a bit.
Because she's smart
Well that's straightforward of her, Shiny should take notes
Indeed
Nope, let the madness play out
To quote Bugs Bunny:
"Well, if it's the captain's mess... let HIM clean it up!"
After reading the one fic where Twilight reviews Equestria’s financial situation and the latest chapter, it has occurred to me that Celestia may be an experienced conmare or somepony with SERIOUS gambling problems. Which explains canon oh so much. I also think Celestia purposefully nerfed the Royal Guard so much that it’s easy for villains to invade Equestria, tbh.
However, Celestia is also a troll, and trolls annoy me.
You really need a beta reader.
Crossbow Vs cannon seems like a bad match.
10272512
why?
although, IMO, "burst through the doorway" is better
You are in URGENT need of a proofreader. You can get one here
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/27/]The Proofreader Group
There are more errors or odd phrasings I failed to re-locate.
10272526
That depends on what direction said weapons are aiming.
This feels like someone else wrote it. I'm glad you're back to writing this great story, but we need to address the elephant in the room. You're writing (mainly for this chapter) badly needs a proofreader and editor. Like, you switched between 3rd person and 1st person almost every other sentence, more than 5 obvious spelling errors, and the sudden personality change of the protagonist to resort to angry sex to let off steam is all very... left field. It just feels like a new person is writing for someone else's story.
Personally, I don't even like this chapter (which I've never done before), but I understand that that is an opinion. I hope your quality goes back to what your audience has come to expect. Not out of a sense of entitlement, but because you've done such great work already that it'd be a shame to not give the story its due respect. Looking forward to more!
10272526
Especially when the cannons best ammunition is bubblegum cake batter.
10272637
That would really gum up a crossbow.
10272585
It also depends on if the weapons are loaded.
That’s destiny for you. People are concerned about why they exist, and what they’re meant to do. But those that know, have to live with the fact that they don’t have much say in their own lives. Even her body doesn’t completely do what she wants it to, be it because it’s not her original body, or because Faust made it that way.
Really sad when you think about it.
10272636
Both which i don't have. Drat I thought I caught any switches
loved the update!
10272636
Just looked in could 4 count them FOUR switches from first to third. If it bothers you so much. Then offer your services as an editor.
10272920
If you look down below someone linked to a group that is full of people who are willing to do proofreading for you. This will be very useful for you.
Now I do want to point out the difference between then and than. Then is a word used for setting an order of events. Than is used as a comparative statement. so if you say I would rather have angry sex with an air than I would having shining armor stick his dick in me. Then you have a comparative statement with this follow-up sentence bringing up a sense of order events or comments.
I wonder how many stories I'm missing because Fimfic didn't notify me they've been updated.
This is the second story now, so far
10272969
Know the feeling
a grate chapter things are looking to be interesting for Cadance shortly.
10272999
Oh you have no clue
10273018
Been a hot minute since I've seen this story. Welcome back.
10272942
Dude, in last chapter I kept seeing the word her or she instead of me or my etc, also angry sex? Really?
10272645
Yes but they were on a balcony above the cannon and silent was probably aimming at pinkie because we all know a crossbow isn't going to do much against a cannon
Okay ish chapter, best parts (for me) it was when shining got knocked out for in mini mess hall and the Gala when they were on the balcony, but I gotta say the angry sex part Really put me off but hey let's see how things go in next chapter (whenever it gets posted)
10273107
Well yeah, outside of spaghetti westerns you usually don’t see many instances of people aiming projectile weapons at other projectile weapons as opposed to their wielders. And you bring up positioning as if that would matter to Pinkie Pie in a story with a comedy tag.
10273145
True
Its aliveeeee!!!!!!!!!
I was worried this had died out.
It's alive!
While great to see a new chapter here finally, I must ask if you have found any new prospects of a new editor?
The syntax, prose and certain sentences are in need of it. Otherwise it wasn't a bad chapter, just needs that extra polish. And yes in my opinion, the sex scene would have added some extra zest to this chapter.
10273293
Nope.
And I do have that just not enough for posting yet
You live in a world full of magic. So its definitely possible
Haha definitely funny. Yes!!! They finally fucked
10272942
Umm, sure? I wouldn’t mind doing that. That’s kinda weird asking your reader to do it for you.
When someone provides feedback it’s usually the responsibility of the person receiving the feedback to find the solution to the problem, not the person who’s giving the feedback. If you want the story to improve, you’ll be the one to find a way to improve from criticism received.
Regardless, I did say I’d do it, so I mean that. You know where to find me.
10273725
I have done my best to find errors but still never seems enough. will pm you
This was great
So Cadance is having a relationship with Lance? You have no idea how releived that makes me. For a while ot was looking like she was being unwillingly dragged into a relationship with Shining Armor by a series of events that put then together. Given she has dedicated herself to being her own person seperate from the original Cadance, her getting shoved into a romance with him woukd feel like a failure on the protagonist's part.
Also, this chapter looks like you just posted your first draft without refining anything. Its kinda strange.
10275356
Who says Shinning is off the table.
10275446
To be honest, when you say that it reverses my opinion on the story, souring my opinion. She hasn't really had any romantic interaction with Shining that hasn't felt strained, or that she is being forced back to the path of the canon Cadance. It doesn't feel genuine on her part, more like she is being urged to follow someone else's script. That, plus the current Cadance being a totally seperate individual from the canon version makes the prospect of her being romantically involved with Shining a negative one. It pretty much is symbolic of the Dave being killed off and replaced with the canon Cadance, which ruins the story because the premise is that the canon Cadence was killed off and replaced with Dave. Plus it wouldn't make narrative sense, as her thpughts and actions point towards her NOT wanting to be with him no matter how fate tries to push them together.
So yeah, whenever you start trying to push them together it pretty much ruins the story by heading towards a Bad End while saying "Yay, Im winning!" when its made to feel like a loss. So please don't do that, I love everything else about the story and its unpleasant to see things head that way.
10275561
There is time before the wedding and a lot can happen.
well that's odd, this didn't show up as having a new chapter in my tracking folder.
10272953
and this is why even the best of writers need proofreaders.
After having considered and having caught up, I can set my thoughts on the story.
I like the premise and ideas you have set with Cadence, or rather, Dave here. Being reincarnated as the Alicorn of love? It's an interesting take I'll tell you that.
You've also given good ideas with how things changed. Cadence has tried her best to be her own person, she has tried her best to learn and be better. Her arguments of having that rod hit the previous Cadence, or rather her own head which caused the incident to begin with could have been avoided if she was better prepared have validity.
She has shown through her actions she also wants to be independent. She doesn't need coddling, and that's understandable. But she has to face the facts that she needs protection too. She may be powerful in her own right but that doesn't make her invulnerable. Even she has her limits.
These are some of the pros I wanted to note. Now the cons.
The cons I can see have already been pointed out by another individual 10275561
Yes, hello! Sorry for tagging you here but I do want what you had to say to be referenced.
He brings on the valid points of Cadence being forced to fall in love with Shining and follow that story.
Without their previous history, that foundation of their love is one sided. Sure there is that simple fact of how her body reacts, and her still developing young adult mind. You can understand it from her point of view that it's still all so fresh and new. She hasn't fully adjusted mentally in every capacity, and there lies the flaw of them coming together. It would exactly be something that Cadence now loathes, to not be in control of her own destiny.
The second is with her new guard, as it is in only my opinion that it feels forced.
Lance seems to have jumped to the physical side of things after her bout of sparring. I'm not saying such physical attraction can't come about, its actually quite normal in some circumstances. What threw me off was how she admitted her feelings and that just felt rushed or forced or both.
To back up a bit, in came meeting the other Thestrals and the oncoming racism. I won't say that it wouldn't exist or could potentially not happen but it was simply portrayed horribly.
I'm not saying that many wouldn't feel validated in some way against their brighter coloured counterparts, that they could or would repeat the cycle that began it all. It can, has and most likely in many cases will happen.
There are many that I saw that pointed this out before, and I simply wanted to point it out myself. Sure I might be beating a dead horse there, but it follows in with a consideration on how it might and will lead next.
I'm not saying there should be full on fights, but right now, no matter how Luna would wish it. Ties are strained between Thestrals and ponies.
It'll take time for those walls of misconceptions, mistrust and bigotry and possibly both sides to fall.
I've bored you all enough with my rambling. I'll leave this here for now. Looking forward to what you have in the future!
Not bad.
Liked the spoilers part at the end.
Really glad to see an update