The next day, Otto woke up in a hospital bed at first not remembering what had happened, but then remembered everything from the Lorient incident, to going to sleep last night in the hospital. man, why does this have to happen to me? He thought to himself.
Looked around the room trying to gain his bearings. He felt something warm on his stomach (or at least what he guessed was his stomach) and looked down to find Trixie laying her head on him, obviously asleep.
"Hmm..."
He didn't want to disturb her, so he decided to lay there and wait. Then he realized his clothes and gear was missing. hmm... I wander what they've done with my stuff. Normally he'd freak out about the clothes but it didn't seem that these ponies wore clothes other than RedHearts nurse cap.
He looked around the room to see if any of it was in here, but couldn't find any of it.
Then the door opened and in walked the nurse. "Ah good, your awake!"
Otto quickly hushed her and gestured to Trixie.
"Oh sorry." She replied in hushed voice. "I was coming to check on you." She said.
"It's ok." He replied.
"I'll leave you two alone." She said, a bit of a smirk coming to her lips.
As she walks out he called her.
"Yes?" She asked.
"Do you know vhere my stuff is?" He asked.
"It's all in the hospital claim area, when your released you'll get it all back." She replied.
"Ok, zhanks for telling me." He said a little relieved.
Then the door slammed open which startled them and woke Trixie up. Otto looked to find a familiar purple pony standing at the door.
"Vat ze hell Twilight?" Otto said.
"Sorry, I was a bit... Excited about talking to you." She replied, a little bit embarrassed.
Otto heard Trixie moan. "Did you have to slam it so hard." Asked Trixie, rubbing her forehead.
"So... Vat kind of questions did you have for me Ms. Twilight?" Asked Otto.
"Well for one, why do you talk that way?" She asked.
"Vhat do you mean?" He asked.
"You keep saying things like vhat and zhat." She said.
"Zhat's just my accent, I normally speak German but I'm trying to speak English so zhat you can all understand me." He replied.
"English? Never mind, Hmm... Ok, second question, where are you from?" She asked. "Because some of your stuff is unlike anything I've ever seen." She said.
"Vell... Let's just say that I'm from a VERY far away place." He replied.
"How far are we talking?" Asked Twilight.
"To tell the truth I don't know" He said.
"I'm from a place called Germany, on a planet called earth." Said Otto.
Twilight swore once again that the name sounded familiar.
"Well whatever this planet earth is, your far from it, your on a planet we call equiss."
Otto tried thinking if he learned of a planet called equiss during school.
"By any chance, are we in the MilkyWay galaxy?" Asked Otto.
"No, the Milky Way is about 276 light years away."
Otto felt like a train had just crashed into his brain, on one hand, it atleast scratched off the idea of a different dimension, knowing that wherever he is, his home was still there, on the other hand he probably wouldn't be able to get back.
"How zhe hell did steiners machine teleport me 276 light years?" Otto thought aloud.
"What do you mean? And who's Steiner?" Asked twilight.
"Uhm, never mind, next question?" Otto said, trying to change the subject.
"Well you said you where the captain of a sub... What is a sub?" She asked a little bit of curiosity in her voice.
"Vell... To put in a simple way, it's a ship that uses ballast tanks to float on vater and to sail under vater as well." He said.
"Could you give more detail?" She asked.
"Vell, it's hard to explain... It would be easier to show you." He replied.
"Ok..." She said, a bit disappointed.
"So Otto..." Said Trixie.
"Vhat is it Trixie?" Asked Otto.
"Whats that you have for a cutie mark?" She asked.
"Cutie Vhat?" He said.
"Cutie mark." Said Twilight. "It's the mark on your flank. It shows your special talent. Or it's suppose to anyways..." She said.
He looked down to see what looked to be the picture of a torpedo.
"Zat is a torpedo. It's a veapon zhat a U-Boat launches from tubes placed in the front." Said Otto.
"Oh, ok." Said Trixie.
"Is your planet advanced in technology?" Asked Twilight.
"Vell ja, zhough I can't tell you if vhere more advanced zhan you or not since zhe only zhings I've seen are vhat's in zhis room." Replied Otto.
"Hmm, you said a torpedo is a weapon right?" Asked twilight.
"Ja, zhat is correct."
"Is your planet advanced in war technology?"
Otto sighed,"Unfortunately, yes, intact just about the entire planet is all participating in what we call World War Two.
"Hmm..... *gasp* I know!!!" Exclaimed Twilight.
"Know vhat?" Asked Otto.
"I can use a spell i recently found to make you instantly heal!!!" She said.
"Spell?" Asked Otto.
"Yeah!!! Wait... Do Ya'll have magic were your from?" Asked Twilight.
"Nein... Ve have science vhere i'm from. Magic is just a myth zhere." Replied Otto.
"Really?" Asked Twilight.
"Ja..."He said.
"Well here things are the opposite, most of are culture is based on magic." She said.
"Zhats cool!" Exclaimed Otto.
"Hey... Since i have a horn, does zhat mean i could use magic?" He asked, excitement in his voice.
"Yeah! And since your an alicorn your magic is stronger than normal unicorns!"
"Alicorn?" He asked.
"Yeah, alicorns are like unicorns, except they live longer, have wings, are usually bigger than the normal pony, and are considerably more powerful. Hmm... Now that i think about they aren't that similar actually." She said.
Otto looked over to where Trixie, who was being very quiet, was sitting and saw that she was staring at him in an odd way. "Uhm... Is every zhing ok Trixie?" Asked Otto.
Trixie instantly shook her head as if shaking out of a trance and blushed. "Yeah, Trix- Err, i mean, I am fine." Replied Trixie.
"Anyways ill go get the nurse before I try the healing spell." Said Twilight.
"Ok Twilight." Said Otto.
When Twilight left, Otto and Trixie sat in silence for a while. "O-Otto..." Said Trixie.
Otto turned to see Trixie looking at the ground, blushing. "Uhm... is every zhing ok Trixie?" Asked Otto.
*sigh* "O-Otto, I-I...." She begins but is cut off by the door opening again.
"Ok Twilight, you can try your spell but try not to make things worse." Otto heard nurse RedHeart say.
"Don't worry I'm certain it will work." Said Twilight.
Like I haven't heard that before, thought Otto remembering Steiner and what the doctor had said before he was teleported here.
"So Twilight, lets get zhis spell done shall ve?" Asked Otto.
"Ok Otto, this may hurt a little." Said Twilight.
"Heh, can't be vorse zhan some of zhe zhings I've gone zhrough." Said Otto.
Twilights horn began to glow with a purple aura, and the same aura started surrounding him. It felt fussy like it did when Trixie removed the bandages. Then he felt sharp pains move throughout his body and after what felt like an eternity of pain, he felt relief and then he felt even better than before.
"Well? Did it work?" Asked Twilight.
"Vell, it doesn't hurt anymore." Replied Otto.
"Try standing." Said nurse RedHeart.
Otto got out of the bed and stood on his hind legs. "Uhm... Try standing correctly please." She said.
"I am standing correctly." He replied.
"That's not how ponies stand Mr. Kretschmer." She said.
"Oh right!!" He said. "Zhat's how ve stand vhere I'm from." Said Otto.
"Uhuh... Well, I dont know where your from, but that's not a natural way for ponies to stand." She said.
"Well, is he good to go Ms. RedHeart?" Asked Twilight.
RedHeart looked Otto up and down and nodded. "He seems fine for release, I'll go get the paper work and release forms." She said.
She walked out of the, room and soon a question came to Otto's mind. "Uhm... Vere am I going to stay vhen I get out of here?" Asked Otto.
"You can stay in my castle for a couple of days." Offered Twilight.
"Castle?" Asked Otto.
"Yeah! Do y'all have castles were your from?" She asked.
"Vell... Zhere are a few but most of zhem are just falling apart. Ve don't have many monarchy based countries." Said Otto.
"Hmm... Well Tonight your going to sleep in one." Said Twilight.
"I look Forward to it." Said Otto.
The nurse came back in holding a clipboard with papers in her mouth. She setted them on the bed next to Otto. "Ok just fill those out and your good to go." She said.
"Zhank you." Said Otto.
The nurse left the room, and Otto tried to pick up the clipboard. "Uhm... How do i pick this up?" Asked Otto.
"Use magic of course." said Twilight, Rolling her eyes.
"I don't know how to." Said Otto.
"Just concentrate on it." She said, annoyed.
Otto tried concentrating on it but after awhile he started to feel light headed and stopped slightly huffing. "Man, zhis is harder zhan I zhought." He said.
Twilight giggled. "It takes practice." She said.
Otto began concentrating again on the clip board, after three or five minutes he got light headed again. "Uhg, come on!!" He yelled.
"Slow down Otto, or else you'll just hurt yourself trying." Said Twilight.
"yeah, one time i tried a difficult spell and it put me in the hospital for a week." Said Trixie.
"Hmm..." Otto tried concentrating harder. This time after a minute or two, a Blue aura started forming around his horn and then slowly around the clipboard. "YES!" He yelled in excitement.
"Good job Otto, now here's a quill to write with." She levitated a quill over to him.
"Zhank you." He took it in his own magic and started to fill the forms out. Though it was a bit difficult since it was all in English.
An hour, later they stood in the lobby waiting for the nurse to approve the form once she did approve, and Otto got his stuff, they started walking to the door.
"Man, it feels good to valk again. My legs are super stiff from laying down for so long." Said Otto.
As they got closer to the door they heard some sort of commotion coming from out side, and they started running towards the door. When they got outside they saw a gathering of ponies outside, and they didn't look happy...
FINALLY I'VE FINISHED THE SECOND CHAPTER!!!
The Idea is awesome, like almost all ideas of stories with Submarines in it and the plot is okay, but I you could write more details for one scene. Maybe more thoughts or something like that.
I´m from Germany too by the way
5633022 ok, well thanks for reading
5633025
Sorry I couldn't help I'm at work on lunch. It turned out good though
5633268 thanks
5633268 im way ahead in my story than i thought i'd be
5633283
Just don't try to get in a rush remember to take ur time
Feels really fast paced and as a result lacks details.
5633906 yeah i know, im trying to make the third chapter more detailed
also his magic is suppose to have a blue aura not red. I putted red by mistake.
Thoughts do not override grammar rules. If a thought is after a full stop, Capitalize it. All thoughts are new sentences, meaning that they should all be Capitalized for the first word.
*gasp* again, same thing as last time.
Otto seems to be taking this too well. How the fuck does he know about Galaxies, he's a marine not an astronomer. He has no idea how he got here, he's just "somewhere".
Horses CANNOT stand on two hind legs, they'll fall over. Humans are able to because of our insanely advanced feet, but horses cannot.
Twilight should offer in a less revelation-like manner to magically heal him. Also, our nearest galaxy is 2.5 million light years away. It's statistically impossible to even end up in a galaxy, yet alone one that is in the same cluster, or knows what humans call their own galaxy. Where gods can alter the skies at whim, too. And the protagonist is now one of those gods without a real reason, and isn't upset he's now gone from his reality while his country needed him and all his comrades could have died in the air raid.
Also, it's pretty cliche to use Trixie. Any reason you didn't pick a background pony? They usually turn out better since there's more freedom in writing them and no expectations. In Trixie's case, there also are issues with her history in ponyville. Also, the angry mob that is there for her should have maybe seen here carrying the injured alicorn and walking out with both a Princess and a second alicorn.
From the first three chapters, I would give this a D+ or C-. Almost everything I've seen so far has some form of flaw. Including why it wasn't tested in the Baltic instead of occupied France. Somewhere with less allied eyes watching and less allied planes.
Consider redoing it from the ground up after looking into some articles either on-site or off-site. I would also suggest working with an editor.
Just starting this chapter, and something is odd. The nurse is still standing in the open doorway when Twilight Sparkle slams the door open..?
Twilight uses, "Y'all" in a question. Applejack certainly would, but Twilight grew up in Canterlot.
Otto can barely lift a clipboard, but can manipulate a pen to write legibly. Odd.
I'd love to read this, but I haven't any time. I could squeeze in another chapter.
276 LY = 2,622,000,000,000,000 KM
imagine.gsfc.nasa.gov/features/cosmic/images/milkyway.jpg
Milky Way = 925,000,000,000,000,000 KM = 97,368 LY across
... So, the Milky Way Galaxy is 250 or so lightyears away, and the ponies use the same name for it... nevermind that that distance is about 0.3% of the width of the Milky Way, which would therefore mean that Equus is technically part of the Milky Way, just on the fringes?